I'm working on both of the SubGenius catalogs and some new swag, and the Stark Fists.

But everything was looking so New School. I felt the need for more Old School.

I got to scanning. Boy howdy did I do some scanning. A lot of these images have appeared in web or print but at crappy resolution, in black and white only, etc. Quite a few of these artworks and photos date back to the early 80s and there're even some from 1979, like the One True Grandpappy Original Dobbshead #1 (The Fucked-By-Everybody Twin as opposed to the Twin Philo has, which has never Duplicated.) There's a treasure trove of enlarged versions of Ur-Church work by the great Hellswami Satellite Weavers, aka Rev. John Hagen-Brenner.

I also unearthed a couple of CD-Rs from 1994 labeled "REVELATION X" in Paul Mavrides' handwriting. Whereas none of the data on them made sense to me in 1994, last week I sure had fun taking advantage of all the scanning he already did of some of the great drawn art we used in Revelation X, particularly some of Hal Robins' fine illustrations.

On the Revelation X CDR was a folder marked "NENSLO," which contained some incredible pieces done by that worthy under the false name "KDV" in the early 90s, using Superpaint or some such primitive pixeel-by-pixel black and white drawing program.

Anyway, these all-time greats are up on alt.binaries.slack, to remind us of the First Twenty Years of Sacred Art of The Church of the SubGenius and The Church of the SubGenius Artists.

Depending on your ISP and newsgroup feed, posts might remain on the binaries newsgroup for as short as 3 days to as long as a month.

If you're new to the Church, OR, if you've simply never DARED TRY IT BEFORE, some of the craziest and most SLACK-IMPARTING SubGenius activity occurs nonstop on the two newsgroups, alt.slack (all text) and alt.binaries.slack (pics, audio, animation). Many new Internet users know only email and websites, and have shunned the unfettered world of newsgroups on Usenet mainly because they look like crap on browsers like Explorer, and sometimes you can't view all the killer pictures and movies without downloading a special free program. Actually, at download.com it's easy to find one of the fine free newsreader programs for PCs such as Forte Agent, or for Macs such as Thoth. I am not here to be your Internet instruction book, but, I'm telling you, the newsgroups are where it's happening. Some folks say they "can't get" alt.binaries.slack, but if you ask your ISP's support person, it can easily be added. Or do like us Old Timers, and use a cheap ($6/mo) newsgroup specialty service like Giganews or Newsguy. I'm not trying to sell you on any specific services, but I do strongly believe that while the World Wide Web is swiftly being licensed and controlled, the world of Usenet newsgroups is still a fairly unregulated free-for-all, slippery and Slack-laden.

Alt.slack has been particularly exciting lately, as a record number of non-SubGenius kooks have been desperately trying to convert or at least deprogram us. They are frequently funnier than we are, without meaning to be. OLD alt.slack stuff is archived in the online Stark Fists, but it's a lot more fun to follow current running gags and battles.

Mini- Minutes of Slack -- whole series downloadable on alt.binaries.slack

When I was a little bitty baby, in 1985 (as seen in above photo), some radio guy told me he thought he could sell little one-minute rant recordings to syndication if I made them. I did so, but they ended up just being sprinkled throughout Hours of Slack for 17 years. For recent versions, I've been "sweetening" the old tapes digitally, show by show, and after 20 weeks got through all 20. Yesterday, I tacked quickie "subgenius.com" tags on the ends of them, converted them all to MP3, and dumped them on alt.binaries.slack in small E-Z-2-Mail chunks of 1.1 mb each. Spread 'em around... used on your tomato plants they will produce luscious juicy red giants like Grandma used to grow. Fermented in a pit, they become methane and can be used to generate electrical power. There is no end to the number of handy uses around the house to which you can put your FREE Minutes of Slack.

Believe it or not, I, Stang, AM slackworking on this website, the Online Stark Fist, and the printed Stark Fist. (And getting weekly Hours of Slack produced, much thanks to the other contributors.) Unfortunately, I could slackwork 29 hours a day and that still wouldn't pay MAILING COSTS or BANDWIDTH, so I've accepted more filthy but slightly lucrative advertising. "Bob" won't mind our pimping somebody else's whorehouse. if it pays...

There just aren't enough tentacles to go around, though, darn snuff it, and not enough time in a day, no matter how many "real jobs" I avoid. The selflessish sexmonks Rev. Two Beans, Rev. Phloighd and Rev. Temujin have helped prep about 3 books' worth of alt.slack hate n' hilarity, for which I am currently prepping the ILLUSTRATIONS, while also getting a new Art Mines Dump, uh, MOVING. Now that the summer of devivals is over. Oh yeah... those devival pics and reports. Those too.

This is a fun job, but there aren't enough fellow slaves to enjoy it with. I'm stuck with a bit TOO MUCH FUN. No such thing? WE SHALL ATTEMPT TO FIND OUT! Our High Epopt said "Too Much Is Always Better Than Not Enough." But he also added, "...But It's Almost As Bad," a lesser-known homily from our Longest and Sorest ShorDurPerSav.

When the STARK FIST related stuff is done, I'll try to do some revisions to ARISE and get it and DOBBSFILM SHORTIES onto DVD. We were just donated a DVD BURNER, ALL PRAISE BE TO THE GRIPTION CLENCH of NORTH CAROLINA!!

NEW VIDEO FINISHED!! CLICK HERE to see about buying DOBBSFILM SHORTIES! (in VHS) or:

FREE! If you have ANY kind of video player in your computer, CLICK HERE for the recently revised, but swiftly changing, SUBGENIUS STEAMIN', STREAMIN' VIDEO DINGLEBERRIES #7 -- now ALIVE, and recently revised so the links are easier to understand, thanks to Rev. Prostata Contata's generous serverosity.

THE SAUCERS were LATE AGAIN! -- either that, or The Conspiracy has been monkeying with the calendars for centuries. So our seventh Brushwood adventure turned out to be just another Drill... but, drilling for the End of the World is a lot more fun than no End of the World at all. In fact, it's so damn much fun, and some of us have gotten so good at building our own Escape Vessels, that the Drills ALONE are ALMOST GOOD ENOUGH. If only we could just get the DRILLS THEMSELVES to last FOREVER, hell, we wouldn't even NEED the gods, aliens and monsters! BUT, WE'D STILL NEED "BOB." You're either on the saucers or you're off the saucers... but you ain't goin' NOWHERE without that man J.R. "Bob" Dobbs!!

X-Day is a GREAT Day -- a great EX-cuse Day! FOR DAMN NEAR ANYTHING.

Although the zombies and I are still finishing up the new Online Stark Fist, the big X-Day last-minute oozsquirt of activity resulted in several HOLY NEW PRODUCTS which ARE FINALLY NOW AVAILABLE from CONNIVIN' IVAN'S MEDIA SHACK!! These new CDs, CDRs and videos SOLD OUT at XDV, but we're back in stock and preppy to pack your pews with the Power of Dobbs. Our VIDEOS on CD-R! Songs of X-Day! Bobsongs 4! The 4X-Day CD and the 6-hour MP3 set!! HOURS OF SLACK on MP3 Volumes 5 and 6! !

I ACTUALLY ADDED A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW LINKS TO OUR LONG LOST WEB LINKS PAGE!! And I suspect we could use a new volunteer to handle that potentially VOLATILE and EXCITING page. At any rate, the new links should keep the lazy SubGenius VERY BUSY for awhile.

By chance, the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper picked X-Day-E'en to run a story about our own Prof. Chas Smith, maestro of Einstein's Secret Orchestra and ESO Radio, which mentions the Brushwood X-day cult-in in odd terms. Here's the article in the Plain Dealer.

NEW PRODUCTS, old NEWS AND UPCOMING SHOWS!

I have managed to keep up with HOURS OF SLACK. Knowing that the shows REALLY DO get posted on the Internet weekly, and now sound EXCELLENT instead of LIKE CRAP, has inspired me and many other SubGenius Audio producers into FITS and SPASMS of creativity, or at least of ACTIVITY.... I can't vouch for how CREATIVE it is, that's for "Bob" to have an opinion about, not me. AND we managed to produce FOUR NEW/OLD SUBGENIUS ALBUMS on CD, plus 27 HOURS of Slack in MP3 on 2 CD-Rs since last month as well! (And I finally even updated all the Hour of Slack LOGS on SubSITE!)

St. Paul Mavrides animates FEATURE FILM: GRASS the Movie -- show dates
It was immediately banned in Toronto!

Did you miss our previous Online STARK FIST OF REMOVAL Vol. 2000-3? EVERYTHING IS THERE! THE CHURCH PAMPHLETS TRANSLATED INTO FRENCH, SPANISH, ITALIAN! THE AMSTERDAM DOKSTOK report all fleshed out -- Seattle 2000 too! IMMEDIATE critical news, FRESH flame wars, rants, and articles from alt.slack, first-time web reprints of classic Tales, a new Tips N Hints department, even some humor!

LATEST NEW SUBGENIUS ART THANG:

Our WEBSITES OF THE GODS link-page has AGAIN been updated and beautifully revised by its NEW BOSS, Rev. Boddhisatva Troutwaxer. Send him your links NOW because eventually we're gonna have to start charging for them. In fact, if you want to INSURE that your SubGenius site is linked before the world ends, SEND US $5 and the exact wording you want! And DON'T COMPLAIN!! We've provided this gigantic website and everything on it completely for FREE for 5 years now, and now we NEED YOUR DOLLARLY SACRIFICE to keep it running!

EVEN OUR IRC CHAT PAGE has been updated!

Incidentally -- don't be discouraged if alt.slack seems utterly chaotic to you at first. It IS utterly chaotic, and I have no idea how anybody finds time to read it all. But amidst all the trash is a lot of excellent writing and truly bizarre educational opportunities.

A newsgroup is a very different animal from a website. In the case of alt.slack, it's like a big "family," with all the attendant fights, brawls and inside jokes. As you lurk there you'll start to identify the "regulars," and sort out those whose posts you like to read and which ones you can generally skip over. While this website is ruled with iron hand and vaseline-filled velvet glove by yours truly, Rev. Ivan Stang, alt.slack is governed only at the whim of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs himself -- which is about as anarchic as you can get.

HUMAN END-OF-WORLD PREDICTIONS FAIL!! See our Suppressed Year 2000 Report -- WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

We've hard more experience with the world ending than ANYBODY, so just before Y2K we offered a special Y2K pep talk for the faithful.

In September '99, I, Stang MOVED TO CLEVELAND. The Church HQ is still in Texas, and so is Jesus, but I'm running my end by remote control here at the spaceport. You can READ ALL ABOUT IT and my NEW ADDRESS and even take a visual tour of the new Palace... for that matter, you can read every damn thing I've posted to alt.slack about anything, up until this very instant.

BOBCO SYMBOL FONT SET FROM ATOM FUNWAY! HUNDREDS of pictos, hieroglyphs, Dobbsheads, as seen all over our site n' shite!

Download MACINTOSH version now !!!! !!! !!!! Download WINDOWS version now!

See here for the 3 other BobCo font sets! ALL WILDLY DIFFERENT!

INSANE REAL AUDIO NEWS FLASH!! REV. SUSIE THE FLOOZY and LYMPH NODE INSTITUTE's "BOB's" SLACKTIME FUNHOUSE (and Hour of Slack) are now on RealAudio at WREK's SITE! HAIL CONNIE! Saturdays at MIDNIGHT! GO GO GO!
AND!
Puzzling Evidence Show Now Live via RealAudio ! FINALLY! Famous SubGenius Dr. Howll on the INTERNET, LIVE! (At 4 am on Thursdays... see details.)

Hour of Slack also sounds GREAT on AudioActive (works with RealPlayer on Macs) from radio station WCSB's website, on Sunday nights, 9 PM, EST!

And!! MOST ACCESSIBLE OF ALL -- at 11 p.m. EST on Thursday nights, tune in to EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA Swamp Radio -- the FINEST in Radio-Church MADNESS and MUSIC, with Hour of Slack co-conspirators Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Rev. Bleepo Abernathy, Rev. Ivan Stang, Princess Wei R. Doe, IrRev. Friday Jones, CANTOR CHAS SMITH -- and YOU!! (Call in live!)!