[ATTN: Holocaustals & Ivangelicals] CRISIS ALERT! Yo, Homeslices!

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!lotsanews.com!su-news-

From: shoktor@tir.com (Doktor Shoktor)

Do any of y'all remember Revelation X? Has it occurred to any of you
guys that if we kill *all* the Pinks, the deal with the Space Bankers
is OFF? And that the only folks left to be soul-shucked come X-Day will
be US? The Pinks are there for a reason: to generate angst for the
Space Bankers to huff like so much glue fumes, mannn! Scorn ye not the
Bobbies, for they too are part of the Harvest!

Granted, feel free to beat the living shit out of each other at ye olde
battle of Armageddon, and by all means mangle the living fuck out of
every solitary Pink, Glorp, Mediocretin, and assoul that has given ya
grief, but be aware that if ya completely exterminate yer only chance of
survival, yer gonna be one hurtin' Yetinsyn (for a relatively short
period, anyway). Ya won't get your own planet at that point, you'll be
a wee bit o' Elder God shite a-floatin' in the void, unless you think
you're BAAAAD enough to take on an Eldritch Horror of the Universe
(although some of us might just give 'em a time of it), in which case
feel free to wipe this shithole planet clean, PraDobbs. Use enough
tissue, though.

Doktor Shoktor, D.D. Rs.D. - Division One Commander
SubGenius Howling Orgone Kommandos
for a Technologically Organized Revolution (SHOKTOR)
"Can YOU solve the riddle of the Blue Brainwash?"

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From: "Dr.Legume" <legume@subgenius.com>

Doktor Shoktor wrote:
>
> Do any of y'all remember Revelation X? Has it occurred to any of you
> guys that if we kill *all* the Pinks, the deal with the Space Bankers
> is OFF? And that the only folks left to be soul-shucked come X-Day will
> be US?

Don't believe Revelation X! The only reason it was published was so the
Con could pay Ivan off to BETRAY us to the HUMANS. Remember what it says
on the back cover..."Join us, HUMANS, before it's too late!"

> Granted, feel free to beat the living shit out of each other at ye olde
> battle of Armageddon, and by all means mangle the living fuck out of
> every solitary Pink, Glorp, Mediocretin, and assoul that has given ya
> grief, but be aware that if ya completely exterminate yer only chance of
> survival, yer gonna be one hurtin' Yetinsyn (for a relatively short
> period, anyway). Ya won't get your own planet at that point, you'll be
> a wee bit o' Elder God shite a-floatin' in the void, unless you think
> you're BAAAAD enough to take on an Eldritch Horror of the Universe
> (although some of us might just give 'em a time of it), in which case
> feel free to wipe this shithole planet clean, PraDobbs.

We Holocaustals fear not the Eldritch Horrors, for we are the inheritors
of Gungnir. No Elder God or Eldritch Horror can stand before Gungnir's
might. We shall thrust Gungnir into 5 billion hearts, and we shall
splash about joyfully in rivers of blood. It is Wotan's will.

We are the Hammer of the Gods.
--
Dr.K'taden Legume
Evangelist Gunslinger
Church of the SubGenius (Holocaustal)

Visit the Holocaustal Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index.html

The horseman lifteth up both the bright sword and the glittering spear:
and there is a multitude of slain, and a great number of carcases; and
there is none end of their corpses

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From: shoktor@tir.com (Doktor Shoktor)

In article <kevbob.aLLsPaM-0204980746300001@annex1-22.ecsis.net>,
kevbob.aLLsPaM@ecsis.net (kevbob) wrote:
>i beleive you have been drinking the tiy bowl again, haven't you?
>

Nah, just turned the collective stools of the last X-Day Drill attendees
bright green by distributing Brain Wash soda, thus causing a minor
panic. Chaos can be fun. Bwahahaha!

DokShok

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From: mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

In article <01bd5e8b$da797560$070c9ace@ecsis.ecsis.net>, "kevbob"
<kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net> wrote:

> Dr.Legume <legume@subgenius.com> wrote in article
> <3523DA75.78C5@subgenius.com>...
> > We Holocaustals fear not the Eldritch Horrors, for we are the inheritors
> > of Gungnir. No Elder God or Eldritch Horror can stand before Gungnir's
> > might. We shall thrust Gungnir into 5 billion hearts, and we shall
> > splash about joyfully in rivers of blood. It is Wotan's will.
> >
> > We are the Hammer of the Gods.
>
>
> wasn't gungnir one of thor's sheep or something? or the parrot that
> convinced odin to poke his eye out?

Gungnir was Odin's spear, and is used to slay Odin's chosen. In order for
Legume or any of the Holocaustals to be able to wield Gungnir they must
first be ritualistically slain by Gungnir. Only then may they heft and
throw Gungnir at the humans.

Times like this make me glad I'm an Apocoleptic. We worship G'Broagfran,
slayer of NHGH, and all the Broag requires of us is that we go into battle
partying our asses off. Do this, and G'Broagfran will grant you the blood
you demand.

P.Lil

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From: Rob Lightner <blight@u.washington.edu>

Dr.Legume wrote:

> We Holocaustals fear not the Eldritch Horrors, for we are the inheritors
> of Gungnir. No Elder God or Eldritch Horror can stand before Gungnir's
> might. We shall thrust Gungnir into 5 billion hearts, and we shall
> splash about joyfully in rivers of blood. It is Wotan's will.
>
> We are the Hammer of the Gods.

Be careful what you're led to believe, Legume. I've come across some
information lately that might prove extremely disturbing to you, most of
the other Holocaustals, and MOST of our churchmates. I will have more
to say about this as X-Day approaches and the watchers become
preoccupied.

- Boblight

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From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)

>Dr.Legume wrote:
>
>> We Holocaustals fear not the Eldritch Horrors, for we are the inheritors
>> of Gungnir. No Elder God or Eldritch Horror can stand before Gungnir's
>> might. We shall thrust Gungnir into 5 billion hearts, and we shall
>> splash about joyfully in rivers of blood. It is Wotan's will.
>>
>> We are the Hammer of the Gods.

By the time you get done guzzling all the fine homebrew present on X-Day,
you'll be the Hammered of the Gods. The Ivangelicals will be soaked in the
finest Frop and too smoothed to raise a finger.
Some little five-year-old girl is going to wander onto the battle field,
kick ALL our butts, and then carve out The Bleeding Head Of Arnold Palmer
and use it as a DOLLHOUSE.
And - THAT'S HER SLACK!
It could be yours, too.

- Friday

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From: "Rev Zorro White" <revzorro@geocities.com>

Dr.Legume wrote:
>
>Don't believe Revelation X! The only reason it was published was so the
>Con could pay Ivan off to BETRAY us to the HUMANS. Remember what it says
>on the back cover..."Join us, HUMANS, before it's too late!"

Yeah, that's pretty disturbing, that "Join us..." thing.
Is it proof Stang's a traitor (he IS putting his kids through college...)?
Or is is simply to get more of 'em Bobbie souls in 'em cylinders stashed
down Dobbs'basement?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

### Rev Zorro White, exactor of revenge
"If you think I'M bad, wait 'till I introduce you to my subconscious self"

(seen/heard somewhere)

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From: clbundyREmoVE@indy.net (Christopher Lee)

>By the time you get done guzzling all the fine homebrew present on X-Day,

As one providing, and partaking of much of the aforementioned homebrew, I
suddenly find myself re-evaluating my allegience. I'd best think this one out.

______________________________________________________________
Church of Homer Simpson, Boddhisattva, & Latter Day SubGenius
Is Rev. Christopher Lee your moral superior? Only one way to
learn! Send $3 goodwill offering and recieve our publication
Quijibo, 18 W. Main, Apt. X, Greenfield, IN 46140 PRABOB!

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From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)

So Chris, how much would you charge to spike the Holocaustal homebrew with
say syrup of ipepac? Or perhaps powdered Ex-Lax?

Just curous,
Friday

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From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)

In article <clbundyREmoVE.238.000CD77B@indy.net>, clbundyREmoVE@indy.net
(Christopher Lee) wrote:

>
>What WHat WHAT?!? You ask me to, to... *sully* my homebrew, my precious
>alchemical experiments, my blood, sweat, and tears?!? (Figure of speech, of
>course.) You dare ask me to dilute my pure Slacky goodness, just so your
>Ivangelicals can win a little tussle, and secure the Ivangelical way as *THE*
>one true theological branch of the Church. Well, that's all weel and good,
>but this is GURU PEE we're talking about! Heck, for that matter, I might end
>up fighting *alongside* the Holocaustels- the Fightin' Hellfish *ARE* a
>mercenary unit, after all. In the spirit of salesmanship, our bloodlust goes
>to the highest bidder. Well.... I guess we could talk terms though.... just
>your *questioning* of how much I'd charge *is* the best offer we've had yet.

Hey, I haven't even gotten into negotiations yet as to what I want to
"enhance" the Ivangelical's Frop with before the battle ...

- Friday

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From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Jahweh David Lynch)

Thus spake Popess Lilith von Fraumench:

>Times like this make me glad I'm an Apocoleptic. We worship G'Broagfran,
>slayer of NHGH, and all the Broag requires of us is that we go into battle
>partying our asses off. Do this, and G'Broagfran will grant you the blood
>you demand.

Times like these make me glad I cut off my dick.

----------------------------------------------------------
| _ _ | Nasi bianchi come Fruit of the Loom, che |
| | \/ | | diventano piu' rossi di un livello di DOOM |
| | | | Dave Lynch heeft geschreven mit keine "whats" |
| | http://www.thepoint.net/~twgs/jiggy/jiggy.htm |
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