From: christuck@aol.com (ChrisTuck)
Shit. You want to read the ULTIMATE Slacking Off At Work tales?
Read Chuck Amuck, the autobiography of Saint Chuck Jones, creator of the
Roadrunner and Michigan J. Frog.
His tales of "work" at Warner Brothers will have you committing seppuku at
how damn SLACK his life was while creating DobbsApproved art.
***********************************************************
* ESPRESSORONTO, The Universal Language of Coffee, which *
* allows one to order The Fluid of Life at any coffeeshop *
* anywhere in the world, regardless of the local language.*
***********************************************************
* Chris Tucker 27 Terrill Street * Karl Marx Is A Dead *
* Rutland VT 05701-4157 USA * White Heterosexual *
* 802.775.6277 ChrisTuck@AOL.COM * Northern European Male *
***********************************************************
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: "Brian D. Bisson" <bdb@shadow.net>
i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
>
> You lucky bastards.
>
> I work at The SubGenius Foundation. Reading alt.slack, SubGenius mail,
> listening to SubGenius tapes, editing radio shows, working on print &
> online FIST projects, blabbering with SubGenii, counting the Membership
> checks -- that IS my job!!
>
> How the hell do _I_ slack off??
Go to the local Food King, 7-11, Circle K, or whatever, spend the entire
day's membership checks on scratch-off lottery tickets, Combos with
Pizza Cheeze, and Mountain Dew, then lug your treasure home and have
a way with massive excrimeditation (induced by the Combo injestion).
Such a HIGH-LEVEL-RELEASE should surely slant the LUCK PLANE right
into your face, and those scratch-off lottery tickets will yeild you
enough cash to pay of the ENTIRE US NATIONAL DEBT! (if we were so
inclined, which I doubt we are)
N-joi...
Doktor BDB
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
You think YOU got it bad?! I spend all day testing the devices that
convert every cell in your body to the same nerve-endings found in
testicle cells, enlarge each cell to the size of a sun and then insert
huge, sun-sized dentist drills into each cell. Yup, you guessed it,
I'm a Ghee Shocker now, Uncle Jed. Actually, I subleased the job to
Janor and I just stay home, fropped up and bask in the adoration of
the (insert)! (Psssst...Stang, I'm talking about N.P. Don't tell
anybody. I'm not sure alt.slack is ready for the TRUTH yet. Heh heh)
Rev. Spurn-the-Flock
P.S. See ya next week, y'hog-flogger
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
SPERMUH --
I'm sending you this direct as a letter, so it won't get to alt.slack. (I
don't THINK.) SHUT UP ABOUT THE NITROUS POOXIDE!! That could get us in
some DEEP DEEP SQUAT-DROPPINGS with the "P.C." crowd, not to mention the
N.A.A.P.S. Some people don't think squid-fucking is all that funny. And
the damn animal lovers will be on Philo's back LIKE THAT if you start
talking about using squids for bat-bait. What with the barbs tearing up
the poor defenseless creatures' "pussies" and all. (And for gods sake
don't drop any more HINTS about where the ANTIDOTE PUDDING comes from!
Gordon's mechapecker is almost shriveled out already.)
Rev. Skang
Have you been able to get Gordon hooked up to the Net yet? Seems like he
wouldn't even need his computer. I think they have a SLIP plug installed
in him. Tell him to just stick the phone jack in the usual place.
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: "Brian D. Bisson" <bdb@shadow.net>
i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
>
> Well I'll b--- IT WORKED!!! PRAISE FUCKIN' "BDB"!!
>
Uh, what, the Combos with Pizza Cheese aided in massive excrimeditation,
or the release caused the Luck Plane to slant JUST RIGHT to get you
winning scratch off lottery tickets?
GEE STANG, it isn't like you to be AMBIGUOUS? <snicker>
"Good", "Evil", bah humbug...
[note: caffeine level from the formerly quotes post was reaching
near meltdown levels, while listening to the latest releases from
KMFM, Kosmic Free Music Foundation, at 165 beats per minute]
Doktor BDB
(who's still got the flu)
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: subyeti@aol.com (SUBYETI)
Er, Hi.
>You lucky bastards.
>I work at The SubGenius Foundation. Reading alt.slack, SubGenius mail,
>listening to SubGenius tapes, editing radio shows, working on print &
>online FIST projects, blabbering with SubGenii, counting the Membership
>checks -- that IS my job!!
>
>How the hell do _I_ slack off??
>
>Rev. Stang
If I wasn't already in slack, this would worry me. Jimmy Swaggart got
hisself in trouble with slack (it aint' no toy, Jimmy), now we got Stang
getting hisself in trouble with work. Just give up, man... GIVE UP!!!!
Let me make your job easier. For the sake of your slack, I just wrote my
check, but burned it so's you wouldn't have to count it. Slack off around
3pm thursday, when it would most likely arrive. A few seconds of real
slack is better than 30 dollars. You're welcome.
Now if you will excuse me, I got to get back to my ewe.
SubYeti
(Don't mean nothing at all)
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: "Brian D. Bisson" <bdb@shadow.net>
subyeti@aol.com (SUBYETI) wrote:
>
> Let me make your job easier. For the sake of your slack, I just wrote my
> check, but burned it so's you wouldn't have to count it. Slack off around
> 3pm thursday, when it would most likely arrive. A few seconds of real
> slack is better than 30 dollars. You're welcome.
>
A-YETI! (who needs to keep acknowledging Human simps with A-MEN?)
This is a great example for JUST WHAT TO DO in case of SPACE BANKER
INVASION! Tell them, "the check is in the mail, bub!", and send them
off to the Teenage Girl Planet, or even the Drug Planet, where they'll
get themselves into debt, sooooo deep, that even the solar FURY of
JHVH-1 couldn't bail them out.
Then we take all their slack...
Doktor BDB
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Subject: Re: SLACK OFF AT WORK!
From: mtownsend@interramp.com (Michael Townsend)
And for those of you who "slack off at work," reading alt.slack on your
internet connection and whizzing around the web half the day, here's a
news item you're sure to be interested in:
>: _A Watchdog Named Newt_
>:
>: Net Manage, makers of Internet Chameleon software, has introduced
>: NewtMonitor, an SNMP-based network-management tool -- in addition to the
>: company's NewtWatch desktop-management system. It allows network
>: administrators to track and archive all desktop activity in the office.
>:
>: The software keeps tabs on how many users are running a particular
>: program, who they are, and the time and duration of use. The $495
>: NewtWatch also features NewtTrace, a TCP/IP packet trace and analysis
>: package that allows an administrator to capture, view, and analyze all
>: inbound and outbound TCP/IP traffic on a Windows PC -- in other words, to
>: see exactly what each user is doing over the internet. For more
>: information, contact NetManage at (408) 973-7171.
Conspiracy's gonna getcha, oh yeah.
--
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