YACIOP [Yet Another Clavis-Induced Original Post]
Like many of us, I lead a nocturnal life whenever possible. I work
nights, I go to school nights, I live nights. So has it always been, so
may it always be. Living nights, one appreciates late-nite tee-vee.
Late-nite tee-vee (LNTV for those who love acronyms) has a Slack all its
own, commonly as a source of inadvertant bulldada. However, there was a
show that had a Slack all its own. It had bulldada, and it knew it. It
had intelligence, and it knew it. It had a decentralized structure, a
non-format format, and sources from all over the world. This may have
been the most Slackful show every created.
The show was Night Flight.
Night Flight was shown (in my area) every night for three hours at a
time. I say "three hours of Night Flight" because Night Flight itself was
actually a neverending collage of footage. It may have had a beginning;
I'm not sure. I doubt it had an end. Were you to sit down and watch
"Night Flight" itself, you would die before it would. Amongst the things
that one might see in a typical three-hour run of Night Flight are:
- The video for "Fish Heads". If you've heard the song, you KNOW you want
to see the video. I have. Night Flight brought it to me.
- Dynoman. Dynoman was the ancestor to the Mighty Morphing Con Puppets show
that all the kids in the world are watching. The difference? Dynoman was
GoodBad, not a slickly-produced bulldada-wannabe. It had Japanese dubbing.
It had fight scenes that you'd cheer on while laughing. It had nubile
teens in spandex. :-) It was a SHOW, and one could often see an episode
of it.
- A 20-minute documentary on the music of Kiss.
- Clips from the latest Anime movie to hit the Japanese theatres.
- Footage from old moon landings.
- "Bob".
Yes, "Bob" appeared on the screen as I sat there watching Night Flight
those many years ago ('twas nearly half a decade). I didn't know what to
make of it. It didn't make sense. It was the face of a pipe-smoking,
smiling man, amidst a psychedelic background, waving in and out, while
voices chanted electronically, ""Bob" is all you need... "Bob" is
Slack... "Bob" is the SubGenius... Follow the SubGenius... The SubGenius
has Slack... The SubGenius follows "Bob"... "Bob" is all you need..." It
cut to various animations of this man "Bob" doing various things. I don't
really remember what they were. I don't really remember Night Flight that
night. All I remember is this strange face and the chants, and the weird
feeling I got from it. I remember the segment ending...it just faded to
black. The "Night Flight" logo, a beautiful logo in gold font cruising
over a landscape of electronic homes, came on while the announcer said
something about the next segment...but I didn't hear it. I sat,
slack-jawed, watching the television but not seeing...all I could see was
that "Bob". I sat there for the next hour, until Night Flight was over. I
didn't see any of it. I crawled into bed and dreamt about what I saw. I
woke up the next morning and went to school. For the rest of my life I
was read to wait for Night Flight to show this "Bob" again...I watched
every night, but it didn't. I needed to know what this "Bob" was about. I
didn't know why, I just needed to...
But eventually, it faded. Not completely. I still shudder when I remember
(oh so vividly) the way that clip wormed into my mind. Something about
that Dobbshead moving in and out and the chanting...
Later on, the Con found out about Night Flight. It latched onto it, and
did a hostile takeover of the company. Now a new company produced Night
Flight. They added "hosts" and started to only show music documentaries.
No more Dynoman. No more Fish Heads. No more "Bob".
Much, much later...I heard about the Church of the SubGenius. I think it
was from that jargon file that Stang was complaining about. I read the
blurb, and wondered, ""Bob"? SubGenius? Is this what Night Flight was
about?" I taxed my brain for over a year before I FINALLY found a piece
of literature that would TELL me about this "Bob" thing! Revelation X,
the "Bob"apocryphon. Some FIVE OR SIX YEARS after being touched so deep
by "Bob", I finally discovered who he is...what he is...and why I wanted
him to have my money.
Oh, DAMN YOU, Stang! DAMN YOU for not saying more in that clip. If you
did, then DAMN Night Flight for leaving out the part where you TELL US
WHAT TO DO to hear more about "Bob". The countless days that I sat alone
in my room, waiting for some SIGN to tell me what I had seen...the only
thing I'd ever seen on tee-vee that had REACHED OUT and dared to brush
against my Third Nostril. I could have had so much more Slack back
then...of course, I didn't have $30, so I guess it doesn't matter.
Reverend Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian Dobbsian, touched by "Bob"
--
Meow!
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Stang responds:
They only gave us $750 for the rights to use the whole of ARISE for 3 years, and THEY reserved the right to delete the actual title and any reference at all to the thing behind the thing.
I literally begged them to display the P.O. Box but ONCE. They said they would. Then they didn't.
Hollywood.
Stang
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