BIG TEATED WOMEN NEEDED FOR X-DAY

Battle Plan by Rev. Ivan Stang

SEE A MOVIE PROPHECY of the Battle of Armageddon! (By Rev. Paul Soth)

BIG TEATED WOMEN NEEDED FOR X-DAY

I just said that to get your attention. What I need are BARE-titted women. The teats, "dugs," "jugs," whatevers, themselves, can be any size.

I need them for PROTECTION!

Dr. Legume has planned this Battle of Armageddon thing for X-Day... the Saturday before X-Day, of course. July 4 at Brushwood Folklore Center, Sherman, NY, where we've held the Drills. It's a simple concept -- the two main splinter groups of the Church, the Holocaustians and the Ivangelicals, will square off and JUST PLAIN FIGHT, the only rules being that the weapons have to be non-lethal. Otherwise, anything goes.

That all sounds like another silly, cute little SubGenius gag-concept that won't really happen -- except that, at the Drills, everything we bullshit about ACTUALLY DOES HAPPEN. I never SERIOUSLY THOUGHT that we'd crucify and burn people. I didn't SERIOUSLY THINK that there would be Disco Palmerhead Soccer Games, Nude Baptisms and Hot Oil Wrestling. But, "if you build it, they will come," in the case of the SubGenius events at Brushwood. Furthermore. Legume does tend to make things happen, I have to grant the hulking ugly bastard that. He is a Mighty Man, a true Doktor, and when he plots something like this, it's generally not idle chatter, because he'll keep pestering Jesus and me, or whoever else is involved, Rev. Strange for instance, until it happens.

So. This Battle on the grassy Brushwood field -- where Pagans flit around Maypoles yearly -- a battle between legions of SubGeniuses, the Ivangelicals and the Holocaustians, PROBABLY WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN, and I'd be a real dumbass not to prepare, since, being the "Ivan" in "Ivangelical," I'll ALMOST CERTAINLY GET MY ASS KICKED.

Let's face it. Anybody with any fucking sense at all will join the Holocaustians, for the plain and simple fact that THE HOLOCAUSTIANS WILL WIN. By definition. The Ivangelical approach to something like this is to RUN AND HIDE. Everybody knows this, and everybody wants to be on the winning team. The Holocaustians LEADERS are themselves mean, violent, ugly, unpleasant men -- Dr. Legume, Papa Joe Mama, Rev. Ed Strange, G. Gordon Gordon, etc. -- men with checkered pasts who KNOW HOW TO FIGHT. And have been in fights. I have never been in a fight. I have always been able to either bluster my way out or SIMPLY FLEE or EAT PUSSY, which is my prefered method for dealing with trouble of any kind. I will admit that my temper has become less tempered as X-Day approaches, and I have been known to "fly off the handle" at particularly obnoxious Bobbies, Bob Dean at the NYC show and that naked stupid hippie at the Hawkwind show trying to tell me to be "not so uptight" by jumping up and down on the top of my VAN, being the most recent examples... but in the long run, I'm the kind of little skinny, sneaky guy that will run first and confront later, in a court of law, with a gullible jury, where my skills are far more effective than they would be if I had to actually HIT someone hard enough to decapacitate them. (But believe you me, if I had to do such a thing, I would do the hell out of it.)

What few Subs that would admit to being Ivangelicals will probably be nice, innocent, dumb-ass guys like me... too-fat or too-skinny bespectacled slabs of wimp meat, to put it plainly. GOOD SUBGENII, don't get me wrong. I am PROUD to be an Ivangelical. Those Holocaustian loudmouth bully boys can TALK all day and all night about "kill a human a day every day until X-Day," etc. etc., blah blah woof woof, but when push comes to shove, we're ALL gonna let the Xists do our Pink-smiting for us, they aren't gonna kill ANYBODY, and in the meantime at least we Ivangelicals KEEP SPREADING THE WORLD in our humble, mostly nonviolent ways. MIND CONTROL is our specialty -- HEARTS AND MINDS, and I will (probably) GO TO MY GRAVE believing that propaganda does more, IN THE LONG RUN, than bullets, simply because humans are DUMBER than they are TOUGH.

Anyway. The point is, I'm faced with the prospect of me and a handful of other out-of-shape, glasses-wearing, no-martial-arts-knowing, one-balled, butt-sitting compugeeks being SOUNDLY TROUNCED and ACTUALLY BRUISED, AND CUT, maybe even given concussions, by a whole TRIBE of large hairy barbarian bastards like Legume, Strange, etc. etc., all those testosterone-leaking Yeti-looking bastards that probably keep loaded handguns under their front seats and rubbers in their wallets. The only manly thing I have going for me is that I probably took more drugs than Keith Richards, and survived. And I have special "novelty rubbers" in my wallet.

My penetratingly deep, baritone, oil-drilling TEXAS VOICE -- my only real weapon -- can only do so much, and it's USELESS against brute force-and-alcohol. I DID quit smoking, but the damage is already done. Hell, I was whupped in SECONDS when I rassled Susie the Floozy and Friday Jones... a wheezing fropping wet-noodle of a man, hardly a posterboy for Ivangelical dominance. Most of my fellow Ivangelicals, all three or four of them, are in even WORSE shape. It's a grim prospect.

So I'm thinking, I NEED A SECRET WEAPON. I need to CHEAT. What do I have that those brutish Neanderthal thick-skulled dumb-fuck hairy-assed prognothic-jawwed assholes DON'T have?

THE TRUST OF THE WOMEN OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.

GIRLS --, you know I know that you know that I won't do you wrong. I've never been fresh with ANY of you, but yet, I know that you know that WERE I to get fresh, I would NOT LET YOU DOWN. You KNOW that. SURE I'm not the most Mel Gibson looking dude in the world, but YOU CAN TELL. "The men don't know, but the little girls understand," as Jim Morrison once quoted. I KNOW that you KNOW. You KNOW what the tongue of a preacherman can do. Also, any of you who know me and my family personally know that I am TRULY PUSSYWHIPPED. Someone else is OBVIOUSLY really the one running the show here. CONNIE is the one wearing the Panties. I am the veritable "R. Crumb" of the Church and I have no trouble admitting it. I will climb that mountain if you will let me.

I'm begging you. JOIN ME, IVAN STANG, at the Battle of Armageddon. YOU THE WOMEN. I NEED A WALL OF YOUR GORGEOUS BREASTS TO PROTECT ME FROM HARM. I NEED you. I LOVE you all, sincerely, and this is truly my hour of NEED. You don't even have to BARE your breasts. Just your MERE FEMININITY ALONE will be enough. IF you have giant lucious titties and DESIRE to bare them, to intimidate those nasty Holocaustians -- who are all closet woman-fearing homosexuals, no offense inteded towards proper cocksuckers -- why, that would be nice too. But if you were victimized by the so-called "cave-in at the titty factory," NO PROB! Mainly, I need your NUMBERS. (And if you have only one breast, FINE! I have only one nut, and only Friday has made fun of me yet.) I need your BRAINS and TALENTS and SKILLS. (REV. SUSIE aka MRS. LEGUME -- THIS MEANS YOU! YOU DESERVE BETTER TREATMENT THAN THE ROUGH APE HANDS OF THAT MAN!!)

More than that... above and beyond any MERELY MUNDANE or PRACTICAL consideration... "BOB" needs you.

FUCK the "Ivangelical" part; this isn't about religious doctrine. This is about the CONTINUATION OF THE CHURCH AS A DECENT EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY, NON-SEXIST, ALL-SEXY INSTITUTION instead of some ugly, rowdy boy's club full of farting, beer-drinking shit-heads who automatically assume that anything good was done by a GUY. PTUI! I know that some of you SubGenius girls are what the fat, ugly Pink Boys would call, "fat, ugly chicks." Well, to me, you may be fat, and have a lot of "character" in your face, but that doesn't make you ugly. In fact, you'd almost have to look like a NORMAL for me to think you "ugly." In fact, you'd have to be at least SOMEWHAT weird looking, even if by a stretch, for me to even have any sexual use for you, at all! I'm just that kind of guy. A real sensitive type of guy.

YOU KNOW that I, as Sacred Scribe #273, with WHAT, like, 13 years seniority on him, am able to acquire better 'Frop than Legume can. Hell, half of those Holocaustians don't 'Frop at ALL. They're DRUNKS or, worse, TOTALLY STRAIGHT. I don't mean to sound like I'm bribing beautiful women with drugs, but hey, if that's what it takes to do the bidding of MY guru, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, well, who am I to question HIS dictates? Since when did YOU gain the right to have JUDGEMENT over "BOB"??

Come on, ladies. Don't see this as another example of a MAN leading a bunch of AMAZON WOMEN FOLLOWERS. It isn't like that at all. It's... it's a RAINBOW OPPORTUNITY! Your choice now could make the difference between X-Day ushering in a beautiful NEW AGE of Bonobo-like sexhurt and spasmotic mutual organasming, or a Nazi-like drunken-male-dominated patriarchal hell-pit, a return to the Dark Ages, where the bitches keep their fucking traps shut and their buns in the bed, and never get off, because the guys just want their quick in-out and have no patience nor energy for true Bonoboian sexhurt. WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE? The fropped-up 7-hour multiple orgasm on LSD, or being whipped and beaten by buck-toothed inbred jock rednecks that listen to Ozzy? That's what it comes down to. Stang, or Legume. Sure Legume has a bigger dick. "A" bigger dick. Shall I repeat that? "A" bigger dick. Ah yes. Right. But what counts -- SIZE? Or QUANTITY!??! I think you know what to do.

It won't be like ALL the handsome guys will be on Legume's team. I can guarantee you that our MAIN male sex symbol besides "Bob," Rev. Jesus Christ, age 26, "Pretty Boy" as I call Him, will be on the Ivangelical team. If He isn't, I'll fucking FIRE His god-damned ass.

But SEX isn't what this is all about. UNTIL WE WIN, that is.

YOU can make this dream come true, girls. Ladies. Gals. Wymyn. Whatever you call yourselves this month. Whatever the word is, I RESPECT you for it.

AND I NEED YOUR BOSOMS. GOD DAMN do I need 'em.

I have a snapshot on my desk that I treasure. It's like a symbol of how Dobbs' promise really DOES ring true. It's one of those 3D gimmick snapshots, taken by Rev. Craig Mitchell with one of those gimmick cameras, at the last X-Day Drill. It shows me grinning like a hog in its hog-waller, surrounded by BRILLIANTLY INTELLIGENT, SCINTILLATINGLY CHARMING, GIANT-TEATED AMAZON SUBGENIUS BABES: Rev. Susie the Floozy, IrRev. Friday Jones, my Pri-Wife someone else, and The Rabbi (the staggeringly gorgeous superwoman who allows Rev. Ed Strange to be a boyfriend).* My petite hardbody sig-oth actually looks a little out of place next to those buxotic Russ-Meyerian dolls, with her binaries-newsgroup-denied Arab-boy-like flat chest, but she looks EXACTLY RIGHT next to ME.

To me, that snapshot sums up what this, this "Church of the SubGenius" is really all about. For me. Personally. I don't expect everybody to see it that way. But, really. What else is there. I mean, seriously. Get real.

So... gals, wymyn, SubGenius babes and babettes -- I'm reaching out to you. This is my hour of need. Don't let GROSS, DANGLING, SWINGING CURLY-HAIRED TESTICLES win this battle. Let's show that with LOVE, all things are possible. I LOVE you, baby. Marry me. We'll show the bastards WHAT FOR.

I look at that precious Stang-glorifying snapshot and I modestly think to myself... imagine an ARMY of such women. ENDLESS ROWS of tough-minded, super-intelligent, skilled, funny-as-hell broads, lined up in rows, breasts upthrust (even if ponderous and dangling or tiny and boy-like), ready to DEFEND THE INTEGRITY OF "BOB" AND CONNIE, eager to serve themselves, by conquoring manhood itself. Ahhhhh, yes.

Girls... your boyfriend/husband doesn't appreciate you. *I* do. I LOVE you, baby. I truly, really do love you. Marry me.

THE HOLOCAUSTIAN PLAGUE MUST BE ELIMINATED.

WE ARE THE EXTERMINATORS.

*******************

From: cuthulu@prysm.net (pow!)
Date: Sat, 15 Nov 1997 03:48:46 GMT

Thus Spake Rev. Ivan Stang from The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.:

~ MIND CONTROL is our specialty
~ -- HEARTS AND MINDS, and I will (probably) GO TO MY GRAVE believing that
~ propaganda does more, IN THE LONG RUN, than bullets, simply because humans
~ are DUMBER than they are TOUGH.

And you will go to your grave in the certainty of correctness.

-- * --
NEW AGAIN! www.prysm.net/~cuthulu NEW AGAIN!
1-888-669-2323 SubGenius Sales 1-888-669-2323
Order Now -- Slack For Xist-Mas! HURRY!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: König PreuBe <bbombere@erols.com>

I can see History like that!

Tithenge!

Man or Woooooman, we all sucked mamas tit!

PraBoobs!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: crazycurt@odyline.com

On Fri, 14 Nov 1997 22:35:39 -0600, i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan
Stang) wrote:

><Flaoonk!>
>
>Come on, ladies. Don't see this as another example of a MAN leading a bunch
>of AMAZON WOMEN FOLLOWERS.
>
><Greent!>

Hey Stang, ask around in alt.amazon-women.admirers, especially
female bodybuilders with breast implants. In fact some of them offer
their services for sale! Good luck though, being a true schizmatic
spastic I'll be on my own side in that battle, sitting in a tree
laughing at the madness while sniping stray bobbies with my non-lethal
lsd dart gun. Or maybe not.

*********************************************
***************** CrazyCurt *****************
************* King of Curtopia **************
** http://members.unlimited.net/~curtopia ***
*********************************************

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Spookie" <thespook@nospam com>

WOW, Talk about having time on your hands.

That was one Hell of a String there. 'Fraid to ask what is next

Forget that I asked
Spookie 8^]

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: spunmonkey@empty.net (Spunmonkey)

On Fri, 14 Nov 1997 22:35:39 -0600, i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan
Stang) wrote:

< Gibberish resulting from the random firing of neurons across
resin-clogged synapses snipped>
>Come on, ladies. Don't see this as another example of a MAN leading a bunch
>of AMAZON WOMEN FOLLOWERS. It isn't like that at all. It's... it's a
>RAINBOW OPPORTUNITY! Your choice now could make the difference between
>X-Day ushering in a beautiful NEW AGE of Bonobo-like sexhurt and spasmotic
>mutual organasming, or a Nazi-like drunken-male-dominated patriarchal
>hell-pit, a return to the Dark Ages, where the bitches keep their fucking
>traps shut and their buns in the bed, and never get off, because the guys
>just want their quick in-out and have no patience nor energy for true
>Bonoboian sexhurt. WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE? The fropped-up 7-hour multiple
>orgasm on LSD, or being whipped and beaten by buck-toothed inbred jock
>rednecks that listen to Ozzy? That's what it comes down to. Stang, or
>Legume. Sure Legume has a bigger dick. "A" bigger dick. Shall I repeat
>that? "A" bigger dick. Ah yes. Right. But what counts -- SIZE? Or
>QUANTITY!??! I think you know what to do.
>
>It won't be like ALL the handsome guys will be on Legume's team. I can
>guarantee you that our MAIN male sex symbol besides "Bob," Rev. Jesus
>Christ, age 26, "Pretty Boy" as I call Him, will be on the Ivangelical
>team. If He isn't, I'll fucking FIRE His god-damned ass.
>
>But SEX isn't what this is all about. UNTIL WE WIN, that is.
>
>YOU can make this dream come true, girls. Ladies. Gals. Wymyn. Whatever you
>call yourselves this month. Whatever the word is, I RESPECT you for it.
>
>AND I NEED YOUR BOSOMS. GOD DAMN do I need 'em.
>

I surrender!!

I defect!!

I'll try to be there.

I like the way you think Ivan.

Personally, I've been genetically gifted in two areas:

1) a reasonably good brain.
2) Hooters

and I've also found that the "Hooter Factor" is by far the most useful
in gaining social leverage.

"The brain is far too powerful an instrument to have any practical

use in this universe."

- Aldous Huxley -

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: biteme@spam.xus (THE What's His Name)

In article
<8E2155FB4AC57918.74C4AE5C505ADBA7.7927BA841ADC4FC3@library-proxy.airnews.net>,
********@*****.**** wrote:

> On Fri, 14 Nov 1997 22:35:39 -0600, i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan
> Stang) wrote:

> I surrender!!

> I defect!!

> I'll try to be there.

> I like the way you think Ivan.

Gorga-dittoes. (Nice slice off the Gordian Norman/Cleveland knot.)

> Personally, I've been genetically gifted in two areas:
>
> 1) a reasonably good brain.
> 2) Hooters

And I have been gifted with 1), and 2) THREE NUTS! Like TEATS (and
martinis), one isn't enough and three is too many. More than happy to
make a donation!

> and I've also found that the "Hooter Factor" is by far the most useful
> in gaining social leverage.

Likewise with the "Nut Factor." Though not as generally obvious, they are
still guaranteed to break the ice at parties.

Slouching my bloated, bespectacled, crooked-toothed body towards Sherman
to be born again...

late,

Ivangelista

(saving one just in case...)

"YOU'RE ALL FUCKED"

(Rev. Nickie's .sig)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Unit18@SPUTSOUTH.ORG (Unit 18)

On Fri, 14 Nov 1997 22:35:39 -0600, i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan
Stang) wrote:

>I just said that to get your attention. What I need are BARE-titted women.
>The teats, "dugs," "jugs," whatevers, themselves, can be any size.
>
>I need them for PROTECTION!

"Bob"dammit, Stanky! You can count on me!

MY MAN-MAMMARIES WILL BE PRESSED UP AGIN YA ON THAT DAY!

Here's wishing you further suck-sacs in yer quest.

--
Unit 18

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: John Cook <cooks@fan.net.au>

IrRev. Friday Jones wrote:

> I propose a GROUP MARRIAGE before the battle. All the lovely SubLadies who
> stand with Ivan shall be wed unto him. All the Holocaustians can marry ...
> er ... Legume? No, Papa Joe. He's a sissy boy anyway.
> Ideally, all Holocaustians would be armed with GIANT PENIS-SHAPED CLUBS and
> the Ivangelicals would ward them off with their HUGE PUSSY-SHAPED SHIELDS -

NoNoNo - not 'ward them off' - This is Pussy Power - ENVELOP them

> but that's for the PropMasters to decides. I may just bring a pile of
> skulls to hurl.
> After the battle, Stang's New Widows will require much comforting at the
> Funeral Feast. Be sure to come early - Stang's a pretty skinny guy and I
> don't know how far we'll be able to divvy him up. Everyone will get at
> least a meatball's worth of meat.

Perfect! - Grieving New Widows gnashing teeth and wailing and rending clothes
and hurling themselves onto the funeral pyre - with knives and forks...

John Cook
--

The bandwidth of reality is wonderfully wide...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: key666@aol.com (KEY666)

>I just said that to get your attention. What I need are BARE-titted women.
>The teats, "dugs," "jugs," whatevers, themselves, can be any size.
>
>I need them for PROTECTION!

um...i need a litle protection at my house, too. Gets really scary here at
night...

Rev. SeeKey (KEY666@aol.com)
"EXPERIENCE THE THRILL OF AGONY, AND THE VICTORY OF DEFEAT!"

LET'S CLONE ELVIS!!!
send all research donations to PO BOX 140306 Dallas TX 75214

praise J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: bugsexgirl@aol.com (BugSexGirl)

Speaking for the rest of the mammarily endowed, we'd rather you just sat
out the battle and let the evil holocostal bean heads exlore their latent
homosexuality on their own.
Wouldn't you rather spend the last day of Earth in the hottub with me,
Friday, and a copy of "Entomolgy Weekly". Let us run our hands through your
long mullet and rub your one nut with our ovapositors. When it's over we can
bath in the blood of Legume, GGG, Papa Joe, Strange and the rest after they
destroy each other. I'll let you paint my hooters red with the blood fo your
enemies.

Sister Arachnid

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: spunmonkey@empty.net (Spunmonkey)

Jeez!!
and I thought I had an infatuation with bugs!

Spunmonkey

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "elena ashline" <bamalama@worldnet.att.net>

Rev. Ivan Stang <i.stang@metronet.com> wrote in article
<i.stang-ya02408000R1411972235390001@snews.zippo.com>...

> My penetratingly deep, baritone, oil-drilling TEXAS VOICE -- my only real
> weapon -- can only do so much, and it's USELESS against brute
> force-and-alcohol. I DID quit smoking, but the damage is already done.
> Hell, I was whupped in SECONDS when I rassled Susie the Floozy and Friday
> Jones... a wheezing fropping wet-noodle of a man, hardly a posterboy for
> Ivangelical dominance. Most of my fellow Ivangelicals, all three or four
of
> them, are in even WORSE shape. It's a grim prospect.
>
> So I'm thinking, I NEED A SECRET WEAPON. I need to CHEAT. What do I have
> that those brutish Neanderthal thick-skulled dumb-fuck hairy-assed
> prognothic-jawwed assholes DON'T have?
>
Well, you just said what you have that you're...uncivil associates do not
possess. A -ahem- "TEXAS VOICE". I have heard some of your work on the
radio, and I don't see why you don't try to whip up the masses to a
frothing, hate filled mob ready to tear apart whatever is before them.
And, as you are on the "Information Superhighway"<snicker>, you could find
all sorts of interesting non-lethal weapons, or you could have one of your
more...inventive co-conspirators design something most effective. I have
found that Subgenii are nothing if they are not sadistically imaginative.
Although you might be trying to create supply to fill demand, one of the
primal laws of mankind is to go where the women are. If you have lots of
women,you will have hormone driven Bobbies coming out of your ears willing
to do whatever you ask just for the privilige of smelling one of the lady's
fingers after she has played with herself.
May you live in interesting times.

Gawaine
PLUR-AMGD
I am not a newbie, I just didn't choose to de-lurk until just now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: absent <absent@wcnet.org>

elena ashline wrote:
>
> Rev. Ivan Stang <i.stang@metronet.com> wrote in article
> Well, you just said what you have that you're...uncivil associates do not
> possess. A -ahem- "TEXAS VOICE". I have heard some of your work on the
> radio, and I don't see why you don't try to whip up the masses to a
> frothing, hate filled mob ready to tear apart whatever is before them.
> And, as you are on the "Information Superhighway"<snicker>, you could find
> all sorts of interesting non-lethal weapons,
ACTUALLY, there is a secret weapon being devised BY THE SAME TEAM that
Strange refered to as THE KIND OF EMBARRASSMENT TO THE CHURCH ThAT
SHOULD BE PUT TO DEATH.

or you could have one of your
> more...inventive co-conspirators design something most effective.

see above

I have
> found that Subgenii are nothing if they are not sadistically imaginative.
> Although you might be trying to create supply to fill demand, one of the
> primal laws of mankind is to go where the women are.

Point: It's more of a draw if theres more women to go around....
RECRUIT< FOLKS< RECRUIT!!!!!! but tbe discrete...times a wasting, and
its dry here....

If you have lots of
> women,
we dont have lots enough.

you will have hormone driven Bobbies coming out of your ears willing
> to do whatever you ask just for the privilige of smelling one of the lady's
> fingers after she has played with herself.

we already do due to the disproportionate # of males to females.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: kevbob.aLLsPaM@ecsis.net (kevbob)

In article <64p4rd$44g@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>, "elena ashline"
<bamalama@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
> I am not a newbie, I just didn't choose to de-lurk until just now.

eh.

i don't know,,,

i might not buy that. you are defiunitely NEWm nd all NEW things must be
feared.

and probed.

--
.AllSpam to be removed
non solum anima sed etiam deo careo. -rkb

"i'm just a killer for your love." blur

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: tstich@tcmail.frco.com

In article <friday-ya02408000R1511971922020001@news.thecia.net>,
friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones) wrote:
>
> Oh! I thought you said big-TENTED women!
> And here I was all ready to get out my wig-wams!
>

Stupid woman! They won't fit in a damn wig-wam!

-Stich

-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: twgs@thepoint.net (Dave Lynch)

On Mon, 17 Nov 1997 08:45:00 -0500, kevbob.aLLsPaM@ecsis.net (kevbob)
wrote:

>eh.
>
>i don't know,,,
>
>i might not buy that. you are defiunitely NEWm nd all NEW things must be
>feared.
>
>and probed.

Liar. You're just looking for an excuse to probe. I'm sick of
probing baby skulls, though. I want to probe OLD THINGS! PROBE
ULTRA!

--
This message was posted through a fly's ear, and you have to have
a fly's eye to see it! * SUPPORT SEMANTIC TERRORISM * NOT FUCKABLE
"There are other worlds they have not told you of"- Sun Ra|DAVE #1

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: RIVAN STANG CAN REALLY SHAG IT
From: no@email.ads (Christopher Giese)

Well that's what I've heard. Something like that, anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mitchell@CHOKE.ON.THIS.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

Well, obviously you don't know what "it" Stang can really shag. If you did you
wouldn't even volunteer such information. Those of us who do know what Stang
can really shag aren't going to say a damn bit more, except maybe a bit of
counter-propaganda to throw off the scent.

For example: "It" is NOT Legume's fist, no matter what you may think.

P-Lil

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

I heard it was Legume's fistula.

--
"The interrogative mode is one of civilized man's most effective
devices for putting the other fellow on the defensive." -- George A.
Miller

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mitchell@CHOKE.ON.THIS.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

SHHHHH. Stang gets *really* upset over the word "fistula". I once mentioned a
post-operative transsexual I knew who got one. Down there. He just didn't want
to know.

A little knowlege is a REALLY FUN thing.

P-Lil

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Heather Stamm <maxx@netaxs.com>

Hmmm, so I'm a superwoman whose bare breasts can save lives?
Flattering, darling, but I'm still up in the air about what I'm doing
for X-Day. Besides, Rev. Strange would put my "teats" to much better use
than armor any day. Personally, I think I'm much more powerful when
I'm linked with Susie the Floozie and Friday. Think you could pull
that off? We shall see...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones)

In article <kevbob.aLLsPaM-1711970845010001@annex-185.ecsis.net>,
kevbob.aLLsPaM@ecsis.net (kevbob) wrote:

>In article <64p4rd$44g@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>, "elena ashline"
><bamalama@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>> I am not a newbie, I just didn't choose to de-lurk until just now.
>
>eh.
>
>i don't know,,,
>
>i might not buy that. you are defiunitely NEWm nd all NEW things must be
>feared.
>
>and probed.

/me gets out the shoulder-length rubber glove and the Crisco.

- FJ

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From: friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones)

In article <879795834.7027@dejanews.com>, tstich@tcmail.frco.com wrote:

>In article <friday-ya02408000R1511971922020001@news.thecia.net>,
> friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones) wrote:
>>
>> Oh! I thought you said big-TENTED women!
>> And here I was all ready to get out my wig-wams!
>>
>
>Stupid woman! They won't fit in a damn wig-wam!

Watching the Battle of Armageddon being performed in a wig-wam would
probably be equally hilarious whether you were inside or outside the
structure in question.

- FJ

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From: friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones)

In article <19971117003100.TAA22666@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
bugsexgirl@aol.com (BugSexGirl) wrote:

> Speaking for the rest of the mammarily endowed, we'd rather you just sat
> out the battle and let the evil holocostal bean heads exlore their latent
> homosexuality on their own.
> Wouldn't you rather spend the last day of Earth in the hottub with me,
> Friday, and a copy of "Entomolgy Weekly". Let us run our hands through your
> long mullet and rub your one nut with our ovapositors. When it's over we can
> bath in the blood of Legume, GGG, Papa Joe, Strange and the rest after they
> destroy each other. I'll let you paint my hooters red with the blood fo your
> enemies.
>
>Sister Arachnid

Sweet Stang, darling Sister Arachnid, I second the motion! Let us bathe
our toes in the sodden brains of the adrenaline-addicted fools! Let us
gently sheathe our eggs in their paralyzed flesh before retiring to the
pleasures of the One True Web!

- Friday

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From: mitchell@CHOKE.ON.THIS.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

In article <friday-ya02408000R1811972020210001@news.thecia.net>, friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones) wrote:
>
>/me gets out the shoulder-length rubber glove and the Crisco.

Crisco dissolves rubber. In a pinch, you can use a plastic garbage bag
instead.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Kill_Spammers@SubGenius.com (Ragin' Pope Angus)

But never, NEVER use vaseline for a lubricant. I went through a summer
of drive in movies with Susan, adding some vaseline for HER comfort and
pleasure, only to look down AFTERWARDS and seeing just a rubbing ring
around my dork.

Took my stoopid self another semester and chemistry class to learn that
petroleum products and thin latex don't mix.

Come to think of it, it probably wasn't that great for her vagina either.
--
Ragin' Pope Angus
Our Lady of the Blessed Apocolypse
Research Institute of SexHurt

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <friday-ya02408000R1811972024110001@news.thecia.net>,
friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones) wrote:
>
> Sweet Stang, darling Sister Arachnid, I second the motion! Let us bathe
> our toes in the sodden brains of the adrenaline-addicted fools! Let us
> gently sheathe our eggs in their paralyzed flesh before retiring to the
> pleasures of the One True Web!
>
> - Friday
>

YASSsss Friday my darling, there in our STICKY NET to slowly bounccce and
pulsssssate together, as I oozzze onto the Billion Children of "Bob'ssss...
wait, no, no, DON'T BITE OFF MY HEAD, I ---

Help meeeee! Help meeeeeee!

--
Copyright 1997 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones)

In article <347108C1.7632@netaxs.com>, Heather Stamm <maxx@netaxs.com> wrote:

>Hmmm, so I'm a superwoman whose bare breasts can save lives?
>Flattering, darling, but I'm still up in the air about what I'm doing
>for X-Day. Besides, Rev. Strange would put my "teats" to much better use
>than armor any day. Personally, I think I'm much more powerful when
>I'm linked with Susie the Floozie and Friday. Think you could pull
>that off? We shall see...

Imagine us marching into battle, arm in arm in arm, nipples akimbo and
ready to poke out the eyes of the Holocaustians!

- Friday ( * ) ( * ) Jones

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <347108C1.7632@netaxs.com>, Heather Stamm <maxx@netaxs.com> wrote:

> Hmmm, so I'm a superwoman whose bare breasts can save lives?
> Flattering, darling, but I'm still up in the air about what I'm doing
> for X-Day. Besides, Rev. Strange would put my "teats" to much better use
> than armor any day. Personally, I think I'm much more powerful when
> I'm linked with Susie the Floozie and Friday. Think you could pull
> that off? We shall see...

I'm pullin' off right NOW just THINKIN' about it!!

--
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <friday-ya02408000R1811972027450001@news.thecia.net>,
friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones) wrote:

> In article <347108C1.7632@netaxs.com>, Heather Stamm <maxx@netaxs.com> wrote:

>
> Imagine us marching into battle, arm in arm in arm, nipples akimbo and
> ready to poke out the eyes of the Holocaustians!

Yes, that's pretty much what I had visualized while "pampering" my "Inner
Child."

Friday, I like that ASCII picture there of your eyes looking at my hooters.
Or are those supposed to be my hooters looking at your eyes?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: friday@thecia.net (IrRev. Friday Jones)

They're too hairy to be YOUR hooters - must be mine!

- FJ

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