I opened a Mystery Box that came to the Sacred P.O. Box, and inside was my HAT, thought stolen at X-Day! The same hat, though grown softer of skin, and fatter!
El Gordo's letter (written on the back of a paperback book cover, THE NUN, THE DOG AND THE PLEASURE (seriously):
"Rev. Stang! El Gordo here! I think this is your hat! I found this near the garbage cans the afternoon I left Brushwood and felt it had been dumped. After reading your X-Day report on the SubGenius web page, I felt like a real * (asshole). Please believe this was not a premeditated theft or anything like that. I meant to mail this to you in July but the hat got left at a friend's loft in NYC -- he mailed it back to me last week and I'm mailing it to you!! Would you please drop the enclosed postcard in the mail to confirm receipt of your hat... and help me avoid that nasty curse you posted on the Internet!
Adios, El GORDO"
THE CURSE... IS LIFTED!!
I loved this hat for many reasons, first of which is that it fits me. I am of the Giant Headed People tribe, Size Eight and a Half or over, and "Extra Large" is not a frequently found hat size. Some of you may also encounter this same problem regarding condoms... or men. Yet because of my Condition, I'm NEVER supposed to let the sun touch me directly, so I must wear a hat to venture out. (According to Dr. Van Helsing, I'm SUPPOSED to dress like Marlon Brando in THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU whenever I go out. Although the animal-man rickshaw pullers are optional, I try to use them whenever I can.)
I AM SO GLAD TO HAVE THE HAT AGAIN!! I AM SO GLAD TO KNOW THAT IF IT WAS STOLEN, IT WAS AT LEAST THEN DISCARDED! AND *FOUND!!!* *FOUND!!!*
JUST AS I FOUND ONAN'S LOST RARE HAT on MONDAY when I went looking for my lost hat one last time at Brushwood!
Dobbs saves those who saves themselves and who turn in each other's lost wallets and keys to Lost and Found!
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Someone else and I will have been married 25 years on Monday at 5 pm CST! Then on Tuesday morning, I go to the Day Surgery of Dr. Moreau to have my SNOT amputated, that I might never be dizzy again!!
You're welcome... I know you're thanking me for sharing that with you. Too much more than you wanted to know is better than not enough.
Jesus and Mary survived their honeymoon in Amsterdam, and He is fixing to send out the FIST to the printers. The kooks get HIM now when they call, not ME, praise Dobbs, praise Jesus.
I am going to attempt to update SubSITE with about godteen zillion things, AND edit Reel Two of the Long Cut of X-Day 98 Brushwood video. Hopefully these experiments will be performable by me even with a bandaged face. I will look like Darkman or Claude Rains as the Invisible Man next week. "You FOOLS! So! You're frantic to know who I am, and WHAT I am! Well then, I'll show you!" (Stang starts unwrapping bandages) Cop: "By Garmy! 'E's all EATEN AWOY!!"
Original file name: EL GORDO RESCUES STANG-HAT!
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