X-DAY, California Style

From: NENSLO <n@n.slo>
Organization: V.I.T.R.I.O.L.

The GOOD news about X-Day is that most of the California hierarchites,
the BORING, WHINEY ONES, have been unable to trick the church into
paying their way to the REAL x-day and are now sending me e-mails about
how sucky it will probably be and how they are going to have some kind
of fake-assed Old Hippie "X-Day" which if you can imagine something as
dumb and useless as Burning Man only in some fat old california hippy's
back yard with instead of a forty foot tall flaming sculpture a fifty
gallon drum with old pieces of siding from a torn-down garage sending
clouds of lead-based smoke some four feet in the air is probably what it
will be like. Yeah, I think I'll do that and then go to bed at nine.
Gee, maybe they'll get a piece of 2x4 and whang away on an old
refrigerator for a while. Like some kind of anti-consumerism statement
you know? Geez, some of the Old Guard of this church make a hell of a
lot of you weak bobbies look almost like SUBGENIUSES.

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From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

What the REAL problem is, the California old guard are all afraid they
might meet GIRL SUBGENIUSES if they come East. I think they live in TERROR
of that. Most of them have never SEEN one, and harbor a superstitious fear
of them, just as some people fear ghosts.

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From: DrLegume <drlegume@bellatlantic.net>

Yeah, if they got hard-ons it would drain all of the blood from their
hearts...WHACK!...dead as shit in ten seconds flat.

It's best if they just stay home with their avacados and straw hats.
After all, do you know how hard it is to find someone responsible enough
to drive their pussycat to the pet therapist?
--
Dr.K'taden Legume
Visit the Holocaustal Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index.html
Also Visit The "Battle of Armageddon" Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index-2.html

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From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Jahweh David Lynch)

Thus spake Rev. Ivan Stang:

>What the REAL problem is, the California old guard are all afraid they
>might meet GIRL SUBGENIUSES if they come East. I think they live in TERROR
>of that. Most of them have never SEEN one, and harbor a superstitious fear
>of them, just as some people fear ghosts.

I thought girl SubGeniuses WERE ghosts.

----------------------------------------------------------
| _ _ | Nasi bianchi come Fruit of the Loom, che |
| | \/ | | diventano piu' rossi di un livello di DOOM |
| | | | Dave Lynch heeft geschreven mit keine "whats" |
| | http://www.thepoint.net/~twgs/jiggy/jiggy.htm |
----------------------------------------------------------

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From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)
Organization: PARTS

BOOOOO!

Did I scare you?

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From: jetrock@nospam-emrl.com (Jetrock)

They're even MORE afraid of the California NEW GUARD. I mean, I *TRIED*,
I plugged my show on KPFA and covered central California with enough
flyers to give papercuts to all the pinks in Contra Costa County, I put up
a web-page and wailed about the show on KDVS and generally BROKE LOOSE THE
DEMONS OF HELL, but none of them old-fashioned west coast old-school
Doktors done made it to the SLACKFEST we had. Not only did we have FEMALE
SUBGENIUSES, we had DERANGED FEMALE SUBGENIUSES with HUGE BREASTS, and
GIANT METALLIC FLASHING PHALLUSES! If I can ever convince the guy what
has the video tape to mix it down, and the female subgenius who took the
photos to GET THE DAMN THINGS DEVELOPED, y'all will SEE THE EVIDENCE! We
had HEAD-LAUNCHINGS and DICK-SEVERINGS and RANTINGS and BEATINGS and
HEALINGS and RANDOM AUDIENCE SICKENINGS and TORTURE BY EVIL ROBOTS, but
noooo, it's just not cool enough for the California Old-Guard SubDeenies,
they've seen it all before at the last CRASH WORSHIP show, so they didn't
bother showing up. But hell, ICEKNIFE showed! REV. CAREY showed and
performed and burned one of my giant Dobbsheads! REV. ROSS would have
showed if things hadn't messed up for him...

Fuck, I'd be tempted to say "SCREW IT" and organize a west coast X-Day,
but my wallet, psyche, and BODILY OPENINGS are still bloody and sore from
the LAST EVENT, and I'd probably end up having to do THE WHOLE THING
MYSELF anyhow, which I don't feel capable of doing...

BUT... if you're a west coast SubGenius and want to TEAM UP for something
like that, CONTACT ME.

That's the HIDEOUSLY TEMPTING part. A round-trip ticket to New York and
the camping expenses for the X-Day event would cost around $500. With
$500 I can put on a pretty damn decent event on THIS COAST, and make a
good chunk of it back from the door receipts! (Hell, even though we got
half the crowd I was expecting at the SLACKFEST, I only lost $150, and
that much only because I went crazy and made 4000 too many flyers and
agreed to pay CAPTURED BY ROBOTS $100 up front)

And, fuckit, I'll see all you maniacs on the Saucers anyhow. I'll just be
a Californian until it FALLS INTO THE FUCKIN' SEA.

--
-----Rev. JETROCK, cyber-messianic noiseman and ANGRY MONKEY
SubGenius Code: hyb^R0(F&V13013#&*)Q#G^HVE$H*QXIST&)H#HEIEI*Y#&*BEIEIEIEIjH&H7
t#QU&m'MUH!!@^TT)&^%JHVH-1&@R(FU#HB$&*)T"BOB"G$#G*(&Y(_*Y*_(YH*(#SLACKNTH&$#&%
QQ{{U*(#U*7/5/98-7:00AM&*(Y*(7669682876**G'BROAGFRAN((*@*(u893y877)&_&*#_Y*H%R
*&#Y)*37Y&&BY#h&^@""o98i34jt4nunj8u90NUNU!dbvPOB140306DALLASTX75214n"BOB"!!!!!

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From: mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

In article <friday-ya02408000R1205982308320001@news.tiac.net>,
friday@subgenius.com says...

>
>BOOOOO!
>Did I scare you?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Friday, unpack that squid from your hiney, that gives me the CREEPS. Especially since you packed it orifice-first, and every time you pass gas the thing INFLATES. That's... that's unnerving. Really.

P.Lil

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From: mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

In article <355a73e8.0@calwebnnrp>, jetrock@nospam-emrl.com says...
>
>noooo, it's just not cool enough for the California Old-Guard SubDeenies,

That's not the problem. They honestly think there's something terribly wrong
with NOT wanting to spend X-Day hanging out with a bunch of old farts and
toothless hags, talking about The Good Ol' Days before us new kids came in and
ruined everything by HAVING A BLAST. There's no sense of adventure left in any
of them, except for Sterno, and he's going to TIBET for X-Day.

I guess they're afraid that if they go to New York it'll look like they're
brainwashed zombies following Stang's will. And that's damned fine, since that
means those of us going to New York will have a three-hour head start--just
enough time to fill their personal prairie squid with Poly-Grip and fiberglass.

P.Lil

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