HOLY GHOST ERECTION CREAM
The next time the spirit's willing but the flesh is week try our Holy Ghost Erection Cream. Made of a special mixture of of Holy Water and Yohimbe tree bark, which when applied to the penis forms a chitinous shell that holds you firm for hours. And you thought only Jesus could raise the dead!!

MOTHER TEREASA'S LEPER LICKUM
This new sex lubricant adds zesty flavor to your lovemaking. The yummy cinnamon flavor encourages you to lick your partner without restraint while the addhesive additive (Bio-Cement®) helps keep body parts together and where they belong. No more morning-after checking the sheets for lost members.