JUNE 28 - JULY 5, "2016," Wisteria Campground
about 20 minutes from Athens, in southeastern Ohio
Logo above by Rev. Bruce Perry; below (and other complex ad layouts) by Dr. Hal
This is THE SubGenius World Destruction Event and Annual Migration to our spawning grounds!
As always, our annual main SubGenius event is held in the middle of nowhere, is hard to get to without a car or ride, and requires camping (or else staying at a local motel in the very nice college town of Athens, Ohio, about 15 minutes away.)
If SubGeniuses were Normals, X-Day Drills and such would be held in Holiday Inn conference rooms. Like the gamers do. Like the sci-fi fans and the comics fans do. Like the Scientologists, Mary Kay sales people and the Grace Glory Baptists do.
But we are SubGeniuses, and X-Day is not a convention. IT IS AN ADVENTURE. A SURVIVAL TEST!!
It might be brutal at times. CORRECTION: it WILL be brutal at times.
But those times are exactly what make for the CONTRAST. They make the heights ever so much HIGHER. And, sometimes, when two SubGeniuses get stuck under a borrowed tarp in a rainstorm, and fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and get a divorce, THEY STILL COME BACK TO X-DAY.
Sure. You might meet your True Yeti Mate or have your peak experience at a comics con in a motel. But it will not be an ADVENTURE. It will not be THE ETERNAL STRUGGLE OF MAN AGAINST NATURE, AGAINST THE VERY ELEMENTS, AGAINST, YES, GOD ITSELF!! JEHOVAH ONE! ARE WE TRULY BUT SPACE PUPPETS?!? NAY, "BOB" SAYS, NAY!!!"The brutal times form a protective barrier around all the SLACK at X-Day. You have to go through the brutality-field to get to the pure, rich, ambient slack that suffuses the event, but when you leave the Slack comes with you." -- Dok Holocaust
You can now pre-pay your camping fees to Wisteria here. (This link was broken earlier but has been fixed.)
HOW MUCH??? Only $35 -- for men. WOMEN GET IN FREE. (It's to prove a point to some detractors, although it's true that such offers are usually made only by strip clubs. Any loss is worth it to us to prove those people wrong.) The cost is not very brutal. $35 for the whole week -- for ordained SubGenius Ministers. If you aren't ordained yet, you'll have to spend another $35 to become ordained. (Again, here female attendees get freebies.) A CHEAP PRICE for SALVATION, if you think about it. A cheap price for ANY weekend-long, totally spectacular and weird campout -freakout-musical/religious event. Men can PRE-REGISTER HERE! -- or register at the event (after 1 pm each day). All that SubFemmes have to do is show up, although if you want a pre-reg ticket just email Rev. Ivan Stang and ask.
NOTE: CAMPING is another $15 per person, paid to Wisteria, and unfortunately that goes for everybody; we can't pay your camping fees. There are motels nearby, in Athens, Pomeroy, Ravenswood WV, and Carpenter.
|DIRECTIONS TO WISTERIA||Wisteria General Info||THINGS TO BRING/ AVOID|
|X-DO'S AND X-DON'T'S||X-DAY RIDES BOARD||GENERAL INSTRUCTIONS|
|Nearest Liquor Stores, SHOPPING||WISTERIA's website||X-Day MAP of Wisteria|
|X-Day ADVICE from VETERANS||X-DAY SUPPLIES
||SubG Live Chat Room|
X-Day Souvenir Propaganda Garments and Other Products
Wonderful souvenirs to cherish! -- Touching reminders of the last days of your life on planet Earth and your liberation by Dobbs. Shirts, hoodies, kids' clothes, mugs, steins, Liquid Frop Bottles, all emblazoned with the new X-Day art by Dr. Legume and/or this year's antique bug porn "squirrel shots.".
For the careless and CARLESS: HOW TO GET THERE
Greyhound will bring you right to Athens, Ohio, which is a mere spitting distance from Wisteria, and we might be able to get a friendly Yeti to give you a ride in. For air travelers, Wisteria recommends the Port Columbus International Airport, and again, we might have Friendly Yeti Volunteers making runs back and forth if you arrange it with Stang. Train service in the area isn't as nice, however. You should also ask around on the 19X-Day Facebook Page, our various SubGenius Internet forums, and the chat room.
Until June 28 YOU CAN CALL OUR OFFICE NUMBER IF YOU HAVE SECURITY QUESTIONS:
You can become as involved as you want, way ahead of time, via
(Only ordained SubG Members may join .)
WHAT IS X-DAY? Read the SubGenius Pamphlet #1
and see the extensive illustrated reports and videos on the previous X-Day Drills below
Graphic: The Bishop
*Ask Dr. Hal * Rev. Ivan Stang *Rev. Susie The Floozie * Doktor Dark's Drive-In * Hypercube * Princess Wei "R." Doe * The Nostrils * peas * Fuckwads of Slack * Vulcan Jedi Mentat * Weirdos * Taphouse Gang * A Roasted Monster to Devour * Rev. Andrew The Impaled * EX-Day & The Exmortis Experience * Quijibo Cartel * and... * WeiMawMaw! * and a slackload of others whose real names might mean little here YET, but no doubt will strike fear in the hearts of millions by July 6. If there is one.
THE AMINO ACIDS or something even worse * DISGRUNTLED BASSISTS ORCHESTRA * DRS. 4 WOTAN * ANDREW THE IMPALED * THE SLOT RODS * THE COMING OF THE GIANT GERMS (doktor jams) * WeiMawMaw Vs. Ol' Sequaw * URSUS CANOLA *
DONATE to help bring SubGenius pros and DR. HAL and HYPERCUBE to X-Day so it doesn't all come out of Stang's and Dr. Dark's pockets, which actually have a bottom:
"Nothing exceeds like Xs!" - Rev. Just John -- Art below left by Dr. Zirroneous; below right by Rev. Alex Aurichio
It's time to KISS ALL CALENDARS GOODBYE!
Full Immersion Mass Bobtism! in Ol' Sequaw's Watery Lair
SubGenius Costume Ball / Beer Tasting / Party!
Costume Ball Theme: DEAD ROCK STARS
SPOUTING! with spewing
Dr. Dark's BULLDADA BADFILM DRIVE-IN of the Damned !
THE BADFILM GRINDHOUSE -- nonstop bulldada movies and shorts for 6 days, presented by My Inner Spoiled Child (See last year's complete SCHEDULE and the official TRAILER)
THE BULLDADA AUCTION! Bring weird stuff to be sold!
MASS SHORT DURATION MARRIAGE
and at least one for-real LongDurMar
LIVE HOURS OF SLACK on stage every day with Rev. Ivan Stang, Dr. Hal, Dr. Philo Drummond, Rev. Susie the Floozie, many more!
FIND the PHILO
LOUDEST YETI CONTEST
MASS EATING! Scrapple Toss, Pancake Orgy, 'Frop Beating, Time Killing!
THE BOBBIE AWARDS! SIDESHOW MARVELS!
TUBS AND TUBS OF PURPLE KOOL-AID!
All SubGenius Concepts that are Banned Elsewhere!
SPONTANEOUS DOKTORBAND COMBUSTION!
TRAINED PRAIRIE SQUID GIGGIN'-PARTIES!
(Free Debeaking Tools to first 5 giggees)
THAT ONE GUY WILL PUKE AND PASS OUT IN THE ROAD AGAIN!
SPORTS FIGURE BODY PART LAUNCHING!
NUDE CHAINSAW JUGGLING!
'FROP ENHANCEMENT WORKSHOPS!
LIVE FREAKS OF NATURE and ACID CASUALTIES!
FACE FUCKING BAT SPERM ANTIDOTE PUDDING COOK-OFF!
PRIVATE ADULT SEXHURT SEMINARS!
BONOBO CHIMP GOBBLIN' CONTESTS!
ODDLY NORMAL-SEEMING PEOPLE!
SEX GODDESSES, ELDER GODS, and XISTS!!!
IMAGINE -- the SHEER POWER TO BE BULLIED BY FAMOUS SUBGENIUS ZEN MASTERS FOR THE LAST TIME!!
IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to BUY EVERY SUBGENIUS TRINKET, ARTIFACT and GEEGAW EVER MADE by ANY SUBGENIUS at the "Final Fire Sale Black Fleece Market of Slack SALES SHACK".
IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to meet those amazing, intriguing individuals you've heard on the radio, seen onstage, or read in alt.slack and the holy Church books -- AND, POST-RUPTURE, ATTACK THEIR ESCAPE VESSEL BATTLE PLANETS WITH YOURS!
IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to WIN BACK YOUR SOUL!!!
You'll be able to tell your great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandkids, "I was at the X-Day Final Gathering in legendary Wisteria... Yep! 'Fropped up with the great Dr. Hal hisself there... even fucked Connie Dobbs! And "Bob" fucked me -- right good, I'd say!"
"The X-Day house party and fin d'seacle freak show "parade" is something even the back-to-gabbers do, with a pumped up number of beats per minute, ten pils down your gob for 20 hours of chomping your bit, no ambience save for a couple of yellow cube lights haven't been able to kill.
"Also consider the fact that bouncing around on bad 'frop (probably Lunk, if nothing worse) or bad Church Air (probably jenkem, if nothing worse) is considered a definite no-no, never mind what you heard. And then, is it really your idea of fun to stand around some crossroads with no clue as to your whereabouts, with an Ohio map in hand which has snakes for roads crawling about, because you're hallucinating like an oilslide? Well then, simply get to know a few people first, which is not such a hard thing to do at X-Day Drill, and all kinds of possibilities will, if need be, arise by their own accord. In the meantime, remember: there's much more to be discovered!" - X-Day Guidebook (well actually from an Amsterdam guide book, but it works)
IT HAPPENED BEFORE!
Some of it, anyway
Check out these in-depth adults-only photo and text reports, by the SubGeniuses who lived through it
|1996 X-Day Drill||1997 X-Day Drill||1998 -- !!! The Biggie||1999'S XX-DAY (NOT FOR KIDS!!)|
|XXX-DAY 2001 (Triple X-Rated)||4X-DAY- HUGE PHOTO REPORT, MASSIVE NEWSGROUP FEEDBACK||5X-DAY||6X-DAY - ADULTS-ONLY PHOTOS, ART, MOVIES!|
|7 X-Day||8X-Day||9X-DAY PHOTONOVELLA||TEXT REPORTS ON 9X-DAY|
|PHOTO & ESSAY REPORT on X-DayX -- by actual reporters on a legit news site!||X-DAY 11 REPORTS FROM ALT.SLACK -- The Testimonials of The Survivors||11X-DAY PHOTOS||XII-X-DAY COMPLETE REPORTS|
|XIII-X-DAY 2010||Special Nude Pictorial on Vintage Early X-Day Drills (ADULTS ONLY!!)||Yet More Adults-Only Vintage X-Day Drill Shots (HOT!!)||14X-Day 2011|
|15X-DAY from "2012"||16X-Day "2013"||17X-Day "2014"||18X-Day "2015"|
DOWNLOAD THE OLD 18 X-DAY SCHEDULE BROCHURE PDF! (for 11x17 print-and-fold)
VIDEO FROM PREVIOUS X-DAYS:
|X-Day Promo Video||X-Day's A-Comin' - Music Video||Planet X or Bust - Music Video||X-Day Explained in ARISE!|
|The Amino Acids at 10X-Day||DAY OF THE SUBGENIUS||Papa Joe Mama rant, 15X-Day||UFO Sighting at Brushwood|
|Giant List of YouTube X-Day Videos by Various People (many are quite crappy quality)||teX-Day (near Austin, 2007)||X-DAY COMMERCIAL in RealMedia format
or this 1.2 mb download (Zipped RM file)
|An X-Day GAME! - "X-Day: Anonymous Vs. Scientology"||MAGDALEN'S SEXY XXX-DAY MOVIE!||THE AMINO ACIDS entire live 11X-Day concert, plus UFO sightings||Lonesome Cowboy Dave's Double Mean Baby Head|
|14 X-Day Drill in 11.5 min||EVOLUTION CONTROL COMMITTEE @ 14XD||Burning "Bob" at 14X-Day||King of Slack at X-Day Drill 1997|
ALSO: The entire edited new 6X-Day documentary is available in our catalog AS A FINISHED DVD
THINGS WE NEED:
HELP from people who are not totally incompetent. We offer "JOBS" like trash clean-up, stage decoration, tech help, airport and bus station runs, product sales, etc., whereby you can work off your $35 entrance fee. This is called SLACK BARTER. Email Stang, who is in charge of that and just about everything else.
WILL YOU SUCK THE FINGER, OR GO WHERE IT POINTS?
On the week after X-Day, IF THERE IS ONE:
EXCLUSIVE for SUBGENIUSES ONLY:
SUPER BARGAIN ON STARWOOD FESTIVAL!
The Starwood organizers love SubGeniuses SO MUCH that, if you're with "Bob" and whether you were already at Wisteria for X-Day or not, you can enjoy the WHOLE WEEK of Starwood festival (July 12 through 18) for only $135.
For humans, Starwood costs $245. The weekend ALONE costs $135… for HUMANS! But SubGeniuses get the WHOLE WEEK after X-Day of over 150 workshops, music, and a really great party for that truly insane low low rate. That's over $100 savings just because you are a SubGenius!
That $135 INCLUDES WISTERIA CAMPING AND PARKING, PLUS the whole 7-day festival!
This is a truly Dobbs-Approved deal for a festival that's as weird as, but not as crowded as, Burning Man and the like. Starwood happens the week after X-Day week and is much larger, with great bands every night and nutty workshops all day. Many SubGenii (including Stang) have met True Yeti Mates at Starwood. And of course it includes a SubGenius devival led by Stang on Saturday afternoon, before the star bands and the enormous bonfire climax. "Bob" himself has even been known to show up!
And sign up for the "Weekend Warriors" ticket -- and under "Additional Names" tell 'em you're a card-carrying SubGenius and want the special deal!Then email Rev. Stang at firstname.lastname@example.org so he can let Starwood bigwig Princess Wei know you're coming. She'll add your name to the Starwood list of the SAVED!