While I was walking the guard dogs, I was carrying a tape deck with me, blabbering to a friend through it, when I got to musing upon the Heaven's Gate thang. I just typed it up almost completely unchanged and read it with Close Encounters theme DISCO style music in the background... again... that's where the rant came from. I was trying to be the merciful and nonjudgemental Stang, to make up for my crimes.
Also, I had some weird new tape from last Friday, when the Lord dragged in this cheesy but effective VOICE SYNTHESIZER doohicky. Now you would THINK that we'd already HAVE voice synthesizers at a place like the Hour of Slack production studio (aka "Tarzan's Radio Station"), and technically I'm sure I could use my computer for just that. But it is best to restrain oneself when it comes to voice synthesizers. Like the zoom lens and the echo knob, the "posterize" filter and yard art, overdoing it is a constant temptation. Voice synthesizers are like tobacco, they should only be used ceremonially or you're in for big big trouble.
Jesus and I did all the stupid gimmicks you'd imagine, the Satan Hour of Slack promo, the Yvonne Stang and Jesus Talk Show, little kids for "Bob," etc. Unexpectedly, though, we found that someone else here TRANCE SPOUTS if her own voice is being fed back to her all distorted. She told the most perverse and bizarre children's story into the deck... I know that whatever was telling that story, WAS NOT MY WIFE!!!
But we'll play that next week. We stayed on the Cult this show. Like Loose-Nut the Robot, we stayed... ON COURSE.
SIDE ONE
Dallas radio barrage clips (caught by Jesus)
OLD CHURCH LADY STANG READS THE CHURCH NEWSLETTER
(Have you seen the Internet or Office Graffiti that's going around, about Actual Quotes from Church Newsletters? This is that, word for word, in an old Texas lady voice.)
JHVH HATES PHRED "Thousands of Followers" trance media barrage remix (from new "NO DIRECTION" tape)
Rev. SUSIE THE FLOOZY'S SAUCER CULT BARRAGE TAPE continued. (Plan 9 from Outer Space "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" rant, Simpsons quotes,)
MODZILLA : "Panic in Year Zero" ("I Killed Two Men!" weird loop piece
ComputerVoice INTRO and HoS TITLE -- "We are listening to you through telepathic feedback"
Do speaks -- containers
JESUS's Sermon to the Line at SRL show, "I am Jesus" clips)
DO on Escape Vessels
COMPUTERATED STANG in sythovoice explains that he was killed 3 weeks ago but his personality has been uploaded into a computer... first time in history. Begins chanting about the coming of MWOWM. Paean to MWOWM from Computerated Stang.
JESUS reads the news re: THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI vs. MISS AMERICA
Computerated Stang returns, begs Audience to help him escape bondage inside MWOWM. "They make me SAY things."
JHVH HATES PHRED "Thousands of Followers" con't.
Stang does credits, NEW HEAVEN'S GATE MUSINGS:
People are searching for something... they're looking for proof that they're not crazy, because they feel miserable and crazy and left out of everything. And it's usually because they're jerks, but somethimes they're just poor SubGenius idiots, and they have big vocabularies, which makes them think they must be smart.
What DOE was teling those people was, "No, you're not crazy, you really are different though," and then he would proceed to tell them exactly HOW they were different, which is that they were space children, higher souls trapped in the wrong bodies and stuff....
And I don't know, but it seems like our cult is actually better for people than theirs was. MORE people. At the most, that cult had maybe -- well there're probably a bunch of them still alive, but never more than 100 I'll bet. Our cult has thousands.
But you gotta give 'em credit, those people were dead serious -- all lived together, travelled together, did rituals of every possible kind, like eating their meals at the prescribed time down to the second according to Do's rules, and all that kind of cultish stuff.
I guess as far as cultishness goes, one Heaven's Gate member is worth ab out 10 SubGeniuses, in terms of cultishness. That one Heaven's Gate member, that's all he does and thinks about, supporting the cult, whereas those 10 SubGeniuses, maybe late in the evening when they get all 'fropped up they might come up with some new "Bob" joke on the Internet, but otherwise, well, they have lives.
So who really has been saved, if you think about it? Sure, the SubGeniuses don't... well yeah, we DO! The SubGeniuses get to live forever in space TOO! We get to go on the spaceships... still... just like those guys.
We... uh, we DON'T get to take our containers with us to the spaceships, though, ya'll. That's one thing those guys were right about; and we don't like to make a big deal out of it; we did finally MENTION in Revelation X that it might be a little disturbing when you watch on TV, the people AHEAD of you in the 7 am time zone, bursting into flames and rolling aROUIND ON THE GROUND SCREAMING AND THEIR FLESH BUBBLING, stuff like that while they shed their containers... that's just the body screaming. The real You will already be in its new container on the Escape Vessels. Which, I'm afraid...
Well that's another thing. I think we're baldheaded the FIRST DAY. You start growing your hair in your new body immediately, but when you first get the body you're baldheaded and naked. So I have the feeling that wigs... MWOWM will be klept busy making wigs that very first hour, 7 am to 8 am July 5 1998. Making wigs and merkins.
Actually I think, technically, you could say, MWOWM grow my hair out now, I don't wanna wait, and it'd do things to you that would cause it to happen.
That stuff scares me. That stuff really actually scares me. I DREAD X-Day because of that sort of thing. There are a lot of unanswered questions... I kinda hate to bring this one up too, but.. exactly WHERE are the Escape Vessels escaping TO?
Now, Revelation X leads us to believe that the Escape Vessels themselves are the destination, because they're not IN regular space anyway; you no longer THINK in terms of JOURNEYS; you just instantly go where you want to be. I don't know; it's all wrapped in an enigma, covered with a greasy paper towel, dropped inside a baggie, inside of a mystery, inside a refrigerator... and when you close the refrigerator door, THE LIGHT... STAYS ON. That's an old Firesign Theater gag there... very old. Like me.
So old. Somebody was telling me, you're not really that old... why do you keep acting that old? Well, in my line of work, they really don't start paying you decent, until you look grizzled. You can't be a grizzled hipster philosopher until you are grizzled. So I've been trying to practise my grizzlement. I don't REALLY want to get old, that's why I stopped smoking. But I do want the PAY that comes with it in my line of work. Except for freakish exceptions, the Conspiracy doesn't pay young writers very well. The ones that they DO pay, they pay a thousand times more than anyone else... for status is worth more than anything. I don't live in New York, and I'm just a white GUY, and I never expected that to happen... where the Conspiracy says, "Hey, this kid is the GREATEST WRITING EVER and we're gonna pay this guy 5 million dollars for his next book before he even writes it, and that's how we know it'll be good! And everybody'll buy it. If we TELL everybody that, they WILL too." And that's how it works. So... eh... screw 'em. We might've only sold 50,000 BOOKS of the SubGenius but they have a lasting, staying power that in the long run will allow us the last laugh. I certainly hope so, since it's only 450 days to X-Day.
SATAN Hour of Slack promo
SUSIE'S SAUCER CULT BARRAGE CONTINUED:
FIRESIGN THEATER Magog Brothers Atlantis Carpet Reclaimers
Plan 9 from Outer Space -- the Saucer Coverup and the "there" speech
X DAY SONG!!!: "THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD" (hilarious! From some musical.)
Jonathan Winters saucer routine
Simpson Comet clips, Plan 9 clips
X DAY SONG: "THE OLD GOSPEL SHIP" (Unbelieveable!! Christian gospel song.)
X-DAY SONG: "I'm Leaving This World" (another astounding Christian song)
LOOSENUT'S TRIP TO SPACE --- !!!!
Folks, you'll HAVE to hear this to believe it. This seems to be the soundtrack of a Christian children's TV show, or possibly an LP, featuring the most brain damaged hick puppet act imaginable. Words just do not suffice. Your jaw will drop lower, and lower, and lower. Some whacky Christians and their robots strive to "stay on course" in their spaceship. A REAL classic.
It is interspersed with everything else on Side two.
SIDE TWO:
SUSIE'S BARRAGE CONTINUED:
FIRESIGN THEATER: Gas Music from Jupiter
More LOOSENUT IN SPACE! meteorite storm
REXINO MONDO -- TEMPLE OF THE SEX CULT
(Susie doesn't explain this on her log, but it is... SOMETHING ELSE indeed. Seems to be somebody's idea of a really SEXY ADVENTURE ALBUM done in "PINK PSUEDO-PSYCHEDELIC STYLE" circa 1968 or so? Some poor actor is enveloped in flesh during a bizarre orgy ritual in a crazed cult's temple... or something. Extremely cheesy faux-arty. This is the kind of thing that Susie collects. You will want to, too!
Lucia Pamela's "MOON INDIAN WEDDING" (don't even ask)
LOOSENUT
X DAY SONG: Sister Shoup (?) "THE GOSPEL COUNTDOWN" (?)
Susie rips off the controls
"MOVE YOUR FLYING SAUCER" song --? Snidely Whiplash sings this?
CRISWELL -- End Rant from Plan 9... "CAN YOU PROVE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN?"
OUTRO-end from Firesign Theater's EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG
SUSIE THE FLOOZY RANTS about HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE STAND THERE AT SHOWS AND NOT DANCE??!?!? -- and promo for
ATLANTA DEVIVAL May 10 CRC Bar and Eatery 10 pm
Stang blabs on same
BROTHERS FOR "BOB" (Flying Ryan Brothers) -- SERIOUS RANT X-1 from The Chaos Sampler
Stang talks about the crazy man inside you, and antidepressants. Intros this very disturbing, creepy rant from
DR. NOLAN VOYDD: (Under the name COLONEL WOLFBOY?) "SUICIDE" --
ferocious suggestions for better ways for SubGeniuses to commit suicide.
((end))
I would not recommend suicide as an option to any SubGenius. I have to add that disclaimer. Can't speak for Pinks.
In fact, this one gives me the creeps the more I think about it.
Brrrrr.
Notice that the very first thing you see on the first actual page of SubSITE is a saucer pulling the banner, "DON'T KILL YOURSELF YET" (a Friday Jones creation).
Original file name: HoS 574 More Heaven's Gate
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.