Here's a post I saved from a couple years ago:
Date: 06-24-93 (01:54) Number: 877 Message 7 of 16
To: ALL Refer#: 0
From: CAEDMON Recvd: No
Subj: Plan Nine from Outer Spac Conf: 2294 fl AltSlack
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Can anyone tell me exactly why Plan 9 failed? My
thinking isolates the following points, but I may
have missed something important:
1. The space aliens choose the wrong cemetary
and thus there was not enough dead people to
turn into zombies. I counted only three
zombies. This would not be enough to mount
an effective attack on Washington.
2. The zombie-ray guns worked at only a short
distance. They were more like electic zombie
(cattle) prods. Thus, each alien had to
follow closely behind each zombie herding them
forward. This made the aliens easy targets.
3. The orginal Plan 9 called for three flying
saucers. Because of a funding cut-back, they
were reduced to one saucer only (Plan 9.01)
which was clearly insufficient.
4. The navigational gyroscopes on the saucers were
obviously of inferior design. The resulting
wobble during flight kept the space aliens in
a constant state of dizzyness that contributed to
the poor execution of an otherwise sound plan.
5. The flying saucers were not the newest in the
fleet. In fact, we note that the electronic
equipment was all vaccuum-tube technology.
These saucers are all together much too flammable.
One pistol shot resulted in a catastropic fire
and ultimately caused to the Plan to fail when
the last saucer was destroyed.
6. The space aliens failed to clearly articulate
the purpose of their mission. In fact, the
aliens tended to be extremely long-winded. No
one took them seriously because of this. In
fact, apparently the U.S. government seemed to
be deliberately ignoring the the aliens (I suspect
the government regarded the aliens as a bunch of
lunatics.)
7. ?
8. ??
9. ???
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And this message came as a response:
From: THOMAS SELEGUE Recvd: No
Subj: Re: Plan Nine from Outer Conf: 2294 fl AltSlack
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caedmon@pine.circa.ufl.edu (Lord Omar Kyayyam Ravenhurst Jr., K.S.C) writes:
>Can anyone tell me exactly why Plan 9 failed? My
>thinking isolates the following points, but I may
>have missed something important:
>4. The navigational gyroscopes on the saucers were
> obviously of inferior design. The resulting
> wobble during flight kept the space aliens in
> a constant state of dizzyness that contributed to
> the poor execution of an otherwise sound plan.
This one sounds reasonable. As close as I could determine, the
aliens were using some flashing amber road hazard lights with
fishing bobbers attached to them with electrical tape as
navagational gyroscopes. Obvouisly, duct tape would have been
the adhesive of choice for this instrumentation.
>6. The space aliens failed to clearly articulate
> the purpose of their mission. In fact, the
> aliens tended to be extremely long-winded. No
I think the aliens were quite to the point. The description of how
the Solarnite was going to destroy the universe was concise and
to the point. Not at all wordy! I think this stuff should be
published!!
Vampira forever,
Tom
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