To whom..........,
I'm a neophyte and I won't be blamed. My j-b (I would add the "o",
but that would cause me a sudden and violent seizure) is sniffing digits
off the skynet with dangerous and illegal equipment.
Noticing a dearth of women posters to this group, I analyzed the
statistics in the groups own terms - slack - and searched for the information.
Thesis - women are taught to be Barbie. Barbie is pink.
Query - The reaction of "Bob's" de-vine order.
Data - (Irresponsibly speculative and potentially libelous) Reports
originating from an Indonesian women's clothing manufacturer, echoed and
confirmed in Belgium, Winnipeg, Manitoba, and central New Jersey indicate that
slack females mired in pink existences have been chosen by the "Bob" and given a
sign and visitation. The "Bob" has manifested his will in interplanar
cunnilingus and warm, caring fondling. Women are found shaken and slack in
public and their own homes. They are said to be bearing the marks of an
ethereal tongue of large proportion - a sloppy wet stigmata of "Bob's" love.
Soon the women blossom in weirdness. Often they are simply shunned. Sometimes
they are tolerated. There have been reports of slack women chased through the
streets and beaten by their pink sisters, now green with uptight and banal envy
CONFIRMATIONS and PERSONAL REVELATIONS are NEEDED !
I only report what I suspect. If I reported what I knew it would be
like watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas" 75 thousand times. Peace is love.
peace
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Women ? Pink ?
From: rwo@raptor.eng.ufl.edu (Pope Everyman)
There are a few UberFemmes (female SubG's) who have posted here over the
couple of years I've been reading the group. There's some who lurk just
as males do. I've gotten the impression that women who have grown conscious
of the Conspiracy and it's oppression of their "Bob"-given weirdness tend
to go in the Wicca direction. One of the female lurkers E-mailed me after
I posted my guide to "Quit your job and still get a paycheck." She says
that she has a problem keeping the _Book of the SubGenius_ out of her
teenage son's hands. That's a real problem. When is a teenager ready
for Slack? When should a parent sit down with their children and tell
them the Facts of Slack?
Plus, some women have Slack but they don't know it. We need a SubGenius
Outreach to Women. Slack is a family value. Don't let your kids learn
about Slack in the schoolyard. Women, stand up for your Abnormality!
"Connie" is only person who can control (well somewhat control) "Bob."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Women ? Pink ?
From: jasiglar@tiac.net (Jamie Siglar)
Counter-Thesis: women with slack and internet access tend to use
sexually disguising &/or ambiguous names, thereby disguising their
femininity from the con.
After all, who likes to open up Eudora and find 97 messages from
19-year-old male Con dupes -- who just received their internet accounts
at their university -- and are desperately seeking blow jobs. The Con
has convinced these idiots that you can get *SEX* via the Internet.
Heaven forbid that a woman post to any of the .binaries groups; she'd
have to change her address to get any peace.
Christ-on-a-stick, anyone who's anyone knows that the Internet-Sex
technology is at least 20 years away, and involves intimate exposure to
Neoprene.
--jas
(I don't know, is "Jamie" ambiguous enough?... Or should I change it to "Pat"?)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Women ? Pink ?
From: foucault@eden.rutgers.edu (boddhisatva)
The data has been gruelingly hostile since this post. The problem is
simple.
The Con has stolen a prefix from me. "Hypo" was left off the word
"Thesis".
Naturally the slack Uberfrauen, and heavy sistahs fell on me like a
horde of monitor lizards. They are ever vigilant for squares who attempt,
however pitifully, to define them. I could gnaw off all my left toes for
letting this subversion occur.
I beg the Sisters' forgiveness. I humbly remind them that there still
seem to be women mired in the Con. I must know what the Bob is doing. If
there have been visitations and manifestations, we need to know.
When an ecologist is counting fish for population studies, he counts
the females and gently replaces them, while he tosses the males over the side
without a glance.
The female genus is strange to us. I only pray that my equipment is
adequate to interpret the words. Please, please, there is no time for
haughtiness or embarrassment. Data is crying to be confirmed.
How has the "Bob" made himself known to you ?
Don't you see ? The trans-planar is isomorphic to the trans-gender
communication. This is what we suspect, but we need your words.
Help us.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Women ? Pink?
From: Stang
> CONFIRMATIONS and PERSONAL REVELATIONS are NEEDED !"
Of course, being, well, you know, I can't speak for the SubGenius
Uberfemmes or Ovarymen, but a whole lot of them have told me personal
stories that would definitely uphold your thesis. But these were akin to
confessions; as a SubGenius priest I'm obliged to gossip everything I hear
in the booth, EXCEPT what I hear from True SubGeniuses. The problem is,
there are plenty of gals in the Church, but not enough of them know how to
type or use computers. They're mostly out mountain climbing and wrestling
alligators and fixing cars, etc. Or pimping and whatnot.
I will try to talk Rev. Susie and some of the other "Girls of the SubGenius
Church" (pictorial, May 1965, ASTOUNDING SCIENCE FICTION) into working out
with a modem, that would sure heat things up around here.
The rest of you gals, now, don't be so shy and demure. Lurkin' out there.
Go ahead. ADMIT WHAT "BOB" DONE TO YA. Or what "Connie" done. (You might be
surprised how often it's "CONNIE" that did it!) Come on... COME OUT WITH IT!
DEMON COME OUT!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Women ? Pink ?
From: rosebrit@kaiwan009.kaiwan.com (Rosebrit)
Nicole C. Michaud <ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu> wrote:
>Demon come out, huh?
>I'M always trying to find DEMONS to come in.... but most of 'em are too
>SCARED. Which really, really bites.
>----UBERMistress Rev. Nickie
well, it's because we *do* really, really bite.
with lace panties and bloody molars,
Sister Rose
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