I got trichinosis at X-Day

From: Joshua Horton <jhorton@cceb.upenn.edu>
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 09:13:40 -0400

I'm going to sue those bastards at the Church. I was one of the
faceless participants at the Battle of Armageddon, I fought the good
fight but was rejected in te first round for attempting to kill Stang,
funny how Stang's followers will protect him to the death while the
Saint of Sales whom he claims to still adore gets killed in the first
five years of the church's existence. Dammit, I ate some of the pig
that was roasting at Virtual Valhalla, and I must not have gotten a very
well-cooked piece. The Cyclopaedic Medical Dictionary says that, to
kill the worm, the meat has to be cooked at 160 degrees in all areas.
Well, obviously, mine wasn't, because the next thing you know, I'm at
the doctor barfing up blood and venom and set back all weekend with the
worst diarrhea imaginable. The doctor listens to my tale then and the
very first thing he does is gives me a blood test. After that, he asks
me if I am having may muscle pain and I tell him yes, that my whole
goddamn body is sore. A few more tests, and the diagnosis is back:
Trichnosis. That goddamned pig poisoned me! And you fuckers probabally
have it, too. Well, I'll tell you, this damn class action lawsuit IS
going to go forth, and no stupid waiver or disclaimer is going to keep a
judge from convicting an organization for serving undercooked pork to an
entire battle group full of people.

Praise "Bob"!
Ginsu

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From: bmguth@mtco.nospam.com (Reverend AmphibiousAssault)

In article <35B34284.9CA4933A@cceb.upenn.edu>, jhorton@cceb.upenn.edu
says...
> A few more tests, and the diagnosis is back:
> Trichnosis. That goddamned pig poisoned me! And you fuckers probabally
> have it, too.

Wow. I feel for you, I really do. BUT....

It thrills me to DEATH to know that someone got POISONED at Brushwood!

(OK, technically, it's not a poisoning, but he used the word first.)

-Amph
--
Reverend AmphibiousAssault
Church of the Inevitable Revolution
"History Ends Right Now!"

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From: "Mykal D'Archangel" <md_archangel@hotmail.com>

Hmmm..Funny.. I had the same symptoms on Sunday morning. I thought it was
just the "rupturing" taking effect. Damn...

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From: "kevbob" <kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net>

now,

i KNOW it's wrong to laugh at other people's misery,

but,

i slept through the pig roast.

hehehe.

--
the middle must come to its end.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Aw if you were a REAL subgenius you wouldn't get trichinosis fron a
little underdone pork....you got worms somewhere else kid!
Grab life by the lapels and scream in its face if you want to get anywhere!

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From: p-lil@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

Not me. I ate a hamburger that night, since the lines were shorter. I then
soaked in the hottub for a good twenty minutes before putting on my preaching
robes and giving my killer Apocaleptic Movement rant THAT YOU ALL MISSED
because you were still trying to figure out which end of the pig to eat.

Except for kevbob, who slept through my rant as well.

P.Lil

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From: NENSLO <n@n.slo>

Vegetarian NENSLO says "I TOLD YOU SO!"
EAT MEAT = GET SICK AND DIE
You can't argue with FACT.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "König PreuBe, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>

Hitler was a vegetarian

Some of my best friends are rutabagas

Rutabaga*cilantro/jitomate=salad

You can argue with fact

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From: Locnar@IgLou.com (Randolph S. Vance)
From: e/wbear@hibernia.ca (that bear)

At the very least the Church needs some sort of Kosher

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: postmaster@warez.phantom.com (Dr. Derek Robb, Kaiju no Hakase)

Joshua Horton <jhorton@cceb.upenn.edu> wrote in article <35B34284.9CA4933A@cceb.upenn.edu>...
| Trichnosis. That goddamned pig poisoned me! And you fuckers probabally
| have it, too.

Now.. would you happen to be the guy who was noshin' on the pig head
after it was "launched"? Hands all covered in pigblood and so forth?

Well. If it wasn't you, i'd like to know who it was. 'cuz i'd be quite
curious as to the health state of that particular individual.

--
You can't fight City Hall, but you can for goddamn sure blow it up.

http://www.tezcat.com/~aieeee http://www.nutmeg.net
reply-email to THIS: a i e e e e @ t e z c a t . c o m

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From: "König PreuBe, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>

Don't eat Spam

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From: !!!bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Hey Nensie, remember...no one gets out of here alive, baby.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

> Hitler was a vegetarian

Foul!
Thread over.

--
Haj Don Fnordlioni
donfnord<at>angstrom<dot>net

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum

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From: Joshua Horton <jhorton@cceb.upenn.edu>

Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:

> On the eve of Tue, 21 Jul 1998 14:36:45 -0400, in the Temple of
> <35B4DFBC.547D1BB9@cceb.upenn.edu>, jhorton@cceb.upenn.edu bellowed forth
> across the wasteland:
> >
> >For not eating the meat. Apologia for the gutter-mouth implications left
> >unsaid until now.
>
> Ah, I see.
>

I tried to write a response to this via email, nogo. Perhaps your domain name
is not actually ZubJenius???

> >Anyway, P.Lil, "Bob"=troll? Seriously, when's the last you heard from the
> >guy??
>
> From "Bob"? Gah, I make it a point to avoid "Bob" at all costs. The last
> goddamn thing I need is to be full of Broag just when he shows up. And I'm
> usually quite full of Broag at any given moment.

That explains "ZubJenius."

Ginsu

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From: "?!" <s-c-h-a-b-e@m-r.n-e-t>

NENSLO wrote in message <35B4310D.46F8@n.slo>...
>Vegetarian NENSLO says "I TOLD YOU SO!"
>EAT MEAT = GET SICK AND DIE
>You can't argue with FACT.

Y'know, my wife's a vegetarian. Just came down with something a whole
lot like amebic dysentary, and wondered if she got it at X-Day. Meanwhile,
I ate the damned pig, drank the water, inhaled great heaping lungfuls of
'frop & campfire smoke, drank booze and coffee my every waking moment, and
I'm as healthy as any ten of you put together.

No point to this message or anything. I just wanted to rub it in.

Hope everybody gets well soon.

---
schabe "uberbastard" @mr.net
http://webpages.mr.net/schabe

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From: jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker)

In article <35b60974.4450519@news.mci2000.com>,
temujin9@spamless.mci2000.com (Nathaniel Eliot) wrote:

{ On Tue, 21 Jul 1998 08:28:46 -0500, Sister Decadence
{ <decadence@subgenius.com> wrote:
{
{ >Randolph S. Vance wrote:
{ >>
{ >> In article <35B4310D.46F8@n.slo>, NENSLO <n@n.slo> wrote:
{ >>
{ >> > Vegetarian NENSLO says "I TOLD YOU SO!"
{ >> > EAT MEAT = GET SICK AND DIE
{ >> > You can't argue with FACT.
{ >>
{ >> Why do you all think the JEWISH DON'T EAT PORK? For RELIGIOUS reasons?
{ >
{ > I thought it was based on the archaic belief that Satan had cloven
{ >hooves and therefore they eat nothing with cloven hooves...unless it's
{ >been sanctified...or some such thing.
{
{ One small problem: Jewish belief doesn't (or at least didn't)
{ include a Satan figure. Much less one with cloven hooves.
{

Yah, the horny guy is a conflation of the Old Testament Adversary (who is
much more like a prosecuting attorney FOR Adonai than the much later
apocryphal "fallen/rebel angel, enemy of God") with the Greeks' goat-footed
pan.

Everybody SAYS them smart old Jews prohibited eating pork because they
somehow knew of the risks of trichinosis and stuff like that, but I
dunno... Robert Graves makes a much more cogent point about pigs being
totem animals, and anyway if they didn't EAT 'em, why'd they KEEP 'em?
Answer is prolly for garbage disposals which goes a way toward explaining
why they didn't eat 'em.

Anyway the formula is that the beast is NOT kosher that divideth the hoof
and cheweth not the cud, OR that cheweth the cud and divideth not the hoof.
[See chart]

------------------------------------------
Divide Hoof Chew Cud
------------------------------------------
NOT KOSHER
------------------------------------------
PIG Yes No
------------------------------------------
RABBIT No Yes
------------------------------------------
KOSHER
------------------------------------------
COW Yes Yes
------------------------------------------

Is horsemeat kosher? It would divide NOT the hoof and chew NOT the cud.

--
Jim the Prophet
Licensed SubGenius Minister

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From: Rabbi <maxx@netaxs.com>

Okay, here's proof I can live up to my name. Look at Leviticus for a
good laugh, Chapter 11, I think. Basically, the writer said, "Hmmm,
nine times out of ten, if we're gonna kill something to eat that's good,
it's a cow. Cows are good. Anything that has the attributes of a cow
is good. Anything else is bad. Pigs don't throw up their cud and eat
it again. Pigs are bad." I could get even more technical here, but you
don't really need a bible lesson on a Subgenius newsgroup. Just look at
where it's okay to eat cetain kind of bugs, but they had a decade long
debate on chickens. They keep The Book of The Subgenius in the humore
section and the bible in religion? I dunno...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: BRYNMAWR@webtv.net (D. J. Farrell)
From: NENSLO <n@n.slo>

König PreuBe, GmbH wrote:
>
> NENSLO wrote:
>
> > Vegetarian NENSLO says "I TOLD YOU SO!"
> > EAT MEAT = GET SICK AND DIE
> > You can't argue with FACT.
>
> Hitler was a vegetarian

And a painter.
And he died a MILLIONAIRE!

Just tell me who to kill and how many, I'll tell you where to deposit
the billions.

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From: "König PreuBe, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>

There is no food that I don't like--
Bonobos are omnivorous, I think so--
although I'm not real crazy about eating termites and lizards,
unless they're cooked.
Someplace like Gold Beach would be ideal as far as being central
to all kinds of good food, cheap rent, too! Lots of driftwood.

Is it Crescent Beach where there are funny houses made of driftwood?
I disremember--

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: e/wbear@hibernia.ca (that bear)
>
> "Pigs are bad, mkay? If you eat pigs, you're bad, mkay?"
>
-----------------------------------------------------------
Pigs are a bad investment under marginal farming conditions.

They don't give milk
They can't draw a plough or carry a burden.
They can't be herded over long distances.
They are rooting animals and will destroy crops if they get loose.
They cannot eat grass, and so must be feed grain. Dogs (herding) and cats
(mousing) get what few table scraps are available.
Pigs don't do well in desert conditions because they don't sweat.

However, pigs are very good at converting carbohydrates to protein...

Therefore:

"Total interdiction by appeal to sacred sanctions is a predictable outcome
in situations where immediate temptations are great, but the ultimate costs
are high, and where the calculation of cost-benefits by individuals may
lead to ambiguous conclusions." (pg 193. Cultural Materialism - Marvin
Harris)

ewb

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From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Therefore, pigs are evil. We must destroy all pigs. Pigs are the spawn
of the devil. Kill a pig for the lord. Pigs steal the baby's breath. I
was beaten, abused, and left for dead as a child by a pig. Pigs are the
cause of all of the worlds' problems.
Just say Oink.

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From: p-lil@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

On the eve of Fri, 24 Jul 1998 15:25:51 GMT, in the Temple of
<35b89f45.4245313@news.io.com>, gggor@io.com bellowed forth across the
wasteland:
>
>I mean if we can grow skin and some types of tissue why can't we grow
>beef/pork/poultry/fish tissue, and then show how clever we are by
>getting people to once again forget exactly just what IT is that they
>are eating.

Are we so sure that isn't already happening?

> I have eaten a lot of strange meat in strange countries (dog,
>guinea pig, armadillo, deer, elk, whale, bear, and a variety or
>animals without backbones) and never once came down with any sort of
>parasite because I made damned sure it was cooked well. That's the
>real secret of eating meat...if there's any doubt, make it well-done.
>I realize this will enrage those meat eaters who like it still
>quivering in its own juices, and as far as flavor goes, they are
>right. But for avoiding all sorts of beasties and parasites that live
>in the flesh of animals, it's well-done or un-done!

Especially true if you're eating unfamiliar meat! Me, I can walk into an
Ethiopian restaurant and order kitfo (Ethiopian steak tartare) and have a very
lovely meal. I wouldn't expect everyone to do the same. Hell, in this one
retaurant in San Diego the cook REFUSED to serve the kitfo raw. I guess he
didn't trust the quality of the local beef. Can't blame him, although it didn't
make for a happy meal.

That doesn't mean I'll eat bloody fried chicken or pink pork. Uh-uh.

>Maintaining good health with
>a purely vegan diet is a luxury only monks and Industrialized
>Nations' workers can afford to indulge in!

Thank you, Gordon.

P.Lil

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