SubSITE

NOTE to the first-time user of SubSITE: The web server on which we sit, SUNsite, normally runs fast enough that our profuse graphics hit your computer quickly. For brief periods, however, the site gets TOO BUSY. If our pages don't load reasonably fast for you, BOOKMARK us and COME BACK TOMORROW. We don't want you to blow off Eternal Salvation just because you happened to hit this website on a bad day.

Welcome to

The Church of the SubGenius
BRAIN TOOLKIT AND SURREALITY REBOOT

In Netscape 2, Dobbs slams yr windshield in this MOVIE!

Pornological Dementertainment -- Works from your computerOUT
"It's Better Than Life!"

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR. You must have been found worthy. At least somewhat worthy.
This is the last "normal" page you'll see for a while... possibly a very long while. If you dare to push the limits of your own comprehension, and want to SEE THE GOOD STUFF, you must now make some HARD CHOICES.

WHICH PATH WILL YOU TAKE?

PINKNESS AND HORROR

OR

WORLD WIDE SLACK?!?

$BOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBfNoRdBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOB !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`::::! !:::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::! !:::|/ ~ \|`::::|/ ~ \| `::|/ ~ \|' `|/ ~ \|::' |/ ~ \|::::'|/ ~ \|:::! !:::|'-.-`| :::|'-.-`| :|'-.-`| |'-.-`|: |'-.-`|::: |'-.-`|:::! !:: (|e|e|? ::(|e|e|? ' (|e|e|? ` ' (|e|e|? ` (|e|e|?.: (|e|e|? ::! !. `._^_,'' :`._^_,'..' `._^_,'`...'`._^_,' `..`._^_,'. ``._^_,' .! !. \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// .! : U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ : @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \& Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S E$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$E %%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%WiZ the 3-D$

GO AHEAD -- CLICK DOBBS SMACK DAB IN THE FACE, AND EXPERIENCE THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL COMING RIGHT BACK AT YOU!!

FREE YOURSELF from that which has enslaved you...
(Now with nekkid pictures!)

or skip to:

*IMPORTANT NEWS, SHORTCUTS, THE LATEST* *DOWNLOAD INSANE VIDEOS, ART*

*HEAR SUBGENIUS NET RADIO NOW!* *DOWNLOAD SACRED SOUNDS*

'Wait a doggone minute now... JUST WHAT THE HELL is this ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY??'

*DOWNLOAD SACRED GAMES, PROGRAMS!* *DEVIVALS, EVENTS, NUDITY!*

*CURRENT SUBGENIUS BROADCAST RADIO* *AFRAID?*

GIT HITCHED with the interactive online
SHORT DURATION MARRIAGE
Sanctified Couplings with NO COMMITMENT! SUPERB seduction tool!

NEW! Do real-time 'CHAT' with your fellow SubGenii and sex fiends in
SUBGENIUS IRC LIVE DEVIVALS
and Sunday Services

We save you, you save us.
FALL PREY TO OUR NEW IMPROVED MAIL ORDER CATALOG!
BECOME AN ORDAINED MINISTER. Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back.

CLASSIC SUBGENIUS TRACTS, BOOKS, RANTS and PARABLES
The Dobbsian Orthodox Fundamentalist Teachings upon which our Church was BUILT!... including THE ENTIRE SUBGENIUS ANTHOLOGY, THREE-FISTED TALES OF "BOB" (Dobbstories by Robert Anton Wilson, William Burroughs, Janor Hypercleats etc.)

Bandwidth? We don't need no stinking bandwidth.
This site looks best with SLACK.

Lurkers, Peeping Toms, impetuous SubGenii craving fellowship and those with a burning urge to contribute should investigate the one true SubGenius newsgroup, alt.slack -- Battleground of the Gods. Or, to complain or offer suggestions, EMAIL JESUS at The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. (slack@subgenius.com), Dallas headquarters.

"WINGS OF SLACK" illustration at top of page is by Rev. Numen Remissionis after Robert Williams. The full-color Dobbshead is by Rev. Kenneth Huey after the One True Official Portrait. The icon buttons in this page are also by St. Palmer Vreedeez. Except for the skull and crossbones; we forgot where that came from. Oh, yes, and the bubble-'Bob' is by cuthulu of Radar Labs, and the blurry plainbob is by Rev. Noah Stewart, as is the super-cool Moving Sound-Earred-"Bob." The amazing backgrounds which now litter our pages are mostly by those mysterious maniacs at ATOM FUNWAY PLASTICO. The Sacred Hieroglyph Border is by Stang, Mavrides and Hellswami Satellite Weavers. Most of the layout of this site, such as it is, is by Rev. Ivan Stang, with a lot of help lately from Rev. Eyre Rend, IrRev. Friday Jones, Rev. Noah Stewart, Rev. Morvus Thenu and Rev. Jesus Christ Devilacqua.

WE USED TO DISPLAY the whole array of "Best Website" awards here; we won every one of 'em, long ago, HANDS DOWN. But they eat up download time, they are corny, and besides, WHO CARES WHAT A BUNCH OF UNSAVED HUMAN PINKS THINK, ANYWAY?? Instead, we here PROUDLY display the ONLY award that COUNTS:

	*IMPORTANT NEWS, SHORTCUTS, THE LATEST*		*DOWNLOAD INSANE VIDEOS, ART*
	*HEAR SUBGENIUS NET RADIO NOW!*		*DOWNLOAD SACRED SOUNDS*

	*DOWNLOAD SACRED GAMES, PROGRAMS!*		*DEVIVALS, EVENTS, NUDITY!*
	*CURRENT SUBGENIUS BROADCAST RADIO*		*AFRAID?*