I seem to be having trouble finding the right kooks to contact,
because I haven't been able to get on any good mailing lists yet.
I've even sent mail to the Church of Scientology asking to be put on
their mailing list (ads for Dianetics - whatta hoot!), but they've
sent nothing so far. I DID manage to trick some Holocaust
revisionists on the Net to send me a copy of a really silly video
called "David Cole Interviews Dr. Franciszek Piper." It's a video
that tries to prove that the Holocaust never happened, and that the
great Jewish Conspiracy is behind it all...the usual stuff. If you
want to write to these folks for more information, here are some
addresses:
P.O. Box 90151
Portland, OR 97290
(The same city as the Atomic Brain, NENSLO!)
David Cole
P.O. Box 3267
Visalia, CA 93278
Anyways, my mailbox isn't as full as I'd like it to be. So when I
went to check it last week, I was shocked to discover that I had been
BLESSED by DOBBS - or, more accurately, by Rev. MIKE KOLE! For there
in my box, waiting for me, were THREE ISSUES OF ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS!
For those of you who have been clamoring for a sequel to HIGH
WEIRDNESS BY MAIL, be informed that you ABSOLUTELY must send $2.50 per
issue to Rev. Kole for this magazine! He's got kook listings that'll
make you burst out laughing, either because they're so silly or
because the folks at ASYLUM are so adamant in their love or hate for
these things. For the folks at this zine don't mince words: they have
strong opinions, and they don't care who they get ticked off or
offend. If they don't like something, they say so, and they'll even
trash their fellow SubGenii if they don't like them. Here are a
couple of samples from issue #3:
THE BLACK FLAME #4, #3/4
International Forum of the Church of Satan
P.O. Box 499
Radio City Station
New York, NY 10101-0499
Although in the full-on magazine format, content dictated
placement in this section ["Primary Sources"] amongst some of the
other "voices" of the would-be Paths. I found myself extremely
disappointed on three counts. First, the useless us-against-them shit
is thoroughly pervasive. Second, virtually no theologically oriented
philosophical banter can be found. Third, the writers seem to be
under the gun to suck up to Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey.
Every religious group in America today seems to think that it is
they who are being persecuted at every turn. Sure, the word "Satan"
is as taboo as they come, but for cripessake, the pissy whining by a
group which contends they are in control of superior forces made me
wonder if the regular cast of writers was replaced for this double
issue by the pantywaists at the American Family Association.
[...]
LaVey's name appears on virtually every page. Replace "Church of
Satan founder" tag with "Socialist Workers Party Leader and Comrade"
and, well, you can figure the party line toeing and sleep-inducing
happening on these pages.
A&B VIDEO DISTRIBUTION
955 W Lancaster Rd STE 430
Orlando, FL 32809
It was suggested in BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED #2 (see pg. 10) that
these folks were a great source for truly unusual stroke flicks. Not
being one to just take anyone's word for anything, I got a hold of the
catalog myself. Henceforth, if the folks at BNI say it's night, I'll
believe it EVEN IF THE BLINDING SUN IS BURING A HOLE IN MY RETINAS.
You know how membership or order forms have those "pep phrases"
that supposedly make you *really want* whatever crud is being sold?
Try these on for sighs [sic]:
WANT KINKY VIDEOS?
WANT WILD VIDEOS?
WANT UNCENSORED EUROPEAN VIDEOS?
WANT TO SEE WILD BONDAGE VIDEOS?
WANT TO SEE GIRLS WHO SHOVE HUGE OBJECTS
UP THEIR PUSSY & ASS?
WANT TO SEE THIS GIRL PUTTING HER HAND UP
HER OWN PUSSY OR BUTT?
THEN JOIN OUR CLUB NOW !!
The titles and topics indicate in a hurry that they are mainly
catering to the tastes of heterosexual men, which is fine. There are
a few exceptions, but they really are few. Anyway, the titles can do
more to prove that their flicks aren't the stuff one might find on
cable or even the regular, old in-out stuff. Observe: "Kinky
Grandma," "The Cum Eating Contest," "Male Slave," "Drimy My Milk And
Cum In My Mouth," "Shave My Husband," "Older Ladies Love Gang Bangs
Too," ETC. Name your preference, fetish, or curiosity. Odds are,
THEY HAVE IT.
[PLUS a way for YOU to make money from these guys that I won't reveal
here.]
But zine and catalog listings is not all these guys do. Also in the
same issue is the Ivan Stang rant, "Wake Up And Smell The Sodium
Pentathol!" that was later published in REVELATION X, plus three pages
of mind-warping artwork by the incredible Dr. Ahmed Fishmonger (plus
the address on where to get MORE of his stuff!), PLUS an update on
HIGH WEIRDNESS BY MAIL telling you which addresses in that Holy Book
are no longer in existence or changed...PLUS, a nice long section on
THE INTERNET! This particular issue waspublished in July 1994, which
means that the stuff here is out of date (and Rev. Kole was still
learning how to navigate the Net), though many of our favorite
newsgroups are mentioned. Alt.slack is mentioned briefly, but because
this issue was printed before the GREAT SLACK EXPLOSION of the past
year (when this newsgroup really took off!), it's badly in need of
updating. (Of course, things are happening so fast on the Net that
ANY publication dealing with the Net is obsolete by the time it
reaches your mailbox.)
They even review the famous OBE/KINGS OF FEEDBACK CD, and they decide
that the OBE stuff is better than the KOF. Decide for yourself.
ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS IS A MUST-HAVE FOR ALL KOOK WATCHERS! Get this
mag, NOW! Send $2.50 per issue to this address:
Asylum for Shut-Ins
P.O. Box 46581
Bedford, OH 44146
NOTE: Rev. Kole wants SILVER COINS! If you send your payment in
coinage minted in silver, such as quarters and dimes dated 1964 or
earlier, you get a 90% (ninety percent) discount. He will give a
subscription to anyone who mails him four silver quarters.
+---------------------------------------+
| Reverend Modemac (modemac@netcom.com) |
+--------------+ "There is no black and white." +-------------+
| First Online Church of "Bob," A Subfaction of the Excremeditated |
| Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
FINGER modemac@netcom.com for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!
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