AMAZING WHAT A NEW DESKTOP SCHEME WILL DO FOR YOU!!
I'll admit to being a sucker for shiny, candy-like buttons. (Probably dates to the art style on the old version of the Candyland game.) Shiny, candy-like buttons were among the things that most entranced me about the software interfaces made by the formerly great, now sucky company Metacreations. Today, I gifted all my own personal computer screen system buttons, and the whole desktop appearance, with an even SHINER and MORE CANDY-LIKE appearance than EVER BEFORE. And it really HELPED!!
I was facing such a huge load of computer-related work this day/month/year that the prospect of so much as turning on my computer, TURNED MY STOMACH. It was SHEER PROCRASTINATION that had me fiddling with such ephemera as my desktop's appearance to begin with. But the SECOND it switched over from my old, tired, hammered-chrome-on-polished-hardwood look to this new, SHINIER, more CANDY-LIKE scheme, it was as if a bracing gust of freash sea wind had suddenly burst open the shutters! I felt like I was in a TV commercial for some magical Internet service that made everything look all 3D and wormholey and like "cyberspace" is supposed to look, in the movies. I felt like a wind machine was blowing my hair in front of a painted blue backdrop, and a 35mm camera was overcranking at 64 fps to make it slow motion! I felt a bra-less hippie chick running through a sunflower field in slow motion on a 1970s commercial for Clairol... no wait, maybe I'm overdoing it.
On a Macintosh, you use this little program called Kaleidoscope, which can give EVERYTHING in your computer a completely different look (plus system sounds). Computer art geeks all over the world have invented these countless different looks or "schemes," so there are zillions to choose from. For months I used one that made every open window look like a torn-off piece of soft, lined, old-fashioned notebook paper. An almost feathery, soft look created by someone with a Japanese name. The hammered "Classic Chrome" worked well with my "BEFORE DARK" desktop pattern of cheesy wood panelling. (Paul Mavrides did a shitload of Before Dark desktop patterns, including the eyeballs, bleeding eyeballs, spiked eyeballs, pyramid-eyeballs, the Dobbshead one, various skulls and biohazard symbol type things, and a Zapruder Frame one.)
PIC by FUNWAY
What I really NEED is a whole new computer, but just CHANGING THAT DAMN KALEIDOSCOPE pattern was enough to make ONLINE LIFE SEEM WORTHWHILE AGAIN!
The reason I was burnt out from computering is because I've just finished a wild-hair bout of audio editting, inspired by my repairing of my old reel to reel deck following RevDrJack's donation of a CD burner. Although NO ONE besides the Vatican and one lone guy has bought the SubSITE CD-ROMs, the audio CD "Bob's" Punctured Eardrum has started to "move" a little. So, I've been "digitally remastering" stuff. The first thing I did was make SAFETY copies of the Media Barrage tapes. Then I did the Doktors 4 "Bob" tapes, of which I had the only surviving decent masters. I sent those CDs to the Drs. band members. Then I started in on the recent, well recorded stuff from devivals and radio the last two years.
We had an immediate need for a "demo" to get me specific solo "gigs" so the very first (and by far the easiest) of our new audio CD series, is DONE!!! AND NOW ON SALE FOR ONLY $20!!!
THE GREATEST SPOKEN WORD ALBUM OF ALL TIME:
**** STANG AT STARWOOD *****
MY SOLO ALBUM!! STARRING ME, ME, ME! Includes my complete musically unacompanied rant to the pagans at Starwood 1999, a particularly successful sermon to a large, non-SubGenius audience (thus no telegraphed punchlines nor constant drunken "Fuck "Bob"!" Bobbie-yather). Although I have NEVER ONCE preached at a "comedy club," this is what it would sound like if I did. PLUS, as special bonus sales-prompters: 6 spectacular pieces of music using MY POEBUCKERED VOICE as a sound effect (NOT SINGING), by King of Slack Bill T. Miller, DK JONES, Prof. Mark Mothersbaugh, Joe Newman/The Rudy Schwartz Project, and... THE GOMERS!
*See details below
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Then, while still in a fit of sound editting, I produced
THE GREATEST MUSIC ALBUM OF ALL TIME:
***** THE PUFFERDOME DEVIVAL *****
with EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA
$20
This is NOT a "normal" devival. This late-night space-jam devival/mind-fuckwas held inside a portable building called The Pufferdome, erected at the Brushwood festival site for Starwood 99. The Pufferdome is legendary for its unique accoustics, which are all too well demonstrated in this sometimes spooky recording.
The meandering, surreal "devival" itself, which features a constant rug of driving yet ethereal ESO music, is interspersed with ESO songs recorded at their XX-Day 99 concert (only 10 days earlier, also at Brushwood).
*See details below
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ALSO -- THESE LIMITTED EDITION CDs on sale FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY:
All devival recordings below are with live music by Chas Smith, and/or Einstein's Secret Orchestra also with Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Michele George and Bob Mozik. All are technically excellent recordings, taken either from Regis Sedlock's mixboard DATs (Soundz Gud Productions) or from High-8 stereo video soundtracks on NonWobbly StangCam II. (We mention this fact to distinguish these from our older, less polished devival tapes.)
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* XX-DAY 99 devival with Stang/ESO (plus Papa Joe Mama's XX-Day rant, and the 7 am recordings)
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* WINTERSTAR 99 "The Science Rant" w/ Chas (plus some unreleased ESO Witch Disco live jam music and a clippet of ESO radio)
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STARWOOD 98 with ESO (slightly altered, with Frank Marino "Earth First" version replaced by the same rant with ESO from Nov. '98 Euclid Tavern devival)
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Coming soon: BEST OF HOUR OF SLACK revision CD (with all the old Stang rants REMOVED!!)
THE MEDIA BARRAGES
and
EINSTEIN'S STANG-COLD X-DAY or something like that, the best of ESO-SubGenius radio AND devival centered on, building up to, and following, X-Day.
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THE PUFFERDOME DEVIVAL
Rev. Ivan Stang, Einstein's Secret Orchestra
01 Cavorite Endorsement 01:03
02 Airlock to Hell 02:59
03 "Faith Healer"* 06:00
04 God Looking 01:18
05 "Sex"* 02:56
06 Duh...Realistic Air 01:38
07 Nasal Cavity Device 01:26
08 Dave Man, Rocket Laws 02:29
09 Origin of Religion 03:02
10 We Are Not Men 04:27
11 Whiffreading 01:46
12 Confusion Will Be My Epitath 02:27
13 Big Organ (Run or Eat) 03:36
14 "Us & All Our Friends" 04:15
15 "Stop Abusing That Substance Abuser" 02:20
16 "Iodine 131"* 04:16
17 Wedding 05:32
18 Lullaby 00:24
19 "Wilderness of "Bob"" 03:23
20 SubGenius Hell 02:35
21 Kool-Aid Chem-Can 01:18
22 "I am a Clone"* 07:11
23 Rats in the Walls 03:29
24 Goodnight 01:32
Preacher: Rev. Ivan Stang, Sacred Scribe, Church of the SubGenius
EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA:
Commander Chas Smith . keyboards, theramin, vocals
Lonesome Cowboy Dave . guitar, vocals
Michele George . electric violin
Bob Mozik . drums
Princess Wei "R." Doe . guest vocals
The improv devival sections with Stang, Wei, Chas Smith and Lonesome Cowboy Dave were recorded July 24, 1999 in "The Pufferdome" at Starwood, a yearly festival held at Brushwood Folklore Center (Sherman, NY) by A.C.E .(http:www.rosencomet.com or 1643 Lee Rd., Rm.9, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118)
*The songs are from ESO's performance at XX-Day 1999 (July 4), also held at Brushwood, sponsored by The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., recorded by Regis Sedlock, Soundz Gud, Cleveland
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STANG AT STARWOOD 99
Rev. Ivan Stang
with music by DK Jones, Bill T. Miller, Mark Mothersbaugh, The Rudy Schwartz Project, The Gomers
. 1 SubGenius Commercial 01:01
THE SOLO RANT:
. 2 Pagan Laff Riot 04:18
. 3 New Age Workshops 00:39
. 4 The Oldest Y2K Joke 02:04
. 5 X-Day Excuses 04:56
. 6 Job -- We Must Get Off 01:19
. 7 The One Rule 01:49
. 8 How Many Conspiracies 03:38
. 9 Kill Hate! 04:50
. 10 101 Monkeys, God War 03:54
. 11 End o' World Porn 03:24
. 12 Build Your Own Ship 02:26
. 13 SciFi Vs. Religion 06:02
. 14 God's Dirty Work 04:44
. 15 Hands Of/Off Earth 07:33
See? It even has "bit titles," just like a real comedy album!
MUSIC:
. 16 JimBobJoycespeaks 03:46
. 17 You Rang 04:23
. 18 Big Ol' "Bob"(In My Pocket) 03:06
. 19 Pain Stain 2K 01:52
. 20 Auditory Meatus 02:12
. 21 Bacon for Tomorrow's Breakfast 04:32
Starwood is a yearly festival held at Brushwood Folklore Center (Sherman, NY) by ACE (http:www.rosencomet.com) or 1643 Lee Rd., Rm.9, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118
* SubGenius Commercial: Mark Motherbaugh (Mutato Muzika, http://www.mutato.com)
* JimBob Joycespeaks and Big Ol' Bob in My Pocket: DK JONES (dkstudio@home.com)
* You Rang (from Orgy of Slack), Auditory Meatus (from Plague of MP3z): Bill T. Miller, King of Slack, PO Box 230221 Boston MA 02123; http://billtmiller.com/
* Pain Stain 2K: The Gomers (from Sofa King Good) (Biff Uranus Blumfumgagnge, Box 3116, Madison WI 53704 http://www.omnium.com/rpo) The rant text is from S. R. POHASKI
* The Bacon for Tomorrow's Breakfast: Joe Newman, The Rudy Schwartz Project, from Gunther Packs a Stiffy (Seeland Records, http://www.negativland.com) The rant text is from director Larry Buchanan's film Beyond the Doors aka Down On Us
Cover Art: Atom Funway * Special Thanks to Dr. Onan Canobite for Material!