SOURCE: AP WIRE: 10/21/97
DALLAS:
Former CEO of the SubGenius Foundation, Reverend Ivan Stang announced
today that the selling of the Dobbshead (TM) copyright to Bob Dean of
Toronto was phase one of a plan to launch a massive attack on the weary
populous of this planet with a wholly new religion set to "open its
doors" on the first of January 1998.
The new religion, founded by Rev. Ivan Stang, will be called The
Church of the StanGenius. Sources report this new religion will be just
similar enough to the religion now owned by Bob Dean, yet dissimilar
enough to avoid costly lawsuits and copyright infringements.
The StanGenius Foundation will also be housed in Dallas Texas, at the
same headquarters used for the SubGenius Foundation prior to the Dean
Take-Over. Overseas Headquarters will be housed in the recently renamed
Ivantown, Malasia. The new 'trademark' of this church is a blown up
black and white photocopy of Rev. Ivan Stang's head, taken from a
cut-rate Xerox clone when Stang stuck his head into the photocopier.
It is almost as grainy as the original Dobbshead, but instead of dots,
they are more like smudges.
Prime notables regarding this new church include the Launching of the
Iceknife Palmer head, a rechristening of Stang's Radio Program to
henceforth be known as "the Hour of Stang", talk of pigs, the smoking of
Habragbroagfbran (or smoking 'bro'), and the announcement of a wholly
new End of the World date, slated for the day after Labor Day, 2088.
"I figure I'll be dead by then and people can believe I'll return from
the dead on that day," Rev. Ivan Stang was allegedly quoted as saying,
from a relatively not too dependable source.
This announcement does not come as a surprise to Doktor Zachary
Carleton. He announced publically back in 1987 his belief that Stang was
eventually going to hypnotize everyone into worshipping him. However, no
one listened to the Doktor at the time because several nameless SubGenii
ridiculed him as a "Bobbie". The subsequent death threats caused
Carleton to go into hiding for three years for fear of his life.
"Everything is occurring just as I imagined it," said Doktor Zachary
Carleton when asked about the latest turn of events, "only it's all in
color."
Jesus Christ could not be reached for comment.
--
"J. R. 'Bob' Dobbs faked his own death and went into hiding
to get away from people like me!"
- the Impossibly Reverend Judy Graham
"Brag Of The Bobbie"
___________________________________________________________
Doktor Zachary Carleton - True Bobbie and Clone for "Bob"
http://www.flash.net/~bobdobbs <--still under contstruction
LTBS
Original file name: SubGenius (TM) UNDER NEÉ
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