X-DAY, Party or Elaborate Trap?

From: "Rev Zorro White" <revzorro@SPAMCITYgeocities.com>

It occured to me that should the Con wish to eliminate those rare Yetis who
managed to temporarily overcome their aversion for gatherings, They really
ought to nuke Brushwood.

I dunno, maybe a very compact limited-range H-bomb could do it.
Then again, maybe the whole Xist thing is just a parable for what really is
an interdimensional mean of transportation with departure set for 7:00am.
It could also be that the 13 Apostles are really blood-thirsty Moonies
waiting to have us all together to surrender their entire belongings to
"Bob" and repent.

or maybe it's just one of those wild orgies of Slack we've all heard about
but somehow never quite managed to achieve...
--
Z.
visit www.geocities.com/Nashville/4839
if you dare

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From: mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

It's all these things, and a few you didn't mention, but for most it'll seem
closest to either of the very last two scenarios.

P.Lil

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From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <OH621.3987$av.6102423@carnaval.risq.qc.ca>, "Rev Zorro White"
<I wish I knew> wrote:

> It occured to me that should the Con wish to eliminate those rare Yetis who
> managed to temporarily overcome their aversion for gatherings, They really
> ought to nuke Brushwood.

NO DUH!!!

> I dunno, maybe a very compact limited-range H-bomb could do it.
> Then again, maybe the whole Xist thing is just a parable for what really is
> an interdimensional mean of transportation with departure set for 7:00am.

What do you mean a "parable?" That's one of the things that it DEFINITELY IS.

> It could also be that the 13 Apostles are really blood-thirsty Moonies
> waiting to have us all together to surrender their entire belongings to
> "Bob" and repent.

Again, I must say "DUH"!

> or maybe it's just one of those wild orgies of Slack we've all heard about
> but somehow never quite managed to achieve...

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!! We've been PRACTICIN' and PRACTICIN', that's for sure.

Just look at my "hard drive." Steam pouring off it. Don't look so HARD now,
does it? Drained, BEAT, that's what it is.

IT IS WHATEVER YOU MAKE OF IT!!

Just make sure that at the exact moment of 7 am, you aren't MAKING AN UGLY
FACE or DREAMING ABOUT MONSTERS.

--
Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: DrLegume <legume@subgenius.com>

Rev Zorro White wrote:
>
> It could also be that the 13 Apostles are really blood-thirsty Moonies
> waiting to have us all together to surrender their entire belongings to
> "Bob" and repent.

It was never your belongings that "Ba'ab" craved...it was blood. Gallons
and gallons of blood. Deep pools of the sweet viscous nectar spurting
from your arteries, as we hierarchites splash frenziedly in your vitae,
THAT is what "Ba'ab" craves.

> or maybe it's just one of those wild orgies of Slack we've all heard about
> but somehow never quite managed to achieve...

six of one, a half-dozen of the other
--
Dr.K'taden Legume
Evangelist Gunslinger
Church of the SubGenius (Holocaustal)
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you
always got."

Visit the Holocaustal Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index.html
Also Visit The "Battle of Armageddon" Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index-2.html

The horseman lifteth up both the bright sword and the glittering spear:
and there is a multitude of slain, and a great number of carcases; and
there is none end of their corpses

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "St. K" <ksantos@uafphpl.uark.edu>
Organization: Only as little as necessary

Rev Zorro White wrote:
>
> It occured to me that should the Con wish to eliminate those rare Yetis who
> managed to temporarily overcome their aversion for gatherings, They really
> ought to nuke Brushwood.
> I dunno, maybe a very compact limited-range H-bomb could do it.

Nuke Brushwood? How big is this campground? Wouldn't a Ryder full of
chicken litter and a few jerry cans of diesel take care of this job.
Believe me, the CON will be pinching pennies 'til the end--no way
they'll waste an expensive nuke on a few pagans and kooks. The nuclear
arsenal is safe until X-minute, after that, the CON won't be making any
decisions about anything.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

VirtualOle wrote:
>
> That way, if it is a trap -- there will still be some SubGenii around to AVENGE
> YOUR DEATHS!
>

Haven't you all been watching the news for--ABOUT THE LAST DECADE!--
where the CON has been practicing SIMULTANEOUS raids and destructions
on multiple-State targets, allegedly in "drug-" or "child porn-"
sting ROUNDUPS!

Besides, they are making nuclear weapons really small these days.
One of them from years ago was so small that its crater was the
size of an 8" howitzer HE round. And unless you were there with
a geiger counter in 48 hrs., the radiation signiture would have
dropped to near-background.

They probably figure that if they just stick one up Stang's (and
maybe Legume and NENSLO's) ass, that will be the end of their
problem. Sort of like off'ing David Koresh when he was at the
local donut shoppe.

But then again, they might go for the publicity...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: UnitIV@sputum.com (Doktor DynaSoar)

VirtualOle wrote:

}
} That's why it's important that some of us NOT go to Brushwood. I'm not going.
} My local Clench (the Dead River Clench in Upstate Michigan) are spending our
} last night on EARTH right where we spent our first night on Earth -- in
} JHVH-1's Country -- MICHIGAN'S UPPER PENINSULA.
}
} That way, if it is a trap -- there will still be some SubGenii around to AVENGE
} YOUR DEATHS!

Yah shure, ya dumb Yooper, you bet it's more important to sit around
swatin' chiggers an skitters while havin' a pastie an some beers, ya know?
Hell, dere ain't be no kinda excitement up dere since we shut down K.I. and
da Kinch and hauled alla da nukes away. Gotcher self a damn prison instead
of a decent SAC base that'll put the fear a god into GOD HIS OWN DAMN SELF,
you bet.

If I was still at the place above the drug store across from the Chevy
place down town in da Soo, I'd track yer lazy Yooper ass down and skin it,
den tan it like a deer hide and present it to Stang come X-Day.

Damn dumb Yoopers, takes ya all three seasons between May and September jes
ta git yer skis uncrossed so's you can figure out how ta git in da Purple
Onion. Get yer ass to X-Day? Do you know any roads OUT a da Yoop? Here's a
tip: find St. Ignace and turn SOUTH. But stay outta da water.

--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: ginsu <jch1@voicenet.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

> Just make sure that at the exact moment of 7 am, you aren't MAKING AN UGLY
> FACE or DREAMING ABOUT MONSTERS.

Brothers and sisters, today I am sad. I'm sad because I'm finishing school,
I'm sad because I very nearly have all the sex and money I could dream of, I'm
sad because I am a technologist in a technology-driven economy...today brothers
and sisters I'm sad because of India firing off as many nukes as the Church of
the SubGenius has ever had...today I'm sad because I have become that which I
have been raised up from birth to be: responsible, level-headed and mature. I
am sad because I have time and luck on my side, and because I have enjoyed more
days than not. Today, brothers and sisters, I am sad because I heard Pastor
Craig on the radio, reading Nully Fydyan's "Princess and the Pea" rendition, with
New_Age music accompanying in the background. Today, dearest brothers and
sisters, however, I am sad because I don't have "Bob".

I don't know how to describe this to you. I have gotten triple my money's
worth in Slack since joining the Church in 1991. I have gained attention, fame,
money, "success in sex and business," as well as an incredibly weird personal
power that can only be described as wonderful. And yet, listening to the Hour of
Slack you would think that I have nothing. Compared to those wonderful SubGenius
Preachers Stang and Legume, I am a babbling babe in the woods. The vagaries and
nuances of life on Planet Earth, to listen to those two preach, are lost on
anyone else except themselves. This is my true problem, dear friends: I don't
have "Bob", I cannot take a Joke, and yet I'm saved.

Friends, give up any clout you may have had with the Conspiracy. Abandon any
hopes of living out your life on your own. Don't work to support yourself or
anyone else, don't follow your own interests at the expense of the Church of the
SubGenius', simply devote yourself to the improvement of your preaching abilities
and spend spend spend for "Bob". Don't take any responsibility for anything
other than your own happiness and have faith that "Bob" will save your ass when
it comes down to the wire. These are the paths to happiness espoused by the
Church of the SubGenius, as I heard on WKDU this morning on "Bob" for Breakfast
with Pastor Craig.

Praise "Bob". Ginsu.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: bg19354@StUpIdSpAmDeAtH.binghamton.edu (Nully Fydyan)

In article <35599CC9.D1F674E1@voicenet.com>, ginsu <jch1@voicenet.com> wrote:

> Today, brothers and sisters, I am sad because I heard Pastor
> Craig on the radio, reading Nully Fydyan's "Princess and the Pea"
rendition, with
> New_Age music accompanying in the background.

Damn. I'm not just sad, I'm sick. It's FAIRY TALE, people, a FAIRY
TALE. New Age music???? Blech. Feh. Just, please, I beg you, tell me it
wasn't the Celestine Profitsy soundtrack. I don't think I could handle
that.

Nully

--
Rev. Nully Fydyan
Church of the Ungendered Yeti

"You loved me as a loser, but now you worry that I just might win."
-- Leonard Cohen

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: UnitIV@sputum.com (Doktor DynaSoar)

ginsu wrote:

} I don't know how to describe this to you. I have gotten triple my money's
} worth in Slack since joining the Church in 1991. I have gained attention, fame,
} money, "success in sex and business," as well as an incredibly weird personal
} power that can only be described as wonderful. And yet, listening to the Hour of
} Slack you would think that I have nothing.

Marketing -- the sole financially successful branch of psychology.

Get your OWN damn radio show.

Don't make me quote McLuhan at you, philosopher-boy. He was righter than
Kant could ever be because he SAW THIS COMING. Go on, get the book. It's
half pictures. Tough for a philosopher, I know, but I have faith that you
can handle it.

--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: craig@bbs.cpcn.com (Pastor Craig)

The Rev. Nully Fydyan said:

> ginsu <jch1@voicenet.com> wrote:
>
> > Today, brothers and sisters, I am sad because I heard Pastor
> > Craig on the radio, reading Nully Fydyan's "Princess and the Pea"
> > rendition, with
> > New_Age music accompanying in the background.
>
> Damn. I'm not just sad, I'm sick. It's FAIRY TALE, people, a FAIRY
> TALE. New Age music???? Blech. Feh. Just, please, I beg you, tell me it
> wasn't the Celestine Profitsy soundtrack. I don't think I could handle
> that.

Calm down Nully. Ginsu considers all music that is not Jimi Hendrix
inspired guitar masturbation to be new age.

The music was off the 2AD compliation and is clasified (by those who
get off on classifying music) as ambient techno. 2AD and Ethnotechno
are two compliations I would recomend everyone (even with hard core
rock tastes) check out. Both are really well done.

Pastor Craig

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

Doktor DynaSoar wrote:

>
> Don't make me quote McLuhan at you, philosopher-boy.
>

Please. Don't. Quote. That. Daftarse. Bollocks. Monger. McLuhan.

Thankyou.

--
Sa-ti muste vampirii curul!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev Zorro White" <revzorro@SPAMCITYgeocities.com>

Ooohhh. The head of the *Foundation*. pretty impressive

>Rev. Ivan Stang a écrit dans le message ...
>In article <OH621.3987$av.6102423@carnaval.risq.qc.ca>, "Rev Zorro White"
><I wish I knew> wrote:

All right, all right, I'll tell ya: Zorro WHite BECAUSE IT'S A STUPID
NAME!!!!
How could anybody in their right mind take sb with a stupid name like that
SERIOUSLY?!?
GET IT???

>> or maybe it's just one of those wild orgies of Slack we've all heard
about
>> but somehow never quite managed to achieve...
>
>
>SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!! We've been PRACTICIN' and PRACTICIN', that's for sure.
>Just look at my "hard drive." Steam pouring off it. Don't look so HARD now,
>does it? Drained, BEAT, that's what it is.

I meant non computer-related slack daddy-o. I bet your wife really needs
some slack.

>IT IS WHATEVER YOU MAKE OF IT!!

gee, thanks for sharing that with us.

About that "Holocaustals Vs (New) Ivangelicals" thing, my take on this is
you got into a spat with Legume at the sauna. I'm "fucked" either way.
Ok, nice reading you, although I wish you were funnier, you know? More
cryptic!
But you got ANSWERS, right?
Rev Zorro White

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

Did this kid miss his meds, or what? I thought I was just making a plain
ordinary non-confrontational, mildly joshing kind of nonchalant post.

Must be new.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: UnitIV@sputum.com (Doktor DynaSoar)

Peter Hipwell wrote:

} Doktor DynaSoar wrote:
}
} >
} > Don't make me quote McLuhan at you, philosopher-boy.
} >
}
} Please. Don't. Quote. That. Daftarse. Bollocks. Monger. McLuhan.
}
} Thankyou.

We control the airwaves. We control the bitwaves.
We control the networks. We control the knee jerks.
We will show you Great Big Tits.
We will sell you all the bits
you wish you didn't have to see.
You will see we are TV.

cha cha cha.

--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

USENET is a lukewarm medium. This is all we need to know.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ginsu" <jch1@voicenet.nospamm.com>
Subject: Re: X-DAY, Party or Elaborate Trap?

Rev. Ivan Stang <i.stang@subgenius.com> wrote in article
<i.stang-ya02408000R1505981044280001@enews.newsguy.com>...
>
> Well! I've certainly been TOLD OFF! I am TERRIBLY HUMBLED by this CLEAR
AND
> INCISIVE CRITIQUE!

My humblest apologies, Grand Inquisitor Stang, should my negative "vibes"
or will particles have had anything to do with your most recent ...

Picture two guys sitting at a table, relating to each other...

They don't like each other yet loathe to go anywhere else.

What was it, an "interface," with Rev. Larson?? I hope you got everything
you wanted out of the affair. (ooops...sorry. My intent was nevr to
hmbl.)

> Isn't it cute, how these kids have learned to "QUESTION AUTHORITY," just
> like we taught them!

Sixteen words have never made me feel so complete!

Kisses,
Ginsu

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