I got my swap-tape from Dad's New Slacks today.
This should probably have been in it:
WARNING! WELCOME!
This material supersedes any software in your system, either installed
or hard wired.
Processing will be suspended while transmission is in progress.
Galactic law prohibits dispensing this product with a description. It
is to be used only by mutually consenting entities and/or
personalities.
Any similarities to any entities living, dead, immortal, undead or
subjectively existent is entirely non-causal -- they will exist sooner
or later in some continuum. Being non-causal, no entity may be held
responsible for their own or others' existence.
Aliens of many worlds are living high on the hog while you and the
various gods lie in the metaphysical gutter in your own existential
vomit. They are speaking to you. They have your instructions.
If you listen to this tape with others present, please be kind to your
victims. You may be held irresponsible for any actions you do not
commit or contemplate.
Severe sensory and/or temporal distortion is to be expected. Wait
quietly. We will come for you soon. We have the tools necessary to
complete the manifestation. Unauthorized construction may disturb
intracranial boundary markers, resulting in vertigo and loss of signal
from the rescue beacon.
In case of archetypal dissolution, maintain osmotic back-pressure with
imaginary entities. The best defense is a subjective reality. Surgery
will not be required. A diet which contains sufficient cerebral fiber
is strongly recommended.
Or maybe not. We're just kidding. You have been warned.
Then again, maybe this shouldn't have been in there. It would have
spoiled the surprise.
Thanks Dad!
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------
Subject: Re: DAD'S!
From: ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey)
mtownsend@interramp.com wrote:
>Another satisfied customer. Any other takers??
Oh! Lemme testify!
Before I listened to one of Dad's tapes I was just a little nine inch nails
hearin' hooligan. Then I got a tape from Dad in the mail. Now MUSIC IS
IRRELEVANT. I'm free to listen to talk radio all day, and sometimes I
even listen to NOTHING BUT THE CHURNING OF THE YETI BLOOD INSIDE MY OWN
SKULL. If I ever get the craving for Conspiracy music anymore, I just
pop in a tape from Dad and THE HURTIN' GOES AWAY.
I don't even have to press play!
Dad rules! Dad plays crazy music on the radio! You won't believe the
Conspiracy allows this! Dad uses High Quality cassettes! Dad is a giver!
Dad oozes! Dad squirts! Dad sprays madly! SEND DAD TAPES RIGHT NOW, UNLESS
YOU WANT YOUR TGHARMA TO BE BRUISED LIKE AN OLD FIG IN THE HOT FRESNO SUN.
Dad brought you into this world, HE CAN TAKE YOU OUT.
Send tapes.
> >>>Dad's Frapulous Tape Torture<<<
> **Send a tape. Get a tape. It's that sleazy!**
>Mail to: Dad's New Slacks - P.O. Box 4272 - Portland, Maine 04101-4272
> ::::or kill me for more email:::::
>
--
Rev. Matthew A. Carey Rips \ on Vision Temple--Tarzana, CA
18653 Ventura Blvd., Suite #379 ]\[ "We are not an occult."
Tarzana, Calif. 91356 Rips \ off mnbvc
ac118@lafn.org ]\[ Cr*nt must be destroyed
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Original file name: Dad's New Slacks
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