X-DAY IS NOT "THE BURNING MAN" FESTIVAL
No, I assure you, it is not. What do I fucking know about this, huh? Not
that it's any of your damn business, but I don't know a fucking thing about
much of ANYTHING much less the exhaustive, tedious history of the flaccid,
cock swinging, mud-squirm that is "Burning Man". All I know is what I read
and what I saw on the "Bob" damn website, all right???? But let me ask you,
what do you suppose the X-DAY festival is about? Well, if you don't know by
now then you are truly FUCKED anyway, but it wouldn't be a stretch to suggest
that if you don't have plans for July 6, you can stop the worrying. Yes.
Also, stop fussing with things like 'retirement', 'IRA's' and 'getting
pregnant'. All of that shit is rather MOOT at the moment, unless you can find
a way to gestate a fully grown fetus in a month. Good luck. Anyway, as I was
saying, the 'Burning Man' festival is what could be described as an
experimental society. Yeah, right. The results from the experiment are in
however and the results are not good. In fact, the results suggest grave
measures to 'rectify the present situation'. That's where X-DAY comes in. On
X-DAY, all of the kinds of 'solutions' that were formed at 'Burning Man' and
places and happenings like that will get the respect they deserve. Ho ho ho.
Yes they will.
It is true, something called 'freaks' was present in droves at 'Burning Man'.
These so-called 'freaks' were sometimes pleasant and occasionally had nice
breasts. However, these 'freaks' lacked one thing: a Unifying Philosophy.
THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT!!!! It was the festival of 'WHATEVER MAN!!!!' and for
that reason ALL WHO ATTENDED MUST DIE *FIRST* IN THE FIRESTORMS THAT BEFALL
THE EARTH ON JULY 5, 1998!!!!!
If, for any reason you can find fault in this judgement, you are advised now
to SHUT THE FUCK UP and go on with your own PAINFUL DEATH DANCE for you may
get your just desserts later than those FUCKING MONKEY-SPAWN who think that
IT'S ALL COOL, MAN and all that shit......
AAAAGGGHHH!!!! KILL THEM ALL!!!! THE FLESH WILL BURN, YOU WILL SEE!!!!!!
Ahem, excuse me. At any fucking rate, don't ANY of YOU compare X-DAY to
ANYTHING that resembles 'Burning Man' and say, 'Oh, it's just another bunch of
naked, big-titted bitches and freaks' for we all know that it is much more
than that. But come on, "big tits" is an important atmospheric theme and Stang
has said as much. Not that we really GIVE A SHIT, but we can PRETEND it's all
going to be all right when the big tits come visit our town. I'm finished
with you now. You may all leave now or KILL ME.
-Little Timmy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: timstich@io.com
In article <6kvlaf$cor$2@supernews.com>,
mplm@spectra.net (sinbad) wrote:
>
>
> >
> >X-DAY IS NOT "THE BURNING MAN" FESTIVAL
>
> could you type that all out and post it again ? i fell asleep in the middle.
>
No, but I could twist you real tight until you yelp and start to ooze stinking
liquids you ass-blasting motherfucker. Good night all.
-Tiny Tim
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)
In article <6l03kp$cc7$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, timstich@io.com wrote:
>In article <friday-ya02408000R0106982319580001@news.tiac.net>,
> friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones) wrote:
>>
>> In article <6kvbf4$bkr$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, timstich@io.com wrote:
>>
>> >X-DAY IS NOT "THE BURNING MAN" FESTIVAL
>>
>> Well spoken, Little Timmy! The SubGenius Foundation has no relation to
>> that silly naked-hippy fest. None whatsoever.
>>
>> Friday Jones
>> Official Big Naked Tittie Sponsor
>> Of The Burning Stang Festival
>
>Oooooo! Can we REALLY set Stang on FIRE???? Can we? Like, bitchin'!
>Uh, will he all burn up and go away? Is that bad to do? I don't understand
>that part about "all gone" too much.
It takes a crematorium to really reduce bone to powder. I suggest that
after he dies in the Battle of Armageddon, and everyone has had their fill
of the Funeral Feast, we burn the entrails & bones and let people take bone
shards on the Saucers with them as souvenirs. That should alleviate most
of the mess, yet leave an intriguing spectacle for the forensic team.
I'd recommend leaving Stang's head behind, impaled on a pole.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dela0058@garnet.tc.umn.edu (Joseph T Delaney)
G. G. Gordon (gggor@io.com) wrote:
: >
: HOLDIT HOLDIT, JUST A FEWKIN' MINUTE HERE...BEFORE YOU GO ABOUT
: DISPOSING OF STAN'S REMAINS SO CAVALIERLY, MAY I REMIND YOU THAT THE
: CHURCH CAN MAKE A HELL OF A LOT OF MONEY SELLING IVAN'S BITS AND
: PIECES AS RELIQUIES, TASTEFULLY ENCASED IN A WELL DESIGNED
: RELIQUARY...SHEEEEIT WE COULD OUTSELL THE FRANKLIN MINT OR THOSE
: COMMEMORATIVE PLATE PEOPLE I KNOW OF A MEDIA TYPE WHO WOULD PAY A LOT
: OF MONEY FOR ONE OF IVAN'S TESTICLES, PRESERVED AND MOUNTED. AS FOR
: STANG'S BRAIN, WE CAN CUT IT IN THIN SLICES AND SELL IT TO LABS ALL
: OVER THE WORLD....BURN THE BONES, EAT THE ENTRAILS INDEED!!!!
: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MONEY MAKING CHURCH....ALL BODIES THAT SHOW
: UP ON X-DAY MUST BE TURNED OVER TO JESUS....IT'S IN THE CONTRACT
: RIDER.
: SPPOSED
Now we're talkin'! But let's cut the crap already. We all know why people
are willing to buy snippets of entrails and endocrine glands of Stang,
and it ain't fer "research" either! Let's admit it: I know I'm not the
only one who plans on smoking a fat chunk of Stang's brainstem. Sure,
perhaps pieces of his lower intestine might look swell lovingly encased in
velvet in your excremeditation chamber, but when it comes to those more
secondary metabolite-ladden organs of the central nervous system, the
money to be made will be in drying it to a fine powder, cutting it with
the remains of other church higher-ups, then selling it by the quarter
gram to other end-of-the-world party-goers.
I get first dibs on freebasing a piece of his pituitary gland!
Then of course there's the novelty food/drug market: nerve jerky, thyroid
breakfast spread, gangleon cracker dip, bottled carbonated spinal fluids,
etc.
And of course, let's not forget the designer wallets to be made of his
lungs. With the right kind of marketing, Stang could be the biggest
money-maker the church has seen since ...well, Stang!
-Joe Delaney
************************************************************************
Where have all the protons gone,
Long time fermions,
Where have all the protons gone,
A long long time to go,
Where have all the protons gone,
Turned to kaons every one,
When will we ever learn?
Will protons ever return?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: unit24@sputum.com
On Tue, 02 Jun 1998 16:22:26 GMT, gggor@io.com (G. G. Gordon) wrote:
>>
>Wait a minute Joe, you seem to forget this church has a hierarchy,
>people who have been putting up with Stang
> for a long long time. If anyone gets to freebase any part of the
>Stangster right off the top...well, we deserve it you see not some
>come lately, although your heart is definitely in the right place...
>Still if your have a pathology degree
>and a gun....or a lotta frop/money..
I gotta gun, a letter from Dok Dyna, and a chainsaw, that close enough?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Jahweh David Lynch)
Thus spake timstich@io.com:
>It is true, something called 'freaks' was present in droves at 'Burning Man'.
>These so-called 'freaks' were sometimes pleasant and occasionally had nice
>breasts. However, these 'freaks' lacked one thing: a Unifying Philosophy.
>THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT!!!! It was the festival of 'WHATEVER MAN!!!!' and for
>that reason ALL WHO ATTENDED MUST DIE *FIRST* IN THE FIRESTORMS THAT BEFALL
>THE EARTH ON JULY 5, 1998!!!!!
As opposed to the SubGenius philosophy, which is "Whatever man, OR KILL
ME!" It's not so much that we have any philosophy in common amongst us- we
DON'T, though most of us are "smart" by Conspiracy standards and share a
sick sense of humour- but that we are willing to express whatever
absurdities we believe in with the utmost vehemence, as if there were no
other opinions on the face of the planet. "Well, of COURSE I believe in
the Second Coming of the Face-Fucking Bats to lay Dero eggs inside the
guitars of the Doktorbands! Doesn't EVERYBODY?"
----------------------------------------------------------
| _ _ | Nasi bianchi come Fruit of the Loom, che |
| | \/ | | diventano piu' rossi di un livello di DOOM |
| | | | Dave Lynch heeft geschreven mit keine "whats" |
| | http://www.thepoint.net/~twgs/jiggy/jiggy.htm |
----------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: timstich@io.com
In article <357425bb.358072415@news.io.com>,
gggor@io.com (G. G. Gordon) wrote:
> >
> Wait a minute Joe, you seem to forget this church has a hierarchy,
> people who have been putting up with Stang
> for a long long time. If anyone gets to freebase any part of the
> Stangster right off the top...well, we deserve it you see not some
> come lately, although your heart is definitely in the right place...
> Still if your have a pathology degree
> and a gun....or a lotta frop/money..
>
SHUT UP ALREADY! Sorry, but all of this public discussion of using Stang's
powdered remains as a drug is going to attract the attention of the Wrong Ones
in the drug bureaucracy. Before you know it, someone will introduce
legislation that reclassifies the physical body of Stang himself AS A
CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE. "Controlled" indeed! Actually, that would make the
market demand for Stang Crack to increase to unheard of proportions. Not a
bad idea. Maybe someone should send a press release of your intentions to the
current Drug Czar.
In any case, if you want a shot at the steaming remains, hide in the shadows
and take the meat parts you want like vicious African wild dogs. No one will
try to stop you if you snarl loud enough and your teeth are kind of crooked.
I sure as hell won't.
-Little Timmy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)
GRRRRRRRR! Growlllllll .....
Up one level
Back to document index
Original file name: X-DAY IS NOT "THE BURNING MŠ
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.