SubSITE

NOTE to the first-time abuser of SubSITE: The web server on which we are perched, SUNsite, normally runs so fast that our profuse graphics race quickly from North Carolina to your lucky screen. For brief periods, however, and primarily because of our own IMMENSE POPULARITY, the site gets TOO BUSY. If our pages don't load reasonably fast for you, BOOKMARK us and COME BACK TOMORROW. We don't want you to blow off Eternal Salvation just because you happened to hit this website on a SLOW DAY.

Also... this is hard to explain, but the website keeps... CHANGING on us. We don't seem to be able to control it, entirely. It's almost as if it... well, never mind. You'll see.


-- begin website here --
Welcome to

The Church of the SubGenius

BRAIN TOOLKIT AND SURREALITY REBOOT

A pebble is thrown into the pond of Dobbs' face in this animation by JAGPornological
Dementertainment

-- Works from your computerOUT

"It's Better Than Life!"

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR. You must have been found worthy. At least somewhat worthy.
This is the last "normal" page you'll see for a while... possibly a very long while. If you dare to push the limits of your own comprehension, and want to SEE THE GOOD STUFF, you must now make some HARD CHOICES.


BOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBfNoRdBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOB
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`::::!
!:::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::!
!:::|/ ~ \|`::::|/ ~ \|  `::|/ ~ \|'   `|/ ~ \|::'  |/ ~ \|::::'|/ ~ \|:::!
!:::|'-.-`|  :::|'-.-`|    :|'-.-`|     |'-.-`|:    |'-.-`|:::  |'-.-`|:::!
!:: (|e|e|?   ::(|e|e|? '   (|e|e|? ` ' (|e|e|?   ` (|e|e|?.:   (|e|e|? ::!
!.  `._^_,''   :`._^_,'..'  `._^_,'`...'`._^_,'  `..`._^_,'.   ``._^_,'  .!
!.   \\=//       \\=//       \\=//       \\=//       \\=//       \\=//   .!
:    U/_/        U/_/        U/_/        U/_/        U/_/        U/_/     :
@/      \&~  @/      \&~  @/      \&~  @/      \&~  @/      \&~  @/      \&
Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S
E$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$E
%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%WiZ

the 3-D
WHICH PATH WILL YOU TAKE?

PINKNESS AND HORROR

OR

WORLD WIDE SLACK?!?


GO AHEAD -- SMACK DOBBS CLICK DAB IN THE KISSER, AND EXPERIENCE THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL COMING RIGHT BACK AT YOU!!

GIT HITCHED with the interactive online
SHORT DURATION MARRIAGE
Sanctified Couplings with NO COMMITMENT! SUPERB seduction tool!

BECOME AN ORDAINED MINISTER. Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back.
(Now with mutant nudity!)

FREE YOURSELF from that which has enslaved you...

or skip to:
*IMPORTANT NEWS, SHORTCUTS, THE LATEST* *INSANE VIDEOS, ELECTRIC GRAPHICS*
*HEAR SUBGENIUS NET RADIO NOW!* *SACRED SOUNDWAVES*

'Wait a doggone minute now... JUST WHAT THE HELL is this ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY??'

*SACRED INTERACTIVE GAMES, PROGRAMS!* *DEVIVALS, EVENTS, NUDITY!*
*CURRENT SUBGENIUS BROADCAST RADIO* *AFRAID?*

NEW! Perpetrate real-time 'CHAT' with your fellow SubGenii and Bonobo Yetinsyn sex fiends in
SUBGENIUS IRC LIVE DEVIVALS

CLASSIC SUBGENIUS TRACTS, BOOKS, RANTS and PARABLES
The Dobbsian Orthodox Fundamentalist Teachings upon which our Church was BUILT!... including THE ENTIRE SUBGENIUS ANTHOLOGY, THREE-FISTED TALES OF "BOB" (Dobbstories by Robert Anton Wilson, William Burroughs, Janor Hypercleats etc.)

This site looks best with SLACK.

Lurkers, Peeping Toms, impetuous SubGenii craving fellowship and those with a burning urge to contribute should investigate the one true SubGenius newsgroup, alt.slack -- Battleground of the Gods. Or, to complain or offer suggestions, email JESUS at The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., Dallas headquarters (slack@subgenius.com).

"WINGS OF SLACK" illustration at top of page is by Rev. Numen Remissionis after Robert Williams. The full-color Dobbshead is by Atom Funway after the One True Official Portrait. The pipeful grin border line is by Rev. Friday Jones. JAG did the watery GIF-movie. Sound-Earred-"Bob" played by Rev. Noah Stewart.The amazing backgrounds which now litter our pages are mostly by those mysterious maniacs at ATOM FUNWAY PLASTICO. The original Sacred Hieroglyph Border is by Stang, Mavrides and Hellswami Satellite Weavers. Most of the layout of this site, such as it is, is by Rev. Ivan Stang, with a lot of help from Rev. Friday Jones, Rev. Eyre Rend, Rev. Noah Stewart, Rev. Morvus Thenu, Rev. Zachary Carleton and Rev. Jesus Christ Devilacqua.

WE USED TO DISPLAY the whole array of "Best Website" awards here; we won every one of 'em, long ago, HANDS DOWN. But they eat up download time, they are corny, and besides, WHO CARES WHAT A BUNCH OF UNSAVED HUMAN PINKS THINK, ANYWAY?? Instead, we here PROUDLY display the ONLY award that COUNTS:


Dobbs Approved Award design by cuthulu. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

COPYRIGHT © 1996, 1997 by The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. All rights reserved. The Graven Image of 'Bob' Dobbs' Face is a registered trademark of The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. THIS IS INDEX #2