Pamphlet #1 - page 14
The SubGenius knows that a godlike alien space monster calling Himself Jehovah 1 is watching us and making us dance like cheap puppets for His own insidious purposes. He demands that we "whorship" Him, and so we surely must. And if you say that the SubGenius is decieved, that there is no alien God of Wrath named Jehovah, then the SubGenius will attack YOU! You are wrong; we are right; Jehovah 1 told us so and we believed it. Alright? Now roll over and go back to "sleep"...(By "God's Third Leg," you'd think these human beings didn't know what insane bogus religions are for!!)
IGNORE THIS: FNORD: The term 'SubGenius' is used because it is the most mironic description possible, you fool. To practice and preach the same things is utter madness. Sometimes communication must be made more difficult and irritating than necessary, in order to convey certain dangerous complexities. The knowledge must not fall into the wrong hands. "SCIENCE DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS."
The Church of SubGenius is an Order of Scoffers and Blasphemers, dedicated to Total Slack, delving into Mockery Science, Sadofuturists, Megaphysics, Scatolography, Schizophreniatrics, Morealism, Sarcastrophy, Cynisacreligion, Apocalyptionomy, ESPectorationalism, Hypno-Pediatrics, Subliminimalism, Satyriology, Disto-Utopianity, Sardonicology, Fasciestiouism, Ridiculophagy, and Miscellatheistic Theology.
(An antinonprophit subsidiary of THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION INVESTMENT CORPORATION FOR THE FORBIDDEN SCIENCES® ("The Final Organization") with HeAdquArters at BULLDADA TIME CONTROL LABORATORIES®, Dallas, Texas;
"Specializing in Fraudulent but Profound Explanations for Inexplicable Manifestations Since The Future Began."
WE THE SUBGENIUSES OF THE POST-HUMAN RACE, in order to preserve life on this planet from immanent destruction, reestablish intelligence, regain Slack, cast out the False Prophets, smother forever the fear of fear Itself, recieve the questionable gifts of the Beforelife and of the Space Dwellers, become as Overmen, unmask the Conspiracy, grip the reigns of human evolution, control reproduction and mutation, decipher the Code, placate the Stark Fist of Removal, achieve Time Control, see That Which Must Come To Pass, become as gods, find the Twins with the Scissors of Sight, avert the Rupture of the Equilibrium, and secure the financial blessings of Jehovah 1 the God of Wrath for ourselves and our descendants, do hereby admit ourselves as such and thus ordain this Advertisement of the SubGenius Race of Earth.
YOU MAY NOW STOP READING FOREVER
TO THE CATALOG, ORDER FORM AND MEMBERSHIP/ORDINATION INFO!
