To Jesus - Please forward this to all the active SubGeniuses on the
mailing list who might not have access to alt.slack. Thanks!
Praise Dobbs, for I have seen the way. We AIM for nifty must-have toys
like the LASER project. But we must set our sights LOWER to the FILM
project! YES, You heard me rant before, countless times for some of those
who wish it were the LAST fucking time I'd talk about it. P-Lil's given me
one year, so now we're down to 363 days to get the film project
succesfully underway.
But remember friends, it's an idea that is so crazy, it JUST MIGHT WORK!
THE TITLE OF THIS MONSTROSITY?
"THE MOVIE OF THE SUBGENIUS" or "IT'S A SICK SICK SICK SICK WORLD!"
"There's 350 million souls buried underneath a Giant B! A GIANT B I TELLS
YA! Ha-cha-cha-cha!"
Now, seeing as how we'd have to have "hollywood" actors and actresses to
play the parts we've grown to love, we have to think not only of actors
who would be perfect for the parts, but alternates also, cause as we all
know....
Sometimes, the first choice isn't always available.
THE DIRECTOR - Without a doubt, it would HAVE to be Kevin Smith.
(http://www.viewaskew.com)
Hey Ivan, those 30 pieces of silver that I presented to you, let's use
that to send Kevin Smith HIS membership/ordainment in the Church! The best
likely snail-mail address for him seems to be
Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash
35 Broad Street
Red Bank, NJ 07701
We MUST convert film director Kevin Smith, aka "Silent BOB" so that he can
make the official Church of the SubGenius movie!
On the View Askew website, they have a listing for booking Kevin Smith for
personal appearances, http://www.viewaskew.com/appearance/index.html
Failing that, we could TRY to get Terry Gilliam to direct it, (but that
jacks up the price, unfortunatly) and that puts in Gilliam regulars such
as Michael Jeter (possible Stang) and Kathryn Helmond (from "Brazil")
THE CAST FROM HELL
Rev. Ivan Stang - Tommy Chong, the other half of Cheech & Chong. As they
both bear the same general look to them, Tommy Chong is the best person to
play Stang. That or Stang could play himself! (EWWWWW, put that prarie
squid AWAY, Ivan! PUT IT AWAY!)
Dr. K'taden Legume - To really capture the essence of this prophet, you
need someone big and strong. Two possible choices, both from the world of
Wrasslin, one is Stone Cold Steve Austin from the WWF. The other from the
WCW is the one who calls himself "Big Poppa Pump", Scott Steiner. Both
could make a convincing Legume.
Ed Strange - Ben Affleck (who appears in most of Kevin Smith's films) has
a good look and intensity as Strange. And since you can't have a Kevin
Smith that has Ben Affleck WITHOUT Joey Lauren Adams (Chasing Amy), you
get her to play Strange's girlfriend.
G. Gordon Gordon - Himself. There were entertaining possibilities of
having Hannibal Lechter himself, Sir Anthony Hopkins play G. Gordon
Gordon. Also another real possibility was Harry Dean Stanton. But no one
would be able to truly play G. Gordon Gordon better than himself.
Popess Lillith - Herself. Unless she knows anyone else qualified for the role.
Jesus Bevilaqua - Crispin Glover, from "Back To The Future" and "The
People Vs. Larry Flynt".
Sister Mary Magdelin - Sarah Jessica Parker would be an interesting Mary
Magdelin, but she wants Drew Barrymore, because only someone like Drew has
done enough 'frop in her life to make a believable Mary.
For Friday Jones, there really IS no alternate for Christina Ricci.
Papa Joe Mama - I'm sure EVERYONE would have loved to see Tom Cruise being
the total asshole and calling into NPR to "warn everyone about the
Holocaustals" and then getting his just desserts at XX-Day. But since
Cruise is a "Scientologist" and they don't want ANY part of us, Cruise
seems to be a no-show. Dennis Dugan (director/cameo actor in "Big Daddy")
seems to make a downright believable Papa Joe Mama. Unfortunatly, if Dugan
is unavailable, we might have to settle for someone like...*gasp*...Jim
Carrey. |(P ALLLLLLLLRighty then.
Pastor Craig - The movie prject really began when I noticed how much
Pastor Craig looked like Anthony Edwards from ER.
Princess Wei R. Doe - Kim Basinger with glasses on makes an interesting Wei.
Rev. Angela - She jokingly responded with Cher when I asked her this. But
then, I thought about how people WOULD PAY to see Cher shit onto a
Dobbshead.
Modemac - Here's a tough one. Who do you cast as Modemac? If no one else,
let Modemac play himself.
Sister Susie T. Floozy - Two words. Susan Sarandon. Not sure about
possible alternates.
Doc Frop - Bruce Willis. Seeing Bruce Willis wearing a shirt that says
"Marijuana - Hey, at least it's not crack" shirt would have audiences
rolling with laughter.
Sister Decadence - whom I probably bugged more this year than last year.
Sister Decadence wants to have Jennifer Tilly (from "Hot To Trot") play
her. If Tilly is unavailable, her second choice is porno actress Christy
Canyon.
DJ Shaver (sp?) - The "Or Kill Me" radio god. Tim Robbins from "Shawhank
Redemption", "Bull Durham". Works even better if Susan Sarandon is Susie
T. Floozy, they starred opposite each other in "Bull Durham".
Rev. Moxie. - Our faithful EMS technician, who was almost convinced I'd be
this year's PeeKitty and have to go to the hospital this year. Quenten
Tarantino could be an INTERESTING Rev. Moxie.
Rev. Full Monty, who made the trip all the way AGAIN from England. Tim
Curry (which would probably mean no sequel, unfortunatly since Tim Curry
NEVER does a sequel to ANYTHING he does, the coward). Another actor could
be Tim Roth (Four Rooms, Gridlock'd)
For me....I'd insist on Andy Richter, aka Conan O'Brian's sidekick.
"Andy, I just saw this 'SubGenius' movie you did. What's with all the nude
scenes?" - What Conan would ask Andy after the movie's releaase
PeeKitty - Brendan Fraser. Who else would fit this part better?
Betsy Fucking Ross - The most likely person for Betsy would be Parker
Posey, from her independant film "Party Girl". Another viable candidate is
Shannen Doherty. Doubtful she'd do such a film, but she DID do "Mallrats"
for Kevin Smith.
Betsy's friend Kevin - Tom Jones. (the singer who did a cameo in "Mars Attacks")
Christina Bucket - She wanted to play herself, so I guess that works also.
Spike Jonez - Spike wants Keanu Reeves to play his part. Works for me.
Rev. Meat - Flea, from the band Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Saint Al - who actually had me hanging on to the edge of my sanity when he
recalled his true story about his UFO sighting on an Amtrak train on July
6th. 24-36 hours after my sighting of the dancing lights in Brushwood in
the early morning hours of July 5th. Sammy Hagar seems to have the Saint
Al spirit.
Mr. and Mrs. Geddon. - For Barbageddon, it's easy. Traci Lords. Mr. Geddon
is a little tougher to cast. You certainly DON'T want porno actor Ron
Jeremy as Mr. Geddon. If Mr. Geddon is reading this, reply back with your
best possible choices.
THE MUSIC - Naturally, we'd have Einstein's Secret Orchestra and Lust In
Space as themselves. I thought about how Cameron Diaz might be an
interesting Astrobabe from Lust In Space, but it's better to have the
bands as themselves.
However since I thought how much the stuttering guy from ESO who was at
Papa Joe's Trial looked so much like Billy Bob Thornton, maybe we should
try to get him to appear in the movie, esp. for the trial.
THE SCRIPT - You ask yourselves and me, "HOW in the hell do you write a
STORY for this? It's easy. The whole script can be about all our
collective experiences, stuff we'd talked over, our chats in the hot tub,
script material can be derived from going over all the videotapes, and
having the "characters" discussing on film who they want to play them in
the movie.
PORNO STUNT DOUBLES - Because some of the actors and actresses listed here
have some slight aversions to being skyclad, this is an easily solved
problem. We use OURSELVES for the nude scenes and we have THEIR HEADS
digitally composited onto OUR BODIES!
WHERE DO WE SHOOT THIS INSANE EPIC? - Entirely in Brushwood of course!
HOW MUCH IS THIS GONNA COST, REALLY? - Yes, this film will take some
serious money to get completed, but a good way to start would be to
contribute whatever you can to the church and note it as for the film
project. I'll start saving another $20 every week from my Conspiracy job
to build a sufficient start for the film project fund, as well as hammer
out an "anti-script". Writing a script is a serious task, it's not just
the story it's the layout and format.
Just 100 dedicated SubGeniuses saving $20 a week until next year gives us
$100,000!! And weirder slackful independant films have been shot with less
than that! During XXX-Day would be the best time to film this, that way we
jam with the actors and actresses who are doing our parts, but this time
THEY sleep in the tents in Brushwood while WE sit back in a nice
air-conditioned hotel/motel room and enjoy our 'frop.
IF YOUR NAME WASN'T LISTED HERE - Then by Dobbs E-MAIL ME! You tell ME who
you think is the best person to play YOUR part in this insane epic of
weird sex, insane music and heavy drugs! E-mail me at Locnar@IgLou.com and
at least let me know it's about the film project, what you think of it,
what you want to see, anything you think would be good for it, whatever.
PRAISE THE FILM PROJECT!
Gov. Rocknar
--
Randolph S. Vance
Locnar@Iglou.com (Macintosh Eudora Mail)
QUOTE - "I'll watch some TV, it'll help me to RELAX!" - Ren Hoek
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: reverend_wadd@geocities.com (Rev. Ezekiel Impurity Wadd)
I assume, of course, that Janor would be played by himself. Though
he'd be the one to get played by Jim Carrey, come to think of it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar)
>
> Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash
> 35 Broad Street
> Red Bank, NJ 07701
>
> We MUST convert film director Kevin Smith, aka "Silent BOB" so that he can
> make the official Church of the SubGenius movie!
NOTE TO OTHERS WHO MIGHT FEEL THE URGE TO CONVERT KEVIN SMITH
SAVE YOUR MONEY, especially since THIS address is to their comic book
store. DO NOT send $30 and try to get Silent Bob converted. UNLESS you
really WANT TO, then go ahead, that will be part of the Film Project fund.
I cannot disclose their address, but Rev. Ivan Stang and I both have it,
and with my $30, the conversion procedure has begun.
Now if Stang will help with the pliers, I'll get the Prarie Squid.
PRAISE THE FILM PROJECT!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Edward strange" <strange@enter.net>
Organization: S.L.A.K.
Governor Rocknar wrote:
>
> Spike Jonez - Spike wants Keanu Reeves to play his part. Works for me.
>
Sorry.. but Spike Jonez could only be played by Bob Denver. He's about
40 years too old for the part, but nobody would notice.
The only tools man needs are
ROCK AND STICK
Strange
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: misroi@aol.com (Eyrick Pagenkoff)
I'll throw in some $$. Just make sure my name gets thrown into the credits
somewhere, even if it is "dumbass who threw in money". I know what it's like to
try to put together a film on a non-existant budget.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ebear@MI$direct.ca (solar bear)
Date: Thu, 08 Jul 1999 00:37:15 -0800
In article <Locnar-0707990922310001@lex-ts2-23.iglou.com>, Locnar@IgLou.com
(Governor Rocknar) wrote:
> In article <friday-ya02408000R0507992328360001@news.tiac.net>,
> friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones) wrote:
>
> > >
> > > Popess Lillith - Herself. Unless she knows anyone else qualified for
> the role.
> >
> > SIGOURNEY WEAVER!
> >
> > How could you FORGET that, Locnar?!
> >
> > --
> > *** SLAK WARS - EPISODE 1:THE SUBGENIUS MENACE ***
> > The most controversial SubGenius Devival EVER!
> > Visit http://www.fridayjones.com for details
>
> Sigourney Weaver then it is. Hell, if it works out, Sigourney could win an
> oscar for her performance as P-Lil.
>
> Stranger things HAVE happened.
>
Sigourney Weaver's tits are too small to play P-Lil.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: amturing@sexzilla.not
}Sigourney Weaver's tits are too small to play P-Lil.
Then we'll have to ask ALL of Sigourney to play P-Lil.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: decadence@subgenius.com (Sister Decadence)
>
>What about in case Sigourney isn't available, we get Winona Ryder to play P-Lil?
Not tall enough!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "The WRONG Rev. Prostata Cantata" <prostata@concourse.com>
SCREW this. It should be a freakin' PORNO film.
My Part could be played by Ron Jerromy.
> THE DIRECTOR - Without a doubt, it would HAVE to be Kevin Smith.
> (http://www.viewaskew.com)
>
KEVIN SMITH can't direct his way out of a paper bag. Both his films
I've seen were unoriginal and cleche filled as well as being BORING to
the point to wanting to OPEN MY VEINS and eat my blood on my popcorn and
then VOMIT ON THE SCREEN and smear it around with my face JUST FOR
SOMETHING TO DO while I was wating for the closing credits.
We need the GREAT ONE himself... JERRY LEWIS. I don't think he's DEAD
yet, but even if he is, we'll DIG HIM UP and he can STILL DIRECT better
than Kevin Smith.
People would fight eachother over tickets to see a prono film directed
by Jerry Lewis. Hell, I know I would.
> THE MUSIC - Naturally, we'd have Einstein's Secret Orchestra and Lust In
> Space as themselves. I thought about how Cameron Diaz might be an
> interesting Astrobabe from Lust In Space, but it's better to have the
> bands as themselves.
ESO doing music for a porno film would be very interesting...
> THE SCRIPT - You ask yourselves and me, "HOW in the hell do you write a
> STORY for this?
It's SO simple to write the story for a porno film...
Working title: SUBGENIUS SQUIDBANGERS OCTUPLE PENETRATION ORGY
Act 1: scene one
people walk onto set. sit on bed and START HUMPING.
Act 1: scene two
MORE people walk onto set and START HUMPING
Y'all get the idea.
> PORNO STUNT DOUBLES - Because some of the actors and actresses listed here
> have some slight aversions to being skyclad, this is an easily solved
> problem. We use OURSELVES for the nude scenes and we have THEIR HEADS
> digitally composited onto OUR BODIES!
>
Porno artists RARELY have any aversion to being "skyclad"...
Opps, I misspelled "skyclad" I think it's spelled N-A-K-E-D
> WHERE DO WE SHOOT THIS INSANE EPIC?
Where DON'T we shoot?
> HOW MUCH IS THIS GONNA COST, REALLY? - Yes, this film will take some
> serious money to get completed, but a good way to start would be to
> contribute whatever you can to the church and note it as for the film
> project. I'll start saving another $20 every week from my Conspiracy job
> to build a sufficient start for the film project fund, as well as hammer
> out an "anti-script". Writing a script is a serious task, it's not just
> the story it's the layout and format.
>
Porno films are much cheaper. Hell, if you want to save $20/week *you*
can fund the whole damned thing by the end of the year.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 09 Jul 1999 14:19:57 -0400
From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar)
In article <19990708010238.15132.00002029@ng-fl1.aol.com>, misroi@aol.com
(Eyrick Pagenkoff) wrote:
> I'll throw in some $$. Just make sure my name gets thrown into the credits
> somewhere, even if it is "dumbass who threw in money". I know what it's
like to
> try to put together a film on a non-existant budget.
If you know about filmmaking, then you're more than just a "dumbass who
threw in money". More like "Others who also believed in the insane dream"
HOW TO FUND THE FILM PROJECT
Remember, save $20 every week from your Conspiracy job. No matter WHAT
happens, don't let the Conspiracy get it. Don't put it in a bank, don't
spend it on 'frop. Quit smoking 'frop for a year and when next year comes,
it'll be so much better! Give the liver a break and cut down on your booze
for a time. Don't give in to the temptations of Conspiracy Fast-Food.
Drink water instead of sodas.
Don't even use it for the coming Y2K.
You MAY have to dip into this fund to keep things like your car running,
bills paid, etc. Always keep track of how much you spend and replace it as
quickly as possible. If the Conspiracy gives you a tax refund next year,
put that toward your goal.
If you find money that has certain numerological significance, i. e. a
dollar bill with a serial number 63331018 (three threes) or 79764446
(three fours) at least three of a kind or more, save THOSE bills too. Not
that this money is gonna help with the film, it's just so you'll have
money with which to spend next year at Brushwood. Even if it's only two or
three dollars a day, it WILL add up.
Especially the bills that have 666 in their serial number. A dollar bill
with 666 in it's serial number I considered to be a HUMAN SOUL trapped in
that piece of government green paper. The souls are seperate, they have to
go DIRECTLY to Bob for safe-keeping.
If you get a Susan B. Anthony, or one of the new Sacajawea coins coming
out next year, save those too. They ARE dollar coins, after all. (Someone
in 98 paid their $30 with thirty Susan B. Anthony's, or 30 pieces of
silver, so I had to save that up too.)
I was able to save up my money for this year's XX-Day by working at Pizza
Hell and seperating out the plain ordinary money from the money that had
to be saved for the vacation. Jesus is in a good position to do the same
from the tips he makes at his bartending job. It may be harder to save
numerologically significant dollar bills if you don't work in a job like
bartending or pizza delivery. But in any case, make it a POINT to save at
least $20 a week.
100 dedicated SubGenii CAN make the film project a REALITY. Now all we
need are 98 more!
Praise the Film Project!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joy D'Veeve <loper@devo.concourse.com>
For me I was thinking either Christina Applegate or Estelle Getty. What
do you think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: misroi@aol.com (Eyrick Pagenkoff)
We just send it to the PO Box marked FILM PROJECT right? I can spare a measely
40 a month.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: " B T M" <btm@billtmiller.com
>
>Remember, save $20 every week from your Conspiracy job. No matter WHAT
>happens, don't let the Conspiracy get it.
WHAT conspiracy job? I leave on the fringe, lurking in the shadow world.
> Don't put it in a bank,
WHAT BANK account?
>don't
>spend it on 'frop. Quit smoking 'frop for a year and when next year comes,
>it'll be so much better!
quit fropping seven years ago...(how do ya think I fund all my CDs.)
> Give the liver a break and cut down on your booze
quit drinkin 20 some years ago...never really go into it...the other
stuff was too good in the seventies.
>Don't give in to the temptations of Conspiracy Fast-Food.
ok...fast food - that is a vice.
>Drink water instead of sodas.
yes I do drink a ton of water...but here in Boston, clean water costs as
much as soda.
>
>Don't even use it for the coming Y2K.
>
>You MAY have to dip into this fund to keep things like your car running,
No CAR....sold my van when I left California.
>bills paid, etc. Always keep track of how much you spend and replace it as
>quickly as possible. If the Conspiracy gives you a tax refund next year,
>put that toward your goal.
>
CON never gave me nuthing...(but a hard time)
.
>
>100 dedicated SubGenii CAN make the film project a REALITY. Now all we
>need are 98 more!
>
>Praise the Film Project!
PraFP....give give give....all the slack and cash ya can whip up.
I got no cash, but can offer any of my SlackTunes for the soundtrack.
yeeeehaw.... luv Doktor BTM
ORGY OF SLACK CD - http://billtmiller.com/slack/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@wichita.infi.net>
> >
> >What about in case Sigourney isn't available, we get Winona Ryder to play P-Lil?
>
> Not tall enough!
>
LIFTS, dammit, LIFTS! They worked for Reagan!
da Rev. Lance Boyle
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Governor Rocknar)
In article <378620EB.5FED8F1C@concourse.com>, "The WRONG Rev. Prostata
Cantata" <prostata@concourse.com> wrote:
> KEVIN SMITH can't direct his way out of a paper bag. Both his films
> I've seen were unoriginal and cleche filled as well as being BORING to
> the point to wanting to OPEN MY VEINS and eat my blood on my popcorn and
> then VOMIT ON THE SCREEN and smear it around with my face JUST FOR
> SOMETHING TO DO while I was wating for the closing credits.
>
HERETIC! How DARE you speak that way of the ONE DIRECTOR whose VERY NAME
RINGS SUBGENIUS? "SILENT BOB" is the ONLY ONE WORTHY. (And really the only
one whom we could AFFORD)
> We need the GREAT ONE himself... JERRY LEWIS. I don't think he's DEAD
> yet, but even if he is, we'll DIG HIM UP and he can STILL DIRECT better
> than Kevin Smith.
>
> People would fight eachother over tickets to see a prono film directed
> by Jerry Lewis. Hell, I know I would.
>
FREUNLEVIN! Who'd want to see a stag film by Jerry Lewis? We don't have
NEAR enough money, even if EVERYONE of us turned over their bank accounts
to the Film Project to pay Jerry Lewis. Besides, the only people who'd
shell out money to see a Jerry Lewis film nowadays would be the FRENCH!
And they would re-consider their feelings about Lewis after seeing it.
> > THE MUSIC - Naturally, we'd have Einstein's Secret Orchestra and Lust In
> > Space as themselves. I thought about how Cameron Diaz might be an
> > interesting Astrobabe from Lust In Space, but it's better to have the
> > bands as themselves.
>
> ESO doing music for a porno film would be very interesting...
>
It's NOT JUST A PORNO, DAMMIT! There's a (somewhat) SERIOUS story to this
movie, our collective experiences at Brushwood, our insane stories, the
rants, the craziness. We want this to be a SERIOUS Hollywood production,
not some fly-by-night porno. We want this to air on HBO one day, not the
Spice Channel.
Gov. Rocknar
--
Randolph S. Vance
Locnar@Iglou.com (Macintosh Eudora Mail)
QUOTE - "I'll watch some TV, it'll help me to RELAX!" - Ren Hoek
Original file name: THE FILM PROJECT!
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.