LEMURIAN X-Week

PRELIMINARY ACTIVITIES (late June through 1 June 2000)

The Duke of Uke unveils astounding frop-fiber Lemurian flag for his Brushwood/Lemurian Double-Triple XXX-Day goodwill tour. That the Duke is attending both the Brushwood and Lemurian XXX-Day is a milestone in the history of exploration and diplomacy more important than the Apollo-Soyuz mission and the Nixon/Mao meeting combined.

SubGenii all across Lemuria put forth an tremendous symbolization effort, hanging posters all over town. Many of these posters brought a tear of joy to the eyes of those who witnessed the 'hanging,' as in some cases it was like a visit from an old friend to see the face of "Bob" displayed without fear or shame.

Unnamed SubGenius phones from California to say he's attending the Lemurian X-Day; in true SubGenius fashion, he doesn't say who he is and leaves confusing, contradictory information on how to get back to him. Praise "Bob!"

The Hueyoids, visiting indigitaries from North Lemuria (aka Seattle), arrive as part of their yetithropology research; they also kindly give Onan a 7,000 year old children's book for his private collection. Onan joins them for a remarkable meal at Than Thao's. Afterwards the three doktors gaze longingly at the original George Pal time machine and commune with a real live Mugwump at Lemuria's best video store, Movie Madness.

"IT," the artificial intelligence system employed by at the Dobsmaxion Onanarium, exhibits tremendous success in an overnight mp3 grab; several 'albums' worth of great tunes, all free, ready for play in the AM.

Rev. Exocet delivered to Onan the components to a 13 foot high Dobshead before he went on his own slack-gathering tour of the midwest; hopefully he will return in time to join in at least some of the Lemurian X-Week.

DAY ONE SUNDAY 2 June 2000

Ceremonial (as differentiated from Ritualistic) rocket launching with [CENSORED], alerting circling Xists vehicle/organisms that Lemurian SubGenii are ready to be ruptured. First use of new launch pad, first launch from [CENSORED] Park (where the BIG Lemurian launch of the 8th may occur), first launch of two new Lemurian sea-class rockets. Rocket one had a great flight but lost a fin on impact with the alien planet. Rocket two had two fine trips with no damage. At the other end of the park, a parade of Latino-Lemurians exhibited their own form of pride. [CENSORED] made waffles after the launch then made off for another engagement.

Onan returned home to find not one but two messages from the Hueyoids; sadly he could not join them on that morning's dig. He then played Veruna and stopped some Talos butt in TA-Kingdoms. After a hard day of launching and computer games, he took his well-earned nap.

But not NENSLO! Here's what he had to say...

From: SWILBERTÆ <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Organization: V.I.T.R.I.O.L. 6311 Yucca St. Hollywood Calif. Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: XDay Lemuria has begun
Date: Sat, 01 Jul 2000 23:11:11 -0800

Ten minutes have passed and nothing has happened yet.

... as Criswel said, "Can you prove it didn't happen?"

Later that evening, Dr. Onan phoned three more SubGenii who left not-so confusing contact data in responce to the tremendous symbolization effort put forth by the Lemurian SubGenii. Dr. Crawford Smith also phoned up from Lemuria Tucson with a preliminary report on Brushwood.

DAY TWO MONDAY 3 JUNE 2000

More and yet more people are writing to ask what we're going to 'do' for X-Day. Some get straight answers, others, crooked answers, to show that all answers have a price. Onan somehow still found the time to dine out above his station and view the sadly pink film Mission Impossible II.

And in the NENSLETIC realm...

From: SWILBERTÆ <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Organization: V.I.T.R.I.O.L. 6311 Yucca St. Hollywood Calif. Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: XDAY2K Lemuria interim report - Nenslo faction Date: Mon, 03 Jul 2000 19:55:25 -0800

A Dark Cloud kept Nenslo in bed July 1st until 11 am and from 3 to 6 pm, after which St. Mr. & Mrs. Humanoid, recently of that stinking pile of shit Seattle, appeared at the kooks museum to bring a ray of sunshine into our lives. While dining out we were given free experimental Salvadoran food. Subsequently we enjoyed at the Kooks Museum a showing of the Seattle devival footage depicting Mighty Nenslo's performance of 1). Satan's speech to his army from Milton's Paradise Lost 2). a recitation directly plagiarized from the Baghavad Gita 3). a song plagiarized from Woody Guthrie [there's a fella] 4). the surprisingly all-original all-Nenslo song not heard on recent hour of slack entitled Seattle Is A Stinking Pile Of Shit. Upon witnessing which, Mrs. Nenslo re-affirmed her great respect and admiration for a man who could compel a crowd of revelers to gleefully curse themselves and their entire city. After much gabbing we all marveled for a few minutes at the sets and costumes of the 1924 silent Russian film Aelita Queen of Mars. The Humanoides then fled to eastern Lemuria in surch of that burning solar globe which I, Mighty Nenslo, have BANNED from my realm for the duration of the Onanian/Lemurian festivities.

Aaah, Beautiful grey skies of Lemuria! At my behest, the weather control center provided the world record coldest July day in Lemurian history since 1945, and a beautiful beautiful cloudburst and much aromatic drizzling all day today. Rain on, oh grey skies of Lemuria! Rain on the parades of the Hu-Man! Rain upon the logger's competitions, the rodeos and fireworks displays of the Hu-Man! RAIN ON UNTIL THE COLD GREY WAVES BREAK ONCE MORE ABOVE THIS BLESSED LAND!!!

... could NENSLO be saying that after ten thousand years effort to raise Lemuria, some would sink it once again? The implications of such brazen statements cause the mind to numb and shatter. Who will be "the voice of the right idea" in Lemuria?

DAY THREE TUESDAY 4 JULY 2000

The Lemurian finger was felt deep inside the Brushwood orifice, as exemplified in the following. Hellpope Huey chimes in thusly...

Subject: XXX-Day: The HellPopic, Gamera-Sized Thumbnail From: HellPope Huey X <radiopopeNOraSPAM@hotmail.com.invalid> Newsgroups: alt.slack

(Speaking into a toilet paper roll in a large, stagy bass voice, Huey sez...) Peruse ye these quickie takes on the flaming glory that WAS XXX-Day 2000, highlighting those blessed things that brought joy to my ____. You'll read/hear/see/SMELL much more in the weeks to come and come, but its now 5 pm and this is what I can still recall....

[CENSORED]

*Rev. Onan's video message in a bid to scam us by pretending that he's going to use that money to save the Slackless chiuldren of Lemuria when in fact we know he'll be spending it all on Whiff-its & Nyquil.

... and here's what Rev. Tom Deacon Harry had to say for himself...

Subject: Oh! You must be Onan's friend!
To: Onan Canobite <onan@subgenius.com>

Ronan:

Almost every time I introduced myself to one of the Hierachicals, that's what they said. Deep-pocketed thanks for covering the ground before me with enticingly fragrant rose petals. I was welcomed into the fold at every point.

Everyone I met was good, even if a few were creepy. Quality again triumphed over quantity, and I had a really good time. My cast finally got filled with well- and hell-wishing signatures, and Jesus even asked me to send it to the Church when removed to be converted into an Authentic Relic. I think I'll keep it, though.

NONE of the Hiers woke up for 7/5/7am, and our angry mobette of 15 or so marched up to the trailer blaring AC/DC and shouting, but they still wouldn't get up. Shortly, we realized that we'd rather be listening to AC/DC than torturing Stang, and returned to the pavilion.

I 'll definitely return next year, then more prepared, with a crew, rants, etc. I'll be healed and able to rassle (EVEN IF IT'S BANNED) and climb, and leap through bonfires with the best of em. I'll bring a crew and a theme campsite and MORE MORE MORE GUNS.

I indeed took a cab to Sherman, then got a ride from a randomly kind local from there to Brushwood. The Revs. Sun Nyugen and Woody drove me to Erie after the event. "Bob" done provided agins.

You were missed by all. Rumor said you had sent a videotape, but no VCR was available by the time I left.

Why am I telling you all this when I could just tell you on the saucers tomorrow?! SEE YOU THEN!!!

Rev. Tom? Deacon Harry!

... whew! A fellow SubGenius who works with Onan at the Lemurian Home for Slackless Children threw a hot tub / fireworks party that was quite a site. More than once the direction to aim the fireworks did not seem to include "up" and we all had to run for it. So of course we all had a great time.

At midnight or so, Onan tried to listen to Pope Black in Amsterdam via Radio 100. But he got all tired and went to bed, so he'd be all rested when the saucers showed up at 7:00 AM the next day.

DAY FOUR WEDNESDAY 5 JULY 2000

Dang! No saucers this year. Bummer.

Onan got to work at the Home for Slackless Children to discover the main artificial intelligence system had gone bely up over the pre-X-Day holiday. He were real smart and fixed it good.

Sister Decadence included founding Lemurians in one of her post-Brushwood announcements...

From: SiS D <decadence@subgenius.com>
Subject: Thanks And Props To...

The Duke of Uke for Bowie tunes and campsite companionship. Crawford Smith for Church Air and that cool hat. And for being tall.

... and it seems the Lemurian call to 'shake hands with seaweed' is strong - so strong it seems to be inspiring this young SubGenius to relocate...

From: Phinny <pnarco@REMOVEworldnet.att.net> Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Looking to move to become Lemurian Date: Wed, 05 Jul 2000 13:14:06 GMT

Well since the saucers didn't take us to Planet X, I want to do the next best thing, move to Portland, OR. I was wondering if I could make some contacts up there. Please write!

-=-Phineas Narco

... yes, Lemuria IS the next best thing to rupture! Perhaps not as trancendant as becoming your own ship as Sister Decadence did, but it's better than a sharp stick in the eye any day (later, Dr. Narco disavowed ever making the above statement).

The high point of the evening (hyunk hyunk) was watching the fine film GRASS at Cinema 21. More than zero SubGenii showed up and met other SubGenii for the first time, therefore the eveing was a success. Mr. and Mrs. Rudy Schwartz showed up just after the film, having previously committed to a geriatric porn film screening. Plans were laid for Saturday's rocket launching.

DAY FIVE 6 JULY 2000

[CENSORED]

DAY SIX 7 JULY 2000

[CENSORED]

DAY SEVEN 8 JULY 2000

[CENSORED]

BONUS DAY EIGHT 9 JULY 2000

Well now! After the past three days you'd think we'd all have had enough, but after several conference calls it was determined we shoudl at least have a closing ceremony to the Lemurian X-Week. Assembled at the Dobbsmaxion Onanarium were Onan, Jennifer Robin (you saw her at LEMURIA RISING), the Film Maker, and the Duke of Uke. The Duke shuttled us to the launch site, where we were joined by two more openly SubGenii and several hangers-back who may or may not have been SubGenii.

Our first order of business was assembly of the thirteen foot Dobbshead created by Rev. Exocet and "J" (who sadly could not attend the closing ceremonies). This Lemurian Dobbshead is a good one foot taller than even the large wooden Dobbshead located at the SubGenius Foundation, although ours is considerably less weighty. So light was it in fact that the weakest wind spirits were able to scatter the pannels all over the launch site. Now, if you've attended the Brushwood X-Day you'll understand my amazement and satisfaction when one of the attending SubGenii suggested we could weigh the panels down "with ROCKS or STICKS" (emphasis added). Sure enough, they scattered and gathered ROCKS and STICKS to hold down the few panels the Duke suggested were esential if our activities were to be observed from space. The other panels were spontaneously transmutated into space fashion skirts and hats by Jennifer.

The first rocket definitely came down somewhere but we never could find it. The second rocket - with a live squid in it - took off into the sun and never came back. The third rocket had two flights and may yet have more, but we decided to leave it in the tree it landed in as a warning. Before we left Onan and Jennifer made a ROCK and STICK shrine to Lemurians past, present and future who were not with us in the flesh that day.

CONCLUSION

The Lemurian X-Week was a total success. Thousands of Lemurians attended, although only about a dozen or so knew it. And that's the key, isn't it - intention, knowing, application of will and a sense of humor. "It's all in your head" you might say, and you'd be half right. The other half is where you take what's in your head as "real" enough to act on, real enough to not put quotes around "real" any more, real enough to get some friends togther and have a good time. Some might say 'nothing happened' during the Lemurian X-Week, but I think they miss the point. Sure, we didn't fly people in from out of town, rent a club, put on a show, all that stuff. What we did was take Dobbs at his word: we've paid to know what we really think, so we THOUGHT. And what we thought was by putting a SubGenius spin on our daily activities, we kinda turned up the technicolor on an otherwise drab Conspiracy-owned week. We didn't wait for somebody to entertain us or tell us what to do - we did our thing and had a great time doing it. The living proof of Lemuria is that your life has all the meaning and wonder you put into it, that if Jesus is salvation then "Bob" is an excuse, and that LEMURIA (as they voted in Brushwood) is the REIGNING CLENCH OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.

Praise "Bob!"

- O.

--
Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite <onan@subgenius.com> http://www.subgenius.com/ Lemurian Toll Free Voice Message and Fax Number: 877-380-0077 ext.976 Send $30 unto The SubGenius Foundation Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 USA

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Original file name: Lemurian X-Week (2-9 July 2 - converted on Wednesday, 19 July 2000, 10:17