This cult, the only one that deprograms its own zombies, fills the holes left by braincells you destroyed (you didn't need them anyway). When you join this exalted Order of Scoffers, Blasphemers and True Believers, you'll study TIME CONTROL and MEMORY EDITING until EVEN YOU become ready to PULL THE WOOL OVER YOUR OWN EYES and RELAX IN THE SAFETY OF YOUR OWN DELUSIONS.

BELIEVE OR DIE

Uncontrolled Thinking, controlled by "Bob," will usher in a SPIRITUAL REBIRTH and a CASCADE of ASTOUNDING RICHES AND POWER to those "in the know" -- while billions of deserving Conspiracy dupes FRY in HELL ON EARTH!!

Mr. Reagan thinks there should be more RELIGION in this country. Well, have we got a religion for him!!

MORE NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED THAN THE QABALLAH!! MORE AMBIGUOUS THAN THE I CHING! SCARIER THAN THE OLD TESTAMENT!! MORE MONSTERS AND DEMONS THAN THE BHAGAVAD-GITA!! MORE HATE AND INTOLERANCE THAN EVEN THE MORAL MAJORITY NEWSLETTER!! AND MORE SHEER BULLSHIT THAN THE BOOK OF MORMON!!!

THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS:®

SALVATION, or SALIVATION?

Just Another Excuse for Assholes,
or the Last Bastion of "Human" Dignity??

Makers of...
DR. DOBBS'®
Natural Herbal
"WOE-B-GONE" GOOD $ LUCK

Guaranteed Hair Growth Formula (Canine Urethral Glandulars & Capucine Monkey Pineal Extract (Punch-40)
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Endorsed by DRS. 4 "BOB"
" We make illness an art form."


NOTE TO TRUE SUBGENII:
DO NOT SHOW THIS MATERIAL TO FULLBLOOD HUMANS. The humiliation of finding out the truth would be too much for their PATHETIC HUMAN MINDS. Or, even worse, they may believe they are SubGeniuses!!

NOTE TO HUMANS:
Why are you even bothering to read this? You don't "get" it... it seems obnoxious to you... you this it's "stupid"... because, although we understand how you think ALL TOO WELL, you can't for the life of you understand how we think. WHAT DOES THIS TELL YOU, ASSHOLE?

NOTE TO LOVING CHRISTIANS WHO WANT TO KILL US:
Look, we're for peaceful co-existence. We're not really that far apart. You worship the Vindictive Crybaby SchoolMarm Jesus -- many Subs worship the Live-It-Up, Hell-Raisin', FIGHTIN' JESUS. You worship a dead guy on a stick, we worship a chopped-off head that gets hit with a stick. Isn't there some common ground? (The Founder of Christianity wans't as asqueamish as his modern fan club. He was compassionate towards the weirdos, sinners, and victims of his day, and he was also PISSED at the NORMALS of his day. And, like "Bob," he didn't want to KILL them, but merely to LEAD them, as a shepherd leads his flock. Keeping them happy until the slaughter. The Harvest...ahhh, yes... THE HARVEST!!!)

NOTE TO ALL WHO WOULD DENTY THE TRUTH OF "BOB" DOBBS:
There is nothing lower than a debunker. The debunker is the most despicable parasite in Creation -- worse even that the Critic. DEATH to EST debunkers! DEATH to UFO debunkers! DEATH to WRESTLING debunkers! DEATH TO ALL SUBGENIUS DEBUNKERS!!!! WE WILL BURY YOU IN "DE BUNKERS!!"


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