SUBGENIUSES TO ATTEND LARSON SHOW!

From: Ranger57 <Ranger57@ix.netcom.com>
Date: 14 May 1998 18:55:50 EDT

nickie@subgenius.com wrote:
>
> A quick line to all you fans of Larson - Ivan Stang of the Church of the
> SubGenius was interviewed on Larson's radio show 5/14/98 - WE WILL BE AT THE
> DALLAS LARSON SHOW TOMORROW!
>
> -RevNickie

Subgeniuses, be sure to get up to speed on Beggin'Bob Larson before
you attend. Visit http://www.bitsmart.com/boblarson for all the
details, and think about leaving a copy of "What Bob Larson Doesn't Want
You to Know" in the collection plate; this beautiful flyer (8-1/2" x
14," double-sided) can be dl'd at
http://www.cris.com/~zeke33/pamphlet.htm in either Adobe PDF or RichText
format. Enjoy!

Well, jeez. I might just have to show up if only to once again gaze
upon the lovely-n-talented Rev. Nickie.

Nickie, you still doing spankings to purge conspiracy thoughts from
people? You were a blast at the Austin devival!

Lessee, we're gonna have Stang, Jesus, Nickie, and a ranting Begmeister
removing demons. Sounds like a full freakin' devival to me!
---
John Hattan High UberPopeness -The First Church of Shatnerology
The Code Zone Sweet Software for a Saturnine World
hattan@fastlane.net http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <nickie-1705981219080001@fcn105-192.tmi.net>,
nickie@subgenius.com ( Rev. Nickie) wrote:

>
> Well, unfortunately, it was extremely disapointing. Larson isn't a very
> good showman in person, and his "demon posessed" attendees were such bad
> actors, I found myself yawning a lot. We left way before it even looked
> like the thing would wrap up. "Satan" pulled the fire alarms, and the
> aisles were blocked with folding chairs, so we left before the fire
> department, which had arrived and was looking very pissed about the
> multiple fire code violations, could try to kick everyone out and we got
> trampled to death in a stampede of fat, stupid christians.
>
> It was FREE, and I felt ripped off. Sheez.
>

Yeah, it was kinda dull. It would have been a lot more dull if Jesus
hadn't-a been there. No shit, Larson should hire SubGeniuses to get the
hootin' and hollerin' started because the fucking fat ass Christian
rednecks will SIT there on their duffs, JAWS AGAPE, unless some other being
prompts them. Larson got a lot of positive reaction and applause from the
crowd BECAUSE JESUS WOULD START 'EM UP!! Yes, the Lord, basically acting as
an UNDERCOVER SUBGENIUS, wearing His sleazy Masonic Pimp suit and carrying
a Bible, was always the first to start clapping and hollering "Praise
Jesus!" or "HALLELUIA!" or "PRAISE BOB"! -- which would then get the herd
a-mooin'. Someone else and I found it pretty dull and almost sad that the
Pinks around us WERE REALLY COMPLETELY FOOLED by the, to us, patently and
BRAZENLY fake demon-possessions. But then... who's gonna spent that money
more wisely, Larson, or his followers? Answer: LARSON!!! PRAISE BOB LARSON
and "BOB'S" LARCENY!! The important thing is to get the money out of the
hands of the Believers and into the hands of the Manipulators. Then the
various manipulator factions can fight over it.

All the demons that Larson cast out of these amateur actors were "G-RATED"
demons, incidentally. You could tell that they WANTED to be saying things
like "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!" but instead, out of deference to
Larson's TV and radio audience, and any children there at Workman Junior
High Auditorium, their cussing was mostly along the lines of: "I HATE
YOU... Bob... darn it... eeeaaaayyaaagh.... sssSSSSssss.... WOOF WOOF, ARF
ARF.... gol..... DAAAAAAANNNGG..... FAH! MAH FAH!! I hate you!"

Our favorite part was when Larson said, "I'm not gonna pussyfoot around
about this... THIS ... RIGHT HERE... is the most SACRED ASPECT of THIS
MINISTRY!" And I swear to god, he held up his wallet. "THE MINISTRY NEEDS
$25,000 tonight to stay alive!" etc.

At least he isn't bullshitting 'em about THAT.

--
Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hattan@fastlane.net (John Hattan)

i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:

>All the demons that Larson cast out of these amateur actors were "G-RATED"
>demons, incidentally. You could tell that they WANTED to be saying things
>like "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!" but instead, out of deference to
>Larson's TV and radio audience, and any children there at Workman Junior
>High Auditorium, their cussing was mostly along the lines of: "I HATE
>YOU... Bob... darn it... eeeaaaayyaaagh.... sssSSSSssss.... WOOF WOOF, ARF
>ARF.... gol..... DAAAAAAANNNGG..... FAH! MAH FAH!! I hate you!"

Yeah, his radio demons have also gotten a lot tamer over the years. I
can always picture the old SNL "Exorcist" parody they did a buncha years
ago, with the little girl shouting "YOUR MOTHER SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!".

On the old radio show, he used to have to hit the panic button every
five minutes. Nowadays, his demons are wimps by comparison.

>Our favorite part was when Larson said, "I'm not gonna pussyfoot around
>about this... THIS ... RIGHT HERE... is the most SACRED ASPECT of THIS
>MINISTRY!" And I swear to god, he held up his wallet. "THE MINISTRY NEEDS
>$25,000 tonight to stay alive!" etc.
>
>At least he isn't bullshitting 'em about THAT.

The entire interview is now available on the Shatnerology web site. I
must disclaim that the interview is uncut --the hideous hack editing job
2/3 of the way through the interview is exactly how it played in Dallas.

The interview is a scream. Stang is a master of deflecting Larson's
pretend shock. Larson's hammy "last word" is priceless, as it's obvious
that Stang's off the air. . .

http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/phone.html

Scroll down to the section entitled "We're all adulterous radio
preachers on this bus!"

And, of course, if you wanna learn about Larson's little misdeeds and
mistresses, head over to http://www.bitsmart.com/boblarson

Enjoy!

---
John Hattan High UberPopeness -The First Church of Shatnerology
The Code Zone Sweet Software for a Saturnine World
hattan@fastlane.net http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Ranger57 <Ranger57@ix.netcom.com>
Date: Mon, 18 May 1998 07:19:33 -0600

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> In article <nickie-1705981219080001@fcn105-192.tmi.net>,
> nickie@subgenius.com ( Rev. Nickie) wrote:
>
> Our favorite part was when Larson said, "I'm not gonna pussyfoot around
> about this... THIS ... RIGHT HERE... is the most SACRED ASPECT of THIS
> MINISTRY!" And I swear to god, he held up his wallet. "THE MINISTRY NEEDS
> $25,000 tonight to stay alive!" etc.

He used to take in $50K net from an average Metroplex gig.

> At least he isn't bullshitting 'em about THAT.

I never thought I'd ever have occasion to say this again ... but you
have to admire BegBoy for his candor. :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Ranger57 <Ranger57@ix.netcom.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> In article <nickie-1705981219080001@fcn105-192.tmi.net>,
> nickie@subgenius.com ( Rev. Nickie) wrote:
> >
> > Well, unfortunately, it was extremely disapointing. Larson isn't a very
> > good showman in person, and his "demon posessed" attendees were such bad
> > actors, I found myself yawning a lot. We left way before it even looked
> > like the thing would wrap up. "Satan" pulled the fire alarms, and the
> > aisles were blocked with folding chairs, so we left before the fire
> > department, which had arrived and was looking very pissed about the
> > multiple fire code violations, could try to kick everyone out and we got
> > trampled to death in a stampede of fat, stupid christians.

Pity they couldn't have pulled it while the offering plate was being
passed.
> >
> > It was FREE, and I felt ripped off. Sheez.
>
> Yeah, it was kinda dull. It would have been a lot more dull if Jesus
> hadn't-a been there. No shit, Larson should hire SubGeniuses to get the
> hootin' and hollerin' started because the fucking fat ass Christian
> rednecks will SIT there on their duffs, JAWS AGAPE, unless some other being
> prompts them.

Now you know why we have laws against inbreeding.

> Larson got a lot of positive reaction and applause from the
> crowd BECAUSE JESUS WOULD START 'EM UP!! Yes, the Lord, basically acting as
> an UNDERCOVER SUBGENIUS, wearing His sleazy Masonic Pimp suit and carrying
> a Bible, was always the first to start clapping and hollering "Praise
> Jesus!" or "HALLELUIA!" or "PRAISE BOB"! -- which would then get the herd
> a-mooin'.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

> Someone else and I found it pretty dull and almost sad that the
> Pinks around us WERE REALLY COMPLETELY FOOLED by the, to us, patently and
> BRAZENLY fake demon-possessions. But then... who's gonna spent that money
> more wisely, Larson, or his followers? Answer: LARSON!!!

BegBoy could piss it away at the $100 craps table and spend it more
wisely than those necks, I fear.

> PRAISE BOB LARSON and "BOB'S" LARCENY!!
> The important thing is to get the money out of the
> hands of the Believers and into the hands of the Manipulators. Then the
> various manipulator factions can fight over it.
>
> All the demons that Larson cast out of these amateur actors were "G-RATED"
> demons, incidentally. You could tell that they WANTED to be saying things
> like "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!" but instead, out of deference to
> Larson's TV and radio audience, and any children there at Workman Junior
> High Auditorium, their cussing was mostly along the lines of: "I HATE
> YOU... Bob... darn it... eeeaaaayyaaagh.... sssSSSSssss.... WOOF WOOF, ARF
> ARF.... gol..... DAAAAAAANNNGG..... FAH! MAH FAH!! I hate you!"

That's how you can tell a REAL demon from a Sears demon. If a demon
starts talking about Bob fucking his dog while second wife Laura
watched, it's obviously not a _REAL_ demon. :)
>
> Our favorite part was when Larson said, "I'm not gonna pussyfoot around
> about this... THIS ... RIGHT HERE... is the most SACRED ASPECT of THIS
> MINISTRY!" And I swear to god, he held up his wallet. "THE MINISTRY NEEDS
> $25,000 tonight to stay alive!" etc.

I can only hope and pray you are right. If Larson said THAT, and it
isn't on hidden camera, I am going to be one of the unhappiest men on
the planet. There was a reason why we kept a comparatively low profile
this time around.

Be NBC'ing you in the fall, BegBoy.... :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

In article <i.stang-ya02408000R1705982026530001@enews.newsguy.com>,
i.stang@subgenius.com says...
>
>Yeah, it was kinda dull. It would have been a lot more dull if Jesus
>hadn't-a been there. No shit, Larson should hire SubGeniuses to get the
>hootin' and hollerin' started because the fucking fat ass Christian
>rednecks will SIT there on their duffs, JAWS AGAPE, unless some other being
>prompts them. Larson got a lot of positive reaction and applause from the
>crowd BECAUSE JESUS WOULD START 'EM UP!! Yes, the Lord, basically acting as
>an UNDERCOVER SUBGENIUS, wearing His sleazy Masonic Pimp suit and carrying
>a Bible, was always the first to start clapping and hollering "Praise
>Jesus!" or "HALLELUIA!" or "PRAISE BOB"! -- which would then get the herd
>a-mooin'.

Just re-read this bit and had to comment....

WHAT KINDA DAMN FOOL "PROFESSIONAL" PREACHER DOESN'T HAVE HIS OWN SHILLS IN THE
AUDIENCE?!?

Maybe I'm being a tad harsh, considering. But I get a suspicion that Bob Larson
was riding a crest that turned into a ripple, and he doesn't have enough sense
to make waves himself.

OUR crowds might be smaller, and they're at least as poor as Bob Larson's, but
when they see the pumpkin, THEY GRAB IT.

P.Lil

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: dela0058@garnet.tc.umn.edu (Joseph T Delaney)

Popess Lilith von Fraumench (mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com) wrote:
: In article <i.stang-ya02408000R1705982026530001@enews.newsguy.com>,
: i.stang@subgenius.com says...

: Just re-read this bit and had to comment....

: WHAT KINDA DAMN FOOL "PROFESSIONAL" PREACHER DOESN'T HAVE HIS OWN SHILLS IN THE
: AUDIENCE?!?

Wow, I don't know about what Larson does in your part of the world, but he
had shills-a-plenty when he visited Minnesota a couple years ago. There
were reporters sneaking into the crowd to make up lies about him (He
recognized them, denounced them before the whoe audience, then brought out
laminated copies of article they wrote about him -- touchingly hokey.) We
even had a seance at the beginning of the program, so as to cast out the
demons that devil whorshippers in the audience were calling upon (he got
a series of letters from a friend of mine, a fellow subgenius,
threatening that if he showed up, my friend would conjure demons the
whole time.)

-Rev. Joe

************************************************************************
Where have all the protons gone,
Long time fermions,
Where have all the protons gone,
A long long time to go,
Where have all the protons gone,
Turned to kaons every one,
When will we ever learn?
Will protons ever return?

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