Naw, jes' kiddin'. There are in fact enough wonderful tapes here to assemble several really top-notch, technically almost clean, improvisationally pure, stylistically varied WEEKS OF SLACK. And tomorry, I'll dive into it. Until 3, when the kids get home from school. (THEY DRIVE THEMSELVES NOW!!!) Then I'll go to my folks' ranch WAY out in the boonies and SLACK OFF for the WHOLE WEEKEND, reading the new stupid WILD CARDS novel and staring at cows and yakking with Mammy and Pappy. If I get one full show done tomorrow I'll be happy. It's Hour of Slack #500. Yep, I have produced 500 of these things, with a little help from the 10,000 contributors, since 1985 when we went on the air, all "AT COST" and without any pay whatsoever besides the GLORY.
And you know what? I'm getting TIRED of providing the greatest audio experiences in history to the universe (or at least to the listeners who care to get and keep it on the air in their towns), FOR FREE. I'm not gonna quit, although the idea of rerunning more and more appeals to me because WHAT WE REALLY NEED TO DO NOW IS SPEND THE TIME PULLING TOGETHER "BEST-OFs" for a bunch of CDs so people who DON'T get East Coast college radio stations can BUY and HEAR the REAL THING instead of pathetic, quarter-assed fakes like Bob Dean's Media Apology -- which I was most disgruntled to see advertised in an American catalog... JUST ANOTHER CHORE, ANOTHER EXPENSE, making the phone calls to halt it, even to lawyers if necessary...
As I type this I'm hearing the tape of the LONESOME COWBOY DAVE/ESO RADIO show we did in Cleveland last month, and I'm thinking: "This stuff is great. We need to make it available to collectors, if not SHOVED DOWN THE EARHOLES OF EVERY MEDIA VICTIM IN THE ENGLISH SPEAKING WORLD." The problem is, there are about a hundred grillion other tapes about which one could say the same thing. There's just SO MUCH TO DO.
Well heck, that's just what I was gonna say on the radio show. What the hell. Here's my unfinished rant-mix-notes for tomorrow's show.
**************
((Misc. Intro, barrage tape, start with Susie's Dragon Con show w/ Janor, Joe Mama))
I need more me's. One to do radio and work on CDs, one to preach on tours, one to do Internet, one to do Stark Fist, one to work on a CD ROM game, and about 3 to do business. And one to be a secretary. And one to be a good Dad. And one to service all the groupies. More me's isn't the problem; the problem is they all have to work for free. And if they were me's, they'd all be fighting with each other. In a way they already are. The radio me was the low man on the totem pole the last few, uh, months.
But I had to take him out of mothballs for THIS show. I know, I know, it's been nothing but ancient reruns for 2 months. But this is HOUR OF SLACK #500!! Not devivals nor internet nor jobs nor months of debilitating sickness will stay our blabbering mouths, even if all those debilitating diseases AFFECT our mouths.
(insert Townsend song" 500 Hours of Slack")
The DEVIL's been trying to stop our tongue from a'flappin, friends. Well, him or Jesus. The most important organ in a SubGenius preacher's body is that long, thick, red, bloated, stiff, about 9 1/2 inches, ORGAN, the TONGUE, and the flappin' lips, and that's just where the Devil or angels struck. First it was the recurrence due to overwork on the Net, of PREACHER'S LIP -- which struck just in time for a month's worth of public appearances. Then when I finally got that licked, so to speak, it was the superflu. Tubeneck. Captain Trips. And then the ULTIMATE SORE THROAT. But I'm a-HEALING my friends, because I did what "Bob" said to do. I cut myself some Slack. I ignored everything for TWO DAYS. And now, praise "Bob," I can CROAK AGAIN!!
The Conspiracy tried to stop me... then it tried to distract me... then it sued me... then it overcharged me for the cures... but by Gobbs we've BOUNCED BACK to FIGHT THE CONSPIRACY AGAIN!!
(DEVIVAL anti-con clip, Legume or Stang))
They tried to silence me PERMANENTLY. To foil their plan, I silenced myself TEMPORARILY. TRICKED 'em. NHGH FORGOT me when I clammed up for awhile. Heh. See. You CAN beat 'em if you're SNEAKY enough.
And we did manage to fly in under the radar anyway. SURE, it make me a sickly, nervous wreck, and it took a year, but BY GOBBS I MASTERED THE INTERNET. Since the last time I talked to you "live," dear friends, I FINISHED THE SUBGENIUS OFFICIAL WORLD WIDE WEB SITE. And get your pencils ready because I'm gonna hurl you that URL, that Web address.
Now get this: we have finished and published a 5,000 page STARK FIST MAGAZINE, in full color. That's right, 5 THOUSAND pages. In color. Includes the updated HIGH WEIRDNESS BY MAIL in progress, new rants, secrets, tips, a hundred pages of interviews, etc. Only PROBLEM with it is, it's on the Internet. You can't take it into the bathroom with you unless you have a portable computer. You can't hand it to your pals unless you print it out, and that would take DAYS and 10 reams of paper. And three toner cartridges. But if you have that computer and decent non-America Online Net access, well, it's free. 5,000 pages of new SubGenius everything. You can even download games like KILL BOB and the DOBBS ORACLE. You can watch little Dobbs morphing cartoons and listen to weird Dobbs hymns. And I know that at least one in ten of you have WEB access. So that WEB ADDRESS of the SUBSITE is:
http://www.subgenius.com. All lower case. And don't forget to point at Dobbs' face and click. That doesn't mean point your FINGER at Dobbs and cluck your tongue. That means use the MOUSE to move the CURSOR over Dobbs' nose, and click the MOUSE button.
ATLANTA, CHICAGO, CLEVELAND. Even Dallas.
Hung out with GWAR and hatched schemes with 'em. Did tons of live radio. Made wonderful new contacts. Glommed onto unheard-of new Hendrix bootlegs. Had good sales and even made a buck or two.
So you can quit saying, "Aw, Stang, that SNOB, all he does is mess with the Internet like a GEEK." No, since I got that website up to snuff and made it public, I haven't hardly GLANCED at alt.slack, and have barely skimmed my email. I finally got to the point that for me, the Net is only another tool, like a chainsaw or a 1" video editing suite or a screwdriver. I didn't go off the deep end. ALMOSt did. Made myself a PHYSICAL WRECK but didn't let it get my SOUL. Instead, "Bob" got the NET'S soul.
((LCDave show intro -- to Devival desc.
Devival TAPES-- good example/montage
LCD radio version "Pils" song, Cleveland Devival PILS segment))
(end rough script)
*****
Well... that's enough to get started. What's a shame is that none other than legendary Church Hierarchite, "SHOW" radio starlet and ONLY professional "Bob"-killer, PUZZLING EVIDENCE, aka D. Woodman Atwell, was here for two days, right after Pope Bob Wilson left, and we didn't record anything except a yak-tape to Philo about our visit to Dealey Plaza. Evil Puzzling Evidence is on a cross-country trip, from his Oakland base to Philo Drummond's territory in St. Louis, to Rev. Susie's in Atlanta, to Sterno's in Arkansas, to here, and next to GGG's in Austin. Puz and I hit the Plaza for old times' sake, knocked the head off the Dealey statue with a crowbar from my trunk, went through the "6th Floors Over Texas" theme park, and lastly hit the NEW Conspiracy Museum -- actually called The Conspiracy Museum, on Market St. -- where one may learn one of the most bizarre JFK-RFK-MLK-MJK ((POP QUIZ: WHO IS MJK??)) assasination theories EVER, presented in a multimillion-dollar facility by the richest conspiracy kook in the world, RB Cutler.
Instead of ranting out some new show tape, we were all preoccupied with young Xandy Stang's 16th birthday and subsequent acquisition of a DRIVER'S LICENSE, which he has already abused, Praise Dobbs.
So now my task is to RELAX, "cut" some "show", and figure out whether to buy a new Power Mac or just massively upgrade my existing MAC LC. I spent a long time reading comp.syst.mac.apps today, and my fears that the Power Macs aren't supported by enough software upgrades appear to be unfounded; that is, I have already figured out which zillion tweaker-programs and mini-upgrades I'd need, and where to get 'em. And I must confess that the idea of the 8500/120, which would allow me to start monkeying with video and audio mixing ON MY FUCKING MAC, and would run 8 billion times faster than what I have for the SAME COST, is seductive as hell, but then the thought of the 6 weeks of FOOLING WITH NEW PROGRAMS and the 6 years of PAYING OFF THE LOAN shrivels me like a spider on a hot stove. So I might just go for the faster modem, 10-meg memory upgrade, CD-ROM player and ZIP drive instead, which I can almost pay for while keeping some $$ for FIST printing. And yet I KNOW FULL WELL I'll have to have the Power Mac eventually. However, I kinda wonder if those Power Macs aren't gonna be 10 times faster(!!!) and still the same price, 6 months from now, and by then the software glitches will be mostly cleared up. It's funny, from reading the Mac newsgroup(s) it appears that in general, about the time that a user at my level needs a "fix," somebody invents one, and the trick is to watch the newsgroups for such NEWS. (If only I'd had internet access while I was trying to set up internet access, I wouldn't have had any problem!)
I do know this. Everything I hear about Windows 95 makes me realize how INSUFFERABLY SMART I was to go with the Macintosh back in The Day. The same crap that these IBM users are warbling about, we had on the Mac TEN YEARS AGO!! On the other hand, knowing the Conspiracy and human nature, the Macintosh, no matter how UNQUESTIONABLY SUPERIOR it is to the pc clone system, may well be doomed. I'm one of those poor suckers who invested in BETAMAX equipment, JUST BECAUSE IT WORKED BETTER. And now look at me. A collection of the finest underground films and weirdness in the world, and it's all on UNPLAYABLE BETA TAPES. FIGURES. Of course the reasons in both cases are clear. Sony and Apple both worked under the mistaken assumption that BETTER was better, when actually, MOST AVAILABLE was better. Same as with drugs... ALCOHOL must be better because that's what EVERYBODY DOES. Heck, it's in the stores, it's affordable, doesn't that mean it's BETTER??
THE CON WINS AGAIN.
Less than three years. That's what I keep telling myself. Less than three years.
*****
What follows may be useful to somebody who wants to make themselves useful. It's the NEW P.R. BROCHURE text. Actually, it's a rough draft, but the Norms won't know the difference, and it's written for Norm-Worms. We want to set up more Devivals. Devivals are good. But they're hard to explain. To put on a Devival, one must usually convince some Pink to put out $$. The document that follows is intended to aid that process. Needless to say, this document is a disgusting, Conspiracy-butt-kissing, abhorrent, detestable MOCKERY of the True Word of Dobbs. But GWAR was trying to convince their booking lord that I (with videos, taped bg music and local preachers) would be a suitable opening act on their upcoming tour, and also, the liquidly-named and foretold-by-Dobbs Steve Bevilacqua of Cleveland was trying to set up an East Coast mini-"tour" of flat-out SubGeniusdom in clubs. (As it turns out, my Conspiracy doc and I agreed that the idea of a full-fledged show-a-night tour, with a tour van for living quarters, crammed in with a bunch of sweaty GWAR monsters, would probably kill me, at least until I get my normal, robust, but recently internet-sapped health back -- so any GWAR interaction would be limited to 2 weeks if any.) So I hurriedly tried to update the old p.r. brochure in such a way that Pink desk-boys would be impressed enough to risk guaranteeing me a sane pay scale for RANTING.
And this is the kind of immodest crap that required.
I hope that the True SubGenii will forgive me for the PAINFULLY OBVIOUS PANDERING that this document represents. I also hope that they can use it to convince their local unsuspecting Pinkies that producing a SubGenius devival will make them rich and cool.
This is the kind of prostitution I have to put myself through JUST TO MAKE MY BOSS, DOBBS, RICHER:
*****
The Church of The SubGenius(TM)
and Rev. Ivan Stang, Night Club Preacher
A Primer for the Uninitiated -- Real Facts & Figures
For the Unsaved News Reporter, Radio Producer, Club Owner or other Media Mogul
OVER 100,000 BOOKS IN PRINT
SYNDICATED RADIO SHOW IN 15 MARKETS
HUNDREDS OF SUCCESSFUL LIVE NIGHT CLUB SHOWS
NATIONALLY DISTRIBUTED VIDEO (Polygram)
AS SEEN ON MTV, JON STEWART, CURRENT AFFAIR, CNN, NIGHT FLIGHT and NIGHTLINE
POPULAR INTERNET PRESENCE SINCE 1987
ENDORSED BY MOST MAJOR COUNTERCULTURE HEROES
SUBJECT TO COUNTLESS WANNA-BEs, IMITATORS and RIP-OFFS
BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS IN ITS 11th PRINTING -- JAPANESE EDITION COMING SOON
18 JILLION CONTACTS IN THE UNDERGROUND & INDIE MARKETS
JUST TOO DAMN "HIP" FOR WORDS SINCE 1980
SubGenius DEVIVALS
"Bob" Dobbs is the god of the SubGeniuses. Unfortunately, he's not available for public appearances. He's too busy channelling aliens and brokering souls. His most visible evangelist is Rev. Ivan Stang, the crazed Texas hippie preacher who headlines the devivals, produces the main radio show, edits the books and dictates who in the cult will live and who will die. Although the Church is headquartered is in Dallas, "Bob's" army of zombie-like followers encircles the globe, and a huge network of artists, musicians, actors and side show freaks are engaged in spreading the subversion. Almost every major city boasts a local SubGenius Pope, "doktorband," and experienced Devival preacher. In this respect, it is like an alternative Masons.
Attending a SubGenius live show or "Devival" can be a disturbing experience, because it's more like a habit-forming drug than a rock and roll show. It's like a tent-show revival in Hell. The preachers act more like wrestlers and encourage sinning, ranting to a rock music soundtrack, and the crazed tirades are punctuated by violent side show routines and a constant psychedelic video backdrop. Healings. Sickenings. Miracles and mutilation.
And the audience that the Church draws is one of the best parts of the show. When Devivals occur in trendy night clubs, the most brazenly weird-looking trendoids-with-nose-rings find themselves AGOG WITH DISBELIEF at people who are EVEN WEIRDER than THEM.
What happens at a SubGenius "Devival"?
Firstly, the unexpected. Besides frenzied, shocking, and sometimes even touching rants on the Word of "Bob," Rev. Stang and other Sub Genius Apostles deliver action-packed healings, sick enings, sacrifices, Public Confessionals, Short Duration Mass Mar riages, Time Control Ceremonies (in which the preacher smashes the wristwatches of volunteers from the audience), and more. You don't know what audience participation is until you've experienced the Record Burnings, Doktormusic, chronic par ties, street demonstrations, and Head Launch ings. Especially the Head Launchings.
"The room literally exploded in ecstacy... these people (the audience) are willing to sink everything, their last penny and their last ounce of energy, into an idea that isn't even theirs. "
HIGH PERFORMANCE
****
REV. IVAN STANG
Everybody's mad as hell, and they're not gonna take it any more. Except that when push comes to shove, they still take it. The Rev. Ivan Stang is an exception. He's so anti-establishment that he offends even the most pissed-off, disenfranchised, anti-establishment youth, but he's an equal-opportunity offender. You may not like what he has to say about you, but you'll probably LOVE what he says about those you HATE.
"Some truly fabulous ranting... Stang's dogged brilliance rolls prolifically and coherently off his pen and tongue."
Linda Burnham
**********
Some of the larger Devival sites have been:
The Ritz, NYC
evolution, London, England
Psychedelic Solution Gallery, NYC
World Science Fiction Convention, New Orleans
The Stone, San Francisco
Danceteria, New York City
Institute of Contemporary Art, Boston
First Avenue, Minneapolis
Club Metro, Chicago (twice)
Victoria Theater, San Francisco
University of Washington, Seattle
Alexandria Hotel, Los Angeles
Caravan of Dreams, Fort Worth
Massachussets College of Art, Boston
The Twilite Room, Dallas (6 shows)
Cavanaugh's, Akron
The Icon, Buffalo
Dallas Fantasy Fairs (yearly)
The Smart Bar, Cleveland (3 times)
Club No, Dallas
Dragon Con, Atlanta (3 years)
Eye of Horus, Pittsburgh
Winterstar festivals since 1990
Starwood festivals since 1990
Dallas Video Festival
Chicago Underground Film Festival
Flying Lemur (Kulas Auditorium), Cleveland
Peabody's Down Under, Cleveland
Portland Pilgrimage, Portland OR
SubGenius Revulval, Oddfellow's Temple, Seattle
Bennington College, Vermont
Columbia University, NYC
Phenomicon, Atlanta 91 & 92
Nietzsches, Buffalo
Prop Theater, Chicago
Main preachers are Rev. Ivan Stang, Dr. K'taden Legume, Rev. Susie the Floozy, Father Joe Mama, Pope David Meyer, St. Janor Hypercleats, Dr. Sterno Keckhaver, and Dr. Howll Robins.
ASSOCIATED BANDS/ACTS who jam with the Church when in proximity:
ZOOGZ RIFT
MARK MOTHERSBAUGH/DEVO
MOJO NIXON
NEGATIVLAND
CIRCUS APOCALYPSE
THE RUDY SCHWARTZ PROJECT
THE SWINGING LOVE CORPSES
KINGS OF FEEDBACK/O.B.E.
HUGE VOODOO
R.STEVIE MOORE
ARNOLD MATHES
JEFF MCBRIDE/MAGNUS THE MAGICIAN
CLEVE DUNKAN
JOHN BARTLES
DR. BIZARRO
INDIAN ROPE BURN
EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA
CHURCH OF NEW FAITH
THE FUNKY BARDOS
The Church of the SubGenius has been featured in:
PLAYBOY
INTERVIEW
WIRED
MONDO 2000
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
ROLLING STONE
THE NEW YORKER
ReSEARCH
OMNI
SAN FRANCISCO EXAMINER
GLOBE, Toronto
NY POST
LOS ANGELES TIMES
MOLLY IVINS
NEW YORK TIMES
VILLAGE VOICE
PEOPLE
CREEM
BOSTON GLOBE
NEWSWEEK
MONK
NEW RAVE
U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORT
HIGH TIMES
WASHINGTON POST
GRAY AREAS
THE MET, Dallas
LIFESTYLES, Cleveland
PLAIN DEALER, Clevelend
SCENE magazine, Cleveland
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
CITY REPORTS, Cleveland
WHOLE EARTH REVIEW
HIGH PERFORMANCE
DALLAS MORNING NEWS
NEW MUSIC REVIEW
REFLEX
PAPER Magazine, NYC
NY NEWSDAY
THE GLOBE
NATIONAL ENQUIRER
PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW
OUI
TROUSER PRESS
HEAVY METAL
SPIN
THE HOUR OF SLACK
-- "BOB'S" RADIO OUTREACH
Each week, The SubGenius Foundation releases THE HOUR OF SLACK for radio airplay or home listening. The Hour of Slack is an incredible compen dium of the best from all the other SubGenius shows, bands, ranters, Media Barrages and collage artists, tied together by Stang's maniacal tirades. The tapes are breakneck-paced, highly edited audio collages which combine original Church "rants," music and ear-ripping sound effects with short illustrative sound clips lifted from such "found" sources as low budget monster movies and radio preachers.
"Truly a somic assault, a kaleidoscopic re-education camp of SubGenius mythology. The editing is simply astonishing... underneath it all, I suspect these guys understand something most of us never gave thought to. Send them money and there shall be Slack."
Scott Becker, OPtion Magazine
"Up there with Monty Python, The Firesign Theater, Ken Nordine, Lenny Bruce..."
Irwin Chusid, WFMU (E.Orange, NJ)
"The Media Barrage tape series is earwax-melting... absolutely stark-raving, foaming-at-the-mouth GREAT!"
Pete Scott, Zigzag (England)
"Sound collages with a tone so consistently wacky it amounts to brilliance... transports you to the furthest realms of graffiti wisdom, pop-culturism, advertising and religion."
Fortnightly College Radio Report
"Beware the SubGenii! They speak with forked tongues that can pierce the thickest skull, rattling the brainpan with seductive wordplay and narcotic mindfuck. The complex language/thought patterns of the text may keep you glued to the toilet seat for a suspiciously long time. Its dense layers of possible meaning can (and should) be referred to for revisionary guidance...Glory Be to "Bob"!"
David Keeps, CREEM
THE HOUR OF SLACK currently airs on:
WFMU East Orange, NJ (& NYC)
WITR Rochester, NY
WZRD Chicago
WARG Summit, IL
WCSB Cleveland
WREK Atlanta
WORT Madison, WI
CJAM Windsor/Detroit
WESU Middletown CT
WKDU Philadelphia
WMPG Portland, Maine
CIUT Toronto, Canada
The Puzzling Evidence/Dr. Howl Robins SHOW is still heard over most of Northern California. (KPFA in Berkeley, 94.1 FM, now on at 3 am Friday mornings following Over The Edge)
There's also "Bob"'s Slacktime Funhouse on WREK 91.1FM Atlanta GA
Aliens. Cultists. The end of the world. The breakdown of civilization. Mind control. The utter stupidity of modern humankind. The insanity of politics. The war between normals and weirdos, between the sex-negatives and the sex-positives. The quest for slack amidst ALL OUT PLANETARY FREAK-OUT. These are the recurring themes of The Church of the SubGenius.
The Church of the SubGenius (also refered to as the Church of "Bob") is a weird, dangerous cult, just like the Branch Davidians, Jim Jones' Peoples Temple, the AUM Supreme Temple in Japan, or the Southern Baptists. The only difference is, it's EVEN FUNNIER than THEY are.
The Church of the SubGenius calls itself "an order of Scoffers and Blasphemers, dedicated to Total Slack, delving in Mockery Science, Sadofuturistics, Megaphysics, Schizophreniatrics, Scata lo gra phy, Morealism, Sarcastrophy, Cynisacreligion, Hypno Pedia trics, Sardonicology, Subliminimalism, Satyriology, and Miscel latheistic Theology." It exists to spread the Word of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs: guru, High Epopt, and Saint of Sales -- that grinning man with the pipe that The Conspiracy would claim doesn't even exist. Dobbs set out to create the world's first industrial church, complete with a full line of disposable, throw-away saviors suitable for today's hectic pace.
Unless you live in a cave, you have run into "Bob" Dobbs or his followers. Some people stumble upon the SubGenius radio show. Some find the SubGenius books in the humor sections of bookstores. Some read about it in magazines or newspapers, or catch glimpses on MTV or talk shows. Many discover it while surfing the Net. The smiling face of "Bob" -- that guy with the pipe -- is ubiquitous in fanzines, as a tattoo, and as spray-painted grafitti in the weirder parts of town.
Some run into hardcore SubGenius fans and are instantly disgusted by their level of fanaticism. Some BECOME hardcore SubGenius fans because they learn their counterculture heroes are into it.
There are more than 7,000 dues-paying, ordained Ministers in the Church, and 100,000 bookstore customers. The Official High Priest/Priestess I.D. card that comes with Membership encourages the new SubGenius to twist the Church for his own ends. Once they've bought the Indul gences, Doctorates, Papalships, hypnosis tapes, etc., they are encouraged to dispense blessings & forgiveness -- or to mete out Divine Retribution -- according to their own personal beliefs. Needless to say, they are given loads of tools with which to spread advertising for the Church -- for free.
Sales Figures on SubGenius books published by Simon & Schuster:
THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS: 60,000 copies
REVELATION X: 30,000
HIGH WEIRDNESS BY MAIL: 40,000
3 FISTED TALES OF "BOB": 15,000
"Bob" Dobbs has been 'borrowed' as a character in dozens of underground and commercial comic books. There is a bar named after him in Tucson. One frequently spots "Campus Crusades for Dobbs" booths on college campuses right next to the Christians and Krishnoids. The mighty face has been tatooed on people around the country. Church buzz-words like "SLACK!" are seen repeated in spray paint on mile after mile of highway overpasses. "Bob" has made cameo appearances on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, David Letterman, PEE WEE'S PLAYHOUSE and numerous movies; we have heard of people selling LSD in California which was emblazoned with his image. Fly-by-night button and T-shirt manufacturers are having a heyday with the unauthorized face of Dobbs. Unauthorized translations of the pamphlets are appearing in Portugal, Brazil, Sweden, France and Japan. Church lawyers are gearing up for a busy year.
The Church sometimes leaps out screaming at you. Its p.r. arm, The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., produces books, radio programs, videotapes, magazines, and rabble-rousing, pulpit pounding tent-show revivals (held in nightclubs rather than tents). Besides the dozen or so key perpetrators, there are literally thousands of active supporters, sometimes-contributors, fanatics and addicts, making it, quite literally, one of the fastest growing "cults" in the U.S. It also lurches into rampaging life in such forms as full-tilt parties, adventuresome merchandising schemes, and small armies of weird, laughing people marching through un comprehending neighborhoods. It includes the strangest people in the world, the proudly eccentric: per formers, artists, writers, musicians, film makers, and wild-eyed rogue entrepreneurs.
Groups of SubGeniuses, called "Clenches," are grabbing for Slack all over the U.S.: throwing parties and revivals, setting up food co-ops, plastering their towns with SubGenius propaganda, etc. Photocopied SubGenius flyers and pamphlets are plastered on campuses, car windshields, and bar restrooms by zealous young "Bobbies." At least 10 persons have actually been arrested for putting up Church posters in huge quantities without a permit.
SubGeniuses lurk in every large country in the world. Many consider themselves "missionaries" after a fashion, and we are seeing a recent upsurge of SubGenius activity in England, Australia, Japan, South America, Holland and Canada.
Some call the Church of the SubGenius the Greatest Joke Ever Told -- if Earth can make it to the punchline. The parables, proverbs and allegories work on many levels... some funny, some not-so-funny, but almost all sick. Often described by timid newspapers as "an irreverent take-off on fundamentalism," it is actually a fanatical all-out attack on fanaticism. For The Slackmaster Dobbs cribbed some of his best lines from the world's least great religions.
What "Bob" offers is SLACK. The Church sells a skillfully orchestrated form of packaged chaos, dense with punchlines that hit like nuclear strikes at the frontal lobes. Not always easy on its audience, it's a hedonistic celebration of the unusual and the impossible, a worldwide flaunting of Abnormality Power.
The "secret formula" used by "Bob" in creating his Church makes it the only viciously anti-establishment property than can be marketed successfully within the establishment, without being watered down. Eventually, the "Bob" face-logo will become as universally profitable as the Smile Face. And it will do so while simultaneously standing as a symbol against such mindless "cutesy" drivel. First we sell them on "Bob"; then they find out what he has to say... and his is a message that the consumer stomach does not digest easily.
NAMES TO DROP
Some of the more illustrious Church Members and/or "SubSymps" include:
ROBERT ANTON WILSON
THE FIRESIGN THEATER
TIMOTHY LEARY
R. CRUMB
KEN KESEY
PAUL MAVRIDES
DEVO
PEE WEE HERMAN
PENN JILLETTE
MOJO NIXON
HOWARD KAYLAN
JELLO BIAFRA
DAVID BYRNE
ROBERT WILLIAMS
GILBERT SHELTON
JONATHAN DEMME
GARY PANTER
Science fiction authors John Steakley, John Shirley, Lewis Shiner and Rudy Rucker
SubGenius Video
"ARISE" -- THE OFFICIAL SUB GENIUS VIDEO, co-directed by Ivan Stang and Cordt Holland, is a fast-paced extravaganza featuring short clips from the most beloved Church Devival footage, interwoven with TV interviews, SubGenius music videos, badfilm col lages, and ELECTRONIC ANIMATION OF THE GODS, all in one eyeball-slamming 2-hour video... an editing tour-de-force of PROPAGANDA for "BOB." Narrator Dr. Hal Robins takes the initiate on a soul-wrenching journey deep in to the bowels of the Church. YOU WILL ACTUALLY WIT NESS the Head Launchings, the debauchery -- EVEN THE ASSASSINATION OF "BOB!" Includes the infamous "BOB" IS A SEX GOD sequence -- plus "THE LIFE OF "BOB," a perfect introduction to the Church for illiterates, who'll also enjoy the video collages of SubGenius art and illustrative film clips from our collection of bizarre trash. Includes the X-rated rap-video, "WELCOME TO THE END TIMES" by Slackmaster Cleve and the Spurious Jive. Stereo sound; music by DK Jones, Mark Mothersbaugh, Dr. Onan's Wotan Band, Negativland, Drs. 4 "Bob," & others.
Rev. Ivan Stang also produced a one-minute "commercial" for the Church for MTV's on-air promotions dept., as part of their "In Your Eye" art break series.
For more information, demo tapes, or local SubGenius contacts, fax Rev. Ivan Stang at (214) 320-1561...
email: i.stang@metronet.com
Web: htp://www.subgenius.com
... or write
The SubGenius Foundation
P.O.Box 140306
Dallas, Texas 75214.
"Let us have a choice in HOW we're being screwed. Some ways are fun."
St. G. Gordon Gordon
CAN YOU AFFORD NOT TO CONFRONT THE LIVING MYSTERY THAT IS
J.R. "BOB" DOBBS ??
THE CHURCH has come; checks and souls float upwards to "Bob's" Heavenly Bank Vault and Garden of Unearthly Slack.
"For He Cometh, the Prophet who smileth and puffeth; and the Chosen, who art diseased of mind yet stout of soul, shall be Chang'd and Made Rich..."
PreScriptures 6:14, The Economicon, Book of Urinomics
© 1995 by The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
HERE'S WHAT JUST A FEW AVERAGE, ORDINARY PEOPLE SAY about "BOB" DOBBS and his mighty
CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS(TM)!
"This is the best of all the One True Religions. Praise "Bob!"
Robert Anton Wilson
Author, ILLUMINATUS
"Finally, a religion even I can believe in."
R. Crumb
America's Favorite Cartoonist
"Since I found "Bob," I'm my own hero -- and hers, too!"
David Ossman, THE FIRESIGN THEATER
"Bob" is an enema for a constipated society. "Bob" has come to help a constipated society blow it out their ass."
Mark Mothersbaugh, DEVO
"I used to be able to read the word of "Bob" in a few minutes in the bathroom... now it takes me months to read the damned thing! But do you think that stops me? Hell no! I just stay in the bathroom longer! This is some of the best stuff I've read in 10 years. You want a testimonial? Look -- put any words in my mouth you want. No praise could be too lavish."
Ken Kesey
"A rare knack for masking genuine wisdom in the guise of utter bullshit."
Jay Kinney, COEVOLUTION QUARTERLY
"A sick masterpiece... arch arcana for those who can still laugh at the fact that nothing is funny anymore."
ROLLING STONE
"This is the damn'dest thing I ever seen."
some old nobody
"A ten thousand volt joy-buzzer for the brain... makes more sense than my TV!"
The Seattle Rocket
"It's downright impossible to describe the brilliance, depravity, consciousness, imagination and hopefully the ability to reform history before we are all turned into toadstools, that is the bent of The SubGenius Foundation. Passed off as humor in order to get passed on, there is much more here than meets the Third Eye."
Mike Golden, Smoke Signals
"This is the most authentic American humor, spouted by riverboat men and tough-talking women, enriched by black and ethnic humor... passed down from Ambrose Bierce, Mark Twain, the Marx Brothers, Ishmael Reed and Lenny Bruce. The SubGeniuses have made the last, best joke about the pathology of our young civilization."
Paul Buhle, THE VILLAGE VOICE
"The Book of the SubGenius has undergone Con-spiracy censorship, but what They overlooked is more insidious than what most so-called avant garde revolutionary upchuckings had to show for themselves in the first place."
Bob Black, Appeal to Reason
"No one is better attuned to millenarian symptoms... takes apart Falwellism in the most effective way possible. Good news for anybody with an unblinkered mind."
The Nation
****
I especially like that Bob Black quote...
Anyway, folks, that's how we try to sugar-coat the bitter pill that this Church actually is. If you can use this pack of butt-kissery to put a few more pennies in Dobbs' coffers, have at it.
*****
I will now send this and either CRASH, or check out alt.slack. Last week I went through a LOT of it and saved much. I am still, crazy as it may seem, trying to keep up. I have to admit that it's all I can do to save a LITTLE of the good shit. RESPONDING to all the keen threads will probably be beyond my ability, my Slack, or my time, for now. But it comes down to this: I can't do everything for more than a few minutes, and if I even try, I'll probably short-circuit and die. Lots of people want to help, but the thing is, you either do it full-time for "nothing," or you're not doing it at all but only giving us at the Foundation more administrative work. WE NEED MORE SUPER-AWARE ZOMBIES WITH TRUST FUNDS... that's all there is to it. We don't even have ONE.
ONE FABULOUSLY RICH SUBGENIUS would not only solve our immediate problems, but save the whole fucking universe. Just think -- SCIENTOLOGY has HUNDREDS of such people. Even the UNARIANS have somebody like that. The Christians are so big they wouldn't even NEED a rich guy... they already control half of the American Conspiracy's brains, such as they are. But until 1998, we're on our fucking OWN, baby. All we can do is sit back and watch our hard work provide pink ad exec boys with great ideas for their next corporate campaigns. Oh lordy.
DAMN. Just not enough time in a day.
Rev. Ivan "You're either on, or off" Stang
Original file name: SO MUCH TO NOT DO
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