X-DAY '98 at Brushwood

Can you feel it, children? That low rumble coming from the ground, like a billion ton train rolling like thunder, gaining momentum, gaining speed, getting closer and closer until BANG! the air splits, the Earth screams, the seas boil, and it's ARMAGEDDON!!!

Yes, kindred, X-Day's so close you can almost smell the blood, you can almost hear the screams, you can almost taste the sweet nectar of VENGEANCE!!! Ah, sweet Vengeance offer up her bountiful titties for Dobbs' chosen warriors of slack to GROPE and SUCKLE to their hearts' content. Oh, HELL YES, I will be there, and I know that YOU will be there with me, friends, when those great golden vessels descend from the skies over Brushwood Folklore Center just a FEW SHORT MONTHS FROM NOW.

At our previous annual X-Day gatherings, we crucified a "Bob" dummy, and a live Jesus. But this time around, EVERYBODY DIES! The crucifixes will stretch out far and wide, from sea to shining sea, and every evil cocksucker we ever hated will HANG AND SUFFER AND BEG FOR THE MERCY THAT THEY WILL NOT RECEIVE. This time YOUR hand shall hold the whip, and BY THEIR STRIPES YE SHALL BE AMUSED.

Sounds pretty fuckin' good, huh? Well, kiddies, that's fine and dandy,but what will you do to pass the time for the rest of the weekend? Well, for starters:

The Battle of Armageddon!
The Ivangelicals versus the Holocaustals in Road Warrior-style armed combat! You get to suit up and arm yourself with nasty crude weapons and BEAT YOUR FELLOW SUBS TO A PULP! I must warn you, some of us WILL be HURT during this battle. Body Armor is encouraged, and weapons can be brutal but NON-LETHAL (after all, ALL yeti shall be equal once we board the saucers). It's time to choose WHICH SIDE YOU ARE ON. Are you going to side with Stang's Ivangelical Army, the computer geeks and intellectuals, or with Legume and Papa Joe Mama's Holocaustals, those Angry White Men in Black? Will you rely on your cunning or your primal savagery? When you stick your hand into a pile of goo that a few minutes ago was your best friend's face, YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO. The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer ITSELF shall be used as a WEAPON ! You think you got what it takes to play hardball, kid? This is the time to show what you got. The winners of this Mother of all Battles get to perform the LAST EVER LAUNCHING OF THE PALMERHEAD!!!

There will also be BLOOD WRESTLING!!! Scantily-clad yetis rolling around soaked in beautiful red red BLOOD for your cheap amusement.

FREE BLOWJOBS once again from anyone who cares to give one.

Subgenius WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!

Semi-nude and/or nude TWISTER!!! (Who knows, maybe even Naked Blood Twister)

All this, plus fellowship with your fellow True Mutants, rubbing elbows with egotistical bigshot asshole church hierarchites, hot tubbing with nekkid yetis, and possibly the best shot you'll have at copping that LAST PIECE OF ASS YOU'LL EVER GET ON EARTH!!!

Plus, there are still several months for us to plan EVEN SICKER SHIT THAN THIS!!! And if all that weren't enough to get you pumped up, remember this: YOU GET TO LEAVE THIS FUCKING MUDBALL BEHIND FOREVER!!! PRAISE "BOB"!!!