A flock of whooping cranesFrom: Cardinal Sin
A flock of whooping cranes
Dear friends:
In light of recent events, the national tragedy that we have all suffered through, now that some time has passed the onus falls on us to observe overlooked warning signs so that we may responsibly look to the future with proper forbearance.
When the events of Sept. 11 unfolded, the powers that thought it prudent to do so called in their condolences, faxed in their support, even Telexed their regards and well wishes. Notable among these were Saddam Hussein, the mayor of Tehran, Iran to New York Rudolph Guiliani, and even Jacque Chirac of France were eager to get in their thinly-veiled remarks of "We didn't do it".
Anyone that had anything to worry about waved a flag. Even the notorious Osama Bin Laden, made a comment that he wasn't responsible for what happened, but in essence, "he thought it was pretty cool.". The point is, organizations that had no implication had no reason to take a stance. One organization that has not taken a stance is the Church of the SubGenius.
Everybody knows that the Church of the SubGenius has over 10,000 registered members worldwide, who, by definition, are more attuned to the world around them (if in fact, such a world actually exists) than regular "people". Among the ranks of the membership are several hundred psychics, scores of clairvoyants, dozens of spiritualists, 13 ascended masters, one "Overman" and of course, their high epopt, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, who has avoided death by assassination more times than Fidel Castro (who also sent in his condolences).
In 1998, before the long-awaited X-day, the day of the Rupture when all fully paid members of the Church of the SubGenius were to be taken up into the pleasure saucers of the sex goddesses and whisked away to Planet X while the rest of humanity would have to bask in the tumult of the ensuing worldwide catastrophe, Steve Jackson Games released an expansion set to its wildly popular game INWO, or Illuminati New World Order. It was a SubGenius Expansion set.
"Just a game!" you say? How long have we used games to take our minds off of impending doom? Take, for example, "London Bridge is Falling Down", "Ring around the Rosy", and others. This, however, was a special game made by the best and brightest minds in the Church meant as a warning to anyone that had sense enough to see. The following is submitted for your approval.
One card, Miraculous Manifestation, includes the phrase, as a prediction, "A flock of endangered whooping cranes flies into the World Trade Center, and the broken windows spell out DOBBS." The airline industry has been teetering on the brink of bankruptcy long before Sept. 11, and in the wake of this national tragedy, the U.S. government will have to bail them out. Endangered.
Anyone familiar with origami knows that a crane is a flying bird, e.g. a plane. For the more skeptical, let us look to William Gibson's Mona Lisa Overdrive, on only page two, to find the main character on a plane, recalling the phrase, "Look at the cranes!" Gibson and other cyberpunk writers are anonymous contributors to SubGenius material, a little-known and little-publicized fact.
As to the broken windows, and the name of DOBBS, a well-publicized
UPI press photo has circulated showing the face of
Satan in the smoke of the burning rubble. As many "straight"
churches consider all others to be "satanic",
one might easily jump to conclusions. Unfortunately,
Satan was merely a puppet used by Dobbs to protect
his own name lest the Narrow-minded blame the Church
for what was only proof of this warning. See the attached
card for aforementioned proof.
Another card, Yacatisma, graphically portrays a buzzsaw
flying saucer shearing through the easily-distinguished
New York City skyline icon of the Empire State Building,
which was so effected by this event that the observation
deck was only recently re-opened. Clearly this is a
metaphor that New York is to be the center of an attack
that will shear through buildings. The text on the
card speaks of "Space Bikers from Hell, coming
from Orion on their Interstellar Choppers" that
have such Bad Vibes that they tilt the Earth off its
axis. In the game, it is played at any time except
during an attack. Obviously this is meant to say that
this attack could come from anywhere, and to be aware
and on guard for warning signs. The Israeli Mossad
alerted the U.S. government 2 days before the national
tragedy occurred that there would be an attack on the
U.S. from inside the borders of the country with as
many as 200 terrorists involved. Apparently they are
better judges of Bad Vibes than we are. During an attack
is too late to take action. See the attached card as
evidence.
All is not lost, however. The end of the game comes when a goal card (see attached) is played, and one such card is Cast Out False Prophets. The wording on the card simply states, "A heretic is someone who shares ALMOST all your beliefs. Kill him." The image is one of Dobbs as Uncle Sam, wearing the red white and blue, rolling up his sleeves to smite the unbeliever. This is a sign, again, to the unbeliever or skeptic, that NOW is the time to join the Church of the SubGenius. Dobbs will insure that heretics will be killed. For some reason, the deadline of X-day, July 5th, 1998, has been extended, possibly so that the hard-core unbelievers will have a final chance to see the powerful precognitive abilities of the Church of the SubGenius. Are YOU a heretic? As they say, you are either part of the solution or part of the problem.
Had a press release been issued, not only would nobody have showed up, but it would have been dismissed and forgotten. By steathfully entering this information into the public unconsciousness, in a game, the Church of the SubGenius is unequivocally not only exempt from blame, but hailed above all other churches as having successfully predicting this event.
There were conflicting reports about how well the game sold. The Church of the SubGenius, as with all its products, reported high sales volume and sellout receipts. Steve Jackson Games reported barely a blip on the radar, possibly to sell more product. This mysterious discrepancy is commonplace between the two powerful icons of American "SubCulture".
It should also be noted that the most holy temple to Discordians, an older, sister--sometimes rival--group to the SubGenii, the Pentagon, was also a target of this attack. The law of Fives has been broken, and the most holy temple has now been made more "Square" by having one of its sides taken out. This is no accident--Steve Jackson Games is the latest and most recent publisher of the Discordians' holy book, the Principia Discordia.
The very first words to issue from the Church of the SubGenius were, "The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!", and "This is not a joke!" No other church has been so blatantly, soberly responsible for issuing such a specific wake-up call. Why has X-day been extended? Why ask? Know only that you have the chance now, Ex Post Facto, to send in your $30 for salvation to the only Church that got it right. What more could you ask for than retroactive salvation or triple your money back?
$30 is a small price to pay for salvation, friends. Send it to P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX, 75214. At least send in $1 for more startling, eye-opening information. For those of you web-savvy, point your browser to www.subgenius.com. Who knows what other obscure predictions will come to pass? Escape now while you have the chance. There may be no more warnings. "Bob" is only so lenient....
--Cardinal Sin