Allegedly Genuine Extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords:
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his
foot in the hole in his back passage.
The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the roof.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife is
about to become an expectant mother.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob
off.
I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not
fit to drink.
Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30
his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers
and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
Original file name: DEAR LANDLORD-
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