FIREZINE ad

This is Phil Austin speaking: well, the new Firesign Theatre magazine, Firezine, is going to press as we speak. Or is it to bed? Well, whatever. I'm proud that the editors chose one of my stories, "Ed Woodpecker, Private Eye" to run in installments in the first year of the publication's life. The tale is a tough, no-holds-barred story of life in the far Northwest, with a lead character designed to bust your gut with fear and swab out your brain with his intensity and unbending nobility and break your heart with his tender and caring side, befitting today's man and for that matter, today's woodpecker. You'll enjoy reading it, I'm sure. I enjoy reading it and hell, I wrote it.
Now here's the deal. I'm going to autograph a real "form" letter for each of the first five hundred subscribers. Isn't that great? A signed letter! What an idea. Each will be actually signed, by the way. This isn't some operation like Major League baseball where the players have rooms full of woodpeckers signing their names and getting big money for it. The baseball players, not the woodpeckers. The woodpeckers barely make their rent. (Many of the woodpeckers live inside discarded baseball bats donated by the Players Association. Thank the Lord we live in a civilized country where aluminum bats are forbidden at the professional level of play.) Where was I? Oh, right here.
I'll be contributing news and essays to each issue as well. Right now, in fact I'm working up a story about making up news which I'm going to make up. Actually, I'm making up promos about the news I'm going to make up. Well, I'm making up news about making up promos which announce that I'll be making up some stuff to follow. God, I love journalism. I'm going to bed now. Or is it to press?
PHIL AUSTIN

5 RIDICULOUS ISSUES FOR ONLY $10 IN RIDICULOUS CASH, CHECK OR MONEY ORDER TO: FIREZINE
THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF THE FIRESIGN THEATRE PO. BOX 585
HAGERSTOWN, MD 21741-O585

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