I'll be the first to admit it...I love men. I really do, even the
dipshits, assholes, and nerds. I can usually find something to like
about them. I love the men in alt. slack. If I weren't married as
fuck-all, I'd do something exquisite to each and every one of you.
Modemac brings me info cheerfully every day, he fights dragons for me
in the real world. Stang keeps me assured that there really might be
a sanity behind all this, and attempts to assure me that Sterno is
harmless. I adore Sterno by the way. I can't understand a thing he
says, but I like the way he screams it at me...makes my nipples hard.
I also enjoy being bitch-slapped by NENSLO; I deserve it...I'm really
bad. ICEKNIFE owes me a new keyboard, as I have ruined this one with
spewed coffee. Dynasor, and Lou Duchez are mental competition even in
e-mail. Sphinx Drummond rants well hard and long...gimme a
sec...yeah, that's the ticket....okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, long
and hard...You know what? I'm gonna fuck up? I just realized that as
soon as I started naming names, I was fucked! I'll forget someone,
then they'll get all hurt and depressed and think that I don't love
them as much as the rest...and they'll go off in a dark place for a
long time and turn into a goth and then it'll all be on my shoulders,
WELL FUCK THAT! Forget I mentioned anyone...I'm just too lazy to
delete after typing this much.
Anyhow...I've been over at my part-time job, alt.religion.scientology,
much of the time lately. After dealing with a seriously shitty mouse
which died a well-deserved death Sunday morning, and attempting to
catch up on about 700 posts, I finally finished this morning and came
over here. (funny how we start making a mental geography of
'cyberspace')...I swear, if I had testicles, I could have felt them
descend. Suddenly I didn't feel like I had to fight any battles.
The only thing I had to do was be clever and vicious, two things that
I normally excel at (though this is one tough room to work, but I love
that feeling when you're in a room full of really bright clever people
and they start playing off each other and it just keeps bouncing
around the room til everyone is in a heightened state of mental
acuity. It's like a group brain-fuck where everyone
just...keeps...coming.) I relaxed and let the Slack flow through me
like shit through a baby...it was so glorious, I didn't even mind the
wet diaper.
alt.slack is the Slack of Slack. The net is Slack for me. This is my
playtime. I actually enjoy a.r.s. believe it or not, and that whole
"outing" thing didn't scare me so much as it pissed me off. I NEED an
enemy. I need something to battle. It helps if it's something
terrifically evil like the CON, but Scientology will do as substitute.
I can't afford a really nice leather sofa, so I'll settle for my
parent's hand-me-down, and know that at least I can put my feet up on
it. (Man, you're really gonna have to work to make THAT analogy work!)
So I have degrees of Slack. a.r.s is the 3rd degree, and alt. slack is
where I come to be surrounded by the smell of testosterone and
Yeti-funk (and the occasional waft of Rev. Nickie's natural perfume)
and I thank you for being here when I arrive.
Please, give yourselves a blowjob, and we'll say it was from me.
Now...will someone please bring in my suitcases? I don't want to
break a nail....I may be scratching some testicles real soon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: modemac@netcom.com (Modemac)
A few more rants like that, Tarla, and I won't even be able to open your
book anymore. All the pages will be stuck together, and I'll have to
fondle something else when I read your posts here on alt.slack.
Yea, despite my post of a couple of days ago, this is still my favorite
newsgroup on the Net - the one I can REALLY identify with. (Identifying
with NENSLO? I MUST be insane!) And I'll certainly be doing my best, to
keep the stuff here interesting, entertaining, and INFORMATIVE. This
last one means the most to me. I think Kibology is stupid because it's
just the same old dumb jokes being repeated over and over - but on
alt.slack, we are learning things that we can actually USE IN REAL LIFE!
This truly IS the SubGenius Philosophy here: it's a genuine BELIEF SYSTEM
that you can LIVE BY!
PRAISE MUTHA TARLA! Praise Connie's G-string! And KILL "BOB!"
Or at least give him a good enema to widen that grin a bit.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey)
You forgot me.
For $2 I'll send you a copy of Reject, and forgive you to.
This is not a joke.
--
Rev. Matthew A. Carey Rips \ on Vision Temple--Tarzana, CA
18653 Ventura Blvd., Suite #379 ]\[ "We are not an occult."
Tarzana, Calif. 91356 Rips \ off mnbvc
ac118@lafn.org ]\[ Cr*nt must be destroyed
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com
bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) writes:
>and hard...You know what? I'm gonna fuck up? I just realized that as
>soon as I started naming names, I was fucked! I'll forget someone,
>then they'll get all hurt and depressed and think that I don't love
>them as much as the rest...and they'll go off in a dark place for a
>long time and turn into a goth and then it'll all be on my shoulders,
No, no, don't worry about us, we'll just sit here in a corner plotting
the MESSY DEMISE of EVERY PERSON who leaves us off these lists of "Cool
People".
>alt.slack is the Slack of Slack.
Plug THAT into your computerized ranter!
>So I have degrees of Slack. a.r.s is the 3rd degree, and alt. slack is
Wow! DEGREES of Slack? I didn't know the Official Institution O'
SubGenius Knowledge and Indoctrination was open yet?
I really wanna enroll in the Secret Truths seminar.
-Monty
--
Oh, the pain, the pain.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
I don't know, this alt.slack business is turning into some kind of....
SOMETHING. I really don't know. A little squishy, or something. Which I
guess a moderate amount of is needed to balance out the hard-ness.
It's funny, talking about liking men. I can't say I like them in
general... Specific is another matter entirely. It's not like I mean to
be UNFRIENDLY or anything...(yeah, right). The jury, man, is still OUT.
----Rev. Nickie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: mtownsend@interramp.com (Michael Townsend)
In article <3n4esa$5bc@cmcl2.NYU.EDU>, ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C.
Michaud) wrote:
>: I don't know, this alt.slack business is turning into some kind of....
>: SOMETHING. I really don't know. A little squishy, or something. Which I
>: guess a moderate amount of is needed to balance out the hard-ness.
Yes, must have more squishy! Need balance! Squishy! Squishy! No
moderate amount! LOTS of squishy! Squoozy squishy! Yetisyn need yin!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: ricky@nerix.nerdc.ufl.edu (Captain Midnight)
MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM) wrote:
: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) writes:
:
: >and hard...You know what? I'm gonna fuck up? I just realized that as
: >soon as I started naming names, I was fucked! I'll forget someone,
: >then they'll get all hurt and depressed and think that I don't love
: >them as much as the rest...and they'll go off in a dark place for a
: >long time and turn into a goth and then it'll all be on my shoulders,
:
: No, no, don't worry about us, we'll just sit here in a corner plotting
: the MESSY DEMISE of EVERY PERSON who leaves us off these lists of "Cool
: People".
I don't want to be on ANYONE's list of "Cool People." Being a "Cool
Person" means RESPONSIBILITY for STAYING a "Cool Person" forever
and ever. And if you're REALLY a "Cool Person" then you'll refuse
to believe that JHVH-1 would EVER let a "cool dude" like yourself
die. I want to die and go to SubGenius Hell.
Anyway, "Cool People" are what started the Conspiracy. Some Mad
Space Alien passes itself off as a local deity with some tribe
of Planetary Dust Bunnies and says to them: "I will be your God,
and YOU will be my COOL PEOPLE!" It's what happened everywhere here
on Earth Farm One. Zeus told the Greeks how they were "Cool People"
and Quetzalcoatl told the Toltecs that *they* where the "Cool People."
Either way, the "Cool People" figure they get the comfortable seats
on the Escape Saucers and the rest of us have to sit on the folding
chairs on the outer rim where people get the dizziest. Already the
Church Heresiarchs are picking out their favorite Alien Sex-Hurt
Partners. Don't think I haven't noticed.
If you REALLY wanted to be cool, you'd send Reverend Carey those
TWO DOLLAR BILLS like he asked. The future belongs to the Orange
Grain Theorists and the Nensleatic Scientists. Your mastery of a
COMPLEX JARGON will put you at the FOREFRONT of Yeti-amity. Study
the BotSG and Rev-X and commit them to memory. Put pieces of the
Church Pamphlets in a PHYLACTERY and wear it on your forehead.
Take my word for it. It'll be worth it. Fnord.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Truth in Merchandising...alt.slack
From: mesmith@cris.com (Mark E. Smith)
In article <3n4esa$5bc@cmcl2.NYU.EDU>,
ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud) wrote:
> It's funny, talking about liking men. I can't say I like them
> in general... Specific is another matter entirely.
I'm that way about people in general. As a whole, I love people.
It's only certain individuals I can't stand.
--
Mark E. Smith
And I'm one of them.
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