I dunno whose erogenous zones I kisses in the past week to make "Bob" so
happy, but if it means that I keep getting stuff like THIS in the mail,
then I've got to keep doing it!
I stumbled across a whole BUNCH of neat things this past week! First of
all, the mail:
In the course of TWO days, I received THREE packages that I've been
looking foward to for months! If the Conspiracy knew how potent a
concentration of Slack this stuff is, they'd outlaw it. Or maybe they
already have and I just haven't been arrested yet...
- A fat envelope arrived, and what would it contain but the latest issue
of THESE EXIT TIMES! Yes, dear friends, the Atomic Brain has exploded in
my mailbox, and I have succumbed to the rule of Master Control...and I
have been recruited as a tool in the cause of VOLUNTARY HUMAN
EXTINCTION! Lots of articles here on the basics of life: SEX and DEATH.
What more does this poor Yetisyn need to know? - You too can have your
brain abused by sending ONE DOLLAR to" NEW REALISATION, P.O. Box 86582,
Portland OR 97286. (Gee, that P.O. box sounds familiar, doesn't it?)
- What's more, my TAPES from the Foundation arrived THE VERY NEXT DAY!
"Bob's Earwax" and MEDIA BARRAGE #11 ("Shut Up, Pink Boy")...and I still
have that damn song by Stang and Rev. Mark Mothersbaugh going through my
mind. "Bob" is a SEX GOD! [But while I'm thinking of it...where can I
find a copy of that "Bob" song that plays both in ARISE! and on the
SubGenius Interviews video? It has a simple electronic three rhythm,
while an altered voice goes "B-O-B - 'Bob!' One Dollar! One Dollar!" I
think that music is by Dr. Onan Canobite, but I'm not sure. I WANT to
digitize that song...it sounds so PERFECT to play on a PC.]
- And number three: the first issue of my subscription to FRINGE WARE
REVIEW showed up at last! And it was worth the wait, as fully one half
of this magazine is designed to be a spoof of WIRED, that Oh So Serious
Rag that tells us how great and important the Net (and WIRED, its alleged
mouthpiece) is. I especially like the irony of my enjoyment of this
magazine, considering that I'm writing an article for that magazine
myself. The FRINGE WARE idea is to blend together the freinges of our
culture and produce a big Anti-Culture...and while this may just be a way
to cash in on weirdness, it DOES give us a catalog that has some damn
interesting things to buy! They've even got a half-page devoted to
SubGenius products (T-shirts, mugs, hats, and the Holy Books - INCLUDING
THREE-FISTED TALES!) plus other names deserving of mention, such as
RE/SEARCH, SCHWA, and assorted hacker/cyberpunk/technogeek doodads.
Fringe Ware Review has its own site, fringeware.com, that you can get to
and order stuff from: http://fringeware.com and gopher fringeware.com,
too. They also have an alt.fringeware newsgroup, but it's kinda dead at
the moment.
FURTHERMORE! I finally picked up the latest issue of 2600, which always
makes for good reading. I still can't understand half of the technical
stuff they have on building your own equipment to hack pay phones and get
free phone calls, but the magazine's attention to the way the Conspiracy
is trying to control us through technology is always interesting. They
point out a street in London (Church Street - more irony), where the
government has just installed 20 video cameras along a half-mile stretch
of road to keep track of the populace, and they wonder what kind of
effect this could have on things like demonstrations and protests. Also
of note is information on this year's big hacker convention, DEF CON III
(see http://underground.org/defcon for details). Oh, by the way, if you
want to try out I-Phone, the program that lets you use the Net to make
free long distance calls (the phone companies are calling for regulation
because of this), go to http://www.vocaltech.com and see what you can find.
And this week the bulldada even came to me without my asking for it!
Someone distributed dozens of copies of a bizarre paranoid conspiracy
newspaper to homes and businesses in my neighborhood this week. This
thing is called the "Michael" Journal (they include the quotes around
"Michael"), and it's an eight-page, newspaper-sized publication supposedly
from Canada. Only problem is, if you read alt.conspiracy for any amount
of time you become jaded, and everything in this paper has been seen
dozens of times before on the Net. Still, I was surprised to see how many
paranoid delusions were packed into here. Check this out: A SATANIC PLOT
FOR A ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT. THE WORLD CONSPIRATORS: THE ILLUMINATI. WHO
CONTROLS THE MONIES? And all this was just on page one! It also preaches
on the evils of television, the blessings of the Virgin Mary (say, wasn't
Connie Dobbs actually the Virgin Mary in a previous life? Or maybe I'm
thinking of our beloved Tarla.), and the nefarious plot by the United
States and the United Nations to invade Canada if Quebec secedes. (Ah-HA!
This last one is the key!) These guys put a lot of effort into their
writing, so I'll do them a favor and use the wonders of the Net to give
THOUSANDS of people - namely YOU - some addresses where you can write for
more information:
"Michael" Journal Salvatore Barresi Jr.
1101 Principale Street 125 Main St.
Rougemont, Quebec Everett, MA 02149
Canada
J0L 1M0
Fax number: (514) 469-2601
Mrs. Lucie Boulrice Yves Jacques
133 Liberty 6 North Street, Box 51
Springfield, MA 01104 Whately, MA 01903-0051
I got ADBUSTERS, too, but I mentioned that in my previous message.
Oh, I've also become involved in the planning of a march and rally through
the streets of Boston for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered youths. The
rally isn't my idea; I'm volunteering my services so that I can spread the
news about the soc.support.youth.gay-lesbian-bi newsgroup to people who
need it...AND, I'm including a mention of the Church of the SubGenius as
well. These young kids are TRUE Yeti at heart, because their abnormality
has been bred right into them! But because the Conspiracy insists on
making everyone think that you have to limit yourself to members of the
opposite sex if you want to squirt, these kids feel guilty and alone,
often to the point of suicide. They NEED "Bob!" If you want to hear more
about this, I've posted messages on soc.motss and soc.bi asking for
volunteers.
A busy week, INDEED!
Finally, an interesting quote from the Fringe Ware spoof of WIRED.
They've got a satirical (?) interview with one "nelson thall" who makes
the startling revelation that "Bob Dobbs [sic] was a guy who studied with
[Marshall] MacLuhan. He's in NY now, and he's quite an artist." The
interview ends with a quote that you may want to think about:
"Ultimately, the power of the Internet is that it makes you think like a
North American. It allows the entire world to write and think like North
Americans. This is the agenda of the Internet."
The best satire is based on truth...
--
+---------------------------------------+
| Reverend Modemac (modemac@netcom.com) |
+-------------+ "There is no black and white." +------------+
| First Online Church of "Bob," A Subfaction of the Excremeditated |
| Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard |
+------------------------------------------------------------------+
FINGER modemac@netcom.com for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Belching Mailboxes
From: nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO)
Modemac (modemac@netcom.com) wrote:
: - A fat envelope arrived, and what would it contain but the latest issue
: of THESE EXIT TIMES! Yes, dear friends, the Atomic Brain has exploded in
: my mailbox, and I have succumbed to the rule of Master Control...and I
: have been recruited as a tool in the cause of VOLUNTARY HUMAN
: EXTINCTION! Lots of articles here on the basics of life: SEX and DEATH.
: What more does this poor Yetisyn need to know? - You too can have your
: brain abused by sending ONE DOLLAR to" NEW REALISATION, P.O. Box 86582,
: Portland OR 97286. (Gee, that P.O. box sounds familiar, doesn't it?)
Nenslo says: Sure Does, but the sad fact is that the Voluntary Human
Extinction Movement, despite being a TOTALLY BRILLIANT concept, and
beautifully done, is NOT the product of NENSLO'S fabulous mind! No,
NENSLO is a Surgically Altered Volunteer, but VHEMT is actually the work
of a real other person named Les U. Knight. These Exit Times can be
obtained by sending another dollar, after you've sent ME a dollar, to:
These EXIT Times
P.O. Box 86646
Portland OR 97286-0646
North America
Les is a good friend, a croquet buddy of Mrs. Nenslo and I, and
we wholeheartedly support his work, not least because it is NOT stupid,
lame, inane, or "shocking" like some other cutesy artsy "kill yourself"
organizations. VHEMT is NOT about killing or dying, it's about promoting
the best possible life for ALL creatures, of which humans are a TINY
fraction whichhas the largest impact on all other species. VHEMT is
about growing beyond speciesism and granting OTHER species the right to
live without, for example, having their neghborhood obliterated for our
personal convenience. Since humans are so good at coming up with
perfectlly logical arguments against personal responsiblity it is the
purpose of VHEMT to promote a kind and peaceful end to this
irresponsible, selfish, greedy, thoughtless species by non-reproduction.
Actually, NENSLO has always thought this was a bit half-assed,
but it's currently the best, most thoughtful and responsible solution yet
proposed. But when I get my time machine going and can zip back to
before the beginning I will be able to implement my own final solution,
the TRUE solution - Total Retroactive Universal Extermination. Our motto;
KILL GOD FIRST- the rest will take care of itself.
--
-Copyright NENSLO KDV 1995-
Send One Dollar to box 86582 Portland OR 97286
This is a READER SUPPORTED ministry.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Belching Mailboxes
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
In article <modemacD88Isy.31z@netcom.com>, modemac@netcom.com (Modemac) wrote:
> I dunno whose erogenous zones I kisses in the past week to make "Bob" so
> happy, but if it means that I keep getting stuff like THIS in the mail,
> then I've got to keep doing it!
>
> - What's more, my TAPES from the Foundation arrived THE VERY NEXT DAY!
> "Bob's Earwax" and MEDIA BARRAGE #11 ("Shut Up, Pink Boy")...and I still
> have that damn song by Stang and Rev. Mark Mothersbaugh going through my
> mind. "Bob" is a SEX GOD! [But while I'm thinking of it...where can I
> find a copy of that "Bob" song that plays both in ARISE! and on the
> SubGenius Interviews video? It has a simple electronic three rhythm,
> while an altered voice goes "B-O-B - 'Bob!' One Dollar! One Dollar!" I
> think that music is by Dr. Onan Canobite, but I'm not sure. I WANT to
> digitize that song...it sounds so PERFECT to play on a PC.]
YES! That is Rev. Onan Canobite's immortal early computer sample tune.
It's on THE EAR Of "BOB" tape that we sell ($8.50, 90 min. cassette) and
is called "B.O.B." The first time I heard it, I just about cried, I was so
impressed. It was 1984 and nobody else had ever done anything like it that
I had heard. Now, EVERYBODY does it.
"BOB" IS A SEX GOD (on the "BOB's" EARWAX tape) is actually by Rev. Dr.
Ray Hay, the guitarist and co-composer with THE SWINGIN' LOVE CORPSES. He
used a tape of Fairlight crap that was done while Mothersbaugh was showing
me what computers were good for, as the RHYTHYM TRACK of that song. Ray
Hay is a GREAT guitar player. Anybody among you -- about 10 of you from
what I can tell -- who have the Love Corpses tapes, or anybody who's seen
the Corpses in concert, will agree with me that Ray Hay's guitar playing
RIPS SCIENTOLOGIST ASS and BUTTSPLITS BRANCH DAVIDIANS. He's a REAL NICE
GUY, WAY nicer than those manipulative Drummond brothers, and the funny
thing is, he not only plays in a mildly Zappa-like manner, but he LOOKS a
lot like Frank Zappa. His nose is so big that women bloom like time-lapse
roses when they envision that schnozz implanted deep within their
sensibilities.
Just so you know.
>
> - And number three: the first issue of my subscription to FRINGE WARE
> REVIEW showed up at last! And it was worth the wait, as fully one half
> of this magazine is designed to be a spoof of WIRED, that Oh So Serious
> Rag that tells us how great and important the Net (and WIRED, its alleged
> mouthpiece) is. I especially like the irony of my enjoyment of this
> magazine, considering that I'm writing an article for that magazine
> myself.
If you were writing an article for WIRED, you'd be rather more charitable
toward them, I'd vouchsafe. I certainly am.
FRINGEWARE is a different animal entirely and JUST GREAT.
> Oh, I've also become involved in the planning of a march and rally through
> the streets of Boston for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered youths. The
> rally isn't my idea; I'm volunteering my services so that I can spread the
> news about the soc.support.youth.gay-lesbian-bi newsgroup to people who
> need it...AND, I'm including a mention of the Church of the SubGenius as
> well. These young kids are TRUE Yeti at heart, because their abnormality
> has been bred right into them! But because the Conspiracy insists on
> making everyone think that you have to limit yourself to members of the
> opposite sex if you want to squirt, these kids feel guilty and alone,
> often to the point of suicide. They NEED "Bob!"
Like the Queer SubGeniuses ALL said, the problem with queers is the same
as the problem with everybody else... MOST OF THEM ARE PINKS. I'm not
bigoted and thus not inclined to give somebody a medal just because they
have a minority sexual proclivity. Affirmative Action makes sense but,
like everything else, only WITHIN REASON.
Good thing "REASON" is so fluid a term.
>
> Finally, an interesting quote from the Fringe Ware spoof of WIRED.
> They've got a satirical (?) interview with one "nelson thall" who makes
> the startling revelation that "Bob Dobbs [sic] was a guy who studied with
> [Marshall] MacLuhan. He's in NY now, and he's quite an artist." The
> interview ends with a quote that you may want to think about:
>
> "Ultimately, the power of the Internet is that it makes you think like a
> North American. It allows the entire world to write and think like North
> Americans. This is the agenda of the Internet."
>
> The best satire is based on truth...
I'm afraid that that interview with Thall wasn't satire. It reads like an
incredibly subtle satire of crackpots because, well, that's how Nelson
Thall is. Nothing in that article is meant fascetiously or satirically.
He's dead serious. All that insane crap is what Nelson Thall ACTUALLY
BELIEVES.
Thall believes that the INTERNET has an AGENDA. Now stop and think about that.
(I know YOU knew that, ModularMan, but I just had to say something about it.)
From what I can tell, Dean and Thall are backing off their "Dean is Dobbs"
thing. At least Thall seems to be distancing himself from Dean somewhat.
The feedback must not be quite what they expected. Paul Mavrides had a
long visit with Thall a couple of weeks ago when Thall was in SF, playing
"good cop" to my "bad cop." (A reversal of our usual roles.) The results
are encouraging.
I should go to bed or write something pertinent and sellable, but I'm
going to keep reading this newsgroup.
Rev. Ivan "You'd fuck your own mother for a nickle, ya son of a bitch" Stang
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
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