NEW! THE LAST SURVIVORS, a comic book by Rev. Ivan Stang!
|ONLY $149.95!!||MIRACLE DOBBSHEAD TOASTER!|
|What was our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ talking about? THIS! Yes, the sacred thrice-blessed SUBGENIUS TOASTER will convert any normal bread into a holy sacrament. Better than a host from the hand of a Pope! Harness the lightning to brand the face of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs into your breakfast. Best thing since sliced bread!
Be at One With Dobbs In Your Mouth! LOOK AT (AND EAT) THAT FACE!! Haven't you always wanted to use a knife to spread butter or jam on the face of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs? Go on... take a nibble of the Saint of Sales. Mmmmmm... Use it for Communion with the Holy Face. Get Head For Breakfast! He won't stop smiling as you chow down. That's how you "know."
Stab it - cut it - cover it up - gnaw on it - then make another. Never gets old.
Every flavor: ShorDurPerSavory and ShorDurPerSweet. Military grade, halal AND kosher toast is yours with a single flick of the wrist.
Eliminate your embarrassing non-toasted bread problem. You'll wonder how you got along without it. GET LAID or cry trying!
(SUBGENIUS BOYS -- DON'T STICK YOUR DICK(S) IN IT - stick THEIR dick in it, for a laugh!)
One lucky lottery winner took home ten thousand dollars. It wasn't you - THIS TIME. Odds are this toaster will change things for you one way or another. DON'T TEMPT FATE - TEMPT ETERNITY! Put some fucking bread in it and press the god damn button, you jackass!
Your parents would have loved you if you'd had this toaster, but it's not too late. Join the NFT craze with this NEW FUCKING TOASTER. At last you can justify your existence as "the one who bought this toaster." DON'T BE USELESS AND LIE TO YOURSELF ANY LONGER.
IT'S ELECTRIC!! Makes Toast Taste Better! Take it to the bathtub with you for that Last Breakfast. Causes Baldness IF YOU WANT IT! Made with quantums -- do your part for climate change with this toaster!
Limited edition! Includes authentic original shipping container and packing materials. Limit one per customer... if you're a punk. If you're COOL you'll buy them ALL.
The novelty toaster company that used to make and sell them folded, and (thanks to the great documentary film director Sandy Boone!) we ended up with their leftover Dobbs toasters. THESE THIRTY ARE THE VERY LAST AND ONLY ONES.
Doctor appointments for grandma or this toaster - IS IT EVEN A QUESTION?
Works pretty good! Might last a little while.
"I'm about to loose my god-damn mind thinking about this toast. JOIN ME." -- Onan Canobite [Mar 9, 2023 at 5:58:03 PM]
*Foretold in the prophecy of the flying toaster screen saver, if you're old.
**Small, medium and large are all the same price. No extra fee for change of size.
|$19.63||JAILBIRD - The Dreadlock Recollections
by Kerry Wendell Thornley
"At the risk of sounding paranoid, I don't think it is a coincidence that I am famous only among conspiracies." -- Kerry W. Thornley
First time in print, with an introduction by Reverend Ivan Stang of The Church of the SubGenius. The complete confessions of Kerry Wendell Thornley, co-founder of The Discordian Society, to his role as second-patsy in the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
Some know Kerry Thornley as the witty co-author of The Principia Discordia, the 'bible' of the Discordian faith, a noble predecessor of The Church of the SubGenius -- to which Thornley was also a contributor. He is known as well for more serious endeavors, such as his novel The Idle Warriors, and for having to defend himself against accusations of involvement in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
This book is a compilation of his written memoirs concerning his many conversations with two men that he was later convinced were indeed directly involved in the murder of JFK. Includes an appendix of miscellaneous funny Thornley rants, and a very detailed index.
"I dig the SubGeniuses because, like them, my IQ is also below genius. So, in spite of my disagreements with them, the world looks to me just as bewildering and frightening as it looks to them. Probably, there are Discordians who feel every which way about everything, including "Bob" Dobbs." -- Kerry W. Thornley
326 pages, 6x9" paperback.
ALL COPIES BOUGHT HERE ARE SIGNED AND DATED BY REV. IVAN STANG.
|$16.00||THE AGENT AND MR. DOBBS
THE AGENT GOES TO DOBBSTOWN
by Rev. Teeters LaVerge
NEW SUBGENIUS NOVEL(s)!
Two brain-gnarling spy thriller mystery novellas starring J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.
In the early 1960s, an earnest, patriotic and Pink agent for the Feds is assigned to the seriously insane national security case of "Bob" Dobbs. He is drawn by Dobbs down a rabbit hole that turns into a wormhole of 'Frop madness, surreal sex with Connie, Bigfoot and Greys, bizarre parties with JFK, Hitler, Lee Harvey Oswald, Fidel Castro, Nikita Khrushchev, and Timothy Leary... and unspeakable experiences that make him question what he had mistakenly thought of as reality.
It's like H. P. Lovecraft by way of Raymond Chandler by way of R. Crumb. Like a David Lynch movie with a dollop of The Three Stooges. Like a Bugs Bunny cartoon guest-directed by David Cronenberg. Like an S. Clay Wilson comic novelized by Franz Kafka.
"I've written two SubGenius movie screenplays. But if some Hollywood hotshot approached me saying, "I've got a hundred million dollars for a big SubGenius movie. Do you have a script?" -- I would hand them this book. It is F**KING HILARIOUS and my very favorite portrait of 'Bob' so far. Let us just pray that it is indeed fiction." -- Rev. Ivan Stang
The foreword is signed and dated by Ivan Stang.
|$17.95||Eyelash by Rev. Nikolai Kingsley|
THE FIRST SUBGENIUS SCIENCE FICTION NOVEL!
He swore he'd never deal with the aliens again, but here he was, letting them beam him onboard...
He promised that whatever they were planning he'd keep Tai out of it, but here she was, on the bridge...
What were the Xists trying to hide that was worse than Soul Harvesting and interstellar drug running, and why were they being so nice to him... at first?
WHAT IN THE NAME OF SLACK HAD J. R. "BOB" DOBBS GOTTEN HIM INTO?!?
A tale of paranoia, misdirection, outright lies, extremely angry robots and purple-haired elf girls, set in the richly detailed mythos of The Church of the SubGenius.
GUARANTEED DOCTRINALLY CORRECT
"Kingsley's writing easily equals that of the giants on whose shoulders we crouch, holding on for dear life with white knuckles to the oversized weave of their immense dandruff-dusted sweaters while they stride about their titanic world." -- Rev. Ivan Stang
(Amazon also sells it, with a free preview of the first chapter. But Rev. Kingsley and the Church make more when you buy it from us.)
231-page trade paperback
J. R. "BOB" DOBBS BANDANAS and T-Shirts!
Now they double as FERTILITY FACE MASKS!
"BOB" BANDANA / FERTILITY MASK
Full True Dobbshead on high quality 100% cotton cloth bandana, 21 x 21 inches square. To use as a mask, simply fold in half and tie the corners behind your head.
They will never guess who it is chanting "Bob" "Bob" "Bob"!
Why, it's the next best thing to skinning Dobbs himself!
Generate your own PreScriptures with every utterance! Prank the superstitious -- they'll think you ARE "Bob"!
Pull it up all the way over your face in the car, and let "Bob" drive for you! Guaranteed results!
(Perfectly legal in all "non smoking" areas -- yet includes pipe!)
Not known to prevent or cause a god damned thing!* BUY SEVEN!
"They'll pay to pull the wool over their own face." -- Father "Papa" Joe Mama
NOW AVAILABLE IN 6 COLORS!
Black bandana shown with Pleated Fold, held on with elastic hair ties. (Click here for Pleated Fold instructions)
CLASSIC "BOB" BLACK T-SHIRT / FERTILITY MASK
THE most important message for these troubled times. Full True Dobbshead on very high quality, long-lasting 100% cotton black T.
NOW AVAILABLE IN MEDIUM: $16.99
Large: $17.99 Extra-Large: $19.99 XX-Large: $21.99
Worn as Mask
Chinless wonders and pencil-neck geeks, REJOICE! This is OUR time!
When the opposite or otherwise desired sex can see only our eyes, we're sexier looking than any Hollywood stars! Let their imaginations fill in the blanks... with "Bob," based only upon our sparkling personalities, witty bon-mots, his half-tone complexion and his INESCAPABLY RIVETING GRIN!
Do you feel stupid wearing a medical mask in public?
Now get all the benefits -- and still feel stupid when you wear this OVER your medical mask!
Wear one as a shirt... but tie another one to your face -- USING THE SLEEVES! It's INSULTINGLY easy!
* MADE IN USA. Not guaranteed bat-proof.
The big CafePress SUBGENIUS STORE has dozens and dozens of colorful SubGenius shirt designs to choose from, as well as your straight "Bob" on white. And they have Dobbsian hats, bibs, aprons, thongs, mugs, clocks, YOU NAME IT. HOWEVER! -- our shirts (made by Anticomformity, below) sport the LIFE-SIZED Dobbshead, which, when sed as a mask, matches up to most human and SubGenius faces in the most disconcerting manner possible!
See the ANTICONFORMITY catalog for more BLACK shirt choices, including Wings O' Slack, Hypno-"Bob," hoodies, trucker's hats.
SUBGENIUS MUSIC ALBUMS -- NOW DOWNLOADABLE!
SubGenius Bandcamp now has 9 BobSongs CD albums for purchase as MP3 files -- including two brand new albums available ONLY as downloads!
You can get them by track or by album -- $10/album or $1/track. The CDs are still available, oh yes indeed, (see below), but these are cheaper , infinitely smaller, and much better for the environment! Also, if the spirit of Dobbs so compels you, you can pay MORE than the asking price as part of your regular love-tithe!
The two latest new albums, Bobsongs 7 and Bobsongs 8 -- almost 10 years in the making! -- are released ONLY as downloads from
|$12||Dobbshead Cloisonne Pin|
|COLLECTOR'S ITEM. This has been one of our most popular items. Tasteful, subtle 7/8" nickel-plated brass pin looks expensive as hell! Designed by Dr. Hal Robins. Just like the Masons have, only cooler. Let potential business/sex partners know which side you're on. This fancy 4 color enamel pin also doubles at a tie tack. Perfect for those important business meetings, golfing, short duration weddings, funerals, sacrifices, orgies or just watching TV. No SubGenius should be without one.
|$16.95||Dobbshead Cuff Links||SOLD OUT|
|BRAND NEW PRODUCT. Tasteful, subtle 7/8" nickel-plated brass cuff links make you look slick, like a cult Mafioso. Designed by Dr. Hal Robins. These positively radiate power and suaveness. No one will guess how cheap they actually are. 4 color enamel face is backed with cuff link attachments. With these, you can blend in with Normals while retaining your Dobbs-given powers of Enslackenment. Nobody who's anybody doesn't have a set.
|$4.00||I'M MAD TOO Bumper Sticker|
|As seen on Rachel Maddow's show! BIG 12 inch by 3 inch white vinyl bumper sticker with image of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs on left and, on right, the phrase:
You can JUST MAIL US $4.00
PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118
|$14.95||ARISE! DVD (REVISED 2005 version)||
Fabulous Nenslo "RealBob" cover Dobbshead
SEE... the erotic life and gory death of swinging Sex God J. R. "Bob" Dobbs
HEAR... the secrets of a mind-altering alien sex conspiracy which promises to destroy all human society -- PRAISE "BOB"!!
THINK... for the VERY FIRST TIME!
This is the SubGenius video to go buy. Vividly presents the LIVING SEED-WORD PROPAGANDA of DOBBS, compressed into one eyeball-slamming 86-minute editing tour-de-force that shoots the dogma straight up your optic nerve and deep into your brain. Narrator Dr. Howll (Hal Robins) takes the initiate on a soul-wrenching journey deep into the very bowels of the Church. Includes "THE LIFE OF "BOB," a perfect introduction to the Church for your illiterate friends.
FILM THREAT called this "One of the 10 Must-Have Underground Videos."
10,000 collage clips of bizarre Badfilms illustrate the narration - plus ELECTRONIC ANIMATION OF THE GODS, and riveting LIVE devival rants by all-star preachers, with music by DK Jones, Mark Mothersbaugh, Drs. 4 "Bob," Negativland, Slack master Cleve, Lonesome Cowboy Dave. Rare glimpses of Dobbstown... 'behind the scenes' peeks at SubGenius Radio Doktors in surgery... even captured FBI footage of DOBBS HIMSELF. YOU WILL ACTUALLY WITNESS the astounding, blood- drenched scenes of the ASSASSINATION OF "BOB!"
NOW INCLUDES 1 HOUR OF EXTRA FEATURES:
6X-Day Mini (10-minute music short)
|$14.95||STANG LIVE 2005 DVD|
3 Sermons on The Word of "Bob" by Rev. Ivan Stang
|$14.95||GREAT DOBBS ALMIGHTY DVD|
Over 2.3 hours of rarities
MAKING OF MTV/SUBGENIUS (1991)
The SUBGENIUS ART SHOW AT PSYCHEDELIC SOLUTION GALLERY, NYC (1990)
"Bob's" LUNCH HOUR starring Dr. Philo Drummond as "Bob" (Started in 1977 - finished in 2007)
Dr. Hal interviewed re: "Bob's" Shooting, 1984
LIES (Paul Mavrides), Pope Sternodox and Puzzling Evidence - uncut footage from 1981 World SubCon videos, shot for Showtime "What's Up America"
|$12.95||HOUR OF SLACK #984 - SubGenius "ALBUM SAMPLER"
Cover by Heart Ignition
|Hours of Slack are either given away in MP3 on SubSITE, broadcast on the radio, sold in archival collections in MP3 on CD-R, or sold as a subscription on plain audio CD with separate tracks. We didn't sell individual Hours of Slack... until NOW!
One or two cuts each from all SubGenius albums: Bobsongs, Media Barrages, live radio -- a little of the best of everything from 25 years of SubGenius productions. Unamimously declared one of the best Hour of Slack episodes ever, yet it's almost entirely composed of old classics. A GREAT starter for newly-Endarkened SubGenii. 35 tracks in all, including "WHAT IS DOBBSTOWN?"
Click here for TRACK LIST
|SHOW OFF YOUR RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION WITH PRIDE! Same as the one that comes with every Membership Pack. 1 inch metal button with Church of the SubGenius logo and radiant J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.
+ 50¢ U.S. postage. PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118
|$12.95||MEDIA BARRAGE #3: "Sex, Sickness and Slack"
Front by Heart Ignition
See Back Cover by Heart Ignition
|Maybe it's a good thing that we sorta kept this one under wraps for such a long time. Some sections are not tame even by today's standards, and this was assembled mostly in 1980. Includes early talk radio appearances of Dr. Philo Drummond and Rev. Ivan Stang, the beginnings of Doktors 4 "Bob," and the legendary Puzzling Evidence TAPES (before the radio shows). Also in this 80-minute collage are some very rare and rude "bootleg" pieces from now-famous comedians that were not known for such raunch in their day. Intensely insane, through and through. Redneck preacher samples from Dallas Christian radio must be heard to be believed -- truly inspirational to the budding SubGenius ranter. 72 separate tracks for easy ripping.
|$14.95||66 HOURS OF SLACK in MP3
Feb., 2002, to April 2003
** (requires MP3 player)
Heart Ignition Cover
|In truth, there are more than 66 hour-long shows on this disk, but "Sixty-Six" has more of a ring to it. Especially this year. Includes Hours of Slack #824 - 885 (Feb. 2002 to April 2003), in mono, 22 kbps -- not quite as high-resolution as our 12 Hours of Slack collections, but excellent sound if you don't mind losing the stereo brain-cleave effects. The previous volumes like this, which were partly RealAudio, have been very popular. This one, entirely remastered by St. David Bachner for MP3, is of greatly improved sound quality, and we recommend this one for newcomers.
Put this disk on an MP3 player, and it will play all the shows in order -- for 68 hours straight, if you don't hit the off switch. YOU MIGHT NOT. (Make sure the player isn't set on "Loop" before you start! The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., is NOT RESPONSIBLE for cases of starvation resulting from purchase of this long-play CDR.)
Text file logs of all shows are included.
For detailed listings of specific shows, see HOUR OF SLACK SHOW LOGS
DON'T MISS the NEW BUMPER STICKERS, the many new BUTTONS, and the return of our HATS n' HEADWAREZ line at our CafePress SubGenius Store.