**********************
NEWS:
X-DAY DRILL '97 -- WE'RE COMMITTED!
The SubGenius Foundation has again contracted with noble Brushwood Folklore Center in Sherman, NY, reserving the weekend of July 4-5-6 for X Day Drill II. THERE'S NO BACKING OUT NOW.
We expect double or triple last year's attendance, now that everybody's seen the pictures on SubSITE of the Nude Baptism, Public Prairie Squid Fucking, Scourging of Jesus and Crucifixion/Burning of Dobbs, etc. We deliver EVEN THE OUTRAGEOUS SHIT WE PROMISE!!
THIS year, Dr. K'taden Legume, Events Coordinator, promises yet crueler and more barbaric tests of Faith, and rewards for the Faithful:
An authentic WITCH HUNT and BURNING
THE BATTLE FOR PASTOR CRAIG ISLAND/SubGenius Spit Fight
No Weapons, but Any Bodily Fluid Allowed
Tickets to THE LAST SUPPER -- you can PAY to be one of the 12 seated with Jesus and Dobbs, and pose for a historic photograph that will become the cover of the Escape Vessels Guidebook and Map.
And MORE MORE MORE!!! Write to Jesus at the Sacred PO Box (aka slack@metronet.com) for your application form, info etc.
**********************
X-DAY DRILL 2.5 -- JANUARY '98 in AUSTIN??
ONCE A YEAR IS NOT ENOUGH, especially when there are only 530 or so more days left to TIME ITSELF. There's a campground near Austin that, like Brushwood up north, allows all-night nakidity, weirdness and loud noise and is normally used by Pagans. (Snicker.) I just hate to think of all the Southern and Western SubGenii who might never otherwise get a chance to undergo a proper Drill before the real thing in '98, and, heck, the Drills are such good clean fun, and we don't LOSE money, so... WHY NOT. If I announce it maybe it'll happen -- New Years X-Day Drill 2.5 in Austin. We sure as heckful bygolly don't want to do JANUARY in NEW YORK any more than we would Austin in the SUMMER.
WHADDYA THINK? What better way to spend THE VERY LAST NEW YEAR'S EVE ON EARTH???
**********************
NEW SECRET IRC DEVIVAL CHANNEL!
That one deluded psycho Bobbie didn't respond well to criticism.
I will say this for him, he knows how to sabotage, booby trap and destroy any SubGenius IRC channels that he can't control. SO, we have a NEW one, but it's a SECRET. I can't tell you its name. Only the owner of the server, cuthulu, can tell you its name, and only after he has whiffread your email's trail to make sure you are not Mr. Serves "Bob" Better Than Anybody By Preventing Everyone Else from Doing So.
Any of you feel like defending your good buddy RevSpych now?
Those we know, or newcomers who pass the whiffreading, can get the New Secret True Official SubGenius Online IRC Devivals address by emailing:
cuthulu@rlabs.com
Cuthulu will channel "Bob" and whiff-read your TCP/IP
packets to make sure you're no pobucker out to make trouble.
If the secret channel isn't working for some reason, try another.net #subgenius.
**********************
HOUR OF SLACK on NEW "GOOD"-SOUNDING Internet Radio Format!
You and I can suddenly hear WCSB in Cleveland -- which carries The Hour of Slack, ESO Radio, and the grooviest, glooobiest music -- CLEAR AS A BELL on our computers!
I'm not talking TrueSpeech, which SubSITE already has. NOR RealAudio, which ALSO sounds like shit. Cleveland's greatest of college stations, WCSB, uses a brand spanking new Real-Audio-LIKE system called AUDIOACTIVE. From http://www.wcsb.org you can download the Audioactive app... configure Netscape prefs for it... and then HEAR THE DAMN STATION LIVE in the best "Net Radio" sound I've ever heard over a plain phone line and 28.8 modem. STEREO, and smooth as silk. I was SHOCKED.
NYES -- you can now hear
THE HOUR OF SLACK: 9 pm Sunday nights, Eastern time.
ESO RADIO with Lonesome Cowboy Dave and Chas: Thursday nights, 10 PM EST.
at:
http://www.wcsb.org
In their words:
"WCSB is now using Audioactive, the new system for Internet audio delivery.
You can listen to our station 24/7 and all you need is a 28.8 modem,
Windows 3.1 or 95 or a Macintosh. (and Internet access, natch.)
We have a wide variety of programming--punk, indie, blues, folk,
industrial, a little jazz, the Hour of Slack, Maximum Rock-N-Roll Radio
Hour, and some extremely vulgar late night talk shows, if you like that
sort of thing. :-)
If you have any friends who can't get any decent radio where they live,
please forward this to them. Audioactive has a great sound because it's
made by radio engineers, and I guarantee everyone can find one program
they would like.
See http://www.wcsb.org/ for more info on downloading the Audioactive
player (it works like RealAudio but sounds way better) and the link to
click to hear us.
p.s. For you Unix folx, we are still running Cyber Radio 1 as well!
When encryption is outlawed, ?o'AZ-,++o+i++##4AoA+-/-C++bI+/.+~
**********************
The Hour of Slack may, or may not, start in February on:
KMNR 89.7 FM Rolla, Missouri (Saturdays at 1AM ?)
**********************
UPCOMING MINIDEVIVALS:
WINTERSTAR, SXSW
WINTERSTAR SYMPOSIUM February 27 - March 2
I, Stang will be preaching and shucking on Saturday. The week-long event costs $100, no day passes, sorry. This year's theme: Magic, Shamanism & Altered States.
Try not to GAG at the following; in real life they aren't anywhere near as corny as this press release would lead one to believe:
"Perhaps the most luxurious event in the Magickal Movement, WinterStar is held by Cleveland's ACE at a ski-resort site in rural Ohio between Cleveland and Columbus. The program includes seminars on Magickal, Social, New Age, Consciousness Exploration, Health-Oriented, and Political issues with Drumming, Dancing, and Chanting workshops, Slide and Video presentations, Films, Rituals, Parties, and Musical performances. Past guests include Margot Adler, Robert Anton Wilson, Robert Shea, Selena Fox, Stephen & Ina May Gaskin, Isaac Bonewits, Patricia Monaghan, Gavin & Yvonne Frost, Rev. Ivan Stang, Donald Michael Kraig, Anodea Judith, Harvey Wasserman, Morning Glory Zell."
For MORE INFO, REGISTRATION: ACE, 1643 Lee Road, #9, Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44118, U.S.A. (216) 932-5421 or TOLL FREE: 1-800-446-4962 E-MAIL: ik135@cleveland.freenet.edu
http://junior.apk.net/~wirdoe/ACE/index.html
(NOTE: that website is in a very unfinished state and isn't meant to be public yet, but they do have more info there. It's hard to tell what's a link, so click on everything that MIGHT be.)
*****
SXSW -- March 9-10
South by Southwest Conference in Austin, TX
This is the gigantic music con for the Music Con.
The Good Rev. Stang will be appearing on a panel of experts ("Implantable Computer Chips") to debate the future of media in the coming days -- Sunday, March 9 from 2:00 to 3:30 pm at Austin Convention Center.
On Monday: a 30-minute to hour-long solo devival about his vision of the future, or some aspect thereof.
Registration cost for entire event (March 8-11) is $200. After Jan. 13, price increases to $250; goes to $275 after Feb. 3. Those who want to only attend the Trade Show can buy an Executive Pass for $25. South by Southwest info line is 512/467-7979 or via the web address at http://www.sxsw.com.
**
There are rumors of an Atlanta Devival. It will probaby be just a little CHEAPER than the aforementioned. And the X-=Day Drill is $25 for the week.
You can still call (216)556-0338 for recorded devival info updated as we get it.
**********************
NEW PRODUCTS:
REALER THAN REAL
SUBGENIUS KEYCHAINS!! - $5
Problems starting your car? Doors just not opening for you? Perhaps you
need an official Church of the SubGenius key chain! Made from only the finest leather of specially selected Pinks, these key chains feature ESSENTIAL information in your preparation for X-Day, as well as a special message from "Bob"!! Don't have a Car? Don't have a house? Don't worry! This has been designed to fulfill a multitude of purposes for a SubGenius in search of
slack. Dual DobbsHeads provide you with the ultimate portable, and personal shrine, to "Bob".
The little Lord Jesus ain't just asleep on the hay about this, friends!
These gold-on-black embossed leather keychains are EXTREMELY WELL CRAFTED, not some half-assed amateur knock-off. The Dobbsheads are PRISTINE. The fonts and printing are CRYSTAL CLEAR and GLOW with INNER POWER. You can see every detail of the Sacred Hieroglyph borders. I have found my Dobbs keychain MOST COMFORTING. It's already like an old friend. Should last for years. Slicker than the blood of the Pinks that will cover the planet on X-Day. Features (count 'em) 2 "Bob" heads, two slogans and two Secret Orders from Dobbs.
*******
DOBBSHEAD CLOCKS!!! $29.95
NOW -- TIME CONTROL AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! Made by Ephemera. Church logo and Dobbshead in red, black and white, op art design, very "Devo;" sturdy round black plastic frame, MAJESTICALLY crafted, KEEPS PERFECT TIME, FOREVER *(with AA batteries). Wouldn't look out of place in ANY kitchen or War Room. Allow 8 weeks for delivery.
*******
NEW ADJUNCT TO YOUR OFFICIAL PAPERS AND DOCUMENTS:
SHORT DURATION MARRIAGE LICENSE CERTIFICATES with CEREMONY -- $3
Rev. Noah Stewart completely reworked the old ShorDurMarCert and they look GORGEOUS! More than SUITABLE for framing. You get TWO Certificates, one lovely copy of the Ceremony, written out. It's just SO god damned romantic, it really is.
**********************
OTHER MUTANTS RESOURCES LIST - $1
Jesus has begun trying to recreate and update the old Other Mutants and High Weirdness lists, bringing them into the Modern Age. INCREDIBLE: NO DEAD ADDRESSES!! LISTS ALL THE SUBGENII WHO WANT YOU TO KNOW THEY EXIST, AND TO BUY OR TRADE GOOD EVILS AND EVIL GOODS WITH THEM.
**********************
THE STARK FIST Interim 16-pager WAS MAILED MONDAY, JAN. 13. Rev. Stang has rolled naked on each and every Fist, properly blessing them. Ads are being accepted for the next Fist. Call or write Jesus for rates.
**********************
NEW BOOK FROM POPE DAVID N. MEYER
The Greatest of All The Old Time SubGenius Stage Preachers has wrought a must-have, essential guide:
Hidden Treasures, Neglected Classics, and Hits from Bygone Eras
THE 100 BEST FILMS TO RENT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF
(St. Martin's Press, ISBN 0-312-15042-3)
In his twenty years as a movie
critic, film scholar, and film
festival programmer, David N.
Meyer has developed this
fabulous list of the finest
underappreciated film classics.
He served as Entertainment
Weekly's music video critic and
has written for Glamour
magazine, amoung many others.
He is a coauthor of the
renowned underground humor
classic The Book of the
Subgenius.
If you're like me, it's possible for you to spend an hour in a video store without locating anything you really WANT to see . THIS BOOK WILL END ALL THAT! The movies listed are not really particularly obscure or hard to locate, but rather OFT FORGOTTEN. You'll be glad to be reminded. Pope Meyer's analyses are fun to read, and his well-honed Sacred SubGenius Sarcasm shines through -- even though he's talking about things he LIKES, this time!
It's a trade paperback... easily ordered by any bookstore if it ain't on their shel;ves. You can also order it online from:
http://www.spacelab.net/~ideasfee
**********************
NEW SUBSITE SOUNDZ, ART LODES, VIDS!
The SubGenius Renaissance is hitting such a fever pitch that I can do little more than serve as a human funnel for it.The Poindexter-Funway-Fernandinande Triumverate has been delivering upwards of one hundred new illustrations per minute. Rev. Morvus Thenu has taken on the Herculean task of cleaning the Art Mines and totally redigging the tunnels. Rev. Eyre Rend has completed vast new erections of sound bites and new radio shows, plus The Janor Device, Media Barrage 5 and The Best of Hour of Slack (1988) tapes. Numen Remissionis has started making more Dobbs Hypnosis mini-movies. The plug-ins that change DOOM into a DOBBSIFIED SUBGENIUS GAME are at the Funhouse. The ARTICLES and RANTS inside the HALL OF ANSWERS have swollen in number and indexing. THERE'S NO END TO IT!!!!
Actually I haven't linked in all that stuff yet, but probably will have by the time you read this.
**********************
STANG INVENTS NEW RELIGION
The Church of Less Pain
'Nuff said.
**********************
FALSE PALMER STRICKEN
The bland old gent who made his living as a Satanic imitation of the One True Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer, hawking Penzoil and leisurewear between False Launching rituals, has prostate cancer. We would not wish this fate even on a Satanic imitation, and we refrain from saying "Perhaps You Should Have Listened to Drs. 4 "Bob". PreScripture provides a hint that "Palmer" will live at least until X-Day, as evidenced by the long prophetic passages referring to a "Trial:" "Arnold Palmer/County of Orlando versus Janor Hypercleats."
**********************
Marijuana Linked To Sitting Around And Getting High
**********************
"There was no other church like it. Nowhere else could members indulge
in such limitless sexual abandon. And no other church ministers advanced
such liberal theories on love as a cover-up for their members' unbridled
lusts.
"But the church's operators were out for more than money. They played at
being gods, testing their shocking sex theories on countless jaded couples.
If they were exposed, it would mean disaster for all of them. But if they
succeeded, countless marriages would be saved through programmed adultery!"
Original file name: Jan. SubNews
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