PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG

From: twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 8 Feb 1999 12:40:13 GMT

Some of us have been members of this Church for over ten years now, and
have had our initiations, our hellish frop bummers, our torturous
interrogations at the hands of Conspiracy suits, and our highway run-ins
with the Men In Black. Some of us even spotted saucers last July 5 whilst
blowing shit up in the desert, at the very moment Ivan Stang was being
tarred and feathered by Bobbies (I wonder if that had something to do with
them not landing). And some of us understand that "Subgeniusness" is
something like alcoholism--even if you don't wanna be; even if you don't
drink; even if you don't join the fucking church, it don't change the fact.
You are what you are. And on that note, some of us are sick and tired of
the old geezer. It's time for the fatuous, flatulent, cranky old tyrant, to
make room for some new blood. This arrogant self-aggrandizement and smug
scoffery for its own sake smells like a fat, sweaty Science Fiction Geek,
incurably convinced of his own intellectual and moral superiority, but
without the balls to go outdoors and prove it. This applies to more than
just one person. True subgenius CAJONES make a person NEED action, even if
it's just about "getting it on" in the Octagon of the pink working world.
It's easy to call someone a "Bobbie" who has ideas about how to work
with, in or around pinkness, which are different from yours, and who's ten
years younger. I suppose when I started this stupid game, I was a Bobbie
too. But now I've come full circle. I'VE TAKEN THAT LAST STEP!! I offer to
set an example for other crotchety old farts. I give the reins up to the
young-uns. Yep.
A certain well-known old-timer from the Church recently informed me that
he was "excommunicated" by Stang, apparently, for reasons which are slowly
coming to light, but which are hardly applicable to the "Judgment" meted
out by the Emperor. As distraught as he was to find himself outcast in an
organization he helped found, I informed him that he should be proud to be
KICKED OUT OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS. Neither he, nor myself, nor any
true Subgenius, can be kicked out of the True Church, anymore than a
peyote-mad contrary can be "excommunicated" from the Navajo Nation. "Bob"
knows what's in our hearts, and no type-A megalomaniac is going to make one
iota of difference. Our seats are saved on the saucers. It's up to us to
take them.
Now excuse me, I have to go shit.

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From: "Joe \"Nuke Me Xemu\" Foster" <joe@bftsi0.UUCP>
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Followup-To: alt.slack
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Pope of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote in article
<twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>...

[Phhphphphphphphphptpthptphtphtphtphphhht!]

> You are what you are. And on that note, some of us are sick and tired of
> the old geezer. It's time for the fatuous, flatulent, cranky old tyrant, to
> make room for some new blood. This arrogant self-aggrandizement and smug

You had your chance on X-day, but Stang survived the Holocaustal assault.
Too bad. Maybe you can nail a list of gripes on his door and found a new
sect?

> A certain well-known old-timer from the Church recently informed me that
> he was "excommunicated" by Stang, apparently, for reasons which are slowly
> coming to light, but which are hardly applicable to the "Judgment" meted
> out by the Emperor. As distraught as he was to find himself outcast in an
> organization he helped found, I informed him that he should be proud to be
> KICKED OUT OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS. Neither he, nor myself, nor any
> true Subgenius, can be kicked out of the True Church, anymore than a
> peyote-mad contrary can be "excommunicated" from the Navajo Nation. "Bob"
> knows what's in our hearts, and no type-A megalomaniac is going to make one
> iota of difference. Our seats are saved on the saucers. It's up to us to
> take them.

So where's www.truechurchofthesubgenius.com? It'd better be good!

> Now excuse me, I have to go shit.

YM "excremeditate". Say 10 "Hail 'Bob'"s and let a Face Fucking Bat have its
way with you. Prey's the Lord!

--
Joe Foster <mailto:jfoster@ricochet.net> or <mailto:joe@bftsi0.gate.net>
WARNING: I cannot be held responsible for the above They're coming to
because my BTs have apparently learned to type. take me away, ha ha!

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Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 10:14:19 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>, Pope
of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:

> Some of us have been members of this Church for over ten years now, and
> have had our initiations, our hellish frop bummers, our torturous
> interrogations at the hands of Conspiracy suits, and our highway run-ins
> with the Men In Black. Some of us even spotted saucers last July 5 whilst
> blowing shit up in the desert, at the very moment Ivan Stang was being
> tarred and feathered by Bobbies (I wonder if that had something to do with
> them not landing). And some of us understand that "Subgeniusness" is
> something like alcoholism--even if you don't wanna be; even if you don't
> drink; even if you don't join the fucking church, it don't change the fact.
> You are what you are. And on that note, some of us are sick and tired of
> the old geezer. It's time for the fatuous, flatulent, cranky old tyrant, to
> make room for some new blood. This arrogant self-aggrandizement and smug
> scoffery for its own sake smells like a fat, sweaty Science Fiction Geek,
> incurably convinced of his own intellectual and moral superiority, but
> without the balls to go outdoors and prove it. This applies to more than
> just one person. True subgenius CAJONES make a person NEED action, even if
> it's just about "getting it on" in the Octagon of the pink working world.
> It's easy to call someone a "Bobbie" who has ideas about how to work
> with, in or around pinkness, which are different from yours, and who's ten
> years younger. I suppose when I started this stupid game, I was a Bobbie
> too. But now I've come full circle. I'VE TAKEN THAT LAST STEP!! I offer to
> set an example for other crotchety old farts. I give the reins up to the
> young-uns. Yep.
> A certain well-known old-timer from the Church recently informed me that
> he was "excommunicated" by Stang, apparently, for reasons which are slowly
> coming to light, but which are hardly applicable to the "Judgment" meted
> out by the Emperor. As distraught as he was to find himself outcast in an
> organization he helped found, I informed him that he should be proud to be
> KICKED OUT OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS. Neither he, nor myself, nor any
> true Subgenius, can be kicked out of the True Church, anymore than a
> peyote-mad contrary can be "excommunicated" from the Navajo Nation. "Bob"
> knows what's in our hearts, and no type-A megalomaniac is going to make one
> iota of difference. Our seats are saved on the saucers. It's up to us to
> take them.
> Now excuse me, I have to go shit.

OK, you've convinced me through the brilliance of your rhetoric. You're
right, Stang should be replaced by new blood. And since you're the
newest blood in town, TAG, you're it. You're now Sacred Scribe #274.
Congratulations. I'll be helping you during the transition, but for now
I need the following from you by the end of the month:

1) Outline for new SubGenius book
2) Four new Hour Of Slack episodes
3) 60-minute X-Day video edit for upcoming film festival
4) $100 to help pay for the web server
5) A list of embarrassing personal facts so that I and the other
official Sacred Scribe Mockers can torture you in public
6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
Irrev. Friday Jones
7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
8) An action plan for dealing with shysters, "old buddies" who start
screaming they're owed more money than the Church has, cranks,
crackpots, Bob Dean, dorks, dipshits, drive-time morning DJs, etc.
9) Rabies shots (just in case the SubGenius Foundation guard dog
decides he doesn't like the way you smell)
10) Editorial for the next Stark Fist
11) Completed "antichrist" Dobbsclone
12) A winning smile

What, you can't do any of that? THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU OPEN YOUR
TRAP?!?

Who the hell *is* this "Pope of LA"? If you've been around for over ten
years, as it sounds like you're claming, what the hell have you DONE
for the Church in all that time? How is it there hasn't been so much as
a pissant coffeehouse devival in all Southern California for the past
decade, eh?

I can only guess it's in the nature of this religion for the
do-nothings to sharply criticize those of us who actually lay life,
money, and time ON THE LINE for "Bob". It's a hell of a lot easier to
do that than to *get off your ass*, I know. "But this is SLACK! See?
I'm not doing anything, so I'm getting slack, right? Ain't I? I mean, I
can sit here, doing nothing, while a bunch of cranky old tyrants do all
the hard stuff!" Jesus fuck, you'd sound like a junkie complaining
about not having a good vein left to shoot up. BECAUSE YOU ARE.

It'd be a *kindness* if anyone *could* be excommunicated. But not even
"certain well-known old-timers" (AKA Janor) can be kicked out. However,
they can act like idiots until nobody wants to deal with them anymore.
And Janor reached that stage AGES ago. Stang was holding out until
Janor threatened to sue for royalties on, oh, six tapes sold.... Now
THAT'S fatuous behavior. Oh yeah. Stang's a *real* tyrant, cuz he lets
you do ANYTHING YOU WANT as long as you aren't abusing trademarks or
making life hellish for himself. Oh yeah. He's a real megalomaniac cuz
he only promotes those who *actually do shit*. Oh yeah. Stang lacks
cajones cuz he's only had guns pointed at him a COUPLE times in his
life.

You know, if you knew what the fuck you were talking about, I wouldn't
be getting such pure pleasure pounding your skull back into the
shifting sands of what we might euphemistically call your LIFE, so
maybe I should thank you for being such a moron. You've made my day.
WHEEEEEEE...!

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

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From: "Dr.Legume" <drlegume@bellatlantic.net>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 14:14:43 -0500
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Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:

> Jesus fuck, you'd sound like a junkie complaining
> about not having a good vein left to shoot up. BECAUSE YOU ARE.

Actually, that's why I'm pissed. Will you contribute to the "New Veins
for Legume Fund"?

Just eight inches of vein a day can keep Legume shooting up. That's
less than the price of a Cappuccino.

--
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist,
mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster
que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi

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From: "=?iso-8859-1?Q?K=F6nig=20Preu=DFe?=, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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>
>
> You know, if you knew what the fuck you were talking about, I wouldn't
> be getting such pure pleasure pounding your skull back into the
> shifting sands of what we might euphemistically call your LIFE, so
> maybe I should thank you for being such a moron. You've made my day.
> WHEEEEEEE...!
>
> The Prophet Lilith

Is this "in-fighting?"

Waaaaay kewl!

The way I see it, if Billy Graham can hang in there,
Stang's prolly good for at least another thirty years.

Somebody turn him over and check his expiration date, though,
y'all don't want to be foisting off no outdated products.

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Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 13:01:13 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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In article <36BF2CE5.ACE206F6@erols.com>, König PreuBe, GmbH
<bbombere@erols.com> wrote:

> Is this "in-fighting?"
>
> Waaaaay kewl!

Nah, it's more good clean fun, slapping each other with a
still-breathing Bobbie. S'all.

> The way I see it, if Billy Graham can hang in there,
> Stang's prolly good for at least another thirty years.

I for one can't wait for Stang to get old and properly cantankerous. He
should be ten times the ranter in a few decades.

> Somebody turn him over and check his expiration date, though,
> y'all don't want to be foisting off no outdated products.

Expiration date? Stang's so old as is he doesn't even have a UPC code,
let alone recycling information, nutrition facts, and metric
measurements. But then, he's not a disposable Stang, either. You gotta
refill his tank now and then, screw in a new flint, and prime the
pyroflatulence carbureator. Not like these new-kind preachers who get
one spetacular gut blowout but gotta get tossed with the green glass
afterwards.

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

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From: atruwe@shoggoth.uoregon.edu
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 09:37:56 -0800
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Pope of L.A. wrote:
> just one person. True subgenius CAJONES make a person NEED action,
^^^^^^^

"Hello, I have enormous testicles" and "Hello, I have enormous crates or
boxes" are but one vowel apart in Spanish.

HTH.

Re-lurking.

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From: noemail@mindXspring.com (Whee!, The Lemurs)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 15:46:15 GMT
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On 8 Feb 1999 12:40:13 GMT, twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) expounded:

< Now excuse me, I have to go shit.

Don't forget, you owe us 8% to save for you for your "retirement".
[...]
I'm kinda embarssed to be associated with anyone who'd regurgitate this
pink propaganda...

<On Thu, 04 Feb 1999 22:07:31 -0600, i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) expounded:
<<But then, I'm a HIPPIE-TYPE, and I kind of hate to see religious nuts make
<<laws governing my DICK based on ANCIENT TRIBAL FAIRY TALES. I also sorta
<<thought there was some kind of PRO-PRIVACY thing about our form of
<<government at one point.

...then support the "you'll pay us to tell you what to do" liberals
who actually *did* make the laws - the CON's Department of Happy Face.

But whatthefuck, I'm not associated with Stang or the CoSG, I jest
make dots here and fight the CON in 3space.

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From: noemail@mindXspring.com (Whee!, The Lemurs)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 16:15:21 GMT
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On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 15:46:15 GMT, noemail@mindXspring.com (Whee!, The Lemurs) expounded:

<...then support the "you'll pay us to tell you what to do" liberals
<who actually *did* make the laws - the CON's Department of Happy Face.

That reminds me - had a busy weekend - a buddy was hiding from one
of those poor little "hell hath no fury" chicks who'd previously filed
phony "domestic violence" charges on him[1] for ditching the bitch and
not giving her his money, and was threatening to do it again.

[1] FREE! From minding your own bidness in your living room (BAM BAM!
"POLICE!") to jail in 2 short hours, no ifs ands or butts, no need for
any pesky witnesses or evidence much less one of those inconvenient
and costly trials - mandatory punishment w/o trial written into the
"liberal" laws - CON, scam or witchhunt?

Police State.

So, that was my small CON fight for the weekend - maybe saved an
innocent guy from Diversity Prison. An then we got *really*
fuggin wacky and wild and DIDN'T WEAR OUR "BOB"DAMNED FUGGING
SEATBELTS!!

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From: temujin9@yeti.prodigy.com (Nathaniel Eliot (Excommunicated))
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>,
Pope of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

You stupid FUCK! There has been only ONE person, to my knowledge,
excommunicated from the CotS, and that's ME. AND I DID IT MYSELF.

"certain well-known old-timer" my ass. I'm nineteen years old, you
fucking git! I've been a member for all of half a year!

Getcher stories straight. Stang never excommunicated anyone. Even
though I have auto-excommunicated myself, I'm still a member. The
only way you leave this Church is feet first (with a $90 toetag, of
course).

Nathaniel Eliot The Former Reverend Imposter Eliot
temujin9@io.com (AUTO-EXCOMMUNICATED)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 15:55:28 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Lines: 21
Message-ID: <i.stang-0802991555290001@fcn105-245.tmi.net>
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Xref: spln alt.binaries.slack:62617

In article <36c8fffc.51756135@news.mindspring.com>, Whee!, The Lemurs wrote:

>
> But whatthefuck, I'm not associated with Stang or the CoSG, I jest
> make dots here and fight the CON in 3space.

If you don't want the Foundation using your art anymore because of my
personal opinions, SPEAK NOW because Jesus is laying out the FIST.

--
Copyright 1999 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 15:59:43 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Lines: 44
Message-ID: <i.stang-0802991559430001@fcn105-245.tmi.net>
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In article <36c8fffc.51756135@news.mindspring.com>, Whee!, The Lemurs wrote:

> On 8 Feb 1999 12:40:13 GMT, twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) expounded:
>
> < Now excuse me, I have to go shit.
>
> Don't forget, you owe us 8% to save for you for your "retirement".
> [...]
> I'm kinda embarssed to be associated with anyone who'd regurgitate this
> pink propaganda...
>
> <On Thu, 04 Feb 1999 22:07:31 -0600, i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan
Stang) expounded:
> <<But then, I'm a HIPPIE-TYPE, and I kind of hate to see religious nuts make
> <<laws governing my DICK based on ANCIENT TRIBAL FAIRY TALES. I also sorta
> <<thought there was some kind of PRO-PRIVACY thing about our form of
> <<government at one point.
>
> ...then support the "you'll pay us to tell you what to do" liberals
> who actually *did* make the laws - the CON's Department of Happy Face.
>

Republicans don't make laws? Well what the fuck have they been doing all
this time?

So, what you're saying is, Republicans are Good and Democrats are bad.

You certainly have a more selective idea about what comprises the
Conspiracy than I do.

I always thought they were ALL full of shit! Have been saying so REALLY
LOUDLY for 20 YEARS!

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 15:48:09 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Lines: 43
Message-ID: <i.stang-0802991548110001@fcn105-245.tmi.net>
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In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>,
twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) wrote:

Big words! Go for it!

Philo Drummond and I helped "Bob" found The SubGenius Foundation. There
are only two co-sub-founders. There are 13 Apostles, but Dobbs never said
who they were. And there are literally hundreds and hundreds of
contributors. You're not talking about Philo, though.

I informed him that he should be proud to be
> KICKED OUT OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS. Neither he, nor myself, nor any
> true Subgenius, can be kicked out of the True Church, anymore than a
> peyote-mad contrary can be "excommunicated" from the Navajo Nation. "Bob"
> knows what's in our hearts, and no type-A megalomaniac is going to make one
> iota of difference. Our seats are saved on the saucers. It's up to us to
> take them.
> Now excuse me, I have to go shit.

Get to know Janor a little better! Please! Do whatever you can to help him out.

I did. But... it wasn't enough. Not enough for Janor, anyway.

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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From: imbjr@geocities.com (IMBJR)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 22:43:24 GMT
Organization: The Industrial Complex
Lines: 34
Message-ID: <36bf686b.487921@news.globalnet.co.uk>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36BF2CE5.ACE206F6@erols.com>
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On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 13:28:53 -0500, "König PreuBe, GmbH"
<bbombere@erols.com> wrote:

The plan is working. The fools are tearing each other apart.

>>
>
><whackage>
>
>>
>>
>> You know, if you knew what the fuck you were talking about, I wouldn't
>> be getting such pure pleasure pounding your skull back into the
>> shifting sands of what we might euphemistically call your LIFE, so
>> maybe I should thank you for being such a moron. You've made my day.
>> WHEEEEEEE...!
>>
>> The Prophet Lilith
>
>Is this "in-fighting?"
>
>Waaaaay kewl!
>
>The way I see it, if Billy Graham can hang in there,
>Stang's prolly good for at least another thirty years.
>
>Somebody turn him over and check his expiration date, though,
>y'all don't want to be foisting off no outdated products.
>

------------------------------------------------------------
IMBJR @ the Industrial Complex
"Poisoning Pink Minds Since 1997"
------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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From: Rabbi Jackyn Hyde <rabbs@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 20:06:19 -0500
Organization: newsread.com ISP News Reading Service (http://www.newsread.com)
Lines: 30
Message-ID: <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com>
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Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:
>
> In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>, Pope
> of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:
>
A ton of horseshit.

> I need the following from you by the end of the month:
>
> 1) Outline for new SubGenius book
Okay, to be perfectly fair, anyone who does that should get the usual
decade between books.
> 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> Irrev. Friday Jones
Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?
> 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
(don't forget to pull the teeth out of the squirrel before placing it
inside...)
> 8) An action plan for dealing with shysters, "old buddies" who start
> screaming they're owed more money than the Church has, cranks,
> crackpots, Bob Dean, dorks, dipshits, drive-time morning DJs, etc.
> 9) Rabies shots (just in case the SubGenius Foundation guard dog
> decides he doesn't like the way you smell)
> 10) Editorial for the next Stark Fist
> 11) Completed "antichrist" Dobbsclone
> 12) A winning smile
You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
alcohol?
P-Lil, you are the total shit, my friend!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!lotsanews.com!news.idt.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!199.0.65.142!news-feed1.tiac.net!posterchild2!friday
From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 17:48:31 -0400
Organization: PARTS
Lines: 30
Message-ID: <friday-ya02408000R0802991748310001@news.tiac.net>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <79njqp$8en$1@hiram.io.com>
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In article <79njqp$8en$1@hiram.io.com>, temujin9@yeti.prodigy.com
(Nathaniel Eliot (Excommunicated)) wrote:

>In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>,
>Pope of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:
>
>> A certain well-known old-timer from the Church recently informed me that
>> he was "excommunicated" by Stang, apparently, for reasons which are slowly
>> coming to light, but which are hardly applicable to the "Judgment" meted
>> out by the Emperor.
>
>BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!
>
>You stupid FUCK! There has been only ONE person, to my knowledge,
>excommunicated from the CotS, and that's ME. AND I DID IT MYSELF.
>
>"certain well-known old-timer" my ass. I'm nineteen years old, you
>fucking git! I've been a member for all of half a year!
>
>Getcher stories straight. Stang never excommunicated anyone. Even
>though I have auto-excommunicated myself, I'm still a member. The
>only way you leave this Church is feet first (with a $90 toetag, of
>course).

What about the Nickie Deathchick incident?

--
"All they ever did was clutch and fly and tickle; that was the way of
night-gaunts."
- The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, H.P. Lovecraft

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!lotsanews.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.cwix.com!199.0.65.142!news-feed1.tiac.net!posterchild2!friday
From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack,alt.friday
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 17:48:01 -0400
Organization: PARTS
Lines: 40
Message-ID: <friday-ya02408000R0802991748010001@news.tiac.net>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36BF2CE5.ACE206F6@erols.com> <080219991301131527%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
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In article <080219991301131527%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:

>In article <36BF2CE5.ACE206F6@erols.com>, König PreuBe, GmbH
><bbombere@erols.com> wrote:
>
>> Is this "in-fighting?"
>>
>> Waaaaay kewl!
>
>Nah, it's more good clean fun, slapping each other with a
>still-breathing Bobbie. S'all.
>
>
>> The way I see it, if Billy Graham can hang in there,
>> Stang's prolly good for at least another thirty years.
>
>I for one can't wait for Stang to get old and properly cantankerous. He
>should be ten times the ranter in a few decades.
>
>
>> Somebody turn him over and check his expiration date, though,
>> y'all don't want to be foisting off no outdated products.
>
>Expiration date? Stang's so old as is he doesn't even have a UPC code,
>let alone recycling information, nutrition facts, and metric
>measurements. But then, he's not a disposable Stang, either. You gotta
>refill his tank now and then, screw in a new flint, and prime the
>pyroflatulence carbureator. Not like these new-kind preachers who get
>one spetacular gut blowout but gotta get tossed with the green glass
>afterwards.

"USE ME! I'm REUSABLE!
DEGRADE ME! I'm BIODEGRADABLE"
- Evil Clown Stang, "World of the Future"

--
"All they ever did was clutch and fly and tickle; that was the way of
night-gaunts."
- The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, H.P. Lovecraft

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From: gggordon@subgenius.com (G G Gordon)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: children, stop bickering or someone really old will have to get nasty
Date: Tue, 09 Feb 1999 00:00:33 GMT
Organization: Greenehelle
Lines: 38
Message-ID: <36bf7a24.38318269@news.io.com>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <36c8fffc.51756135@news.mindspring.com> <i.stang-0802991559430001@fcn105-245.tmi.net>
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On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 15:59:43 -0600, i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan
Stang) wrote:

>In article <36c8fffc.51756135@news.mindspring.com>, Whee!, The Lemurs wrote:
>
>> On 8 Feb 1999 12:40:13 GMT, twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) expounded:
>>
>> < Now excuse me, I have to go shit.
>>
>> Don't forget, you owe us 8% to save for you for your "retirement".
>> [...]
>> I'm kinda embarssed to be associated with anyone who'd regurgitate this
>> pink propaganda...
>>
>> <On Thu, 04 Feb 1999 22:07:31 -0600, i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan
>Stang) expounded:
>> <<But then, I'm a HIPPIE-TYPE, and I kind of hate to see religious nuts make
>> <<laws governing my DICK based on ANCIENT TRIBAL FAIRY TALES. I also sorta
>> <<thought there was some kind of PRO-PRIVACY thing about our form of
>> <<government at one point.
>>
>> ...then support the "you'll pay us to tell you what to do" liberals
>> who actually *did* make the laws - the CON's Department of Happy Face.
>>
>
>Republicans don't make laws? Well what the fuck have they been doing all
>this time?
>
>So, what you're saying is, Republicans are Good and Democrats are bad.
>
>You certainly have a more selective idea about what comprises the
>Conspiracy than I do.
>
>I always thought they were ALL full of shit! Have been saying so REALLY
>LOUDLY for 20 YEARS!
>
All of you, you're taking up space I need for artwork, go scream on
alt dot suck or something, kids...fuck 'em

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 21:32:31 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Lines: 66
Message-ID: <i.stang-0802992132330001@fcn105-94.tmi.net>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com>
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In article <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com>, rabbs@subgenius.com wrote:

> Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:

> > I need the following from you by the end of the month:
> >
> > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book

> Okay, to be perfectly fair, anyone who does that should get the usual
> decade between books.

Hey! It's only 5 years between books. It's 10 years between newsletters.

> > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > Irrev. Friday Jones
> Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?

Yes, dear. Whatever you say, hon.

(I think you spell that Connietite, by the way.)

> > 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
> (don't forget to pull the teeth out of the squirrel before placing it
> inside...)

Wha, you don't think the Pope of L.A. might be a DUMBASS, do you?

> You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> alcohol?

And remember, the Old Scribe must perform the operation on the incoming
New Scribe. I believe Dr. Legume recently posted a RealVideo clip
depicting that very ceremony.

Oh yes, and Scribes all get the HERNIA OPERATION as well. It must be done
by a quack. That's what cuts off circulation to the Sacrificial Nut, so
that the New Scribe doesn't bleed to death. And don't forget, then there
is the Sacred Third Nostril Oepening and Deviated Septum straightening,
which I now know how to perform.

You also have to walk the dogs. But the neighborhood vigilante committee
just tonight voted that they'll call the cops on people who let their dogs
shit in the neighborhood, so now you have to walk them in the OTHER
neighborhood. There will be no dog shittery any more here. The Stepford
Golfers have voted. Also they'll have my daughter's broken car hauled off
if we don't move it. I guess we must look like the Beverly Hillbillies to
these people. Fortunately the little old ladies who work in their gardens
around here think I'm just the most polite and friendly old weirdo. It's
the Yups in the suits and their plastic wives, the ones that you never see
outdoors, that are all fired up about shit, n' shit.

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

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Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> In article <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com>, rabbs@subgenius.com wrote:
>
> > Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:
>
>
> > > I need the following from you by the end of the month:
> > >
> > > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book
>
> > Okay, to be perfectly fair, anyone who does that should get the usual
> > decade between books.
>
> Hey! It's only 5 years between books. It's 10 years between newsletters.
>
> > > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > > Irrev. Friday Jones
> > Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?
>
> Yes, dear. Whatever you say, hon.
>
> (I think you spell that Connietite, by the way.)

"Bob" spells it that way...CONNIE spells it "Connie-ite". Ya bastahd!

>
>
> > > 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
> > (don't forget to pull the teeth out of the squirrel before placing it
> > inside...)
>
> Wha, you don't think the Pope of L.A. might be a DUMBASS, do you?
>
> > You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> > alcohol?
>
> And remember, the Old Scribe must perform the operation on the incoming
> New Scribe. I believe Dr. Legume recently posted a RealVideo clip
> depicting that very ceremony.
>
> Oh yes, and Scribes all get the HERNIA OPERATION as well. It must be done
> by a quack. That's what cuts off circulation to the Sacrificial Nut, so
> that the New Scribe doesn't bleed to death. And don't forget, then there
> is the Sacred Third Nostril Oepening and Deviated Septum straightening,
> which I now know how to perform.
>
> You also have to walk the dogs. But the neighborhood vigilante committee
> just tonight voted that they'll call the cops on people who let their dogs
> shit in the neighborhood, so now you have to walk them in the OTHER
> neighborhood. There will be no dog shittery any more here. The Stepford
> Golfers have voted. Also they'll have my daughter's broken car hauled off
> if we don't move it. I guess we must look like the Beverly Hillbillies to
> these people. Fortunately the little old ladies who work in their gardens
> around here think I'm just the most polite and friendly old weirdo. It's
> the Yups in the suits and their plastic wives, the ones that you never see
> outdoors, that are all fired up about shit, n' shit.
>
> --
> Copyright 1999 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
> MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
> Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
> PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
> http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
>
> "Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
> when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
> -- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 19:43:11 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <080219991943113015%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
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In article <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com>, Rabbi Jackyn Hyde
<rabbs@subgenius.com> wrote:

> > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book

> Okay, to be perfectly fair, anyone who does that should get the usual
> decade between books.

But the "Pope of LA" wasn't being fair to Stang, and besides the guys
at Simon & Schuster want ACTION. Well, no, they want words, but you
know what I meant. And keep in mind how long we had to crack the whip
on Stang for months to get him to work at his customary feverish pace.
May as well get an early start on this one....

> > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > Irrev. Friday Jones
>
> Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?

Of course not. For one thing, Friday ain't SPREADING anything except
maybe his asscheeks.

> > 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
>
> (don't forget to pull the teeth out of the squirrel before placing it
> inside...)

Eh, Legume likes it rough. But I *will* shave them. They're
extra-slippery for the first couple of days, then nice and stubbly.

> You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> alcohol?

OF COURSE. Now I've got the meat tongs, and the X-acto knife, and some
rubber gloves, and the gas mask. I've even got a needle and a 60cc
needle so we can have some REAL fun.

> P-Lil, you are the total shit, my friend!

Danke very schoen, mien freunde!

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

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Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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IMBJR wrote:
>
> On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 13:28:53 -0500, "König PreuBe, GmbH"
> <bbombere@erols.com> wrote:
>
> The plan is working. The fools are tearing each other apart.
>
> >>

Exactly as I was saying before...the Conspiracy has us all arguing with
one another. The bastards. BASTARDS!

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Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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Pope of L.A. wrote:
>
> In article <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
> Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
>
> >
> > OK, you've convinced me through the brilliance of your rhetoric. You're
> > right, Stang should be replaced by new blood. And since you're the
> > newest blood in town, TAG, you're it. You're now Sacred Scribe #274.
>
> First of all, I'm NOT new. that was the whole point of my rant, so don't
> expect me to waste any time or slack (mine or anyone else's) on this shit.
>
> > Congratulations. I'll be helping you during the transition, but for now
> > I need the following from you by the end of the month:
>
> >
> > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book
>
> If you're expecting anything like the LAST SubG book, don't lose any sleep.
> I won't waste my time on anything as cranky and one dimensional as
> "Revelation X".
>
> > 2) Four new Hour Of Slack episodes
>
> Got tons of rants on tape, thank you very little.
>
> > 3) 60-minute X-Day video edit for upcoming film festival
>
> What film festival? Sundance?
>
> > 4) $100 to help pay for the web server
>
> Sure. I'll get some donations.
>
> > 5) A list of embarrassing personal facts so that I and the other
> > official Sacred Scribe Mockers can torture you in public
>
> I. I wear women's underwear.
> II. I have irritable bowel syndrome
> III. I sucked my thumb until I was ten.
> IV. I'm an ex-alcoholic (what'd you expect)?
> V. I got FUCKED IN THE ASS BY BOB!!!!
>
> > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > Irrev. Friday Jones
>
> Why?
>
> > 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
>
> Parcel post, or Fed Ex?
>
> > 8) An action plan for dealing with shysters, "old buddies" who start
> > screaming they're owed more money than the Church has, cranks,
> > crackpots, Bob Dean, dorks, dipshits, drive-time morning DJs, etc.
>
> It's called, covering your ass, and paying your debts. Self-defense is part
> of the game, baby.
>
> > 9) Rabies shots (just in case the SubGenius Foundation guard dog
> > decides he doesn't like the way you smell)
>
> Got my own guard dog.
>
> > 10) Editorial for the next Stark Fist
>
> Anytime.
>
> > 11) Completed "antichrist" Dobbsclone
>
> Got one.
>
> > 12) A winning smile
>
> I'll send you a picture.
>
> > Who the hell *is* this "Pope of LA"? If you've been around for over ten
> > years, as it sounds like you're claming, what the hell have you DONE
> > for the Church in all that time? How is it there hasn't been so much as
> > a pissant coffeehouse devival in all Southern California for the past
> > decade, eh?
>
> What I've done for the TRUE CHURCH cannot be measured in pissant devivals
> where some poor dumb sucker pays for airfare and hotel accomodations for
> self-important wankers to stand up and spew dogma as old as the catechism
> from index cards, while gorging themselves on pizza and beer and farting in
> his car on the way home.
>
> >
> > I can only guess it's in the nature of this religion for the
> > do-nothings to sharply criticize those of us who actually lay life,
> > money, and time ON THE LINE for "Bob". It's a hell of a lot easier to
> > do that than to *get off your ass*, I know. "But this is SLACK! See?
> > I'm not doing anything, so I'm getting slack, right? Ain't I? I mean, I
> > can sit here, doing nothing, while a bunch of cranky old tyrants do all
> > the hard stuff!" Jesus fuck, you'd sound like a junkie complaining
> > about not having a good vein left to shoot up. BECAUSE YOU ARE.
>
> Being a junkie is hard work, baby. And I know a little something about
> slack from LIVING, not talking about it. THAT'S why you haven't heard of
> me. Where were YOU when "Bob" was killed?
>
> >
> > It'd be a *kindness* if anyone *could* be excommunicated. But not even
> > "certain well-known old-timers" (AKA Janor) can be kicked out. However,
> > they can act like idiots until nobody wants to deal with them anymore.
> > And Janor reached that stage AGES ago. Stang was holding out until
> > Janor threatened to sue for royalties on, oh, six tapes sold.... Now
> > THAT'S fatuous behavior. Oh yeah. Stang's a *real* tyrant, cuz he lets
> > you do ANYTHING YOU WANT as long as you aren't abusing trademarks or
> > making life hellish for himself. Oh yeah. He's a real megalomaniac cuz
> > he only promotes those who *actually do shit*. Oh yeah. Stang lacks
> > cajones cuz he's only had guns pointed at him a COUPLE times in his
> > life.
>
> Go ahead and believe Stang's side of the story, but the tapes clearly say
> "Copyright Janor Hypercleats" on them. But that's a matter for the courts.
> If Janor does a deal with the devil, then he has to suffer the
> consequences. It's not my problem.
> Again, what I or anyone else has done for what you refer to as the Church
> is irrelevant. How many have freely tithed their time, money and slack to
> the "Church" until they were left discarded like so much Bobbie roadkill,
> and yet felt somehow priviledged to touch the hem of the "Sacred Scribe"?
> And how many of these people truly believe in "Bob"? They think that Stang
> IS the Church. He's their hero, not "Bob". And that's my point. The True
> Church needs no self-righteous Pontiff, but can surely make room for them
> if they care to partake of the sweat of "Bob". It's about slack for all
> subgenii, however they learn to find it. It doesn't come only from what one
> has done for the Establishment. This whole organization sounds more and
> more like the Catholic Church every day.
> By the way, have you ever tried to put on a devival?
>
> >
> > You know, if you knew what the fuck you were talking about, I wouldn't
> > be getting such pure pleasure pounding your skull back into the
> > shifting sands of what we might euphemistically call your LIFE, so
> > maybe I should thank you for being such a moron. You've made my day.
> > WHEEEEEEE...!

He does know what he's talking about since he's been running this
freaking church and entertaining people like you for YEARS! I don't see
you doing any of these things listed, just TALKING or WRITING about
doing them. Well, go ahead...start your own church and deal with the
consequences when it gets real big and not everyone agrees with you.

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Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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SiS D wrote:
>
> IMBJR wrote:
> >
> > On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 13:28:53 -0500, "König PreuBe, GmbH"
> > <bbombere@erols.com> wrote:
> >
> > The plan is working. The fools are tearing each other apart.
> >
> > >>
>
> Exactly as I was saying before...the Conspiracy has us all arguing with
> one another. The bastards. BASTARDS!

You know, the same sort of thing is happening over at
alt.religion.scientology. For some reason, it doesn't bother me as much
when it goes on over here.

Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
fun and prizes?
--
Curtis R. Anderson, Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen", SP 2.5?, KoX
http://www.servtech.com/~cra/ | Western New York: as Canadian
ftp://ftp.servtech.com/pub/users/cra/ | as you can get in the States
mailto:gleepy@intelligencia.com | UTM: PS 7036 7315, zone 17

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Curtis R. Anderson wrote:
>
> SiS D wrote:
> >
> > IMBJR wrote:
> > >
> > > On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 13:28:53 -0500, "König PreuBe, GmbH"
> > > <bbombere@erols.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > The plan is working. The fools are tearing each other apart.
> > >
> > > >>
> >
> > Exactly as I was saying before...the Conspiracy has us all arguing with
> > one another. The bastards. BASTARDS!
>
> You know, the same sort of thing is happening over at
> alt.religion.scientology. For some reason, it doesn't bother me as much
> when it goes on over here.
>
> Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> fun and prizes?

Didn't we do that last time? Except no one got prizes except bruises.
> --
> Curtis R. Anderson, Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen", SP 2.5?, KoX
> http://www.servtech.com/~cra/ | Western New York: as Canadian
> ftp://ftp.servtech.com/pub/users/cra/ | as you can get in the States
> mailto:gleepy@intelligencia.com | UTM: PS 7036 7315, zone 17

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From: "=?iso-8859-1?Q?K=F6nig=20Preu=DFe?=, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>
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Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
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Curtis R. Anderson wrote:

> SiS D wrote:
> >
> > IMBJR wrote:
> > >
> > > On Mon, 08 Feb 1999 13:28:53 -0500, "K=F6nig Preu=DFe, GmbH"
> > > <bbombere@erols.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > The plan is working. The fools are tearing each other apart.
> > >
> > > >>
> >
> > Exactly as I was saying before...the Conspiracy has us all arguing w=
ith
> > one another. The bastards. BASTARDS!
>
> You know, the same sort of thing is happening over at
> alt.religion.scientology. For some reason, it doesn't bother me as muc=
h
> when it goes on over here.
>

It shouldn't ruffle your feathers, Gleepy.
When it goes on over here, it's just a parody
of what's going on over there.

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From: twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 10 Feb 1999 00:27:30 GMT
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In article <080219991943113015%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:

>
> > > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > > Irrev. Friday Jones
> >
> > Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?
>
> Of course not. For one thing, Friday ain't SPREADING anything except
> maybe his asscheeks.
>
>
>
> > You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> > alcohol?
>
> OF COURSE. Now I've got the meat tongs, and the X-acto knife, and some
> rubber gloves, and the gas mask. I've even got a needle and a 60cc
> needle so we can have some REAL fun.
>
>
> > P-Lil, you are the total shit, my friend!
>
> Danke very schoen, mien freunde!
>
>
> The Prophet Lilith

Would that more Connieites defended "Bob" with the same vitriol they defend
Ivan Stang!

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Pope of L.A. wrote:
>
> In article <080219991943113015%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
> Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
>
> >
> > > > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > > > Irrev. Friday Jones
> > >
> > > Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?
> >
> > Of course not. For one thing, Friday ain't SPREADING anything except
> > maybe his asscheeks.
> >
> >
> >
> > > You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> > > alcohol?
> >
> > OF COURSE. Now I've got the meat tongs, and the X-acto knife, and some
> > rubber gloves, and the gas mask. I've even got a needle and a 60cc
> > needle so we can have some REAL fun.
> >
> >
> > > P-Lil, you are the total shit, my friend!
> >
> > Danke very schoen, mien freunde!
> >
> >
> > The Prophet Lilith
>
> Would that more Connieites defended "Bob" with the same vitriol they defend
> Ivan Stang!

We would if "Bob" and his voice-box would let us be as She has
ordained, rather than some parody of "Bob" worshippers. And we defend
those we think are correct....no matter WHO they might be! Sometimes
they're even people on opposing sides of an argument. The Glory of
Connie is such.

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From: "=?iso-8859-1?Q?K=F6nig=20Preu=DFe?=, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 10:50:17 -0500
Organization: Lou Minotti & the Clamsauce Enema Band
Lines: 45
Message-ID: <36C1AAB9.820AE5C1@erols.com>
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SiS D wrote:

> Pope of L.A. wrote:
> >
> > In article <080219991943113015%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
> > Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
> >
> > >
> > > > > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > > > > Irrev. Friday Jones
> > > >
> > > > Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?
> > >
> > > Of course not. For one thing, Friday ain't SPREADING anything except
> > > maybe his asscheeks.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > > You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> > > > alcohol?
> > >
> > > OF COURSE. Now I've got the meat tongs, and the X-acto knife, and some
> > > rubber gloves, and the gas mask. I've even got a needle and a 60cc
> > > needle so we can have some REAL fun.
> > >
> > >
> > > > P-Lil, you are the total shit, my friend!
> > >
> > > Danke very schoen, mien freunde!
> > >
> > >
> > > The Prophet Lilith
> >
> > Would that more Connieites defended "Bob" with the same vitriol they defend
> > Ivan Stang!
>
> We would if "Bob" and his voice-box would let us be as She has
> ordained, rather than some parody of "Bob" worshippers. And we defend
> those we think are correct....no matter WHO they might be! Sometimes
> they're even people on opposing sides of an argument.

Hey! I happen to be on opposing sides in an argument!

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From: Rabbi Jackyn Hyde <rabbs@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Tue, 09 Feb 1999 23:06:40 -0500
Organization: newsread.com ISP News Reading Service (http://www.newsread.com)
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> Would that more Connieites defended "Bob" with the same vitriol they defend
> Ivan Stang!
Defend? We're explaining the intimate details of the job. As for
"Bob," I suppose he's a good short duration personal savior. Good
teeth, nice hairline, choice frop... He doesn't need defense. What
"Bob" probably needs is a good belly laugh from watching a bunch of
women rip third and fourth buttcheeks on ignorant assfucks who never did
anything for the Church but grouse about it. THAT'S just entertainment!

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Message-ID: <36C12D28.BC2486A9@intelligencia.com>
From: "Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com>
Organization: Gleepy's Henhouse
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"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
> In article <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com>, rabbs@subgenius.com wrote:
>
> > Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:
>
>
> > > I need the following from you by the end of the month:
> > >
> > > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book
>
> > Okay, to be perfectly fair, anyone who does that should get the usual
> > decade between books.
>
> Hey! It's only 5 years between books. It's 10 years between newsletters.
>
> > > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > > Irrev. Friday Jones
> > Does that mean ALL the Connieites have to spread for this assfuck?
>
> Yes, dear. Whatever you say, hon.
>
> (I think you spell that Connietite, by the way.)
>
>
> > > 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
> > (don't forget to pull the teeth out of the squirrel before placing it
> > inside...)
>
> Wha, you don't think the Pope of L.A. might be a DUMBASS, do you?
>
> > You forgot #13--One missing ball! Who's got the knives and the rubbing
> > alcohol?
>
> And remember, the Old Scribe must perform the operation on the incoming
> New Scribe. I believe Dr. Legume recently posted a RealVideo clip
> depicting that very ceremony.
>
> Oh yes, and Scribes all get the HERNIA OPERATION as well. It must be done
> by a quack. That's what cuts off circulation to the Sacrificial Nut, so
> that the New Scribe doesn't bleed to death. And don't forget, then there
> is the Sacred Third Nostril Oepening and Deviated Septum straightening,
> which I now know how to perform.
>
> You also have to walk the dogs. But the neighborhood vigilante committee
> just tonight voted that they'll call the cops on people who let their dogs
> shit in the neighborhood, so now you have to walk them in the OTHER
> neighborhood. There will be no dog shittery any more here. The Stepford
> Golfers have voted. Also they'll have my daughter's broken car hauled off
> if we don't move it. I guess we must look like the Beverly Hillbillies to
> these people. Fortunately the little old ladies who work in their gardens
> around here think I'm just the most polite and friendly old weirdo. It's
> the Yups in the suits and their plastic wives, the ones that you never see
> outdoors, that are all fired up about shit, n' shit.

Time to think about moving into the country, I suppose. There, you can
pee in the yard without anyone complaining. Or, you can grow the
biggest, lushest organic yard you want without having to worry about the
neighbors suing your ass off because your yard is aggravating his
child's asthma.

Or, you can leave a few junk cars out in the yard and no one complains.
Well, in my town we're only supposed have two cars. But nobody has
bothered to enforce that law for awhile.

I really do have to get back to posting binaries to this newsgroup. I
have this great Creepy Clown idea.
--
Curtis R. Anderson, Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen", SP 2.5?, KoX
http://www.servtech.com/~cra/ | Western New York: as Canadian
ftp://ftp.servtech.com/pub/users/cra/ | as you can get in the States
mailto:gleepy@intelligencia.com | UTM: PS 7036 7315, zone 17

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From: Rev Carl X el-Hajj <carlg@pop.net>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 16:13:16 -0500
Organization: Bureau of Control
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Curtis R. Anderson wrote:
>
> Time to think about moving into the country, I suppose. There, you can
> pee in the yard without anyone complaining. Or, you can grow the
> biggest, lushest organic yard you want without having to worry about the
> neighbors suing your ass off because your yard is aggravating his
> child's asthma.
>
> Or, you can leave a few junk cars out in the yard and no one complains.
> Well, in my town we're only supposed have two cars. But nobody has
> bothered to enforce that law for awhile.

Or you can build a big wicker man and burn your former neighbors in it.
If you market it right, they'll fight for the right to buy seats inside,
a' la "The Marching Morons." Tell 'em it's an antique auction or sumpin.

--
The Bureau of Control - An official sponsor of the Millennium Bug!
http://www.vermilion-sands.com
Happiness is like a greasy dough--smearing over us and choking us
-- from Ingmar Bergman's "A Lesson In Love" (1954)

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From: twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 10 Feb 1999 00:14:27 GMT
Organization: The Society For the Infinite Improbability
Lines: 55
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In article <i.stang-0802991548110001@fcn105-245.tmi.net>,
i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:

> In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>,
> twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) wrote:
>
> Big words! Go for it!
>
>
> > A certain well-known old-timer from the Church recently informed me that
> > he was "excommunicated" by Stang, apparently, for reasons which are slowly
> > coming to light, but which are hardly applicable to the "Judgment" meted
> > out by the Emperor. As distraught as he was to find himself outcast in an
> > organization he helped found,
>
> Philo Drummond and I helped "Bob" found The SubGenius Foundation. There
> are only two co-sub-founders. There are 13 Apostles, but Dobbs never said
> who they were. And there are literally hundreds and hundreds of
> contributors. You're not talking about Philo, though.

I stand corrected on that point.

>
>
> I informed him that he should be proud to be
> > KICKED OUT OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS. Neither he, nor myself, nor any
> > true Subgenius, can be kicked out of the True Church, anymore than a
> > peyote-mad contrary can be "excommunicated" from the Navajo Nation. "Bob"
> > knows what's in our hearts, and no type-A megalomaniac is going to make one
> > iota of difference. Our seats are saved on the saucers. It's up to us to
> > take them.
> > Now excuse me, I have to go shit.
>
>
> Get to know Janor a little better! Please! Do whatever you can to help
him out.
>
> I did. But... it wasn't enough. Not enough for Janor, anyway.

I know the deal with Janor. He's rather helpless, or at least, somewhat
needy, but is he worthy of such harsh treatment? Is any true Subgenius,
especially one who has been around so long? I can take it, and so can you.
That's why I said what I said. But not everyone can. Being a SubG does not
necessarily make one a fucking Green Beret.
>
> --
> Copyright 1999 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
> MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
> Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
> PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
> http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
>
> "Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
> when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
> -- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

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From: twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 10 Feb 1999 00:06:26 GMT
Organization: The Society For the Infinite Improbability
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In article <79njqp$8en$1@hiram.io.com>, temujin9@yeti.prodigy.com
(Nathaniel Eliot (Excommunicated)) wrote:

> In article <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>,
> Pope of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:
>
> > A certain well-known old-timer from the Church recently informed me that
> > he was "excommunicated" by Stang, apparently, for reasons which are slowly
> > coming to light, but which are hardly applicable to the "Judgment" meted
> > out by the Emperor.
>
> BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!
>
> You stupid FUCK! There has been only ONE person, to my knowledge,
> excommunicated from the CotS, and that's ME. AND I DID IT MYSELF.
>
> "certain well-known old-timer" my ass. I'm nineteen years old, you
> fucking git! I've been a member for all of half a year!
>
> Getcher stories straight. Stang never excommunicated anyone. Even
> though I have auto-excommunicated myself, I'm still a member. The
> only way you leave this Church is feet first (with a $90 toetag, of
> course).
>
> --
>
> Nathaniel Eliot The Former Reverend Imposter Eliot
> temujin9@io.com (AUTO-EXCOMMUNICATED)

That's my whole point. You figured it out. Now I wish more people would.

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From: Adolph Hitler <fuerher@wolfs.lair.gov>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 11 Feb 1999 02:33:09 GMT
Organization: NSDAP
Lines: 12
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"Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com> saith:
>
> Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> fun and prizes?

Why verbal? Pass out the blunt instruments and let the mayhem
begin. Hell we could even sell tickets for this one - I'd pay to
see that.
--
AH

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Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 21:27:23 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
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In article <twonky-ya02408000R0902991615090001@news.primenet.com>,
twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) wrote:

> In article <i.stang-0802991548110001@fcn105-245.tmi.net>,
> i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
>
> > Get to know Janor a little better! Please! Do whatever you can to help
> him out.
> >
> > I did. But... it wasn't enough. Not enough for Janor, anyway.
>
> I know the deal with Janor. He's rather helpless, or at least, somewhat
> needy, but is he worthy of such harsh treatment? Is any true Subgenius,
> especially one who has been around so long? I can take it, and so can you.
> That's why I said what I said. But not everyone can. Being a SubG does not
> necessarily make one a fucking Green Beret.

"Helpless." "Needy." I suppose that's... one charitable way to look at it.

"Harsh" treatment. He kept saying I was cheating him, which I wasn't, so I
quit selling his tapes! Now he can stop saying I'm selling hundreds of his
tapes! We refer interested customers to him. Both interested customers so.
He wanted me to stop using any of his material, and I have, and I asked
him to stop using my material, in return. Besides, Janor is a COMEDIAN!
This is a RELIGION! The comedy clubs are ALL HIS. I have never even set
FOOT inside a comedy club, once. We're not in competition! I just don't
particularly want the Church of the SubGenius being called part of Janor's
Comedy Show anymore, know what I mean? Since when does he need material
from me? He's got TONS of totally original stuff. For 15 years I've been
singing his praises very loudly in public. But, because he can't get
decent gigs, I'm to blame?

Believe WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT to believe about me. Now go start your
rival religion. It's easy and you're great at it. You said so yourself.

Or don't you have any ideas? How about, the Church of DON! The DonGenius
must be lax! Oops, that's Janor's. Only I think I contributed the "lax"
line. Damn. Sure gets complicated.

But at least I got ya started. You can take it from there, I'm sure.

I won't even ask for royalties for the "lax" line. It's all yours. How
about that. Better talk to Janor about that "Don" word, though.

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

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From: Adolph Hitler <fuerher@wolfs.lair.gov>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 11 Feb 1999 02:40:28 GMT
Organization: NSDAP
Lines: 151
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SiS D wrote:
>
> Pope of L.A. wrote:
> >
> > In article <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
> > Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
> >
> > >
> > > OK, you've convinced me through the brilliance of your rhetoric. You're
> > > right, Stang should be replaced by new blood. And since you're the
> > > newest blood in town, TAG, you're it. You're now Sacred Scribe #274.
> >
> > First of all, I'm NOT new. that was the whole point of my rant, so don't
> > expect me to waste any time or slack (mine or anyone else's) on this shit.
> >
> > > Congratulations. I'll be helping you during the transition, but for now
> > > I need the following from you by the end of the month:
> >
> > >
> > > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book
> >
> > If you're expecting anything like the LAST SubG book, don't lose any sleep.
> > I won't waste my time on anything as cranky and one dimensional as
> > "Revelation X".
> >
> > > 2) Four new Hour Of Slack episodes
> >
> > Got tons of rants on tape, thank you very little.
> >
> > > 3) 60-minute X-Day video edit for upcoming film festival
> >
> > What film festival? Sundance?
> >
> > > 4) $100 to help pay for the web server
> >
> > Sure. I'll get some donations.
> >
> > > 5) A list of embarrassing personal facts so that I and the other
> > > official Sacred Scribe Mockers can torture you in public
> >
> > I. I wear women's underwear.
> > II. I have irritable bowel syndrome
> > III. I sucked my thumb until I was ten.
> > IV. I'm an ex-alcoholic (what'd you expect)?
> > V. I got FUCKED IN THE ASS BY BOB!!!!
> >
> > > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > > Irrev. Friday Jones
> >
> > Why?
> >
> > > 7) A 20-pound pumpkin for Dr. Legume
> >
> > Parcel post, or Fed Ex?
> >
> > > 8) An action plan for dealing with shysters, "old buddies" who start
> > > screaming they're owed more money than the Church has, cranks,
> > > crackpots, Bob Dean, dorks, dipshits, drive-time morning DJs, etc.
> >
> > It's called, covering your ass, and paying your debts. Self-defense is part
> > of the game, baby.
> >
> > > 9) Rabies shots (just in case the SubGenius Foundation guard dog
> > > decides he doesn't like the way you smell)
> >
> > Got my own guard dog.
> >
> > > 10) Editorial for the next Stark Fist
> >
> > Anytime.
> >
> > > 11) Completed "antichrist" Dobbsclone
> >
> > Got one.
> >
> > > 12) A winning smile
> >
> > I'll send you a picture.
> >
> > > Who the hell *is* this "Pope of LA"? If you've been around for over ten
> > > years, as it sounds like you're claming, what the hell have you DONE
> > > for the Church in all that time? How is it there hasn't been so much as
> > > a pissant coffeehouse devival in all Southern California for the past
> > > decade, eh?
> >
> > What I've done for the TRUE CHURCH cannot be measured in pissant devivals
> > where some poor dumb sucker pays for airfare and hotel accomodations for
> > self-important wankers to stand up and spew dogma as old as the catechism
> > from index cards, while gorging themselves on pizza and beer and farting in
> > his car on the way home.
> >
> > >
> > > I can only guess it's in the nature of this religion for the
> > > do-nothings to sharply criticize those of us who actually lay life,
> > > money, and time ON THE LINE for "Bob". It's a hell of a lot easier to
> > > do that than to *get off your ass*, I know. "But this is SLACK! See?
> > > I'm not doing anything, so I'm getting slack, right? Ain't I? I mean, I
> > > can sit here, doing nothing, while a bunch of cranky old tyrants do all
> > > the hard stuff!" Jesus fuck, you'd sound like a junkie complaining
> > > about not having a good vein left to shoot up. BECAUSE YOU ARE.
> >
> > Being a junkie is hard work, baby. And I know a little something about
> > slack from LIVING, not talking about it. THAT'S why you haven't heard of
> > me. Where were YOU when "Bob" was killed?
> >
> > >
> > > It'd be a *kindness* if anyone *could* be excommunicated. But not even
> > > "certain well-known old-timers" (AKA Janor) can be kicked out. However,
> > > they can act like idiots until nobody wants to deal with them anymore.
> > > And Janor reached that stage AGES ago. Stang was holding out until
> > > Janor threatened to sue for royalties on, oh, six tapes sold.... Now
> > > THAT'S fatuous behavior. Oh yeah. Stang's a *real* tyrant, cuz he lets
> > > you do ANYTHING YOU WANT as long as you aren't abusing trademarks or
> > > making life hellish for himself. Oh yeah. He's a real megalomaniac cuz
> > > he only promotes those who *actually do shit*. Oh yeah. Stang lacks
> > > cajones cuz he's only had guns pointed at him a COUPLE times in his
> > > life.
> >
> > Go ahead and believe Stang's side of the story, but the tapes clearly say
> > "Copyright Janor Hypercleats" on them. But that's a matter for the courts.
> > If Janor does a deal with the devil, then he has to suffer the
> > consequences. It's not my problem.
> > Again, what I or anyone else has done for what you refer to as the Church
> > is irrelevant. How many have freely tithed their time, money and slack to
> > the "Church" until they were left discarded like so much Bobbie roadkill,
> > and yet felt somehow priviledged to touch the hem of the "Sacred Scribe"?
> > And how many of these people truly believe in "Bob"? They think that Stang
> > IS the Church. He's their hero, not "Bob". And that's my point. The True
> > Church needs no self-righteous Pontiff, but can surely make room for them
> > if they care to partake of the sweat of "Bob". It's about slack for all
> > subgenii, however they learn to find it. It doesn't come only from what one
> > has done for the Establishment. This whole organization sounds more and
> > more like the Catholic Church every day.
> > By the way, have you ever tried to put on a devival?
> >
> > >
> > > You know, if you knew what the fuck you were talking about, I wouldn't
> > > be getting such pure pleasure pounding your skull back into the
> > > shifting sands of what we might euphemistically call your LIFE, so
> > > maybe I should thank you for being such a moron. You've made my day.
> > > WHEEEEEEE...!
>
> He does know what he's talking about since he's been running this
> freaking church and entertaining people like you for YEARS! I don't see
> you doing any of these things listed, just TALKING or WRITING about
> doing them. Well, go ahead...start your own church and deal with the
> consequences when it gets real big and not everyone agrees with you.

Yeah! Then he can be the Rev Martin Luther King Pope of LA.
--
AH

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From: Adolph Hitler <fuerher@wolfs.lair.gov>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: 11 Feb 1999 02:33:17 GMT
Organization: NSDAP
Lines: 237
Message-ID: <36C24010.0000@wolfs.lair.gov>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com>
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Xref: spln alt.binaries.slack:62821

twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) screeched:

> Some of us have been members of this Church for over ten years now, and
------- etc -----------

JeezLaweez folks, cantcha reconize a troll when ya see one?
--
AH

begin 644 troo2g28.gif

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 00:00:48 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Lines: 31
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In article <36C23DE3.45B7@wolfs.lair.gov>, support@langnese.nvg.unit.no wrote:

> "Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com> saith:
> >
> > Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> > some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> > fun and prizes?
>
> Why verbal? Pass out the blunt instruments and let the mayhem
> begin. Hell we could even sell tickets for this one - I'd pay to
> see that.

That's funny, you didn't last year!

Did you miss the pictures of the Battle of Armageddon? The blood rassling?

Wait'll you see THIS year. It'll be like a Star Wars sequel. TEN times the
monsters, TEN times the props, TEN times the titties, TEN times the
spaceships!

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 05:31:34 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <110219990531345066%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <twonky-ya02408000R0902991601020001@news.primenet.com>
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Xref: spln alt.binaries.slack:62883

In article <twonky-ya02408000R0902991601020001@news.primenet.com>, Pope
of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:

> In article <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
> Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
>
> > OK, you've convinced me through the brilliance of your rhetoric. You're
> > right, Stang should be replaced by new blood. And since you're the
> > newest blood in town, TAG, you're it. You're now Sacred Scribe #274.
>
> First of all, I'm NOT new. that was the whole point of my rant, so don't
> expect me to waste any time or slack (mine or anyone else's) on this shit.

Pardon my skepticism. You come out of nowhere with no contribution to
the Church that I've ever seen--and I always look for it--talking about
serving an example by being the first "old timer" to retire. It's
couched in language which automatically assumes Stang is some sort of
monster. (If only that were so! He could put that Claude Rains voice of
his to good use!) And then you talk secretively and ominously about
something we all know about already, and which somehow avoided being an
issue until recently. Even if you're not new to the Church, you're
certainly new online, and it shows. Until you clue yourself in a bit
better you're going to be an outright goober in our eyes. Bummer. A lot
of us are as much old-timers as you, but by and large none of us really
gives a shit about "tenure". Meritocracy is all that matters. If you
want to replace Stang, then find a better Stang first. Be our guest!
There's a Canadian who might do the trick... what's his name, Dean
something? Or, shit, I dunno, BE a better Stang. C'mon, slap that nut
down on the chopping block and let's see what kinda "doug" you're made
of.

> > 1) Outline for new SubGenius book
>
> If you're expecting anything like the LAST SubG book, don't lose any sleep.
> I won't waste my time on anything as cranky and one dimensional as
> "Revelation X".

So how *would* you waste your time, exactly?

> > 2) Four new Hour Of Slack episodes
>
> Got tons of rants on tape, thank you very little.

GREAT. Let's hear some of it! Post your address on alt.slack, sell or
trade the suckers.

> > 3) 60-minute X-Day video edit for upcoming film festival
>
> What film festival? Sundance?

Dallas Film Festival.

> > 4) $100 to help pay for the web server
>
> Sure. I'll get some donations.

Remember to conceal that cash, friends!

> > 5) A list of embarrassing personal facts so that I and the other
> > official Sacred Scribe Mockers can torture you in public
>
> I. I wear women's underwear.

And what's in the women's underwear? You gotta help me here, I need
*embarrassing* facts.

> II. I have irritable bowel syndrome

Ever shit blood? I don't mean black stool, I'm talking about bright red
smears on the toilet paper.

> III. I sucked my thumb until I was ten.

So did you push your cleft palate upwards into your pineal gland, or
are you just Ivangelically fixated on titty?

> IV. I'm an ex-alcoholic (what'd you expect)?

You'll love the new alcohol-free Pumpkin Full Of Squirrels, then.

> V. I got FUCKED IN THE ASS BY BOB!!!!

You, me, and every SubGenius above the age of consent.

> > 6) Plane reservations for Boston so you can marry and get mounted by
> > Irrev. Friday Jones
>
> Why?

As Select Sacred Scribe Secondary Spousal SubGenius she needs a sample
of your blood so she can formulate custom neurotoxins that'll rock you
better than 'Phrane suppositories. If you don't marry her and passively
let her mount you, you might eventually regenerate the missing
testicle, forcing us to retire you as a matter of principle.

> > 8) An action plan for dealing with shysters, "old buddies" who start
> > screaming they're owed more money than the Church has, cranks,
> > crackpots, Bob Dean, dorks, dipshits, drive-time morning DJs, etc.
>
> It's called, covering your ass, and paying your debts. Self-defense is part
> of the game, baby.

Self-defense against what, exactly? The Zonist-Depublicran Axis?
Reticulans? "Bob"? Me? Stang?

> What I've done for the TRUE CHURCH cannot be measured in pissant devivals
> where some poor dumb sucker pays for airfare and hotel accomodations for
> self-important wankers to stand up and spew dogma as old as the catechism
> from index cards, while gorging themselves on pizza and beer and farting in
> his car on the way home.

So, how exactly DO you measure what you've done? In shovelfuls?

> Being a junkie is hard work, baby. And I know a little something about
> slack from LIVING, not talking about it. THAT'S why you haven't heard of
> me. Where were YOU when "Bob" was killed?

I was busy washing his blood from between my toes.

> Go ahead and believe Stang's side of the story, but the tapes clearly say
> "Copyright Janor Hypercleats" on them. But that's a matter for the courts.
> If Janor does a deal with the devil, then he has to suffer the
> consequences. It's not my problem.

What difference does that make? Janor had made arrangements to sell
tapes through the Church, but rather than realizing that nobody buys
his tapes anymore, he came to the conclusion that Stang was ripping him
off. So Janor told Stang not to use Janor's stuff anymore, Stang told
Janor not to use SubGenius material anymore, and that settled it.
There's no side to this story.

> Again, what I or anyone else has done for what you refer to as the Church
> is irrelevant. How many have freely tithed their time, money and slack to
> the "Church" until they were left discarded like so much Bobbie roadkill,
> and yet felt somehow priviledged to touch the hem of the "Sacred Scribe"?
> And how many of these people truly believe in "Bob"? They think that Stang
> IS the Church. He's their hero, not "Bob". And that's my point. The True
> Church needs no self-righteous Pontiff, but can surely make room for them
> if they care to partake of the sweat of "Bob". It's about slack for all
> subgenii, however they learn to find it. It doesn't come only from what one
> has done for the Establishment. This whole organization sounds more and
> more like the Catholic Church every day.

Please, give me a fucking break. You're fixating far more on both Stang
and "Bob" than anyone else here. He's just a fellow Texan and smartass
who does what "Bob" tells him to do. If you're so damn smart that you
know why any of us are involved in the Church, then why are you just a
no-name pope of this two-bit faith? I'd expect you to at least have a
couple of Mansons strapped to your thighs by now. So go hunt down
slack, however you see it, and piss off. Or not!

> By the way, have you ever tried to put on a devival?

http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com/devivals/index.html

Next devival coming in May.

> > You know, if you knew what the fuck you were talking about, I wouldn't
> > be getting such pure pleasure pounding your skull back into the
> > shifting sands of what we might euphemistically call your LIFE, so
> > maybe I should thank you for being such a moron. You've made my day.
> > WHEEEEEEE...!
>
> I hope you feel better.

Lots and lots, thanks. Make sure to wipe down your Bobbie before
putting him back into the bag, or else the gleet will smudge.

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 04:36:14 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <110219990436145148%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36BF2CE5.ACE206F6@erols.com> <36bf686b.487921@news.globalnet.co.uk> <36BFA32E.AE843BEA@subgenius.com> <36C129A6.8E59DFA6@intelligencia.com> <36C23DE3.45B7@wolfs.lair.gov> <36C261D1.334AF888@intelligencia.com>
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In article <36C261D1.334AF888@intelligencia.com>, Curtis R. Anderson
<gleepy@intelligencia.com> wrote:

> Adolph Hitler wrote:
> >
> > "Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com> saith:
> > >
> > > Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> > > some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> > > fun and prizes?
> >
> > Why verbal? Pass out the blunt instruments and let the mayhem
> > begin. Hell we could even sell tickets for this one - I'd pay to
> > see that.
>
> YES! That's the whole point of the act. I'll just sit back and watch.
> Think of it as a form of perverse voyeurism. No, wait, that's
> television.

Sure, so you think. Just you wait until the fighters realize that the
audience is the real enemy.

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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From: "=?iso-8859-1?Q?K=F6nig=20Preu=DFe?=, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 07:55:05 -0500
Organization: Lou Minotti & the Clamsauce Enema Band
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Popess Lilith von Fraumench wrote:

> In article <36C261D1.334AF888@intelligencia.com>, Curtis R. Anderson
> <gleepy@intelligencia.com> wrote:
>
> > Adolph Hitler wrote:
> > >
> > > "Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com> saith:
> > > >
> > > > Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> > > > some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> > > > fun and prizes?
> > >
> > > Why verbal? Pass out the blunt instruments and let the mayhem
> > > begin. Hell we could even sell tickets for this one - I'd pay to
> > > see that.
> >
> > YES! That's the whole point of the act. I'll just sit back and watch.
> > Think of it as a form of perverse voyeurism. No, wait, that's
> > television.
>
> Sure, so you think. Just you wait until the fighters realize that the
> audience is the real enemy.
>
> The Prophet Lilith
>
> --
>

But I WANT them to throw vegetables! And beer!

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Curtis R. Anderson wrote:
>
> Adolph Hitler wrote:
> >
> > "Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com> saith:
> > >
> > > Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> > > some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> > > fun and prizes?
> >
> > Why verbal? Pass out the blunt instruments and let the mayhem
> > begin. Hell we could even sell tickets for this one - I'd pay to
> > see that.
> > --
> > AH
>
> YES! That's the whole point of the act. I'll just sit back and watch.
> Think of it as a form of perverse voyeurism. No, wait, that's
> television.

Well, I have to admit....watching other Subgenii pulp one another on
the battlefield WAS satisfying......

> --
> Curtis R. Anderson, Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen", SP 2.5?, KoX
> http://www.servtech.com/~cra/ | Western New York: as Canadian
> ftp://ftp.servtech.com/pub/users/cra/ | as you can get in the States
> mailto:gleepy@intelligencia.com | UTM: PS 7036 7315, zone 17

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 04:27:14 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <110219990427142625%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36BF8A0B.332E@subgenius.com> <080219991943113015%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <twonky-ya02408000R0902991628110001@news.primenet.com>
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In article <twonky-ya02408000R0902991628110001@news.primenet.com>, Pope
of L.A. <twonky@primenet.com> wrote:

> Would that more Connieites defended "Bob" with the same vitriol they defend
> Ivan Stang!

Who's "Bob"? And what does that have to do with G'Broagfran?

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 04:25:17 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <110219990425175601%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <080219991014198316%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36BFA2C6.B93BCE6E@subgenius.com> <080219991944478801%p-lil@ZubJenius.com> <36C04D3C.D3EE16B2@subgenius.com>
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In article <36C04D3C.D3EE16B2@subgenius.com>, SiS D
<decadence@subgenius.com> wrote:

> No, no...I meant I was enjoying the butchness of your rant and
> wondering why you'd go more "female" when your butch-dom is ....is....so
> satisfying! (grin nudge)

I always leave an out.

Nudge nudge wink wink.

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 00:08:20 -0600
Organization: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Lines: 33
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In article <36C24010.0000@wolfs.lair.gov>, support@langnese.nvg.unit.no wrote:

> twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) screeched:
>
> > Some of us have been members of this Church for over ten years now, and
> ------- etc -----------
>
> JeezLaweez folks, cantcha reconize a troll when ya see one?

Yer right, I dunno why I even snap back at these curs. P-Lil's comebacks
made my day, though!

"Little fleas have smaller fleas
Upon their backs to bite 'em;
And those fleas have yet smaller fleas
And so, ad infinitum."

I probably didn't get that poem exactly right.

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 04:45:42 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <110219990445429329%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
References: <twonky-ya02408000R0802990440520001@news.primenet.com> <36C24010.0000@wolfs.lair.gov> <i.stang-1102990008200001@fcn105-64.tmi.net>
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In article <i.stang-1102990008200001@fcn105-64.tmi.net>, Rev. Ivan
Stang <i.stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

> In article <36C24010.0000@wolfs.lair.gov>, support@langnese.nvg.unit.no wrote:
>
> > twonky@primenet.com (Pope of L.A.) screeched:
> >
> > > Some of us have been members of this Church for over ten years now, and
> > ------- etc -----------
> >
> > JeezLaweez folks, cantcha reconize a troll when ya see one?
>
> Yer right, I dunno why I even snap back at these curs. P-Lil's comebacks
> made my day, though!

Well, let's face it, I'm not mean to idiots just because I'm disruntled
and maladjusted. No. Certainly not. Ultimately, I do it for the same
reasons that medieval peasants nailed cats to poles then attempted to
bash it to death with their head. The fact that I'm wielding a Bobyon
phase cannon with a fropfume suspension core with one hand, and a bunch
of red straps in the other, while he's armed with only a hole punch,
does not make this contest unfair or unbalanced in any sense. Hell, I
might just toss the cannon and red straps into a corner, grab the hole
punch, and use that instead. And I know the audience would cheer. And
knowing that I've made their day makes mine a bit more special.

In short, you're very welcome. FEITCTAJ.

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 04:22:37 -0800
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Message-ID: <110219990422375954%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
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Xref: spln alt.binaries.slack:62865

In article <36C24010.0000@wolfs.lair.gov>, Adolph Hitler
<fuerher@wolfs.lair.gov> wrote:

> JeezLaweez folks, cantcha reconize a troll when ya see one?

You, sir, are STILL no cat. Now let me play with my food a bit more.

The Prophet Lilith

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
Hey Seattle SubGenii! Go to http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com
==If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE OFF!==

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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From: SiS D <decadence@subgenius.com>
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Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde wrote:
>
> Adolph Hitler wrote:
> >
> > "Curtis R. Anderson" <gleepy@intelligencia.com> saith:
> > >
> > > Do you think we can make this a competition at the next XX-day: have
> > > some kind of verbal slug fest where disgruntled SubGenii spar it out for
> > > fun and prizes?
> >
> > Why verbal? Pass out the blunt instruments and let the mayhem
> > begin. Hell we could even sell tickets for this one - I'd pay to
> > see that.
> > --
> > AH
> Already been done. Battle of Armegedon had everything from Stang in
> bubble wrap to a topless dangerous Friday Jones to the naked guy
> fighting with a fish. That's the beauty of showing up to these things.
> True, Sister Decadence and I didn't join in the merriment,

Well, I DID rush in from the sides and bonk water balloons on heads of
those ganging up on the less fortunate...but it was so wet that day
anyway, no one noticed they'd been bonked!

but we were
> creating enough trouble in the crowd, if memory serves. Besides, I was
> STILL getting red paint out of points unknown.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Path: spln!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!i.stang
From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 13:18:04 -0600
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Wayne!

Man, you had me going there! For a minute I was afraid it was somebody who
mattered! But you're just that hanger-on guy that used to mooch off Greg
Bishop's project!

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(This guy never did SHIT!! No WONDER he wouldn't say who he was!)

******** from 1997:

I am looking for personal accounts of paranormal phenomena from Vietnam
veterans who had these experiences while In Country. They may be used in a
feature film. All information is confidential, and anonymity is guaranteed,
if requested.
Please E-mail me at:
twonky@primenet.com

-- wayne

Discover the Secrets of *The Excluded Middle* --UFOs! The Paranormal!
Conspiracies! Consciousness! Belief Systems! Weird Science!--An Esoteric
Journal for the Masses--ExclMid@aol.com for info.

*******

DARN that Deja News!

How'd YOUR "Sundance" film come out, Wayne?

"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

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From: noemail@mindXspring.com (Whee!, The Lemurs)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Subject: Re: PLEASE RETIRE, REVEREND STANG
Date: Fri, 12 Feb 1999 02:39:51 GMT
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On Thu, 11 Feb 1999 04:45:42 -0800, Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> expounded:
[...]
<Well, let's face it, I'm not mean to idiots just because I'm disruntled
<and maladjusted. No. Certainly not. Ultimately, I do it for the same
<reasons that medieval peasants nailed cats to poles then attempted to
<bash it to death with their head. The fact that I'm wielding a Bobyon

Sigh - it's sad that, over time, that uplifting Slacktime hobby
degenerated into little more than the modern "Polish Joke".

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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