Hey guys, I mean, uh, I know I'm kinda new to the net, and all, but, uh,
well...
IF EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU WOULD PLEASE SEND ME A MERE $1000 A WEEK,
Then I could get one of those cool ivory LEXUS 300SC's, and I wouldn't
be all that grouchy anymore. This donation is the least you can do!
Ol' man Dobbs would have wanted it this way. I promise to personally
bless every check (with my autograph on the back).
Uh, ...okay?
Send MONEY ONLY to me, Rev. Moamosan, at my REAL NAME (don't fuck me
up!):
Zoogz Rift
PO Box 18765
Encino, CA 91416-8765
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ NEEDS BIG MONEY!!!
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
I sent my first week's installment, and within three days, I received
a vial of sacred yellow moamowater. It's already cleared up my boils,
and I no longer need saffron when I prepare arroz con pollo for the
citizens of the neighborhood.
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ NEEDS BIG MONEY!!!
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
To: ALL alt.slackfux: If you DON'T send Zoogz at least DOUBLE what he asks
then I will PERSONALLY implant the P-Squid beak of MY CHOICE smack dab in
the middle of your squirter/oozer while JANOR spends the night with yer
MOM! Then I'll give you a SANDPAPER enema with a Muriatic Acid chaser while
force-feeding you the sputum wad from a thousand rabid Cambas and/or Collas.
THEN, if you STILL haven't seen the light, I'll douse you with kerosene,
strap you onto a LOADED SMEGMA PROJECTILE (complete with Butt-Split Moonie
Side-Bars) and whipp-o the Zippo till you realize the error of your fucking
ways. Get out yer checkbooks you ASSHOLES!
Rev. Spurn-the-Flocks
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ NEEDS BIG MONEY
From: iceknife@ashram.com (ICEKNIFE)
I@> IF EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU WOULD PLEASE SEND ME A MERE $1000 A WEEK,
I@> Then I could get one of those cool ivory LEXUS 300SC's, and I wouldn't
I@> be all that grouchy anymore. This donation is the least you can do!
HERE: MY SOFT AND POINTY TENDRILS GROPE YOUR FLESHY JOINTURES AND
APERTURES TEACHIN YOU THE DEEPINDIVIDUALPOREBUNGWISDOM YOU NEED TO REGRESS
AT A RATE MORE IN KEEPING WITH WHERE YOU SHOULD BE KEPT. YOUR MEATMODALITY
GROWS SMOKEY AND DIM IN THE GLOW OF THE GIANT FUNGUS YOU MAY SOMEDAY BECOME
IF YOU KEPT THOSE QUIMCHI-GUM TRADING CARDS I SENT YOU, FOR VERILY, SCARILY,
HAIRILY, I SPRAY UNTO YOU, THE QUIFROTH OF THE ELDAR ONES IS AS NOTHING
UNTO THAT WHICH IS BUT A LOWLY PEENWURM, WHILE AN ELDAR ONE WITHOUT IT'S
BEER, A TERROR TO OUR LIKE, IS AS MORIBUND VAUDVILLE TO THAT DOBBSPIG,
WITHOUT WHOM PEOPLE LIKE YOU WOULD ALSO SAY WHOM AND QUIFROTH AND THAT WOULD
SPELL DISASTER TO THE UNATURAL DISORDER WHEREIN LITTLE PINK PYGMIES GNAW
THE FRESH HOT FLESHCAKE, SPLEENPIE, AND TESTICLE TURNOVERS OF THEIR BIGGERS
IF NOT BETTERS. WHET THE WET SPOT, JUNIOR, WE'RE GOIN' IN! GREASE THE
AIRLOCKS AND ACTIVATE THE MONKEYTROOPS. READY A SQUAD OF CRUSTLING
NEBULITES. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M CLEANING THIS THING BY HAND!
that takes care of my first 14 payments, and you owe me a NOTOPROBE TUBE.
BUT... I HAVE BEEN sooooo HELPFUL, YOU MAY JUST UP'N
die
RAT CHEER ON THE SPOT!
ICEKNIFE
... SINNOVATIONS UNLIMITED : SASE & $1 to P.O.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ZOOGZ RIFT CHEAP COMMERCIAL PLUG
From: IZZYXK5@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
Date: Mon, 10 Apr 1995
Rev. Moamosan sez:
For anybody interested, I have a ZR PromoPak I've put together for net
fans for sale AT MY COST (send me a check for $20!) which includes:
- 76 page Press Book
- 90 min. "Best of ZR" cassette
- ZR videotape (specify MUSIC or WRESTLING)
- FREE cassette catalog
Buy it or DON'T buy it, see what I care! I'm not making a FUCKING PENNY
on the damn thing, anyway! Bobdammit! Shit! Shit! Send that fucking
check to: ZOOGZ RIFT c/o KOTP, PO Box 18765, Encino, CA 91416-8765 USA!
And remember: NEVER flow as sand -- ALWAYS flow as water!!!
--Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) groovy rock star & wrestling manager
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: GO TO THE ZOOGZ!!!
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
iceknife@ashram.com (ICEKNIFE) writes:
> I@> Iceknife, get a grip!
> I@> --Zoogz
>
> RIFTY!!! How SWEET! I didn't know you cared! You may now have sex withgrip
> William Shatner... ICEKNIFE
I already HAD sex with William Shatner, when his name was in PRESENT what
TENSE as opposed to now, where it's in past tense. And he BEAMED ME UP!
He was better than Dean Martin! And he also PURCHASED A ZR PROMOPAK AT
MY COST ($12) which includes: 76 page ZR Press Book; 90 min. "Best of ZR
1986-1992" cassette; 120 min. ZR music/wrestling videotape; color photos
(one is personally autographed); and a FREE 1995 ZR cassette catalog!
(Make checks payable to Zoogz Rift and send to:) Zoogz Rift c/o KOTP
PO Box 18765, Encino, CA 91416-8765 USA. BOB ALREADY BOUGHT ONE AND TOLD 75
ME HIS FAVORITE ZR SONG IS "MURDERING HELL'S HAPPY CRETINS"...
--Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) groovy rock star & mgr of pro wrestlers
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: GO TO THE ZOOGZ!!!
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
Not enough devotees of BOB have ordered my FREE PromoPak, and it's
starting to piss me off! If I don't start seeing some BIG BUCKS from
you PHONIES soon, I'm gonna call Rev.Stang and SQUEAL ON ALL OF YOU
and Sterno and I will LEAD A MASS MOVEMENT to have all of your pink
butts EXCOMMUNICATED! NOW SEND ME THAT BOBDAMN MONEY!!! I FUCKING DEMAND
IT! NOW!
The FREE ZR PromoPak (being sold AT MY COST: $20!), contains:
- a 76 page ZR Press Book
- a 90 min. "Best of ZR 1986-1992" cassette
- a 120 min. ZR music/wrestling videotape
- color snapshots (one is personally autographed!)
- a 1995 ZR CASSETTE CATALOG
Make the damn check out to ZOOGZ RIFT and mail TODAY to:
Zoogz Rift c/o KOTP, PO Box 18765, Encino, CA 91416-8765 USA
I'LL TAKE YOU OFF BOB'S SHIT LIST the minute your check clears!
What's my name? ZOOGZ RIFT! Who am I? I AM THE LIQUID MOAMO! What is
my purpose? TO COSMIGATE FORCED LIQUIFICATION! Am I happy? NO!!!
Do I pledge my MINDLESS and ENDLESS devotion to BOB? Damn fucking
right!!! (unless he does something to piss me off...)
--Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) groovy rock star & mgr of pro wrestlers
(REV.MOAMOSAN)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: alt.non-fan.zoogz-rift
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
Newsgroups: alt.fan.frank-zappa,alt.slack,alt.music.independent
Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> writes:
>hey Zoogz, tell 'em about Doktors for "Bob"
>Sternodox
If you assholes think I'M NUTS, the DOKTORS FOR "BOB"...
TOLD THE JUDGE TO SUCK THEIR DICKS!!!
Toooooolllllllddddddd the Judge to suck their dicks!
(Lemme tell ya 'bout it)
You can't RUN from your OWN LEGS! You can't THINK your own MIND!
You can't SEE your own EYES! Woooooo--Help me, somebody!
Zappa fans wouldn't be so IGNORANT if they emailed Rev.Sterno at
<glatter@delphi.com> and ASKED HOW TO BUY HIS BOBDAMN PROMO PAK!!!
I thank you for your time.
--Zoogz "That fucking irritating egotistical ASSHOLE" Rift
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ RIFT APOLOGIZES!!!
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey) writes:
>By the way, how much is that promo pack again? Please post prices here.
ZOOGZ RIFT >>> MYSTERY OF THE PROMOPAK--UNCOVERED!:
Here's the low down on the ZR PromoPak. I put it together to intro-
duce my music to net readers who have been hearing about me for
years, but never had the AMAZING OPPORTUNITY to hear any of my 30
albums of VERY WEIRD SHIT! It's being sold BELOW MY ACTUAL COST at
$12 until MAY 15, then the price goes up to my actual cost of $20,
STILL A GREAT FUCKING DEAL FOR YOU DEADBEAT, SUBGENIUS CHEAPSKATES!
The ZR PromoPak contains:
- a 76 page ZR Press Book (with lots of pictures you can
color-in with crayons)
- a 90 minute "Best of ZR 1986-1992" cassette
- a 120 minute "bootleg" ZR concert & wrestling videotape
- color snapshots (one is personally autographed)
- a groovy teen-age Shitheads STICKER for your high
school locker or notebook (should help get you laid)
and - a FREE 1995 ZR CASSETTE CATALOG!!!
Anybody interested should cut me a check and mail to:
ZOOGZ RIFT c/o KOTP, PO Box 18765, Encino, CA 91416-8765 USA,
and I'll get one out to you right away.
Thanks for asking!
--Rev.Moamosan (now at peace with his funky cosmic self)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ZOOGZ ROOLZ!
From: mtownsend@interramp.com (Michael Townsend)
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 1995
I got my "Zoogz Rift PromoPak Special Anthology" in yesterday's mail.
Holy shit, this stuff is killer!
You GOTTA own this tape...and the rest of his catalog too. It's PEE-rific.
What? You haven't sent your $10 in yet? Better hurry...before the prices
go up. Here's that address again:
***Zoogz Rift - P.O. Box 18765 - Encino, CA 91416-8765 USA***
--
>>>Dad's Crapulous Cassettexchange<<<
**Send a tape. Get a tape. It's that measly!**
Mail to: Dad's New Slacks - P.O. Box 4272 - Portland, Maine 04101-4272
::::or Will me for more email:::::
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ ROOLZ!
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
If I had to be stranded on a desert island with only 857 things, 7 of them
would have to be: Finnegan's Wake, a grandma-face sandwich, ANY album
by 1910 Fruitgum Company, a bullwhip, the entire female population of
Paraguay, ALL the frappy, and the Zoogz promo-pack
Sternodox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ ROOLZ! Zoogzing OUT man!
From: ObeKOF@world.std.com (Bill T. Miller (BTM))
Dad sez.......
>>I got my "Zoogz Rift PromoPak Special Anthology" in yesterday's mail.
Holy shit, this stuff is killer!
You GOTTA own this tape...and the rest of his catalog too. It's PEE-rific.
THEN.......
> Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> writes:
> >If I had to be stranded on a desert island with only 857 things, 7 of them
> >would have to be: Finnegan's Wake, a grandma-face sandwich, ANY album
> >by 1910 Fruitgum Company, a bullwhip, the entire female population of
> >Paraguay, ALL the frappy, and the Zoogz promo-pack
Then.....
> Don't forget that 24"x48" autographed portrait of La Wanda Page. --Zoogz
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
BTM SEZZZZZZZZ............................Z................................ZZZZ
ZOOOOOOOOOOGZ man- All these endorsements from legendary "doktor' Sternodox
and Slacker than Slack "Hour of Slack" DJ "DAD"........... not to mention all
the assorted groupies and assorted fans drooling over the amazing talents
of Zoogz have not gone unnoticed.................<You've even got the
NetSurf CrossPosting GOD-"Modemac" to play right along with yer newbie
who's bob spoof post...... [as well as buggin' the Zappa and alt. independent
newsgroups- with yer taunting trouble makin' posts!!] ....
.... And as Nenslo said,
"don't apologize" ... in reference to a Zoogz Promo apology post, to which I was
thinkin' ....How can some "dumb-ass" pinkboyz complain about Overpromotion
in a newsgroup dedicated to the "Greatest Salesman" Ever!!!......the one
the only J.R. "BOB" Dobbs?
!!!!!!********BTM Sezzzzz-"I can't wait to ZOOGZ out,man!!!"*******!!!!!!
(The cassette says 86-92, what about the latest Zoogz stuff [92-95] ......
enquiring alt.slack mindz wanna know????)
[]
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Contact with snail mail address for "FREE GIFT" sticker and info!
Via Telephone= 1-(617) LICK OBE (24 HR answering machine)
Via Snail= BTM/Extraterrestrial Records/BOX 221/Boston,MA 02123
Via Email= ObeKOF@world.std.com or ObeKOF@cyberden.com
FTP> ftp.std.com/vendors/ObeKOF-Noise (sound files/pix/text)
WWW> ftp://ftp.std.com/vendors/ObeKOF-Noise (link from yer www page)
Check out alt.sex.extraterrestrial for more OBE and KOF!
SSSSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ's call to arms!!!
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
pdb1981@is.nyu.edu (Patrick D. Bernardo) writes:
>Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) (IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU) wrote:
>: These conspirator pink-boy JACKASSES who call themselves ZAPPA FANS
>: over at alt.fan.frank-zappa are REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF AGAIN!
>: I call upon you, verilee, to RISE UP on behalf of "BOB" (Connie, too)
>: and FLAME THE LIVING GHEE OUT OF 'EM!!! SWARM DOWN UPON THEM, and SHOW
>: 'EM WHAT FOR!!! Let no post remain UNBURNED! SWARM! ATTACK! DESTROY!
>: And make an old, feeble reverend proud of you...
>
>You know, Zoogz, i really gotta hand it to you - you turned a group that
>was supposed to be dedicated to a merry prankster of sorts into a fucking
>swarming beehive! (kinda like what iceknife is doing here - except MORE
>MORE MORE) i read that group on and off, and it really WAS getting
>boring with all that listing of which version of which song he played
>where...
>
>I hate to use such a foolish cliche, but it probably IS what zappa would
>have done...
>
>(you know, i actually have one of your old records in my stack somewhere,
>i should probably pull it out and listen to it...)
I encourage EVERYONE to PULL IT OUT and listen to my music! When my
music is on the turntable, cassette deck or compact disc player, WOMEN
WET THEIR DRAWERS, and MEN JUMP TO ATTENTION!!! There's MORE FUCKING
and SUCKING and YANKING and PULLING that goes on when my music is in
the air than there is during a cable sex-channel DONG-A-THON! There's
more obscene HEAVY BREATHING, PUMPIN' and a PUSHIN' than a damn retard-
ed TURKEY SHOOT or MONKEY STRANGLIN' down at the local HO' DOWN! When
my music is playing, I'm FUCKING my audience--and they LOVE IT! They
LOVE ME back, and WANT ME--OOH, HOW THEY WANT ME. And I want THEM!
"BOB" has TURNED ME LOOSE on this insane planet to FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
The juices are flowing! Semen is flying EVERYWHERE! Women all over the
world are crying out, "FUCK ME, ZOOGZ! FUCK ME HARD! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!"
They all want to have my baby. A little cutie Zoogie Jr. for them to
nurse and coddle. SOON THERE WILL BE MILLIONS OF ZOOGZ RIFT'S walking,
stalking the earth, spreading the word of ISLAND OF LIVING PUKE,
murdering Hell's happy cretins, teaching everyone to inhale water.
Who am I? ZOOGZ RIFT! What's my name? ZOOGZ RIFT! What is my alter
ego? I AM THE LIQUID MOAMO! What's my name? ZOOGZ RIFT! What's my
name? ZOOGZ RIFT! What's my name?
OOH BABY BABY!!!
I have been osmosticized! Whooooooo! I feel GOOD!
--Rev.Moamosan
(For ZR PromoPak, send $20 to: Zoogz Rift c/o KOTP, PO Box 18765,
Encino, CA 91416-8765 USA) (email: <idghtms@mvs.oac.ucla.edu> eieio...)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ's call to arms!!!
From: wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (William Barwell)
Patrick D. Bernardo <pdb1981@is.nyu.edu> wrote:
>(you know, i actually have one of your old records in my stack somewhere,
>i should probably pull it out and listen to it...)
The Zoogz Rift song "You Fucked Up!" off of the album Ipecac should be on
every cassette deck in every SubGenius Car that pulls up to a convenience
store after dark.
Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope Of Houston
Slack!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Original file name: Zoogz Rift
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