Hour of Slack #1784 - Uncut 1994 ESO Swamp Radio Classic SubGenius Episode Part 1

Radio: 59:47 Internet: 64:02

This is not exactly a rerun, but rather a long lost classic, recently unearthed. We found the master recording of an ESO Swamp Radio and Brain Rot Theater show that Stang sat in on while visiting WCSB in Cleveland in July of 19 and 94. We were all young and in our prime, with the FIRE in the BELLY, and it really shows. Bits have been used before on ancient Hours of Slack, but this recording stands alone just fine, possibly much better, and it's a superior reproduction of the original master recording. It was in fact two hours long and we'll probably run the second hour next week. Participants include host Prof. Chas Smith (R.I.P.), Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Princess Wei 'R." D'oh!, Ivan Stang, and several callers including the late Dr. Dark.

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LOG of THIS EPISODE:

LEMUR TITLE, STANG INTO

ESO RADIO!! 7-94 Side one, Tape One
Weird music intro
Men of Earth... “Bob” helping the Children of Jokertown, sold hate to a SubGenius -- Bob was born to sell... selling lightnin’ rods... we’re here to tell you what you want. You must clear your mind. Now listen. It can backfire. It could happen to yopu too. We don’t want to hurt you. Understanding can only be imparted over a long period unless you’re spending a lot... or you can pay for the plane ticket to Malaysia... the jungles of Dobbstown... Bob & Gordon...
It was a sumptuous planet... we’ have to move on to a NEW PLANET. The Planet Eaters. Just dig in... that’s some mighty good planet... salting Jupiter, “I want the red spot!” THE PLANET EATERS. LCD on traditional planet eating... Mt. Olympus went downhill after Dobbs moved it to Malaysia...
CHAS does INTROs!
The moon is just a condiment. The chef adds the perfect species to each planet for the fine toxic flavors...
(Transmission breaks up -- SPACE sounds) --
(SEND TO PAUL)
We are flying over Mars... giant Pipe volcano on Mars... GIANT HUMAN FACE on Mars... Stuck in this tuna can spinning endlessly through the black depths of space, broadcasting to settlers on the outworld planets...
Caller orders pizza... post industrial? (Anchovies? Bad pizza ad...)
We’ll be sending that Grey around to collect those organs... they’re our brothers from the stars. Believe anything... they want to teach humanity... lead us into a New Age under their Grey Jackboot... if you wake in a vat, it’s the good aliens. THE THING was a Benji of an alien... the alien is a virus... it turns YOU into the alien... but it’s WORTH IT! It’s GREAT! It’s for your own good! What’s the matter, CHICKEN? Everybody’s doing it. Stroke the alien.. collect the dew... go ahead... now demagnetize your head... I think you know what to do NEXT.
Don’t know what to do; stand with your bat call on the hillside. Make sure you have the antidote pudding ready. But it’s worth it. You’ll dig it. It’s always scary the first time. Aren’t you susc. to peer group pressure? What are you, some kind of a weirdo?

One of the keys says BOB. You open the door. If you’re not lucky... heh heh heh. ((There was this pipe in the furnace... )) What is thre symbology of the pipe? Surely more than juvenile admiration of tobacco? Thevortex of movement that goes in the bowl, up the stem into Bob and out his nostril back into the bowl. The Trickster Indian Pipe Bowl Eater. White Buffalo Woman and the Pipe... Drink Coca Cola. That’s the way the aliens always do it -- just when you think they have a message... (caller)... We have a God to be Kidding. We were called. You can be anything this time around. You can be a turkey in the sky, you’re trapped being a human. THE GUN!!! The french ...

Burning the cornstarch off my mucklucks!! You said you would tell me if my face was on fire! My legs are on fire!! Asbestos pads!! STANG IN HELL. Fear is the little death which brings NHGH. Caller... we need more caller souls. The bucket isn’t half full yet. BOB won’t be pleased! Soul deposits.... killing the soul. Whiffing the caller soul... ticklish soul. Used soul. CHANGE your MIND... chump change in this media swamp... we’re talking BIG MONEY. Know what a human soul is worth?

SIDE 2

Cultural Fest on the moon, can’t get the bonfire high in that atmosphere... (Just came back from Portland... Everybody’s sub around here, even if they don’t know it. RADIO SHORTS guy Wes on phone -- studio yak on M&Ms... cathouses... )I spent 2 weeks in Portland, every shop sold espresso, tire shops... all boys had long hair, girls had short hair... wanted to get a haircut... look like a woman... dictate my gender? I’m a bald headed woman in the body of a long haired guy... Stang’s Navy hazing experiences in 1929... back before Bob, in Portland, people wear gauntlets... drinking coffee from pita bread. Teenagers dressed as vampires! Maybe they ARE vampires, nobody cares, no good religion or vegetarian cuisine out there. Werewolves and vampires will come, what you believe is TRUE. Freddy Krueger IS real... tatoos aren’t enough, the kids have to get Krueger face to be cool. (())When I was a kid it was only kneecapping. That’s why we baby boomers do desk jobs. SQUAT echo.
ECHO riff -- Church Air One Soul Per Breath

More ECHO -- goofy laughing... coffing... Heunh’s...
Caller... ashamed of ourselves. Sorry.
Listen to them frogs. FROG FX. Throat FX, AH YES DEAR FRIENDS. The Harvest fx. That bucket’s almost full now... them souls are runnin’ over the edge. Made a pretty good haul. Caller: bunch of idiots. We’re PAID to be idiots. I feel sorry for those intelligent people... how disturbing to be so painfully aware... EARTHQUAKE... praise Bob we’re being punished! We must’ve done the right thing! You guys are pre-fetal! You’re spermatazoic! You’re DNA-like! It was genetic humor, ma’am. Once you get that power...

Caller: English woman. Transvestite bars... they live for that moment when they’re someone else. They become Marilyn... Liza... that one golden moment, vs. the jobs... SLACK... they may HANG ya for it, but... you take that risk every day. LCD stashes slack...
NOW do you understand? We told you were were gonna tell you what you really want. We’ve stuck with the script... (caller misc. -- my UFO Lorenzo Blacklance reservation story.... LCD on UFOs in NY... the totem poles are the heads of the UFO pilots... White Buffalo Woman, the Pipe Stone, ... the Iriquois invented the UFO. Indians and enemies... the word “Sioux”... Russel Means... Wounded Kneee... vs. Koresh. WE MUST MAKE TIME MACHINE TO GO TO THE PAST AND CORRECT EVERYTHING!!!But... time contradictions... it’s a paradox... the cat in the box... Shroedinger vs. Heidigger, Einstein was sold an elevator and he only had a one story house... but he could USE the elevator in the backwards time stream, he had the last laugh. PARTICLE PHYSICS rant on the continuum. Apes take over the planet.
(Bad XXX caller cut)

Dave & Chas argue... a Tibetan Moment... Bob and the Dalai Lama. Nothingness. The silence of ONAN.
Occulted knowledge -- BOB has the MAP... we could get that map... free Charlie... we’d GIT them panties, we’d get into the Forbidden Plateau! (SFX break) LJL on ONAN device... laughs on caller line.
From the Land Beyond Beyond... Finnegan’s Wake.
Mystical stuff. INSANE

It’s time we dipped the chocolate covered prairie squid... stepped on the guitar computer... caller and book quote.

STANG OUTRO

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The X-RATED "INTERNET VERSION" contains all original "fucks," "shits," "God damns," etc., and this is the one which is downloadable from SubSITE and which is sent to individual subscribers OR non-American radio stations.

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