Hour of Slack #1779 - Ivan Stang Rants at Starwood 2019

59:22 Radio; 59:32 Internet

This is an hour of nothing but Rev. Ivan Stang alternately hollering and muttering to the live audience at the 39th Starwood Festival in July 2019. (Stang has ranted at the last 29 Starwoods, almost always on Saturday afternoon at the main stage.) We beg your forgiveness but we have to crank these things out or else resort to reruns. Topics include: Stang's health (he's old). When X-Day Comes. A SubGenius dialog about love, hate, and stinky socks from The Handsome and Mature Gentlemen's Club, a secret society. News of the Church -- the movie, and NEIGHBORWORLD. Stang on his actual job, President Cartman's fan club and Self-Validating Philosophies, what happens when all world electronics fry in a solar storm, and the unprecedented polarization between urban and rural Americans. Highlight: Stang does a dramatic reading of an amazing fire-in-the-belly rant written by Rev. Baby Bear, originally meant to be delivered by her at an aborted Starwood-related event. Stang addresses the way some SubGenius's actual minor superpowers are termed "disabilities" by the Conspiracy, and there is a Q&A at the end about underwear.

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LOG of THIS EPISODE:

LeMur title
Stang intro

Starwood rant:
We can't promise you a pony, but you get a prairie squid. Moment of Noise. StangDoe sing "Geek Acres." Stang decides to gripe about his health -- SUDDENLY went from Hercules to weak and doddering. The hundred billions pains of 100 billion pains. Need a vim prescription. But when X-Day comes: jobs we wanted, secret wishes come true, peace on earth, the warlike will be wiped out by the peaceniks! Class division will be replaced by taste in bands! Love will permeate the universe and the Mind Your Own Business Police will make sure everyone stays off your lawn! Until then, SubGs will party and bullshit.
Stang quotes Philo, Onan and Sphinx "Love"fest jam. "More hate and intolerance than even the Internet!" We hate even more than the Internet including hate of the hatred of ourselves. "I Forgot to Hate." Kids' Parade interrupts. We need more kids. Hate and testosterone, and stinky feet. Dancing with a Hate-On. Kinder, gentler hate vs. tough love. "My love is sweeter than TURDS." My love is so stinky it has its own BUTTHOLE. Keanu Reeves and the orangutan.
News of Church: the movie about us came out really good! (Lot of movies about aging weirdos coming out.) Various film festivals. Better recruitment than ARISE! SubGenius TV on ROKU's OSI74 network. Eye-melting collections. We published Lonesome Cowboy Dave's novel NEIGHBORWORLD. Dave's weird way of talking. Stang's deaf and doesn't really hear anything.
((House for sale ad removed.)

As "Bob" said... Stang on explaining the Church. Trumpaloompas won't like the movie. Trump reads from THE BOBLIOGRAPHON opening lines to explain Church. Quotes from RAW, Crumb, etc. You guys are just JACKING OFF up here and selling your books. My job is to keep a few geniuses from committing suicide. We get letters saying the Slack we cut people saved them. The absurdity of the Dobbshead under the toilet lid when they were about to drown themselves. Check with me before you kill yourself. More Book quotes. Church as a cure for Self-Validating Philosophies. Trumpaloompas for instance. Trump is just a symptom. Long planned -- Fox News, Internet validate any wrong thought that makes you feel so good. Everything you know is true... Conspiracy rant from book opening ad lines. President Cartman and his fans. He is their NUTS. Korea and Russia can grab our country by the pussy and they grabbed the pussy. All electronics COULD be shut down. 25 years later only bikers and Amish will be left, and in another 25 years, only Amish bikers.
Stang's Little Big Man life -- middle class childhood, Rosebud Reservation. Stang can't see UFOs or ghosts! Who said we have to know what the reason for life is? Then Mexican neighborhood, then poor black neighborhood, now middle class neighborhood. House still for sale - must be haunted, but that does Stang no good. Then father died and we live in rural Texas. We're libtards and the news from texas made us think it was too primitive. But it's different from city people's view of rural America. We like to laugh at the flooded Noah's Ark museum in KY. CoSG not nonprofit. We have Creationist museum that's so stupid it's wonderful. Our rival museum, the Destructionist Evidence Museum with fossil devils, robot, aliens, cave SubGeniuses "Adam and Steve," the wreck of Noah's Ark. Ghost dinosaur tracks, very clear... as such. Burma Shave style signs. Stuffed Ejaculope that dispenses fortunes. Rural and urban BOTH are half trogolodites. The polarization is worse than ever, rural vs. urban. Stereotypes on each side. (There have always been cow FUCKERS.) We know why they voted for Trump - cartoon news, but it's just as true of the libtards except... Stang never watches news, only READS news. Country people get tired of being depicted as Cletus but they constantly tell lies about "what liberals say." How is Fox and Rush not the mainstream? Like people calling each other "sheople" or "not woke." Awakened according to you and your friends. Nothing wrong with that unless that's all you ever do. Go ahead and light that candle for the poor, but isn't there a little more than just announcing you're a good guy? GET OFF YOUR ASS! Magic is real if you follow "Bob's" rules. It's not all Face-FUCKIN Buzzards and Feral Rednecks. Don't believe anything you see or hear or read. Stereotypes are evil, the dumbest thing in the world. Duality is a lie. WHY NOT BOTH! There's room for everything... obviously! We're not P.C. by either definition. "But we're only hurting the feelings of idiots!" -- "Bob" Idiot, moron - ugly terms; we prefer SubGenius. Sheople is what sheople call sheople. Hipster is what hipsters call hipsters they don't like. Woke is what sleepwalkers call themselves. Otherwise they wouldn't brag like that. If you have to tell the world that you're a stable genius, you're neither. Trump is dumb man's idea of a rich man, weak man's idea of a strong man. People take things at face value but they pick the WRONG FACE! Face based religion.

Stang can't write pissed off rants because he has Slack. So Stang reads Rev. Baby Bear's rant that was meant to be at Winterstar Ball but AJ died. AJ would've wanted to hear that rant to. Maybe him and Legume and Dr. Dark and Heathen... (Stang almost cries) The Xists took a LOT this year.

REV. BABY BEAR'S RANT read by Stang. Paying Attention! We are trapped in the GOD DAMNED Bizarro SubGenius world! (Great rant!)

NOT reading Starwood workshop titles. Chas re Build Yr Own Ship. Mind yr own business or we'll kill ya. The bonfire is tonight. Stang and Wei used to lead it -- went wrong way but turned out right way by accident. Questions? The Con calls your super powers "disabilities." O.C.T., Obsessive Compulsive Talent. Con could say I'm on a spectrum, but it's a super power. Our autistic friend who can't talk can arrange TV remote controls a CERTAIN way. Real mental illness ISN'T funny at all.
What color are your underwear? It's green... but earlier in the week it started out white. CafePress store has dainties for "Bob" or Connie, why not both. Stang quit trying to understand Subs long ago. It's a fun club -- met our true Yeti Mates, matings between pagans and Subs... children with glowing eyes. 3 grandsons, so, there will be more. Had to replace some Stangs. What happened to the pony? Stang misses his dogs. Thanks for coming. Gypsy Funk Squad plays tonight. We're storing the X-Day and SubG decorations and pulpit at Wisteria. How did Stang get MARRIED to STARWOOD?!? Doesn't even believe in magic! How could Bob trick me that way?!?

Outro

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