Church of the New Order

From: "Rev. Edward Strange" <strange@enter.net>

The reason I joined this church in the first place was because I
thought the world as a whole needed to lighten up. Now I'm sorry to say
that is the church to lighten up. The evil cloak of political
correctness has shaded your eyes from the light of truth.

Gone are the days when SubGenius brother defended SubGenius brother
from the tyranical hand of the Conspiracy. The modern SubGenius seems
more concerned about protecting thier self esteem from the criticism of
stark realists than they are about the GUN THAT IS BEING HELD TO THEIR
HEAD, EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!! I have seen more of you jump to defend
the tender feelings of some poor self diluted sucker than I have lift
even one finger to do the job this church was custom built accomplish..

TEAR DOWN THE WALLS !!! ALL THE FUCKING WALLS !!!

Saucers....you wanted saucers? Haaaa.....everyone with a tear in their
eye at 7:01 would have shit themselves and run the other way had they
shown up. What most SubGenii don't understand is that it was never about
aliens their imaginary saucers or the goddammed plastic head that is
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. Thats right, a sham, a plywood storefront, superficial
eyecandy that protected an infant church from being taken seriously and
thusly crushed.

Well children, it's time to leave the nest. Fly away and be free or
cash into the cold pavement head first, the choice is yours. There comes
a time when you realize that all the bible stories, fables, and story
tales you were told all your life were nothing more than candy coating
for the bitter pills of life's lessons. To prepare you. Every religious
denomination and walk of life has their own pills as a means to their
own ends. None of the medicine ever works if you can't digest as shit
out that ever so sweet candy coating.

And you do know where to find the best pills, don't you? WELL DON'T
YOU!?! Apparently not, judging from the way you react when you think
you've been presented with critisism. You circle defensivly trying to
gather your strength. You bahh and whinny hoping your feeble words carry
some power, ever protective of the young and weak in the group. EXACTLY
LIKE HEARD ANIMALS CONFRONTED BY A PREDITOR!! LIKE SHEEP, LIKE POOR DUMB
SHEEP!!

You can be healed children. But you have to stop using the Church of
the SubGenius as a fallout shelter. You need to use the church to build
a suit of armor woven of Slack and thick skin. Stop being the prey item
and become the predator. That's what the pills are supposed to do, but
you need to get past "Bob". Shit him out like yesterdays watermellon
seeds and learn the beautiful leason that has shown you but you refuse
to look at.

If you don't get it, you'll never have it.

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From: p-lil@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)
Date: 31 Jul 1998 16:46:56 GMT

Thanks, Strange, I laughed my ass off! Man, the IRONY of accusing the Church of
political correctness and yet insisting there's one path of right behavior and
right thought is brilliant. You could go far if you practice ranting like this,
really.

P.Lil

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>

Rev. Edward Strange wrote:

[general disgust at the feeb infestation snipped for brevity]

I was talking to a friend of the jelloheaded wanks mentioned
in a previous post. He has a show on cable access where he
has people TALK about DOING RADIO, instead of DOING whatever
they were going to do on the radio ON the cable access show!!
I told him TO HIS FACE that he was wasting his resources.
And he's not even talking about pirate stuff, clandestinely,
to get his feet wet or get the message or whatever OUT NOW.
No, he wants a KPFA-WFMU type station to magically FALL
like MANNA FROM HEAVEN into his LAP. He's AFRAID that if
he goes pirate and gets caught it will spoil his chances of
doing this 'real' station of which he has NO IDEA of where
to get funding for it.

And I've dealt with many an armchair musician who will not
lift a finger to do anything beyond diddling with their
tape recorders UNLESS some A&R or other such type steps up
and HANDS them an ALLOWANCE FIRST.

These parables are given as an analogies {ANAL-LOG-ENTER-IES}
of the current mental state of a signifigant number of
characters who call themselves SubGeniuses.

Well, since the carrot didn't work, now here's the stick.

I for one and sick beyond death of the asexual Crispin Glover
wannabees. Even more so 'cause I used to be one. In fact,
I used to be exactly like Lynch! Disgusting, huh?

Kids, there's NO PRIDE in being a GEEKASAURUS REX. It's a
FALSE PATH. It also cuts into the Church's sales potential!
I don't want any SubOrdinated novices to follow my footsteps,
unless they're masochists. Crossdressing lesbian masochists
in men's bodies, perhaps, but the rest of you, CROSS NOT
THAT BORDER INTO STEVE'S ABYSS.

You thought this church would protect you from the schoolyard
bullies that grew up and became your bosses, businessmen,
barflies, booking agents, and other authoritarian pukes.

You thought WE would fight your battles for you. Glossed over
the information provided for you to strengthen yourself.

And now you think HANGING OUT in a damn clubhouse scenario
is gonna SAVE you.

Mabye we need to kill 'Bob' for GOOD this time.

Or mabye one of his flesh puppets ... hmmm ....

Reading material? You want reading material?!?!!

Henry Miller. Jim Goad. Anton LaVey.

Bludgeon yourself into higher evolution.

Yeah, it's a world full of cruel rotten shits. WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! Be a dweeb who can't discern pacifism from
passivity? IS THAT SOME KIND OF PSUEDO-REVOLUTIONARY STANCE?
Please, what a waste.

Kiddies, we can't give you a hermetically sealed paradise.
We're not your parents. And we got our OWN horseshit to
shovel.

If you wanna whine about the $30, fine. I think of it as
the APPLICATION fee that enables you to take the BAR EXAM
at 'Bob's' School of Unnatural Law. And you can take it
as many times as you like, until you PASS.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: p-lil@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

On the eve of Fri, 31 Jul 1998 09:25:28 -0500, in the Temple of
<6pskeg$rit@news9.noc.netcom.net>, saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org bellowed
forth across the wasteland:
>
> Strange, you targeted transgenders. The transgenders got pissed off.
> I don't see this as some kind of grand scheme of social engineering
> on your part. Were they expected to say, "Oh, gee! You're right! I
> guess I'm going to stop what I'm doing that gives me the best kick
> around for your sole benefit"?

Actually, Andreux, I have yet to get pissed at Strange. Rolled my eyes, yes.
Laughed my ass off, yes. Pissed? Shit, the boy's just running his mouth
thinking he's being CHALLENGING. Since that's what most people do on this
newsgroup I can't fault him any more than I can praise him--that is, not at
all.

I do get the impression, though, that Strange is bitter that the army of
Superior Mutants he expected turned out to be a bunch of computer geeks,
queers, and other fuckups he can barely stand. Boo fuckin' hoo.

"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke," they say. And LO, they were FUCKED, and
didn't even notice.

P.Lil

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Jahweh Lynch)

Thus spake terrygibson@rocketmail.com:

>In article <35C20D12.854@erols.com>,
> Obnostic@erols.com wrote:
>> Rev. Edward Strange wrote:
>>
>> I for one and sick beyond death of the asexual Crispin Glover
>> wannabees. Even more so 'cause I used to be one. In fact,
>> I used to be exactly like Lynch! Disgusting, huh?

Um, guys? Hey, guys?

I'm apparently not getting all the posts here, so I am not exactly sure-
who exactly called me an asexual Crispin Glover wannabe? I do not really
understand what the heck this thread is about nowadays. Is this supposed
to be a flamewar, or something? Because if so, I refuse to be offended. I
am not some sort of Lou Duchez sacrificial lamb for the amusement of the
Holocaustals. If there are, like, some sort of issues at stake here, like
for instance how Slackful it is to try and set SubGenius against SubGenius
for idle amusement and whether duplicity and hypocrisy is acceptable in
order to advance your vision of a SubGenius World Order or perhaps whether
it is possible for any man, woman, or Yeti to have a claim on the One True
Nature of Reality or whatever, I'll be happy to discuss them, but please
don't expect me to be serious about them.

Otherwise, would you like to talk to my supervisor?

--
"Marry a rat or a dog late in life. Avoid monkeys."
- My Chinese Fortune (oh by the way remove whats to email)
JIGGY WEEK: http://www.thepoint.net/~twgs/jiggy/jiggy.htm

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: axel@SPAMXverinet.com (axel heyst)

In article <6ptl2f$a9$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>,
terrygibson@rocketmail.com wrote:

>I joined the Church to AVOID "stark realists".I
>prefer my truth convoluted.

I joined it to avoid paying taxes, as I heard that that was possible, and
LO, I no longer pay taxes!

You should try it.

Let me know,
L'axel

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Dr.Legume" <drlegume@bellatlantic.net>

Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:

> I do get the impression, though, that Strange is bitter that the army of
> Superior Mutants he expected turned out to be a bunch of computer geeks,
> queers, and other fuckups he can barely stand.

BINGO! You just hit the nail right on the fucking head, P-lil.
--
Dr."Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace of the Sun

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Jahweh Lynch)

Thus spake Dr.Legume:

>Jahweh Lynch wrote:
>> Of course, the very idea that there WERE days when SubGenius brother
>> defended SubGenius brother from ANYTHING is outright laughable. We're a
>> cadre of paranoid loners who don't trust anyone or anything, least of all
>> each other.
>
>Yo, fuck that shit, Lynch. I've stood up to mean drunks who wanted to
>fight Stang. So did Pope Angus.

Good. I am glad you did. But Legume, in a church of exceptions, you are
an exception. Legume, remember when you died? Remember when Stang posted
the address of your family in his tearful memorial post and said they could
really use our support in this difficult time? How much support did they
get from us?

>In Chicago in 1992 a guy tried to fuck with one of our brethren. I
>didn't even know who this Sub was, yet I got in the face of the guy who
>was picking on him.
>
>Hell, I don't EVEN want to hear that shit. There are PLENTY of folks in
>this church that I trust, and there are plenty of them I'd step into a
>fight to protect, even if I didn't know them.
>
>Hell, Lynch, if somebody picked a fight with YOU at Brushwood in front
>of me, I'd plant a size ten boot in their ass. Even though you are
>obviously a distrustful chickenshit.
>
>With your attitude I'd be surprised if you had ANY friends outside of
>Usenet.

I am starting to think that the Holocaustals have mastered a new and
advanced form of Yeti language that looks and smells* exactly like ordinary
everyday English, but is in fact COMPLETELY DIFFERENT and thus utterly
incomprehensible to anyone only schooled in the better-known English
language. I have just had a high-ranking member of a Church renowned for
its utterly cynical and paranoid vision downdress me for my cynicism and
paranoia.

Note, however, that this incomprehensibility is a good thing, as trying to
come to terms with your statements- which are often based on very profound
insights, insights alien to many SubGenii, even if the conclusions can be
bizarre and nonsensical- is a great form of brain isometrics. I'm not sure
if the disdain you obviously hold me in makes your comments more or less
valuable, but I think the Church is definitely a better place for your
presence.

* Mmmmm! Foam rubber!
--
"Marry a rat or a dog late in life. Avoid monkeys."
- My Chinese Fortune (oh by the way remove whats to email)
Jahweh "Dave" Lynch- Asexual Crispin Glover Wannabe At Large
JIGGY WEEK: http://www.thepoint.net/~twgs/jiggy/jiggy.htm

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: !!!bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

p-lil@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench) wrote:

>I do get the impression, though, that Strange is bitter that the army of
>Superior Mutants he expected turned out to be a bunch of computer geeks,
>queers, and other fuckups he can barely stand. Boo fuckin' hoo.

I know how he feels. I was a little bitchy when I got back from the
'96 devival for the same reason. It passes once you realize that these
really ARE your people, no matter how fucking cool you are in real
life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Sketchy Albedo <revjack@radix.net>

MasterChopper explains it all:

:Sketchy Albedo wrote in message <6q2j96$rr3$1@news1.Radix.Net>...
:>Tarla wins again!
:>
:>Everybody: BE MORE LIKE TARLA

:Does that include learning how to tie cherry stems in knots with your
:tongue?

That's step one.

Step two is doing it in your partner's mouth.

:--
:An asteroid is likely to pass within 30,000 miles of Earth on
:Oct. 26, 2028, a Thursday, and there is a possibility that it
:will hit Earth.

"AND YOU MAY DIE!!!" - Pamphlet #1

--
_________________
revjack@radix.net
Are there sections? Consider transitions

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: gggor@io.com (G. G. Gordon)

On 1 Aug 1998 13:43:58 GMT, "kevbob" <kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net> wrote:

(HUGE SNIPPAGE OF LAME AND WEAK QUIBBLING)
>
Sweet dobbs, I have NEVER, NEVER seen so much bad grammar, fuddled
thinking and generally stupid shit in one thread in my life. Doesn't
the very fact that you are arguing about the 'right' sort of slack and
the 'proper' road seem at least ironic, if not downright fucking
stupid. SG's Arguing about reality, that's like a group of virgins
discussing sexual techniques, or draft dodgers playing soldier.
The whole idea behind the founding of this church was that there
needed to be a religion for the warped, twisted, and generally mutated
factions on this planet. It isn't a religion just for manly men, cross
dressers, trans-sexuals, geeks nerds or any other faction. This is a
cynisacreligion, it is an umbrella of Slack that keeps the Con off the
heads of all believers in Dobbs, whether that head is covered with
long straggly locks, skin, stubble or spoons...this is a religion for
superior mutants who can handle it..The very fact that you are all
quibbling about what's "good" or "bad", "proper" or "improper" is mere
tautology and a severe waste of bandspace. Goddammit people you don't
use your brain to think about your religion. Let's knock off all this
post-modern, new age politically correct bullshit quibbling about what
the church isn't and concentrate on what the church is!
Let me try and make it simple for all you pea-brained twits and
ninnies:

SUBGENIUS = US
CON = THEM
SUBGENIUS Vs CON= US Vs THEM
NOT US Vs US or US Vs EACH OTHER

There's plenty of room for everyone under Dobbs' big tent. You don't
like the prayer meeting, schizm, and start your own version, but by
the breath of NHGH quit quibbling like the kids on
alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk! YOU BUNGHEADS AREN'T EVEN FUNNY
OR MILDLY AMUSING THE WAY YOU'RE CARRYING ON AND BESIDES THAT IT'S
TOOOOOOOO FUCKING BORING!!
SCHIZM OR FUCK THE UP SHUT!!!

Grab life by the lapels and scream in its face if you want to get anywhere!

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