From: zoweee@zang.kcc.hawaii.edu (Rev Zoweee Wow)
Here's the koans I chant while I'm forking the pot roast:
Greasing the Cattle
Lighting the Lampost
Untying the Phone Chord
verb the noun
Waxing the Eldar Gate
Trysting with Anon Kashogi
Rereading the Republican Contract with America ("I'm gonna go reread the
republican contract with america, can I borrow the Astroglide?"
mostly said for effect. Sounds neat, eh?)
Morking the Mindy
Appeasing Quetzelcoatl
As an addendum, my last g/f used to tell me it was time to "feed the
spunk-o-meter" when she wanted to do the wet-n-stinky.
--
________
-Reverend Father Zoweee Wow, KSC--------------------------|____ /------
| Zoweee@Zang.kcc.Hawaii.Edu / / (tm)|
| -Grand Epopt, Church of "BOB" Dobbs of Latter Day Smites. / / |
| -CEO in charge of human Sacrifice, ZANG Industries, Inc. / /\ |\ |/~ |
| -Pope of This Part Here, Eris for Empress Society. / /--\| \|\/~|
----------------------------------------------------------/________|-----
| Zang(tm): *DIGITALLY* Inaccurate. |
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation was Songs About
Masturbation...
From: grlee@athena.mit.edu (George R Lee Jr.)
<bodom@banana.ucs.indiana.edu> writes:
|> >this is my first post here and i think this newsgroup is great!
|> >here's some i know:
|> >pounding your pudding
|> >creaming your cheese
|> >taming the animal
duran1@ix.netcom.com (Bill Duran) writes:
|> My faves:
|> making the bald man cry (male)
|> jilling off (female)
|> Signed
|> Billigaggers
How about:
Doing the knuckle shuffle on your piss pump (my fave)
banging your drum
cracking the shaft
pushing your daisy and make it cum... <ween reference>
pocket pool
etc.
----------
George Lee - "Be young, have fun, and DRINK!"
grlee@athena.mit.edu / Baker House
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: hacksaw@claudius.gsd.harvard.edu (David Charles Todd)
--
I must say, my favorite is shaking hands with the unemployed. Also
apparently used to indicate a need to urinate.
--
-####-------------> tmwtfn, Is qui iacit in hamas marsupiales. | Melior
#### Irreverend Hacksaw, Omnibenevalent Polyparrot | amans
#### http://gsd.harvard.edu/~hacksaw/hacksaw.html | per
#### <-- Tartan of the ScotchBrite Masons (Are you two of us?) | chemia
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hanson@cs.uiowa.edu (Rolf Hanson)
Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
--
bobson@delphi.com writes:
|> And lest we forget---
|>
|> Choking the chicken
|> stroking your loaf
|> whippin the wire
|> lopin your mule
|> goin with Ms Thumb & her four daughters
|> etc etc
don't forget these:
prodding the half-cooked pastrami
raising lazarus from the dead
going on the dole
getting stripped of your grammy
smoking hooch with reagan
whiffing an easy fairway shot
comforting gary coleman
wearing a fat guys slacks
mule breeding
clamming the engram
------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: dg159@city.ac.uk (LI W)
: Hey, you guys forgot--
: Torturing the political prisoner
: Playing chess with Death
: Exiling the dissident to Siberia
: Arguing metaphysics with the Pope
: etc.
Shakin your Sir Francis Bacon
Pinning St. Thomas Moore to the Floor
Negotiating a seperate peace with Thomas a-Beckett
Wave the writ of Habeus Corpus to the Sheriff of Nottingham
Applying up and down friction to your errect penis, causing ejaculation
The last one is a bit obscure, i'll admit.
-william li
consultant-in-exile
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From: vivian@io.com (Jake Roth)
Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
Still haven't seen my favorite.
Boxing the bald headed clown.
Viv
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation was Songs About
Masturbation...
From: snorri@nwu.edu (Brother Snorri)
Shaking hands with John Dillinger
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: jstarkey@scws1.harvard.edu (Julia Starkey)
Austin Loomis (zedd@pentagon.io.com) wrote:
: >: Oh look - a slang term for masturbation!
: >: I wonder if there are any others...
: >
: >Firing the Surgeon-General
: >
: I'd add to this thread, but I'm too drained from banging my bishop every
: morning.
Oh, I don't know. After a few hours rowing the little man in the boat,
I feel very creative. Unfortunately, I can't think of any slang terms
for masturbation. Oh well, I'll just have to go back to polishing my
pearl.
julia
-----
"You ask me why I choose/to lodge in emerald hills;/I laugh and do not answer
you/my heart is calm and still./Peach blossoms in flowing water/disappear
into the distance:/There is another universe/apart from the human world."
--Li Po
--------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: krislov@ix.netcom.com (Daniel Krislov)
Will you also be fingering the culprit or playing tag in the foxhole?
Dan Krislov
----------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: clavis@phantom.com (Grand Clavister)
-
: Well, I'm going to add. I've plenty of time since I lost my job. I
: worked in a deli, 'till I got fired for slapping the salami.
Well, a few that come to mind are "greasing the flagpole", "renting a boat
for one at Central Park", "gilding the lily", "drilling for oil in your
own backyard", "maintaining a holding pattern", engaging in "internal
revenue service", "slopping the hogs", "hanging five", "trolling for
flames", "lighting your pipe", "shifting into first gear", "setting off a
depth charge", "unclogging your sink", "turning on, tuning in and
dropping out", "visiting the notary public", "moving into a one-bedroom
apartment", "polishing the silver", "docking in Shuttle Bay 5",
"activating cruise control", "invading Poland", "stacking the deck",
"buttering your muffin", "applying for a fishing liscence", "launching
the head of a world-cup golfer", "slipping yourself a mickey",
"looking askance", "digging into the trenches", "running the 100-yard
dash", "housebreaking the cat", "making a banana split", "roasting
chestnuts", "playing a bass solo", "cleaning the storm-drains",
"straining the spaghetti", "returning to sender", "installing a burglar
alarm" and "doing a little soft-shoe".
Hope this helps... now if you excuse me, I'm going to go bop my baloney.
Clavis
--
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: lewisj@nbnet.nb.ca (Jay Lewis)
ANd the ever popular... Jerkin' yer Gerkin! :)
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: soss@course3.harvard.edu (Michael Soss)
To the great sport of hockey: When time's running out and you can't
score, you can always resort to "pulling the goalie".
Better yet is the French term, "se polir le chinois," which translates
to, "to polish the Chinaman."
Mike
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: dg159@city.ac.uk (LI W)
: > : I wonder if there are any others...
Who can forget:
Using the long form to file your income tax?
or:
Getting a good firm grip on your genitals and pumping your fist up and
down until you discharge semen.
or for the ladies:
Shoving two (or three) fingers up into your vagina and working your hand
back and forth until you climax.
Oh, wait,are those too obscure?
Playing "Othello" in Cardinal Spellmen's Mausoleum.
-william li
consultant-in-exile
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Subject: Re: Slang terms for masturbation
From: dave@cca.org (Dave Fischer)
ez018982@jane.ucdavis.edu (Rudeboy) writes:
>I can't *belive* this stupid thread! Why don't you all just quit
>greasing the weasel and get back to work?
Obviously unlike YOU people, I don't have TIME to masturbate before I
post each message!
(Though I did just get my Magic Friend to leave a Line of Perl all over
the sheets...)
#!/usr/local/bin/dwim | Who says it's good to be alive? It ain't
# Dave Fischer dave@cca.org | no good, it's a perpetual dive. - R Hell
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