From Jesus Christ -- jesus@subgenius.com
Business Manager/Lord
Church of the SubGenius
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X-DAY '98 Video is FINISHED!
120 min, all the nudity, all the violence, all the ranting, in a 2 hour video. Only $20. If you were there, you will WANT to get it; if you weren't, you MUST get it! This is the long-prophesied companion video to ARISE! Over 21 only -- contains much nudity. Here's the LOG. ORDER NOW.
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ANTI "BOB" T's
I sure hope this wasn't some of Dobbs' hidden prophesy for '99... but it most probably is. About 2 dozen of the "Bob"/Anti "Bob" t's were printed up with the fucking ANTI "BOB" on FRONT!!!! This is a rare misprint of which, up 'til today, only one existed. Well ,we're not stuck with 'em, but our printer is. And before he uses them to tie up his secretary and whip her into a sexual frenzy (one of my many suggestions to him), you can buy them.
ONLY $8! No lie.
Same quality T, same "Bob", same Anti "Bob". Hell, you perverts probably will LIKE the Anti "Bob" on the front. Anyway, this offer is limited and only for you, our personal friends, and prayer partners.
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New Tape PACKS
We've created 3 new cassette packages, each contains 4 cassette tapes in a collectors case. Pretty neat huh?
The Slack Attack Pak - $20 you save $6
(4 x 60 min.)
The Best of the Hour of Slack along with 3 of the best gosh darn Hour of Slacks known to man. Of course we will use our wisdom to decide at any given moment which 3 are the best. Trust us.
Best of Media Barrage - $25 you save $9! (4 x 90 min.)
Media Barrage #0, 10, 11, 12
"Bob's" Ear Infection - $25 you save $3! (3 x 60 min./ 1 x 90 min.)
Media Pollution, Ears of "Bob", Hairs in "Bob's" Ears, and "Bob's" Ear Wax. Essentially the Best of ""Bob" Music" collection.
And don't forget the cool plastic collectors case makes it worth buying these all over again if you already own them.
You can call 1-888-669-2323 to order or check out the cool shopping cart program at:
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog
OR JUST SEND THE $$ to SubGenius Foundation, PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214
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What the Hell!
You thought you were signing up to get news and all this is one big ad!
Praise "Bob"
Actually the news is coming, be patient.
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STARK FIST
Ok, here's news AND an ad. The Stark Fist (Now in Tower Records) will be out in mid Feb... we hope. The sad truth is once it's completed, we may not have the over $2000 required to print and mail it out. Your donations are APPRECIATED!!! And if that makes you feel like a sucker, buy an ad. Not only will all the Subs see your ad, but a whole host of new weirdoes can pick it up on the news stand. Ads start at $25. You can get a classified (30 words) for $10! Hell, you can buy a whole page for $500. Much more economical than USA Today.
You can email me your classifieds, or call 1-888-669-2323 for info on larger ads.
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Speaking of Ads.
Thanks to the generosity of the Supreme Supervisors of the Church we began our first ever legit ad campaign. Now you can see "Bob's" smiling face in Weekly World News, Pop Smear, UFO, Gnosis, Onion and many others. Actually the WWN ads just ran out... but don't worry, he'll be back.
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SubGenius MegaFisTemple 5.0 Open for Business.
To confuse the Con, the US postal service, and ourselves, we moved our mail order offices. Third time in 3 years, so this should be lucky. Actually, Dallas Circle of Ten Sub-member, TRAMMEL CROW, demolished the old office once he discovered our activities. That is OK, because we needed more room, and this skyscraper has a better view anyway. (I think Rev. Nickie may have a more detailed story in the next Fist)
I must give mighty props to Rev Nickie DeathChick as well as Rev. Magdalen. Together we moved and rebuilt (yes, with our bare hands) the entire Foundation in 3 days. Which is as I predicted. Rev Nickie , who up to this point never soiled her hands with such trivial pursuits as manual labor, not only single handedly cleared 10 Acres of pristine wooded countryside with the Land Raper, but poured the concrete AND laid the beams for the first floor. Some say she did it just to watch the Bobbies pitifully attempt to climb out of the drying cement, just to bulldozed back in -- but we all know she did it because she loves "Bob".
And of course let us not forget.. Me. For if it wasn't for My superior knowledge of fiber fill insulation blowers, and the miracles of Great Stuff, we would not be where we are today.
No kidding, our neighbors thought it had snowed when they saw the yard covered in insulation, Ahhh.. Texans.
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Too Much Shit
Ok friends, I'm sorry, but there's just too much going on right now. I could write forever. Sorry this update has been so long in the making but things are CRAZY here, even more so than usual. I'll try to switch to list form... here goes...
Devival tour? Possible in April.
Pope Angus buys Church in Texas - Just the beginning?
Stang interviewed by the French TV variety show.
Stang interviewed by NPR (show called "ANTHEM").
X Day on its way - many changes, possible hot shot guests.
Membership increase - aren't you glad you got in when you did?
CD Project - Stang - ESO to be released this year.
NEW BOOK - Well, actually reprint of old book, with new stuff .
New Arise- Well, actually old Arise with new stuff.
COSG to appear at several Cons, seminars, stay tuned
X-Day at Brushwood, Sherman, NY July 1 - 4 plan now!
(Send in SASE for X-Day info if your Stark Fist Subscription has ended. )
Web site to undergo major changes-
CD-ROM HOS Project , we'll see, looks good. Send us your money.
Hour of Slack # 666 just released - can you believe it.
New York State placed on Jesus' hitlist -- move to Texas now!
Write Donation on a dollar and send it in, you'll feel better.. really Ok, ok, Dilute, Dilute.
That's all folks. All is good, Membership is up, but we really could use your financial support, don't forget your monthly hate offering. Please.. someone... anyone.
Slack!
Your Messiah
Jesus
Rev. J.C. "Steve" Bevilacqua
Business Manager
www.subgenius.com
Toll Free Ordainment 1(888)669-2323
Send $1 to:
The Church of the SubGenius, PO box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214.
Original file name: Jesus REPORT Jan. 98!!
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