Subject: Spiderman: Greatest Story Ever Told

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

I just finished watching Spiderman all the way to the end.

It's FABULOUS!! I can't think of ANY complaints, not ONE. I can't WAIT
to see it in a theater. (I watched a pirated DivX version.)

I hope Huey lives to see it! Actually I phoned the Hellpope's residence
today to make sure, but got no answer.

I had to call my wife and CONFESS what I had done, that I couldn't wait
until next week to go to the theater with her to see it. She forgave me
because she knows the special place the very old Marvels hold in my
heart, and also in that locked chest I have stashed in a secret place.
Plus she doesn't care as much as I do if they get J. Jonah Jamieson's
haircut exactly right. (They did, and there's even a gag about it.)

I would think that the great kook-artist-genius Steve Ditko would be
proud as punch.

Strangely enough, the DivX version I got has a trailer for THE HULK at
the beginning, at the expense of some of the Spiderman end credits.
(Had to be able to fit onto a 700 mb CDR, see.)

Anyway... this and the LotR movie make up for H. G. Wells' grandson's
utter castration and Pinkification of The Time Machine in that god
forsaken remake.

Hollywood pussies may have turned the Working Man Morlocks and the
Country Club Eloi into Republican Morlocks and Hippie Eloi -- a
complete bastardization, unforgiveable -- but at least SPIDERMAN still
has his glowing hairy poisonous balls.

I have NEVER hated any super villain so much as the Green Goblin. I
almost CRIED when Peter's aunt was threatened. And the stark cartoonish
portrayal of the misunderstood nerd in high school, the unrequited
love, all that geek loser stuff -- AAAAAHHHHH!!! I lak to CREAMED when
the first "powers" started to show. Tobey McGuire was an inspired piece
of casting. Such a NICE boy.

Now, for some people, HARRY POTTER is probably the ultimate in wish
fulfillment. But I'm stuck at a slightly more macho and admittedly less
literary stage of adolescence, and SPIDERMAN is the ultimate in wish
fulfillment near-porn for a good-ol'-boy type of geeky nerd like
myself.

Where the FUCK do you think I got my trademarked and copyrighted
ALL-CAPS for EMPHASIS mode of punctuation... from reading too many KOOK
PAMPHLETS? Nay, sir-maam. Strictly from reading TOO MANY COMIC BOOKS.
And not that pussy-ass DC crap.

And the sad thing is, I had to swear off comic books went the price
went past 50 cents.

So I know nothing of this Alien Venom Spiderman, or your Long Haired
Superman, or any of these New School variations on the tried and true
Kirby-Ditko-Lee classics.

But Ah know what I like, and I just LOVE the way Spiderman can thrash
the HELL out of a whole gaggle of thugs ON CAMERA, IN WIDE SHOT, ONE
BIG THRILLING CUT, no cheap cutaways to hide the wires... fucking god
damn KILLER super-power stuff.

It is so many millions of times cooler than real life, I just want to
watch those fight scenes and swinging through the city scenes OVER and
OVER.

I am so jealous of Sam Raimi I want to cut out his eyes and ears so he
can't direct any more, that's how jealous I am of him. If I was a
musician I'd deafen Elfman too. And that fucking Dykstra fuck, OHHHH
what I'd do to him out of sheer rampant envy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Spiderman: Greatest Story Ever Told
From: El Queso <the_cheese_23@yahoo.com>

The Flaming Carrot is the greatest superhero of all. Spidey is not fit
to polish the Carrot's .45's. UT!!! Its a good thing Mystery Men sucked.
We'd be seeing a bad F.C. movie for sure, otherwise.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Spiderman: Greatest Story Ever Told
From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
> Now, for some people, HARRY POTTER is probably the ultimate in wish
> fulfillment. But I'm stuck at a slightly more macho and admittedly less
> literary stage of adolescence, and SPIDERMAN is the ultimate in wish
> fulfillment near-porn for a good-ol'-boy type of geeky nerd like
> myself.

FIRES ON THE PLAIN

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Spiderman: Greatest Story Ever Told
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

THIRTY FOUR NINETY FIVE??!?!?

"Fires on the Plain"
1959
Directed by Kon Ichikawa

VHS NTSC
Item#: JPN025-1
Price: $34.95

Ichikawa's powerful depiction of the inhumanity of war and
passionate cry for sanity. A soldier, part of the retreating Japanese
army, is forced to hide in the Philippine jungle, where he finds
disease, death and cannibalism. Minimal dialog and intense visual
images build to a work of immense power.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Spiderman: Greatest Story Ever Told
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

NeuroManson wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote..

> > I just finished watching Spiderman all the way to the end.
> >
> > It's FABULOUS!! I can't think of ANY complaints, not ONE. I can't WAIT
> > to see it in a theater. (I watched a pirated DivX version.)
>
> Yes... It is... Mine had Japanese subtitles and was videoed with a James
> Bondesque button camera...

That was the first version that started going around. There's a much
better one, no subtitles. Not a DVD rip, but perfectly watchable 4:3
ratio.

My problem with this movie piracy is that there's a new DivX codec
every month. And a new beta version of WinRAR every month. And awhile
back, everything started being uploaded yENCed. So far, every single
movie I downloaded required at least one new software part, either to
decode or to play.

On top of that... the Mac versions of things like RAR 3.01b7 and DivX
5.0.1 take 6 months to appear, and by then they're 6 versions behind. I
have a PC and a Mac. The Mac is pretty new and super-fast. The PC is
old and slow.

So, I have to download the RAR parts using the Mac (only one on a cable
modem). Then I make a CD of those and put it in the PC to decode with
the latest WinRAR. Then I burn that DivX Avi to a CDR since the PC
can't actually RUN these movies. Then, in the Mac, I convert the movie
to Quicktime DiVX and watch the hell out of it in marvelous stereo on a
big monitor with my face about 3 inches from the screen. I give the AVI
disks to Mister Sister and his kid, Little Mister Sister.

Going to the movie theater 3 blocks away and paying $6 would be the
other option, BUT WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?!??

My actual motivation in all this is PURE TOOL-USERY and TOMFOOLERY. I
just love the geeking and the machinery of it. Every time I beat one of
these problems I stand on top of my car naked, beat my chest like a
gorilla and do the Johnny Weismuller Tarzan yell (which I'm pretty good
at, considering).

I have not actually watched half the movies I downloaded. Or rather, I
watched just enough to make sure they worked.

I am working towards a good clean CD-R copy of ARISE that would be
playable in any Windows Media Player and be real easy to copy. AND look
good. Mister Sister made a pretty decent one himself, but I can make
one from something much closer to the master, and fiddle with it until
it's exactly 700 mb and very slick quality. So slick that to see it,
you'd have to download TWENTY brand new software parts.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Spiderman: Greatest Story Ever Told
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

dyskolos wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

> > "Fires on the Plain"
> > 1959
> > Directed by Kon Ichikawa

> $2 to rent. There's a scene where the starving protagonist finally
> gets his hands on a stiff dry fragment of human flesh but he can't eat
> it because his teeth fall out. JUST LIKE REAL LIFE. When at last you
> are broken down to the point that you will do the thing that most
> repels you just to stay alive, YOU CAN'T.

PRUNES. PRUNES I tell you. People forget the good old fashioned tried
and true remedies. Even when you think you CAN'T, with prunes, YOU CAN!

That does sound like a very poignant and intense movie. How are the CGI
effects?

JES KIDDIN'!!

You know, ONE OF THESE DAYS we really should start the List of Things
to See, Say, and Do. But as we have seen here, it would be an
impossibly large list and the project would be fraught with arguments.

You know, the "SubGenius Recommended Reading/Watching/Doing" list. I
could start by listing all my favorite books and movies. But no doubt
half o those would "suck" to half the SubGenii, and they would have
their own additions to the list that everybody ELSE would think
suckful.

Like for instance that book CLASS that the Kossys lent me some time
ago. I think everybody should read that. (Princess Wei still hasn't
finished reading it! After YEARS!) But then the Commie SubGenii or the
Republican SubGenii or the Democrat SubGenii or the Morlock SubGenii
will want to wage WAR over it. And what do you do with something like
Ayn Rand, or Szukalski. They're totally fucked, yet great.

Whatcha gonna do. I ask ya. Whatcha gonna do.

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Original file name: Spiderman- Greatest Story EverE - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:39