Subject: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor

From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

OK, so, I just got finished watching the new Time Machine movie from a
download, and of course, I have a couple of questions.

1. How fast is a time machine? I mean, how many years forward can you
go per hour (or back)? How would they rate that seeing that one unit of
time divided by another works out to a constant? I mean, if you travel
in a car, you don't say, well, if I go forward one mile, and it takes me
one mile's distance to go that mile, I'm pretty much running at one mile
per mile. Heh, considering it's a TIME machine, does it really matter
how fast it goes?

2. If Ford and Chevy made time machines, do you think they'd be in a
speed race?

3. If two time machines crash into each other, what are the
consequences?

4. Do you think the gummint would ever show an interest in setting rules
for the safe operation of time machines?

5. What if you had a big time machine, and you then put a littler time
machine inside, and climbed into that one, and set both on maximum
"speed". Would you get "there" way lots faster?

6. If you decide to go way into the future or past, will you find truck
stops along the way?

7. If you go way, way, into the future and ask around a lot and find
out that nobody there has ever met a time traveller, what does that tell
you?

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Subject: Re: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor
From: "irk" <reply@here.flipt>

> 2. If Ford and Chevy made time machines, do you think they'd be in a
> speed race?

Sure, if'n they can git some sponsors like
Pennzoil Time Lube-- Protect against warp viscosity breakdown.
Pepsi -- Choice of every generation.

> 4. Do you think the gummint would ever show an interest in setting rules
> for the safe operation of time machines?

Prolly
http://www.osha.gov/pls/oshaweb/owadisp.show_document?p_table=STANDARDS&p_id
=10227&p_text_version=FALSE

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Subject: Re: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor
From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

irk:
>>link<<

Hmmm. I guess I better be careful when I PAINT my time machine.

Which brings up another question. If I go fast enough through time, no
matter what color I painted the time machine, would it appear RED to
everybody that watched it speed by?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor
From: Jim Vandewalker <jim.vandewalker@verizon.net>

iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:

> 6. If you decide to go way into the future or past, will you find truck
> stops along the way?

"Last Exit to Babylon" by Roger Zelazny

Sometimes I really hate the environment of endless
troll-paranoia we've created for ourselves here.
--Jeremy Impson in alt.religion.kibology

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Subject: Re: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor
From: glassgnost <dlindnerSPAMBLOCKED@socal.rr.com>

iDRMRSR wrote:
> OK, so, I just got finished watching the new Time Machine movie from a
> download, and of course, I have a couple of questions.

Douglas Adams has already handled this one. The single biggest problem
with Time Travel is Keeping the Grammar Straight.

Any other misadventures you might stumble into with a Time Machine ain't
nothin' that a Time Machine won't allow you to fix.

I think I've seen this thread before...

I've always made it a solemn practice to never drink anything stronger
than tequila before breakfast.
-- R. Nesson

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Subject: Re: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor
From: ridetheory@yahoo.com (ignatz topolino)

> 1. How fast is a time machine?

We all currently live in a time machine that goes 1 hour per hour.

> 2. If Ford and Chevy made time machines, do you think they'd be in a
> speed race?

NAASCAR time machines!

> 3. If two time machines crash into each other, what are the
> consequences?

WHEN are the consequences! You're not thinking fourth-dimensionally!

> 4. Do you think the gummint would ever show an interest in setting rules
> for the safe operation of time machines?

Cheapass Games has a fairly new board game called "U.S. Patent #1" in
which all the players are time machine inventors racing to get to the
patent office first. Kind of brilliant.

> 5. What if you had a big time machine, and you then put a littler time
> machine inside, and climbed into that one, and set both on maximum
> "speed". Would you get "there" way lots faster?

What if you put a microwave in a time machine, could you cook popcorn
in like, 1/10th of a second? And what would that sound like -- one
big POP?

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Original file name: Dear SubG Time Travel Advisor - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:39