After what I read in the Marcia Clark divorce case, Co$ "ministers"
are allowed to perform weddings. Seems that this was also part of
their smokescreen.
Dennis, did you perform weddings ?
And finally: what about the church of the SubGenius ? Are Rev. Modemac
and Rev. Stang also performing weddings ? And is "Bob"s mighty pipe used
to produce the smokescreen ?
Tilman
--- Tilman Hausherr [KoX, 1.9, DB]
business (optical archives 'n stuff): tilman@sietec.de
company page at http://www.sietec.de
private (magic, Co$, MWC, skeptic,...): tilman@netmbx2.netmbx.de
Praise Xenu! Praise Mozilla! Praise "Bob"!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
William Barwell (wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM) wrote:
: Stang has done numerous weddings. As have other SubGenii ministers.
: They are legal and binding in several states where SubGenii have
: bothered to enquire. Rev. Buck Naked found SubGenii weddings are legal
: in Texas and they are legal in Calfornia and New York.
: The various short duration marriages Stang and others have also performed
: at SubGenius devivials may be legally iffy though, but
: nobody has taken any of these to court yet so there is no legal precedence
The 'duration' of a marriage is part of the legal aspect, which has nothing
to do with the minister. The legal part - the law - covers the fuck tax. Most
people call that the license.
For a marriage to be legal, it requires a license, and you have to buy that
from the local gummint office, usually the county clerk or something
similar.
Performing the ritual without it means exactly the same as performing it
with it. Getting it recognized for the tax breaks, etc. is a different
matter.
And speaking of homosexual marriages, I've offered on the gay groups, and
I'll offer here, if any homosexual couple wants to make a political
statement with their intended marriage, I will perform such on the grounds
of Pat Robertson's stronghold, now called Regents University. I've suggested
looking into limited partnerships as used by businesses as a legal
substitute for the fuck tax. Hey, marriage is a contract. Has been since
Hammurabi.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: TarlaStar <bmyers@ionet.net>
I just got my official Ministerial confirmation via snail
(Thanks, Will!) and am rarin' to marry someone, anyone...the only
requirement *I* have is that if I marry you, you must consumate
the marriage in front of the guests. If you have a problem with
that, get some wimpy "normal" minister. When *I* join two
people, I want to see the results!
--
Rev. Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy;
a Proud Jism Schizm of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
http://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: TarlaStar <bmyers@ionet.net>
Tony comes to me with a religious query:
> Congratuations on your accreditation, Tarla. Does the form of
> the consummation matter? If Vera and I ever do get together
> <sigh> it's unlikely to involve any prosaic _sexual_ coupling.
> Perhaps some ceremony more akin to baptism might be in order :)
Tony, Don't worry. I'm a SubG minister. I can handle just about
anything. I simply ask that if you consummate with Vera, that you
please not splash anything on me or any other members of the
sisterhood. We don't wish our Psychic Pstench to be tainted.(and
please remember to take all articles of clothing with you, the
sisters have been working hard on the lawns of the CONvent, and
we don't want Vera's dainties, leaving burn marks on the grass.)
I'm not so sure that a baptism will be called for...perhaps an
exorcism? We LOVE to do exorcisms!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: TarlaStar <bmyers@ionet.net>
Tony, obviously never having heard of "prarie squid" asks:
> How about bell, book and candle? Or is that too kinky even for
a SubG?
> I think the RC still do that one, but they seem to have
forgotten the proper use of the candle.
> We would, in any case, provide umbrellas (insured, of course).
> Honeymoon: Niagara, where else?
Tony, I do believe that the RC knows EXACTLY what to do with the
candle. It puts a whole 'nother twist on the term "scented
candle" doesn't it?
Considering your fervor for Vera, I have consulted with the
sisters and we've determined that perhaps scuba suits would be
the safest bet (though it pisses us all off to have to cover up
these incredible gams.)
Niagara is an excellect idea. I just hope the exorcism doesn't
get rid of the parts you've come to love.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: TarlaStar <bmyers@ionet.net>
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology,alt.slack
> From: maynard@oregon.uoregon.edu (Tom Maynard)
> tony@sidaway.demon.co.uk (Tony Sidaway) writes:
Tony:
> >No problem! Bell, book and candle (and the occasional orange)
is a rite of anathema: excommunication. We just piss on the
E-meter,mumble some Beatles songs backwards, and head off for the
Falls in a '57 Marcab truck with an empty barrel and _lots_ of
six packs.
Tom:
> Hey! I've got a '60 Marcab wagon, with the clam-crusher 5
speed. It's running a little rough on the tone scale, however, I
suspect the heads need to be audited.
>
> Speaking of scientology weddings, does the happy couple promise
> to give that blank stare into each others eyes "until death do
they part", or for future lives as well?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Tom is that the panel wagon? I hear they're real collectors
items. You're probably way overdue for your 75,000,000 mile tune
up. Word is there's a service center in Hawaii.
Now, in answer to your religious query: Since the Mormons marry
"for time and all eternity", and SubGenii approve short duration
marriages for however long they are needed or desired,
I suppose that we could fit somewhere within that range. It all
depends on how long Tony can stand it.
p.s. The Sisterhood is breeding a special prarie squid for
Vera...it cannot be de-beaked. She's gonna LOVE IT!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: clavis@phantom.com (Grand Clavister)
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.locksmithing
Many years ago, before the Fall of Nekkid, I chanced to send a couple
bucks to Pastor Buck for his Superduper ShorDurMar Kit and a few "Bob"
buttons (one of which I still wear, and the rest of which I SOLD!). I got
a few reallllly cheesy photocopied pages, including a "newsletter"..
s'matter of fact, got it RIGHT in front of me... date on top is "October
1983". I ordered and recieved this packet in the Gregorian year 1993.
Talk about backlog... and we yell at Stang fer not having produced a
"Fist" in 2-3 years!
Anyway, I got some instructions for performing ShorDurMar ceremonies,
and a couple of oddly-proportioned (that is, NOT 8 1/2 x 11 ") cert's. I
received an original (but still photocopied) ShorDurMar certificate, and
the weird and lesser-known OUTLAW MARRIAGE. It took me a while to even
realize what the big deal was, until I noticed (these things aren't laid
out very user-friendly-like) that it read "Let it be known that ______
and ______ AND ______ are to be joined together..." yes, that's right,
friends, an outlaw marriage of THREE people of any given gender. Hoo-
HAH!
However, the fact(s) remain that:
1. Buck Nekkid has fallen from the grace of "Bob". He deserved to be
called "Naked" no longer. He is "Nekkid". His certificates are no more
sacred to me than the average episode of "Sliders". Phoo!
2. Even when they WERE sacred, they have always been
1980-cheezy-in-a-BAD-way-college-clip-art-fanzine-no-budget-creepy-like
and stuff. They are also hard to read or understand, and besides they
have Buck Nekkid's puss plastered all over them, which kind of ruins the
fun a la point 1 above.
3. I am working on a cooler, laser-printer driven (except for the
certificate and non-laserable artwork, which will remain Zeroxified) more
aerodynamic ShorDurMar certificate, with such advantages as a space for
the priest to put his "mark", spaces for the marriage fees, and so forth.
Sure, ANYONE can make a ShorDurMar certificate, but isn't it fun to let
someone ELSE do all the work, and simply blow a few bucks (sorry, Nekkid,
not you!) ordering it from THEM? I check the Sacrosanct P.O. Box about
once a day (er, that is, I or a Minor Functionary), so don't worry about
your order taking five years to be "Processed".
Besides, they aren't ready yet! What you should do is either send me
email telling me everything you could possibly want in a ShorDurMar
certificate that would surely make you do the Ring Fling Thing, or...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOR A DI-RECTORY OF DEVICES, PRODUCTS AND SERVICES, SEND $1 to O.L.I.N.Y.K.,
P.O. BOX 2559, GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK NY 10163-2559. SENDING ONE OR
MORE KEYS WILL MEAN MORE STUFF. A LARGE SASE WILL NET YOU SOME CRAP AS WELL.
THE GRAND CLAVISTER OF NYC IS THE FIRST G.C. OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Any Ordained SubGenius Minister can perform LEGAL weddings. I have done 5
(in Texas, Louisiana and Illinois), including big formal ceremonies in
churches with all the parents, aunts and uncles and grandmas there. If
those weren't legal marriages, then those poor couples are living in sin!
I have also performed somewhere around 2,000 Short Duration Mass Marriages
in nightclubs and tent-show revivals. Those are legal too, but they
usually only last 24 hours.
I am available for nuptial events... but unlike those STUPID preachers, I
don't work FREE.
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
Original file name: ShorDurMarriage
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