X-Day Drill '96 Report Part 1

by Rev. Stang

While driving back to Cleveland from Brushwood on Sunday night, I was listening to the audio tapes of the Drill on the car tape deck. Just outside of Warren, Ohio, I had finished hearing a new Papa Joe Mama X-Day rant, and ejected the cassette to flip it over -- at which point the car radio automatically kicked in, tuned mostly to static since I was so far from Cleveland. BUT THROUGH THE STATIC, I COULD STILL HEAR PAPA JOE MAMA'S VOICE, RANTING ABOUT X-DAY!!!

After a moment of severe cognitive disonance, I realized that it was 9:30 on Sunday night, and I was hearing THE HOUR OF SLACK (#534, X-Day Special) from the distant WCSB in Cleveland.

That was how my X-Day Drill weekend ended in 1996.

*****

We're BACK from the X-Day Drill at Brushwood Folklore Center campground in Sherman, NY; we're burnt, toasted, crisped... NOT from frapping, unfortunately, but from recording, logging and dubbing, and crucifying and baptising, and the Drill was from our standpoint a HUGE success -- we made a little money, we learned what NOT to do on the real X-Day, we captured TONS of good music and preaching, and we GAVE the BOBBIES and our FELLOW DOKS their $25 worth, in the form of Slack, violence, pils, naked male and female flesh, the scourging of Jesus, and the Crucifixion of Dobbs.

It was in fact SUCH an intense weekend that only about a dozen people were able to drag themselves out of their hangovers for the 7 AM Sunday morning Church Services and Simulation Rupture... we KNOW now who takes this stuff SERIOUSLY, and... it ain't many.

We are currently in the strenuous process of culling down the 10 hours of tape into one 2-hour video. We've turned it into 3 Hours of Slack (#'s 536, 537, 538), which you can HEAR VIA TRUESPEECH, RIGHT NOW. On the previous page you've already seen pictures of such wonders as:

The all-nude baptism in the swimming pool, conducted by Jesus and Dr. Legume;
Sister Susie the Floozie having her way with a Prairie Squid;
Dr. Legume mutilating his own FACE;
The Dobbs Effigy burning on a cross in the presence of NHGH, JFK, Statan, the Greys, and the whole crowd;
The execution of one of my illegitimate wives following my kidnapping;

TO COME are power-packed preaching and music by Rev. Bill T. Miller, The Swinging Love Corpses, Papa Joe Mama, Susie the Floozie, Andrew the Impaled, St. @ndrew, JHVH Hates Phred, Rev. Nickie Deathchick, Dr. Dynasoar, Steve Slack, Sister Tarla Starr, Rev. Pee Kitty, and many many more.

There were free Pils, actual UFO sightings, suspense, nudity, weird altars, sacrifices, dead folks, tons of sacred Dobbsgood for sale and ALL TOLD, IT WAS A BLAST!!

*********

GETTING THE VHS TAPES

I wanted to end up with one cheap tape, but.... it was a failure of nerve. I didn't have the heart to cut the Human Cartoons of the Drill as brutally as I perhaps should have. (Besides, one can't really only afford to TWIDDLE with questionable projects like this for more than a DAY or two.) It's down to 4 hours... two VHS tapes.

I generally left ranters and scenes of sex or violence intact, but cut the band performances down by half. I removed most of my and Bill T. Miller's intros.

The new Part 1 has much "backstage" tomfoolery, Friday night's devival, and ends with a truncated version of the Scourging of Jesus and Crucifixion of Dobbs on Saturday evening.

Part 2 starts with the COMPLETE Scourging/Crucifixion and covers the Saturday night devival.

$30 for the set. Later on, when I get footage from the other shooters in, maybe we can hack it down to a final single 2-hour tape. Maybe. Don't hold your breath.

This editing was not done on a fancy professional editing system, but with two nice 4-head home decks and a pause button. The edits are FAIRLY clean, MOST of the time, techno-wise. Likewise the camera work is about what you'd expect from a Handycam atop a lightweight tripod being operated by a living person only about half the time. Thus you'll get 5 minutes of a band in locked-off wide shot, then another 5 minutes where the camerastang has returned and is grabbing close-ups.

All copies have stereo sound.

******

LONG VERSION AVAILABLE
We know that some of the participants will want copies of THEIR RANTS on video. The complete, uncut footage takes up FIVE VHS TAPES which may be easily duplicated for anybody who wants 'em.

CORRECTION: Only the first 4 tapes are available to the public. Video 5 is the footage of the 7:00 am Sunday Services, which were attended by only 14 or 15 people. ONLY THOSE ATTENDEES, those who bothered to drag their butts out of their tents so early, may cop copies of that tape. (Their names are in the Book of Life so don't try to fake me out.) That fifth tape is the only one that actually contains any Church secrets, and unless you were there, YOU AIN'T EARNED 'EM YET -- and that goes for all the drop-outs and no-shows, such as Dr. Legume, Philo, Papa Joe, etc. IF YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO GET OUT OF BED FOR X-DAY, THEN YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE NEWLY DISCOVERED PUNCHLINE TO DOBBS' MOST FAMOUS SAYING.

The four available uncut tapes (as logged precisely in these Reports) are gettable thusly:

Send EITHER $15 per tape,
OR
blank videotapes and STAMPED (probably $3 in the U.S., $10 outside U.S.) self-addressed puffy fat envelopes AND $5 per tape for my personal effort in dubbing and keeping track of all this artistry and garbage. Most of you will only want the tape you're on. Some of you may want all tape containing nude footage of the gorgeous naked SubGenius babes and/or bubs, in which case you'll need all four. If you buy ALL FOUR TAPES, it's only $50 for the set. The nakidity will probably be semi-chopped from the final edited commercial version. So get the jack-off material while you still can.

X-DAY DRILL 96 Video Logs
We can't display ALL our glorious video frame-grab pictures on one page, so you'll see but a smattering as you read through these reports. However, the lit-up link words all lead to nice small JPEG photos (12k average), and we wouldn't be displaying 'em if we didn't think they'd be good for yucks and yechhs -- as long as your monitor can display millions of colors, that is. If you're on one of those 256-color gizmos, most of this website probably looks horrible to you. (AND YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE!!) ((NOTE: these logs were written for me, not you. The little ** codes and various other marks are to guide me in grabbing frames for SubSITE illustration and/or TrueSpeech audio webproduction. The motion picture technical term "CU" means "close up"; "bg" means "background". I suppose I COULD remove all that stuff but I'M SORRY, not even I, much less the HELP around here, am that SLAVISH.))

We do have a few TrueSpeech files up, such as this one, Rev. Dave Hope's description of the Stochastic Resonant Dobbs. IF you have the TrueSpeech program, wherever you see that icon, give it a click and you'll be hearing low-res high-spew. (See the EAR OF DOBBS section for more details.)

**************

VIDEO ONE

ARRIVALS
The Dallas Contingent arrives in Dobbsmobile, blasted on antisleep
Legume enters cabin HQ with Dobbs Effigy * ... Jesus kisses the Dobbs
Cabin: Legume: "First it was the Indians, then the Black man, now it's me."
Legume meets someone else

SUSIE THE FLOOZIE'S CAMP
David Hope good line "I seen it, Sherrif" * Susie's Altar*
Susie's Dobbsamellolantern*
Susie's X-Day bumper stickers* (seen above)
Inside Susie's tent
Someone Else at Brushwood

DOBBS DUMMY hanging by the neck in cabin
Jesus checks to see what's in Dobbs' pants .. finds a one dollar bill where the dick would be. "No wonder he had to hang himself to come."
Jesus dances sweetly with Dobbs while he hangs by the neck in autoerotic glee

In Cabin: Susie displays the Wrestling Federation Toy Squirt Head that looks just like Dr. Legume, gives Head to Legume. *

Susie displays her various Dobbs buttons, weird patches on her jacket -- "Den Mother Fucker"

Jesus dons his Robe

Good CU Dobbs Effigy as Joe Tape plays.*

Riding with Brushwood owner on golf cart around Brushwood

SUSIE BY THE BRUSHWOOD GIANT SPIDER WEB -- CU of Susie's X-Day Spacemen Postcard* and Elvis stamp;
Susie's Devils-Fucking shirt*, pulls $ for Stang from bra.

Good Susie Spiderweb posing
Susie & Stang discuss Squid *, discuss squid with Steve Slack, Lafe Cowabunga "Squid smell causes manatees to fuck wildly in mudpits..."
GOOD squid audio quotes.
Good CUs Susie's devil shirt.*, discuss nakidity...
Jesus on the road with Steve Checkie*
*Jesus seeks the masses, is raped by Susie... she washes his feet with her hair... it isn't very absorbent... she demands high colonic via sodomy. Feels up Jesus... picks up Jesus in her arms.*

Papa Joe Mama arrives.... Susie's Hot Pepper shorts* AMAZING Susie Thrusting Tits shot, shot from below... ***

Friday Jones arrives... CU of her GOLDEN BRA, and her God is My Foundation shirt. *

Kid Ginsu... Stang discusses how Brushwood owner, staff LIKE the SubGenii. Think we are "nice" and "intelligent". We must do better...

Legume and Joe Mama... misc. yak re new commercial website..."We will be as Living Gods..." "But first we must loosen their clutch on their dollar bills... Ginsu: ""Bob"'s so well hung that he requires a country for a condom"...

Andrew the Impaled arrives in car,

Id McConville with the Giant Web.

Jesus with Will O'Dobbs, Rev. Nickie, Susie at Sales Table on Porch -- Father Joe Mama rants re sales, Icons...
CUs of Joe Mama's Icon Paintings* , tapes, etc. Rev. ____ gets his soul registered by Jesus. Will O' Dobbs and Rev. Nickie at Sales Table shots. Someone else discusses Multi Age teaching. Jesus applies the Electrified Armbands to Bill T. Miller. Jesus's gun displayed.

On campsite road:
DR. LEGUME TOY HEAD newly prepped by Legume -- you squeeze his head, the blood runs out his mouth.* 2nd take of Head Squeezing good... Head flops over and inflates.

Susie arrives at SLC camp in green dress (!!!) -- The Legume Head draws blood from her Tits. * Legume on the Legume Head Bleeding Breast Stimulator. Pours beer into Legume Head toy. Tongue-kisses Head.*

CUs of Rev. Matt's telemicroglasses....* while Francis E. Dec tape plays in bg.

Pope Phred seeks inspiration from whiskey... on how J-1 hates him.* Meets Mrs. Stang.

Good Legume Head blood-spittle shots.

Chunk of rotting human flesh in frying pan, crude shelter belonging to Sexicutioner. Paranoia re: Sexicutioner lurking nearby. Dr. Varga and Friday Jones share anxiety.

W/ Friday Jones at Evil OTO Altar -- Stang explains ritual bloodletting/fornication to Friday. "First you take your clothes off, then I rip your heart out and offer it to the sun god, then I fuck ya! It's cool man!"

El Diablo's campground, Area 29.

** Susie applies her make-up outside the cabin... "The higher priced spread." Susie does GREAT routine re: make-up, product testing. STUPIFYING video sequence.

THE TIT ZAPPER
In cabin, Legume and Friday Jones experiment with The Zapper muscle stim device in MWOWM sex; they both apply the Zapper pulse to Susie's breasts. *

Porch Sales Area: Jesus tags in the free condom lady.* -- (misc. re: AstroGlide)

DCK pal displays Dobbshead tatoo... * discussion of skin grafts for lampshades, which project Dobbshead on wall.

DEATH TO THE PINKS poster* on car.

Dr. Drummond arrives in van...

Philo meets Floozie...

GOOD sequence w/ Susie at Demonic Altar in woods, with Philo and Ray Hay*... Excellent Susie "Why you bend words over like a Senate page boy."

Approaching Pavillion... Jesus reports to forming "crowd" on Fire Thief who stole wood from pagans... Legume: "Put your money where your hands are, people..." makes the audience all show their wristbands.*

Stang Disclaimer re: the candy is not poison...take the pills at exactly 7 A.M. Sunday.
"Fuck any aliens you can see."

Brushwood staff gal "Drum" brings child in... Little boy Corry says, "I'm down with "Bob."" Big crowd Eyiyiyiyi.

FRIDAY NIGHT "SHOW":

PRAIRIE SQUID RULES from Stang

JHVH HATES PHRED
St. @ndrew and Pope Phred
(long set-up ng stuff on orig tape.)

1. Taped intro... (solemn voice spacey thang)
2. Moving Hands (opens with Stang Intro barrage Con/JHVH-1 bit, w/ music) -- cool audio collage. (Sound is somewhat muddy on video)
3. @ndrew intros band*... Funk Song w/ Phred dancing.... "You can't dance to JHVH Hates Phred"... dual rant by @ndrew & Phred...
(Zooms and CUs here)* 3:24 "That's just noise... rude noise..." good Phred Con rant and X-Day rant.... Phred spreads the bubbles blessing* (This is where my mike was broken by a drunk and audio copy is fucked)
4. Collage of "reactions to their last show"
5. *"MAJOR "BOB"" "This is Ground control to Major Bob" -- sound is probably best on video... good X-Day song! turns into Phred rant w/ Negativland Very Stupid clips.
6. "SHUT UP, NENSLO" song
7. Dedicated to Negativland -- "The Xists Have Landed" (CUs and zooms)* Phred X-Day rant... excellent "health" rant -- "We're gonna die whether those health nuts like it or not!"* rant on time zones in the Soviet Union...
8. "Incomprehensible Shit" (sound crack-ups on video, 3:45-- flip audio tape) ... "Is your patience tried?" (Audio Show 1 side 2:) "Have faith in Dobbs" repeat, subliminal messages.
(Stang switches videotape)
9. "BOB" DON'T LIVE TODAY... (Henrix redoux, good improv rant in instru. break) @ndrew sets legs on fire...* "Oh, there ain't no slack nowhere!"

Rev. Groovy G announces his pro-Legumian schizm away from the Father Church. CU* .... plug for So What zine...

Stang rant re Jesus now working for "Bob" -- (Jesus on stage too) -- discusses the Sunday morning 7 am drill... "we challenge Groovy G and all schizmatics to a no-rules match. Describes the Dallas contingent's visit to the Rainbow Gathering, how full of LUV they were -- and what hypocricy.
How they think they'll defeat Babylon without MONEY. Improv rant on the need for $ in fighting the Con, how you can't just "withdraw from the world". Your faith in "Bob" proved by your MONEY. You can be the best SG artist, you can give your children, but he needs your MONEY. How to fight something as big as the Con? You don't need much brains to fake out the Con, good thing for us... on the folly of bombing Federal buildings, making a target of yourself. We need $ for nuclear weapons... we do have a FEW, but need more. How many Disneylands are there? Sure, we could wait two years, but let's try to impress "Bob" by making enough $ to buy the Conspiracy from itself.
How many here are Christians? Weirdos? Drug addicts? MILLIONAIRRES?? You are saved but you have not been saving. Jesus saves; "Bob" invests... buys low, sells high. Don't eat your seed... grow into a great thorn tree. This is a Church of hate... here we are at Brushwood, great place... this land has been purified and cleansed too many times with superstitious nonsense, why don't we do 'em a favor and TAINT and SULLY the vibes... juicy negative vibes for them to clean up. So... think bad thoughts... concentrate your Hate... let your abrasive obnoxiousness bleed out into the world. We try to be negative but yet at these devivals you hear too much laughter..." X-Day Drill is a city, woodstock mess...

Jesus introduces Bill T. Miller

BILL T. MILLER 1
*Bill casts the SubGenius Circle of Slack w/ golf club (CU*)
*Turn on, tune in and Slack Off...
*"X-Day's A-Comin' and the Pinks Are Bummin'"
*Bill describes all the Doktorbands that'll be here; don't know where Janor is, but we can have a Janor Moment. "You gone burn" loop.
"Are we just gonna wait for Slack?" Bill doles out Free Slack in form of O.B.E. records.... gives line-up of preachers... great sfx.
"YOU RANG?"* "You called me from beyond? You'll never escape the eyes of "Bob"..."
"This is so slack... "plugs his CDs, tapes. "SubGs are the tightest fuckers with their wallets. We need Bobbies to buy our crap... "
*"X-Day's A-Comin' and the Pinks Are Bummin'" cont.
Shots of audience doing "The Pastor Craig Dance" (too dark for frame grab)
*Bill sets up intense controlled feedback "What's noise to some people is music to others... why do you want to be normal when you can be a SubGenius?" *
*"X-Day's A-Comin' and the Pinks Are Bummin'" cont. Rant on X-Day and Leary...
People come up and give donations to Bill & Church... Jesus and Stang start giving, and then others are shamed into giving... Craig gives $5... we get a BobBuck, (GOOD CU w/ money*) ... a fropstick... a white cross ephedrine...
Hendrix rap...
Incredibly tasteless and stupid Craig line re "$85 will get you 85 blowjobs from SubGenius women," great comeback from Friday Jones: "...or 125 blowjobs from SubGenius men!"
Stang confiscates the drugs so the kids can't get 'em.
More list of preachers ...
Stang and Miller discuss the Pil that was donated.
Things defocus... stalling... waiting for more ranters... Bill gradually leads into Jam, talking about Pamphlet and how he never actually read the books. LEGUME appears...

LEGUME warns crowd of local fundamentalists in the woods... "Subdue them at once... also the mother of one of Rev. Stang's illegitimate children is here... we'll be on top of the situation here..." (GOOD CU* Legume in camouflage)

Insanely Cute Music from Pastor Craig's casio... Bill announces free-for-all jam. Very Wontanoid music starts up... Dr. Jim Charnitski joins jam... @ndrew on guitar... Steve Slack bass. Bill calls for a preacher. No one comes forth.

Strange Snake Dance starts up....