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"Bob's" Mac Files

BEWARE! Last Updated 11-6-99 -- and all these little programs were made BEFORE Mac OSX. They're mostly for System 7 and 8, some work in System 9. DON'T MESS WITH THESE unless you are a Mac hobbyist who knows how to undo possible damage caused by playing ancient software in modern systems!

SlackWare	Description
"Bob" 3D 300K by DICK-H/O	You will find a cube full o' Dobbsheads rotating wildly upon their screens, changing colors as it swivels, and generally provoking a trancelike state.
"Bob" Loves You 99K by Robert Carr Website	Drop it in your System folder, in Start-up Items. Dobbs will greet you with an inspirational message when you boot up.
"Bob" The Demon 873K by Rev. James Burton Website	You'll have to download this one from the author's website. "Bob" the Demon involves the quest of a young demon (coincidentally named "Bob")to return the Sacred Pipe back to the Mighty Dobbs - while EATING AS MANY PINK SOULS AS POSSIBLE IN THE PROCESS. And I'm not talking about poorly-implemented, "the pink disappears when "Bob" moves over it" kind of eating. We're talking about FLUID, ANIMATED CHEWING ACTION. SMOOTHLY SCROLLING BACKGROUNDS. GIGANTIC LEVELS. And that's JUST THE BEGINNING!
"Bob's" Blessing 1K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	This amazing little program actually sanctifies your Macintosh! Its so tiny, less than 2K, that it can actually fit between the programs and sort things out. You'll never have another demonic posession after you run this little guy! Its the only way to trouble-free Dobbs-approved happy computer usage!
"Bob's" Crystal Ball 215K by Rev. Dad Townsend P.O. Box 4722 Portland, ME 04112-4722, USA	This amazing oracle provides prognostic answers to ANY question, AND picks you winning Lotto numbers! Many SubGenii consult this every night before they go to bed... inspires weird dreams. Better, more accurate than the I-Ching.
"Bob's" Favourite Aphorisms 165K by Rev. Dad Townsend P.O. Box 4722 Portland, ME 04112-4722, USA	An AFTER DARK screensaver add-on. Pithy quotes from J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and hundreds of his followers will spew out across your screen whenever you fall asleep. Fully customizeable. Drop this one into your Slack Savers folder in your After Dark Files in your Control Panels Folder in your System folder in your... you know.
AfterDark Faceplate 335K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	A slick faceplate for the After Dark 3.x screensaver, whupped up by Rev. Noah Stewart. WHAT YOU DO IS, you look in your Control Panels folder for the After Dark Files folder. Inside that you put your new Slack Savers folder.. and then fill it up with SubGenius AD modules. Dobbsian symbology will swarm across your screen in lush color whenever you're not looking... and even when you are!
AutoRant 1.0b2 33K by Rev. Patrick Phelan Website	Dr. bdb's masterpiece automatically converts the most drab, mundane text into a feverish SubGenius rant.
BobScreens 832K by Rev. Numen Remissionis	No ordinary Dobbshead in a bitmap, these screens have been touched by The Salesman himself and are made-to-order for the semiconductor set. The screens have been designed with low contrast in mind, so as not to distract from the items on the desktop itself. After all, to have "Bob" visually screaming at you while you are trying to find "WaldoHD" amidst the eyeball clutter is sort of Slack-draining in itself. With these screens, "Bob" can subliminally sink in, with the same marketing cunning of Muzak, and the same propaganda value. What successful religion doesn't inundate its faithful with iconography? The Catholic Church got that one right. All three screens are PICT files in 8-bit color, dithered using the Macintosh system palette, so hopefully anyone limited to 8-bit color can rely on correct screen display. (I delegate the color palette transmogrification for PCs, if necessary, to Windows users.) Two of the screens are sized 640x480, and for those large of cathode tube, one is 832x624. One screen has, in fact, the text of a rant from the Book of the Subgenius tenderly blended with blobs of "Bobs", ready and willing to bore through your skull, down through your limbic system and grab you by the spinal cord where it counts. Believe me, this is for your own good. This will hurt me more than it will hurt you.
Catch "Bob" 33K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	This is just about my favorite dingleberry of all, because it somehow captures perfectly the essence of "Bob." Just TRY to catch the slippery bastard! YOU CAN'T! The son-of-a-bitch is JUST TOO FAST and WAY TOO DAMN LUCKY. It is the penultimate religious experience for the SubGenius Seeker of Dobbs.
CpipeCurs 3K	The regular non-moving cursor. Your arrow-shaped cursor is replaced by a tiny Pipe. Just drop it in your extensions folder and restart. Easy to remove if you don't want Mom to know.
Dammitgotchu 347K by The Wicked Sage Website	Killing a Tamagotchi has got to be in the spirit of Slack! You can get the Hyperstudio Player needed to run Dammitgotchu from Robert Wagner Publishing, Inc. free from their page. There is a direct link to it on The Wicked Sage Site. You may freely distribute this strange little chip-toy so long as you leave the Wicked Sage credit intact. This is freeware, so we won't be coming for your first born. Hack The Planet! System 7.X-8.X only. Runs on Macintosh 680X20 or higher only. I might make a Windows version someday, but I'm not sure when. That's it.
Days To Go 17K by Jason Anderson	Are you someone who gets really annoyed at those people who always seem to know how many days it is until a certain event (ie: "Hi John, did you know it's only 278 more days to my birthday? Better make sure you buy me a present!"). Well, if you can't beat them, join them. This handy little control panel will let you do just that. Every time you start (or restart) your computer, a little box appears approximately 3/5ths down the screen, telling you how many days there are until the date you specified (if the date has already passed it will give you a nasty little note to say that you have missed it!) Use it to count down to X-DAY.
Despair 132K by Brother Cleve	Sadistic freeware game that allows you to PLAY GOD and torture thousands of tiny little humans on your screen with a wide range of DISASTERS. Excellent for blowing off steam. (Doesn't run on Power Mac but does fine on previous models.)
Die, Dobbs, Die! 165K by Robert Carr Website	Once again, the player VAINLY tries to snuff his or her Short Duration Personal Savior... but he keeps hiding behind one evil mystic symbol after another! Simple but effective.
Dobbs Icons 50K	40 Count 'em 40 empty Mac file folders, each one GLOWING with its own individual hideous SubGenius iconic image! Over the last year, I, Stang, have collected many customized little file folder icons. Some you'll recognize from this page; others originated as thumbnails of larger art pieces seen elsewhere in this mighty website. You got your "Bobs," your Devil-"Bobs," your psycheDobbsic ones, your bloody ones, your skulls, Pipes, occult symbols, etc.etc. Art is mostly by Rev. Noah Stewart, St. Paul Mavrides, and Maestro Robert Carr, with extras by John Zero and by accident. I will admit to ripping off the flaming file folder and the 'Frop leaf from the Grateful Dead collection.
Dobbs' Words of Inspiration 17K by Robert Carr Website	Your Mac will spout audible Dobbs Prophecy at your command. Infinitely more effective and uncannily appropriate than the I-Ching.
DobbsTrobber 17K by Jim Leftwich	Animated Netscape window replacement. Puts a throbbin' Dobbs where the Netscape comets were. Requires some work with ResEdit. Also available (with many other types of Throbbers) fromhttp://www.spies.com/Throbbers
Escape From Normality 380K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	A short SubGenius adventure game, where to finally snap and make pilgrimage to Dobbstown, Malaysia.
Excremeditate 149K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Requires Resedit -- puts your choice of flushing sounds with Empty Trash or other actions. Involves editing old System files. The icon is still good for newer systems.
F*CK 'EM! 1.2MB by Robert Carr Website	* DON'T LET BOSS/MOM CATCH YOU WITH THIS! * DON'T LET BOSS/MOM CATCH YOU WITH THIS! * * NOT FOR CHILDREN OR PINKS! * This elaborate exercise in empowerment is somewhat akin to PacMan. You steer your dick through a maze of occult, SubGenius and pop obstacles, seeking satisfaction, avoiding cops and mothers-in-law. When you "score" you are... rewarded... with... eh... PLEASURES... beyond... eh eh... MEASURE... AHHHHH!!! You'll squirm in embarrassment or else in your chafing pants when you hear the grunts and groans of love oozing from your Mac's speakers. Robert Carr is an evil man. A bad man. This is all-out FILTH. Praise Fuckin' Dobbs. (See Stang's article for more in the Robert Carr Collection.)
Floating Slack An AfterDark Module 138K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Strews a floating color Dobbshead (and more) across your screen every time you slack off.
Giant "Bob" 578K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Prints out the sections of a huge Dobbshead on 16 8.5x11 sheets... run THOSE off on a copier, attach the pieces, and viola, the number gigantic 4.5' Dobbsheads you'll be able to terrorize your hometown with will be limited only by your patience in taping the pieces together! (NOTE: These are PHOTOSHOP 2.5 documents so you may have to convert 'em.)
Hangin' An After Dark Module 33K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	You, yes, YOU can hang "Bob" Dobbs! Easy as point-and-click!Throw this guy into your Slack Savers folder (lurking inside your After Dark Files folder).
Heaven's Gate AfterDark Module 348K	Throw this into your Slack Savers folder (lurking inside your After Dark Files folder).
HexOn Exon 182K by Robert Carr Website	Send filthy email without the Cop Computer's catching on! Converts "bad" words in your text into the names of Senators who supported the Exon bill.
Its "Bob" 33K by Rev. Numen Remissionis	A handy dandy little surprise!
Jittlov Font 132K by Rev. Mike Jittlov	From the brilliant creator of THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME comes a font. But this font is far more than JUST a font; in fact, the four-chapter READ-ME alone is as astonishing as the font it explains. HARMLESS on ALL MACs. P.S. If you have the Jittlov font and stick crayons in your eyes, this line is in funny colors, but it won't hurt the font.
Jittlov's Netwit Collection 713 by Rev. Mike Jittlov	Text files. Dozens, maybe hundreds of text files, some by Jittlov, some copped from the Net over the years. You might call this Jittlov's autobiography. Incidentally, EVERY SINGLE FILE has its own individually created screen icon.
Label Slack 132K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	This Mac control panel replaces comments in the otherwise useless Labels menu with SubGenius quotes -- new ones every day. System 7.5 or earlier.
MacDiagnosis v1.1 20K by Robert Carr Website	This is pure evil. It may be shareware... I dunno. You click on the icon, and a little window comes up that says "Your Mac needs needs minor repairs." You click "OK" and suddenly you see the scariest window of them all: an ERASE DISK window with a progress bar saying, "DELETINGALL FILES." You try to stop it but NOTHING WORKS. Then your computer AUTOMATICALLY SHUTS DOWN AND RESTARTS -- and comes up BLANK! Dead! Nil! Nada! No system. No NOTHIN'. A little file icon with a question mark is all that remains. It's a trick, of course. It doesn't really do anything to your computer. It simply scares the living SHIT out of you. This would be a really mean trick to play on a clueless Mac user.
MacInSpat 132K	A freeware game in which you have a nice choice of weapons with which to maim or kill either Barney or a PICT pic of the Short Duration Personal Savior of your choice.
MacJesus ProGold 1.4MB by Robert Carr Website	The classic that they tried to burn. FINALLY, a Jesus with PERSONALITY is here to answer your every question... heh-heh-heh. AMAZING artificial intelligence dialog will have you CONVINCED that this Sleazy Jesus is really responding to your insults, prayers, snide SubGenius comments, lovelife complaints, etc. Many hidden features. You can even customize his sloppy, bleary-eyed appearance.
MacSlack 809K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Here it is! The complete rip-off of WinSlack! Basically a program that functionis as a SubGenius FAQ.
Mad Cow Roulette Hack 182K by Rev. Dad Townsend P.O. Box 4722 Portland, ME 04112-4722, USA	No lurker on alt.slack could avoid noticing the endless sniping between Rev. Dad Townsend and his dear prayer partner, Rev. Nickie Deathchick. Dad hacked this British Roulette suicide game in Nickie's honor. It's kinda cute. The original deader was John Majors.
No Apple, A Pipe 17K by Rev. Numen Remissionss	Drop this cute little extension dingleberry into your system folder, and the dull Apple in the upper left hand corner of your screen's menu bar will be turned into a holy Smoking Pipe. Not only HARMLESS -- it works on ALL Macs -- but this simple doohickey has turned out to be one of the most USEFUL of all SubGenius Macintosh computer creations. It's the perfect CRASH DETECTOR. You know how, sometimes, you can't quite tell if things have just slowed down, or if your gear has crashed totally? And you waste valuable minutes wondering? Well, this little booger is the most DEPENDABLE guage. If the smoke stops rising from the Pipe, you're crashed. No joke -- many users over a 3 year period have raved about the handiness of the NO APPLE, A PIPE extension. PRAISE DAMN GOD "BOB" and NUMENS REMISSIONIS.
Obstacles An AfterDark Module 50K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Tiny Dobbsheads rain upon your choice of obstacles, such as the planet Earth... but nothing can stop them; they pile up at the bottom until nothing remains in all the universe but tiny Dobbsheads.
Operation Rescue 297K by Robert Carr Website	* PROCHOICE AND PROLIFE FORCES AGREE: * * LAMPREY SYSTEMS' "OPERATION RESCUE" BITES! * BOISE,ID -- Jan 15, 1996 -- Vowing to "put the fun back in abortion" Lamprey Systems President-For-Life Robert Carr announced the release of Lamprey Systems latest game, Operation Rescue. Furthermore Carr stated, "This game will help to strengthen the moral fiber of America and reinforce the family values such as cannibalism, child abuse and senseless violence which made this country great." After pausing to exchange gunfire with protesters outside of Lamprey Systems Headquarters Carr continued, "Operation Rescue also teaches the importance of recycling. To you a fetus might be an unviable tissue mass or a potential human life, but down at Newt & Ralph's Abortion Depot it's all protein." OPERATION RESCUE SPECIFICATIONS System Requirements: Apple Macintosh with color or greyscale monitor, 68030 processor or better, 1 meg of RAM. Power Macintosh compatible.
Peeping Greys 50K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	SPOOKY AS ALL GIT-OUT! The screen goes black... at first. But tiny faces of GREYS begin to fade in. Their faint hooting makes one's nerves crawl. THEY WILL NOT GO AWAY AND YOU CANNOT WAKE UP!!
Rainbox 1.2 * Slack Edition 99K by Rev. Dad Townsend P.O. Box 4722 Portland, ME 04112-4722, USA	"Got 'frop? Well, even if you don't right at the moment, you're in for a treat. Because now you've got the most psychedelic, mind-blowing, yet incredibly simple Mac toy I've ever seen - and it's free! This program is completely the work of Alex Rosen, all I've done is Resedit in a few extra icons into the "Shape" menu to increase the Slack quotient: Dobbs, the Pipe, the sacred Triangle and the even more sacred Hamburger. You, of course, are welcome to hack the thing further if you like, and since Alex distributes the program totally free, why should he mind? "You can read his ReadMes to get a fair idea how the thing works. But like every great toy, you've got to PLAY WITH IT to really appreciate its greatness. Change the colors. Try the various gimmicks under the menus. Then sit back and trip out, baby! "But wait, there's more. This thing also creates screensavers for "Dark Side Of The Mac" (also free!) when you use the included Rainbox Fader (see the ReadMe). So you can have one of your slacked-out whirling eye-candy masterpieces mesmerize you into a total stupor anytime you start daydreaming and forget to press the keys for a few minutes... "Before you start creating anything, you might want to take a peek at the samples - Alex includes quite a few, and I've also thrown in the first three I made to test out the special Slack Edition icons. Or trash the samples and just dig in. See if I care."
Rupture The Rapture 1.1MB by Robert Carr Website	Shoot down the Xian and Mormon souls before they make Heaven -- they plunge to Hell as little devils. But watch out for Jehovah's lightning bolts! Satanic and action-packed. (Goes somewhat berserk on speedy Power Macs.)
Slackintosh 7.5.3 116K by Mathew	This patch turns the "MacOS" startup image into something more slackful. To use it, you'll need to be running a version of the System which has a "System 7.5 Update" file. If you get a screen saying "MacOS" when you start up your Mac, it's worth a try. You also need a colour or greyscale screen; not black and white. Instructions come with the program. Important: I'd like to insult your intelligence by telling you this isn't an official or approved Apple patch. It probably causes cancer in laboratory rats; everything else does. If you need support, try a wonderbra.
Slacktime Animated Cursor 14K	Drop it in your extensions folder and restart. Most of the time, your cursor will look normal. But whenever your computer is busy cogitating and the cursor is useless, the Pipe will appear and start froppin'. WARNING: CONFLICTS WITH AOL. Won't let AOL open and crashes you. Seems to work fine with literally everything else. FIGURES, huh? (You can turn SLACKTIME off by holding your mouse button down during startup. There are some secret dialog boxs in Slacktime that spring at random too.)
Squished An AfterDark Module 30K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Dobbs blithers and dribbles all over the place, morphing, stretching and drooping, while saucers try to irritate him with machine guns... to no avail. Instructions included.
Sternomatic 17K by Rev. Dad Townsend P.O. Box 4722 Portland, ME 04112-4722, USA	Automatically converts the most drab, mundane text into a feverish, obscene, scatologically extreme Sternodox rant.
Straight To Hell 1.2MB by Robert Carr Website	ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME THAT JESUS DIED FOR HIS SINS? Jesus H. Christ, Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Pope John Paul 2.0, Mother Teresa, Bill Gates, Pat Robertson, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh and Robert Carr are all going STRAIGHT TO HELL. LOVE SIN BUT NOT THE SINNER... Bitchslap any or all of the above through the Nine Circles of Hell to the Eternal Torment they so richly deserve. Fear no god or master as you send your victim screaming down the Portal Potty into the nether regions of Hades. Your penile dimensions will triple when you make them squeal like a pig with the Cursor of Torture! IT IS BETTER TO RULE IN APPLE THAN TO SERVE IN MICROSOFT... System Requirements: Macintosh with 68030 or higher processor, 2.5 megs of RAM and 32-bit Color QuickDraw. Power Mac recommended. THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH SHAREWARE FEES...
The Smoking Pipe 578K by Charles Mangin	A continuously smoking pipe, perfect for a screen saver - well, not really, since the pipe would be burnt into the screen, as it cycles forever until a mouse click shuts it off. A wonder it is to behold! This will keep many a SubGenius up late at night, gazing into the smoke, hypnotized. You'll LOVE the "QUIT." A sure-fire seduction tool -- "Wanna come over and see my Smoking Pipe?"
Trash "Bob" 182K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Imagine if "Bob" were in his preferable state, dead, but whenever he was given files, he was suddenly rejuvenated and you'd have to kill him all over again. Try out this nifty replacement for the trash can. Requires some hacking with ResEdit.
Whiff Reader(TM) After Dark Module 17K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	By making use of your Third Nostril, you can create beautiful Dobbsian patterns on your Macintosh. The interface is a little slow, but interfacing with one of the body's lessen known organs was very difficult. WARNING!!! Use of the Third Nostril by full-blood humans can result in brain haemorraging, nosebleeds, severe headaches, and possible sanity. Use at own risk. Rev. Noah Stewart and The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. take no responsibility for any damage inflicted upon oneself by persons using their Third Nostril.
X-Day Invasion Survival Trainer Lost In Dimension Zero 346K by Robert Carr Website	The Elder Gods and the Yacatisma have both arrived on Earth simultaneously, at the exact moment of X-Day! During the battles your Xist Escape Vessel is trapped in Dimension Zero with a dwindling supply of Slack. You must rescue the Sex Goddesses, harvest the Pinks and destroy Yacatisma to escape from Dimension Zero! WITH: Forbidden Knowledge: an online and interactive help system. Bonus Kill-Dobbs Action. Shut up Dobbs after losing or when quitting by shooting him in the head! Cool as Hell soundtrack -- 'HIRASAKI' by DK JONES!
Yeti Tiles 990K by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	Now you can play with the forces of nature, just like the Yeti did! Tibetan monks originally created these games using wood and human bones. Now you can draw upon the spirits of the dead Yeti (and live ones!), tilt the Luck Plane, and become utterly addicted to this psuedo-classic tile game!
You Killed "Bob"!!! 297 by Rev. Noah Stewart Website	A hack for the game MARATHON 1. This is a patch that changes the plain old BOBs (Born On Boards) to "Bob"! Two files are included -- one patches the shapes, the other replaces the vocalizations with more appropriate responses. It's strange... do people enjoy repeatedly killing their personal saviors in OTHER religions, or is it just us?

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