In article <32333205.660D@alcor.concordia.ca>, The Link
<thelink@alcor.concordia.ca> wrote:
> This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
-10 points off the bat. Not good,sparky. Not good. These better be
fucking good questions. I'm in a mood to FAQ.
{blah blah bullshit. SPIT IT OUT already.}
>
> 1.
>
> Give a concrete example of how subgenius philosophy changed your life
> (i.e., I used to shower in the morning, now I shower at night)
My primary penis now must be folded in half to keep it from popping out
the knee hole in my jeans. Physical, yes, but the result of years of
intense meditation on the word of "Bob".
>
> 2.
>
> Let=B9s suppose the Church of the Subgenius became insanely popular
> one day for whatever reason - would it be less fun to be a member?
See my post on "NO HIP WITHOUT THE CON". What other dweebs do or do not do
has absolutely NO bearing on my belief in "Bob"'s love for my money.
>
> 2 1/2.
> Let=B9s just suppose that the Church of the Subgenius were entirely a
> joke - isn=B9t the riffing of Southern Christianity/Scientology getting a
> little old hat? Couldn=B9t a far more interesting parody faith be built
> around zen buddhism, say?
Who said it isn't? They're the originators of the fucking "or kill me"
uberjoke. The damn buddah was the FIRST subgenius.
>
> 3.
>
> What do you attribute as the reason for the consistently high quality
> of graphic art and HTML programming featured in Subgenius web
> pages and that of its members?
Talent seeks it's own twisted level.
>
> 4.
>
> How is it possible to achieve =8Cslack=B9 when to attempt to achieve it
> requires some conscious effort on the person which arguably would
> result in the loss of more =8Cslack=B9 and falling further away from their
> goal of achieving the ideal =8Cslack=B9 state?
NO SLACK. forget this question. It doesn't exist. HEY! LOOK! Over
THERE! ... <SMACK> <WHAP> next question.
>
> 4 1/2.
>
> Follow-up question: why doesn=B9t the church/Ivan Stang write shorter
> books, say the length of a collection of zen koans? Wouldn=B9t that
> better allow members to have more time devoted to doing nothing,
> thereby having a better chance of achieving the =8Cslack=B9 state?
What, is STang, our Sacred Scribe, your fucking PISS-BOY? If that's what
you want, DO IT yer OWN damn self. Then, SELL IT TO US! TAKE OUR
MONEY as a symbol of the holy salesman who fleeces us from beyond
the luck plane.
>
> 4 3/4.
>
> Is there not a possibility that the Church of the Subgenius is _itself_
> a part of the Conspiracy to rob more people of slack under the guise
> of giving the more by having long, obscurely humorous books be the
> central reading of the religion and inciting them to spend long,
> intense, work-filled hours producing HTML pages/Subgenius
> music/Subgenius lit, in fact, not slacking off at all?
FUCK YA Stangs a goddamn workaholic. We gotta FORCE him to take a day
off. Then, as soon as he gets comfy in the hammock, we all call the
foundation and BITCH LIKE COUNTRY-CLUB WIVES about our late merchandise.
We all give as well as we recieve.
>
> 5.
>
> Given that deliverance from X-Day is to come from sex goddess
> driven spaceships, do you not see a difficulty in recruitment of het
> women to the church, i.e. wouldn=B9t they prefer to be transported
> away on vessels manned by Leonardo diCaprio clones?
You SEXIST! What makes you think the SEX GODDESSES are even HUMAN let
alone FEMALE! They are BOTH and NEITHER! They fuck EVERYTHING to within
an inch of yer afterlife, the most HIDEOUS VILE STENCH-LADEN and SEXIEST
damn creatures you could possibly DREAM OF.
>
> 6.
>
> A follow-up question: give a rough estimate (based on interactions in
> the church, devival meetings, etc.) of the woman-to-man ratio in the
> church?
One Uberfemme is worth 50 socially-retarded male-things.
>
> 6 1/2.
>
> The release date of the first movie of the next Star Wars trilogy will
> be May 24th, 1998. Do you feel that in anticipation of X-Day the
> release date will be changed (even though every major Lucasfilm
> release since the first Star Wars movie has come out for Memorial
> Day weekend) or that it doesn=B9t really matter, because the invading
> aliens might turn out to be a sizable section of the target audience for
> such a picture?
If it's a goddamn muppet-merchandizing freakshow like #3 was, I hope
that Lucas is the first one the Xists take out.
> 7.
>
> A member of the church is asked to co-operate for an article whose
> intent may be to propagate false information on the church and may
> be a part of the conspiracy to mislead the public about the purpose
> of the Church. What do you do and why?
I tell him IT'S BEEN DONE. But, GO FOR IT. I'll do anything I can to help
bring down that bunch of dog raping hamster sucking heretics.
DEATH TO ALL OF THEM. watcha pay?
>
> 8.
>
> Why did the subgenius cross the road?
To fuck the chicken on the other side.
NEXT!
Andy "Vat 'o Faqs" Testa
--
Acid's like a woman: A good one will eat right through your pants.
- Mel Gibson
------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: subgenius questions
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
Date: 9 Sep 1996 01:56:23 GMT
The Link (thelink@alcor.concordia.ca) wrote:
: 1.
:
: Give a concrete example of how subgenius philosophy changed your life
: (i.e., I used to shower in the morning, now I shower at night)
Tricky issue. There really isn't much of a SubGenius philosophy, other
than finding your own philosophy. Yes, there's dogma and catchphrases
and concepts, but it's rather like the "serving suggestion" on a box of
Lucky Charms: more than likely, you won't slice a banana and bake a bran
muffin, in fact you may not even put milk in the bowl. You might just
eat out of the box, in fact.
However, SubGeniusness did help me finally come to terms with certain
Catholic habits I used to have. Today's Sunday. Several years ago, I
might have been in church this morning. But now that I've found "Bob", I
wasn't. It's a good self-deprogramming tool, in fact it helps deprogram
itself out of your system as well.
: 2.
:
: Let=B9s suppose the Church of the Subgenius became insanely popular
: one day for whatever reason - would it be less fun to be a member?
Depends upon the reason. If it were insanely popular for a day because it
was the "in" thing to do, I'd run screaming. alt.slack (which, for me, is
the Church) is where I get to talk with people who can maybe appreciate me
for myself. I'd grow extremely uncomfortable if this turned into a
"Praise 'Bob'!" fest. Notice how we don't discuss "Bob" much here ...
that should tell you how popular the Church is with its members. It's a
touchstone, perhaps, but not our focus.
Now if the Church became popular because Dyna's secret subliminal
messages suddenly caused everyone's minds to snap into new modes of
comprehension? Hell, that'd be fantabulous! The following day would be
a bummer, however.
: 2 1/2.
: Let=B9s just suppose that the Church of the Subgenius were entirely a
: joke - isn=B9t the riffing of Southern Christianity/Scientology getting a
: little old hat? Couldn=B9t a far more interesting parody faith be built
: around zen buddhism, say?
Let's say that the Church of the SubGenius were entirely a waffle maker.
Wouldn't it be a pain in the butt to have to clean it out every time you
used it?
Let's say that the Church of the SubGenius were entirely a box of 5.25"
diskettes with pirated software from 1986. Wouldn't it be better just to
toss the whole thing out to make room for more useful products?
You pose a hypothetical question leading to a single answer, and then you
ask us to get all subjunctive with you? Sorry.
: 3.
:
: What do you attribute as the reason for the consistently high quality
: of graphic art and HTML programming featured in Subgenius web
: pages and that of its members?
Intelligence and creativity tend to draw people to the Church.
: 4.
:
: How is it possible to achieve =8Cslack=B9 when to attempt to achieve it
: requires some conscious effort on the person which arguably would
: result in the loss of more =8Cslack=B9 and falling further away from their
: goal of achieving the ideal =8Cslack=B9 state?
Are you saying that =8Cslack=B9 (watch the Mime, sonny) is inactivity?
Don't get all twentysomething with us. Slack, capital S, takes different
forms for each person. This evening, Slack for me consisted of giggling
like a schoolgirl as I drove through the backroads of Berea, recounting a
recent "This Modern World" cartoon. Slack takes on different forms for
different people, and for most of us, it involves a little effort of some kind.
: 4 1/2.
:
: Follow-up question: why doesn=B9t the church/Ivan Stang write shorter
: books, say the length of a collection of zen koans? Wouldn=B9t that
: better allow members to have more time devoted to doing nothing,
: thereby having a better chance of achieving the =8Cslack=B9 state?
No. See previous answer about what Slack is. Also consider that this
isn't a Church where we listen to our elders much. They've written
useful books, yes, but they are not taken with the same unquestioning
belief afforded by Christians to their Ghost Story Treasury. Useful
concepts are contained in the books, but we aren't looking to turn to
Stang as the source of all wisdom. We like him, we respect him, but
when he gets too uppity he pisses us off. We're all that way to each
other, in fact. Ultimately, we all respect ourselves most of all, and
don't depend on each other for snappy one-liners.
Except for Dyna's tagline file. That's pretty cool. I bet most of these
ISP-born folks don't even know what a QWK offline reader is, and are
astounded at how Dyna tacks those babies on.
: 4 3/4.
:
: Is there not a possibility that the Church of the Subgenius is _itself_
: a part of the Conspiracy to rob more people of slack under the guise
: of giving the more by having long, obscurely humorous books be the
: central reading of the religion and inciting them to spend long,
: intense, work-filled hours producing HTML pages/Subgenius
: music/Subgenius lit, in fact, not slacking off at all?
Your definition of Slack hasn't gotten any better, but yes, the Church may
well be part of the Con. I tend to think it isn't, however, in that it
helps frame the concept of the Con in people's minds, where they might not
have thought of it that way before. Now the Church could be a red herring
for those fooled by the normal Con, who might perceive the REAL Con if
left unchecked ... but that's the risk. Since we don't "follow" it much
anyway, I don't think we're any worse off.
: 5.
:
: Given that deliverance from X-Day is to come from sex goddess
: driven spaceships, do you not see a difficulty in recruitment of het
: women to the church, i.e. wouldn=B9t they prefer to be transported
: away on vessels manned by Leonardo diCaprio clones?
What do you think "Bob" is there for?
: 6.
:
: A follow-up question: give a rough estimate (based on interactions in
: the church, devival meetings, etc.) of the woman-to-man ratio in the
: church?
Stang recently reported a 2:1 man:woman ratio. Since each woman probably
has twice as many sex organs as each man, that's probably just about right.
: 6 1/2.
:
: The release date of the first movie of the next Star Wars trilogy will
: be May 24th, 1998. Do you feel that in anticipation of X-Day the
: release date will be changed (even though every major Lucasfilm
: release since the first Star Wars movie has come out for Memorial
: Day weekend) or that it doesn=B9t really matter, because the invading
: aliens might turn out to be a sizable section of the target audience for
: such a picture?
Star Wars? I don't care unless Chris Elliot gets to play the paperboy.
: 7.
:
: A member of the church is asked to co-operate for an article whose
: intent may be to propagate false information on the church and may
: be a part of the conspiracy to mislead the public about the purpose
: of the Church. What do you do and why?
I answer it, on the grounds that it may be a sincere request (even if it
PROBABLY isn't). If it's an insincere request, well, this fictitious
interviewer could probably make up all the fake information he wanted
anyway so it's not like I was aiding and abetting. Much.
: 8.
:
: Why did the subgenius cross the road?
Because the Winking Lizard Tavern in Peninsula, Ohio was on the other
side. Mind you, that means that the SubGenius was actually at Fisher's
Family Restaurant which is pretty good too, but the Winking Lizard is better.
http://winkinglizard.com/wl/
Original file name: subgenius questionsLou
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