(forgive this, it may ramble more than usual, many thoughts on the
same subject, and no burning desire to connect them artistically)
I admit it, I really like Peter Gabriel. One of my favorite PG songs
is "I Have the Touch." I like shaking hands too. I have the ideal
handshake; warm dry and firm. Sounds like I'm describing my dicks.
Anyway, I've been thinking off and on about touch. Babies die without
it. I think old people do too. Everyone needs to be touched every day.
So many aren't.
When my grandmother was here last I made sure that I held her every
day, kissed her, brushed her hair etc. I thought about all the days
she had to spend alone in her little house with her only physical
contact coming from her dog.
Dogs are pretty good substitutes for human touch. Mine follow me
around everywhere I go. I have a canine entourage. This usually means
that someone in the group is going to get their head patted or their
belly rubbed. For some people, the only regular contact they have with
another being is their pet.
I have a couple of good friends who are overweight. Whenever I see
these individuals, I make sure to touch them. I worry that they don't
get enough contact. People seem to keep their distance from heavy
people.
American people don't touch each other enough. We're primates, for
chrissakes! Most of us don't have lice to pick but that's no excuse
for not touching. I think that part of the problem is that we
associate touch with sex. We're afraid that if we touch our friends
they will think we're coming on to them. Fuck that nonsense. I kiss my
friends (no tongue). I hug them, I rub their shoulders (I braid Sr.
Do-me's hair).
I touch new aquaintances sometimes. I do it deliberately. If you
carefully, yet casually touch someone, they think you like them.
Usually I use a quick touch to the forearm while emphasizing
something. I only do it once. It makes them relax because they think
you like them and they don't have to try so hard. Most of the time,
they don't even notice that I've done it, but they react just the
same.
I stretched out on the bed this morning next to The Bearded Guy and
entangled my feet in his, running my foot up his leg, enjoying the
slight furriness of it. We did a full-body embrace and I rubbed his
back. "Scratch me, right there," he asked. I did so, realizing how
lucky we are. We each have someone that we can touch whenever we want
to. We each have someone who will scratch us where we need scratching,
run their fingers through our hair, massage our backs, touch us when
we need touching. We are happy primates.
I worry about the rest of the world though. I must Mother everything,
I think. I want everyone to have as much Slack as I do. They'd be so
much nicer to each other if they did. (Things would also be much
better if people could learn the difference between being a leader and
being a ruler but that's another musing for another time.) I worry
about those people out there who go day after day with no physical
contact whatsoever, no pets, no lovers, and friends who forget or
never knew that touch isn't always sex.
I thought about my sons. After a certain age, the only contact that I
have with them is a kiss goodnight, a quick hug or a head petting.
When they were little, I could snuggle them and kiss them to my
heart's content. I had physical contact with them in thousands of ways
every day. Then they go through this phase where they're living with
you, but they have almost no contact with you. I think this is why
boys take up contact sports, and girls are so touchy-feely with each
other in adolescence. They need the contact but can't get it from
their parents anymore without seeming to be children.
As a SubGenius minister, I cannot command anyone to do my will, I can
only suggest. I suggest we touch each other more.
tak-tak-a-tak contact
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: CortezLegume <drlegume@bellatlantic.net>
e/w bear wrote:
> >
> I must be the odd one out here. I can't stand anyone but my wife or a close
> friend touching me. I deal with a lot of people in the course of a day and
> this is one of the things that irritates me most: the false sense of
> intimacy and the assumption that it's ok to touch me when you don't even
> know me. It's especially bad coming from women and the elderly. They seem
> to think their "status" gives them licence to be familiar. The look of
> resentment on their faces when I recoil is truly something to see.
>
> This is not a flame. I agree with the primate stuff and the importance of
> touch as far as young children are concerned but once you reach an age of
> independance I think it's better to NOT touch people you don't know. Would
> you walk up to a 280 lb biker in full colors and casually put your arm on
> his shoulder? Only if you want it broken, right? So why make that
> assumption about me? I'm just as easy to annoy and every bit as protective
> of my personal space.
As a 250 lb biker I feel qualified to say the Bear is dead right. I
don't mind physical contact with my friends or family, or even public
displays of affection, but uninvited contact from persons unknown to me
is a damned fine way to earn a trip to the emergency room.
If you don't believe me, ask that rude and presumptuous queer in Madison
who I tried to drown in the toilet during the Slack Crusades. You can
call me homophobe if you want to, but the fact is this guy groped me on
the way to the can, and I didn't know him from Adam. I would NEVER do
that to a woman, and I feel I deserve to receive the same respect I
give. If I did that to some woman I didn't know, odds are I'd end up
with a police baton playing "Wipeout" on my skull, and deservedly so.
Touching s great, I agree with Tarla, but RESPECT is also important.
--
Dr."Cortez" Legume
Looking for the New World
and the Palace of the Sun
Up one level
Back to document index
Original file name: Wanting Contact, I'm
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.