I saw a talk show the other day about women faking orgasms. I never
really thought about this before, because it just seemed pointless. But
then I asked myself, why is it that some people do this? I realized that
only Pinks would even -consider- such a thing.
You see, the sex life of a Pink is just one big status game. This
is easily seen on talk shows where women are fighting over a man or guys
are trying to get a certain number of women to have sex with them. If a
woman does not have an orgasm with her partner, she will be considered
"frigid" and subsequently not a good catch, and he may leave her,
so in order to keep the status she has from catching this man,
she has to act like he's doing the right stuff, which likely he isn't,
or she probably WOULD have an orgasm. No wonder the Pinks hate sex,
they make it so damn complicated for themselves, having to
obey all these little rules they aren't even aware EXIST. As a
SubGenius, I cannot even CONCEIVE of trying to deceive someone as to
whether or not I'm having a good time, in ANY facet of life.
This is what separates Us from Them--
this FAKENESS in all aspects of their existence. Fake emotions, fake
"culture", fake relationships, fake orgasms (for chrissake!).
Now, if you were to fake an orgasm, and the other person KNEW you were
faking, that would be OK, and rather funny. But tell that to a Pink, and
they probably wouldn't get it.
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Nicole C. Michaud (ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu) wrote:
: I saw a talk show the other day about women faking orgasms. I never
: really thought about this before, because it just seemed pointless. But
: then I asked myself, why is it that some people do this? I realized that
: only Pinks would even -consider- such a thing.
Oh, no, it's a lot of fun. I do it all the time. Especially in line at
McDonald's.
So how can I *guy* fake it? Simple. Go to McDonald's. Special sauce.
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: mwowm@cix.compulink.co.uk ("MWOWM")
Article: 21038 of alt.slack Dennis McClain-Furmanski wrote:
> Oh, no, it's a lot of fun. I do it all the time. Especially in line at
> McDonald's.
So, that was you? I thought Meg Ryan was in the store
_________________________________
"If you're not offending somebody, then you're not doing it right"
/\/\\/\/<>\/\//\/\@cix
speaking for English SubGenius Heresy.
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: s009aeh@discover.wright.edu (ANDREW HERMETZ)
Now you understand why there's a flurry of "How-to" sex guides every
couple of years: it's *so* BAD for them that they apparently lose interest
(!) and every couple of years the Con has to retrain them! Eliminate
idiotic crap like "How to Please a Man/Woman Every Time" and the Pinks
will eventually die out!
Of course, this also means you'd have to find a way to take care of ALL
talk show hosts in one fell swoop. No more Rikki Lake with "Why isn't Joe
happy having sex with Jane" garbage!
Anybody got any ideas? I'm open to suggestions...mass mind control,
chemical weapons, NUKES! Anything to make Them stop whining!
Wicked King Andrew,
<Lover/Thinker/Student/Eradicator of Pinkness>
I can speak for myself, thank you very much,
I gots a calledge edumakatiion.
"Why burn Bob in effigy when you can torch the _real_ thing!"
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM (MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com) wrote:
: s009aeh@discover.wright.edu (ANDREW HERMETZ) writes:
: > Now you understand why there's a flurry of "How-to" sex guides every
: >couple of years: it's *so* BAD for them that they apparently lose interest
: >(!) and every couple of years the Con has to retrain them! Eliminate
: >idiotic crap like "How to Please a Man/Woman Every Time" and the Pinks
: >will eventually die out!
: That's something that REALLY bugs me. The American culture is
: sex-obsessed, right? And some large percentage of violent crimes involve
: sex in some way. And sexism is rampant, and so on and so on.
: So what happens if someone "isn't interested in sex anymore"? They're
: considered SICK! They need THERAPY! They need to be DROOLING, GIBBERING,
: SEX-CRAZED FOOLS, every MINUTE of the DAY or NIGHT!
: _There's_ your Conspiracy Mind Control theory of the week.
Speaking for the sex crazed, drooling and gibbering fools: So, what's your
point?
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: clavis@phantom.com (Grand Clavister)
Speaking as a mildly healthy, fractionally Awakened SubGenius, I DO want
sex all the time. However, I can't get it. Not because I'm not "buff"
enuff (cause I aym), but because the Conspiracy doesn't ALLOW me to have
it. They package it, pontificate about it, parcel it out to the guys with
the biggest protruding supraorbital ridges and poke us in the heads if we
try and think as individuals. SEX, in and of itself, is really the be-all
and end-all of all the all-nesses altogether! Wanting and enjoying sex
has NOTHING to do with being a fool or gibbering: that is a result of the
incredibly complex labyrinth of razor-wire that society has erected to
make GETTING there (which, as we all know, is SUPPOSED to be half the
fun) a living hell, and something that the average teenager, who needs it
more than I do, has to run in circles, torture him/herself, and
practically blow their fucking brains out to get! THAT's the fucking
Conspiracy... not making us want sex, but making it so HARD to get, keep,
enjoy, explore and LOVE sex and the people we could have it with!
: _There's_ your Conspiracy Mind Control theory of the week.
Damn straight.
Clavis
(Who has a dick and wishes it came with an instruction booklet)
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: bdb@shadow.net (Doktor BoogieDown)
You're going about it all wrong. Never in my life, NEVER, have I HUNTED
for sex. It came to me. How did I do it? I didn't CARE about it, it
just happened, and I like it, alot. When does it happen? When you aren't
LOOKING for it, and you aren't EXPECTING it. It'll bite you right on the
ass ON A DAILY BASIS, just if you slack off some, and have fun.
Getting all tied up in knots, and running through mazes of barbed-wire
certainly aren't methods of improving your chances for coupling with
someone of the desired sex (female in my case, thanX).
Semper Dobbs,
Doktor BoogieDown
-----
bdb@shadow.net - Brian.D.Bisson@Miami.FL.USA.Earth.Sol.mway
Doktor, Church of the SubGenius - #include <ordainshipscription.h>
Excrimeditated Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard
HTTP://www.shadow.net./~bdb for a dose of SubMediaBlasphemeWorship
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
hobbs_a@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz wrote:
: sbjohnston@aol.com (SBJohnston) writes:
: >OH Yes. I further suggest that the reason the these PINK females cannot
: >achieve orgasm is that they are concentrating on being a fake, and thus
: >cannot enjoy the moment.
: ..or that their equally Pink loin-partner doesn't have a fucking clue.
Indeedy! But "Bob" forbid they actually ADMIT they don't know what's
goin' on! Man, these Pinks, with their mindless posturing, "oh, I'm GREAT
in bed", they give themselves a reputation to live up to, and fail
miserably. They're far too insecure to say, "teach me something, oh
mistress (or master as the case may be)".
---Rev. Nickie, back from exile
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (sphinx drummond)
Sometimes, just for the folly of novelty's sake, I like to
substitute a fake orgasm for a real one. Like most Yeti men I like to get
a nut. I have through practice, and a lot of concentration, devolved a
method where I can get my left nut while faking it in my right nut and
vice versa. The result is that by faking "half" an orgasm I can cum
twice as often.
Still this isn't that great of a thing for some people. Quantity
can be determined by both the number of deliveries or the size of the
product being delivered. Half an orgasm is only half as much of a load.
So it becomes a matter of individual preference - would one prefer the
complete works of Mark Twain in a single volume or have an individual
copy of each of his works. The question one must ask is if your partner
prefers the delivery or the or the product, both of course can be
greatly enhanced by the package, but that is for another thread.
Col. Sphinx Drummond
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Faking Orgasms
From: Your Mother <wisian@bga.com>
I have never faked an orgasm.
But I have faked just about every other bodily function.
---Joe Swine
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The obvious joke (Was: Faking Orgasms)
From: jgtusciu@mtu.edu (John Tusciuk)
Chicago-Style Jesus (rwo@raptor.eng.ufl.edu) wrote:
: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud) wrote:
: : Matthew Carey (ac118@lafn.org) wrote:
: :
: : : In a previous article, ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud) says:
: : : >This is what separates Us from Them--
: : : >this FAKENESS in all aspects of their existence. Fake emotions, fake
: : : >"culture", fake relationships, fake orgasms (for chrissake!).
: : : Hey, whaddaya mean? I fake ALL my orgasms.
: : Hey man that's no joke! I've seen talk shows with guys in their thirties
: : who've never had an orgasm and THEY fake it! It can be hard to tell in
: : the age of latex, you know.
: Yeah and JOHN BOBBIT has been FAKING his orgasms for the past two
: years.
What was truly hilarious is that about a year ago, Mr. Bobbit got some
porn actress pregnant when he was making a movie. They were on some
talk show and someone accused him of making her pregnant on purpose to
prove that his pistol still fires. Well the actress "defended" him by
saying that he still "didn't have full functionality" and sometimes
didn't even know when he was ejaculating, and so couldn't pull out!
Sounds like he was faking NOT having an orgasm!
John
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